15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Malina
T his is a bad idea.
I knew that. I did. But my logic was put aside because all I could think about was chasing that feeling of emotional paralysis. For the past few days, I had gone out every night, alternating between different places to avoid anyone noticing a pattern. Not to mention, I didn’t want Nikan finding me. At least the last time I saw him, I couldn’t see the black of the curse peaking over his collar anymore.
Each morning when I woke up, I was in my bed with no recollection of how I got there. And each time, there was a tonic for headaches and a glass of water at my bedside. I knew it was Nikan. I wasn’t sure if he had carried me back to my rooms, or if he brought them for me after I got back, but I knew he was aware of what was happening. A couple of nights ago, I had woken up to find him in the chair across the room with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.
I had been avoiding him since he insisted we needed to talk, because that was not happening .
But no matter where I went, how many males and females I fucked, or how much I drank—trying to chase that numbness—it was never enough. Nothing compared.
Tonight, I was at The Whispering Axe—a small but bustling tavern frequented by travelers located in the outer ring. With the dim lighting and smoke-filled air, it provided an atmosphere of liberation from day-to-day responsibilities. It was one of the places I preferred to go to since the patrons didn’t know who I was, and I could be anyone I wanted for a few hours. I didn’t have to be a Roav or a lost child of Atara, didn’t have to be a mourning sister. Here, I could just be Malina. Kya had her books, I had my bars. It was my place of escape.
Except, right then, I wanted to escape from here.
I had somehow found myself in an alley with an inexperienced, slender hand down my pants and two fingers in my pussy, groping the breast of a beautiful female from… Well, I forgot where she had said she was from. She had been much more appealing paying for my drinks than she was with her tongue down my throat in the alley outside. As pretty as she was, as much as I wanted her body to make me forget everything, she had no idea what she was doing, and I definitely wasn’t drunk enough for this.
Ever since that night at Erryn’s Lounge, I had been disappointingly unsuccessful. All I could remember from that night was the male from the bar. At one point, we were sitting next to each other, and sometime later, we were outside, and he was handing me something. Then, nothing. Blissfully nothing. That’s what I wanted most.
I’m in the wrong place and with the wrong person.
I let go of the female’s breast and started to push her off me, trying to pry my lips away from hers.
“Mmm,” I tried to speak, but her mouth was consuming my words.
She must have assumed that was some sort of drunken, pleased moan because she squeezed my ass, and her fingers plunged in and out faster. With a grunt, I pushed her away, pulling her hand out of my pants with her fingers covered in my arousal. She stumbled back. Wiping her saliva from my lips, she gave me a confused look.
“What’s the matter?” she asked before giving a knowing smirk. “Do you want to take this someplace more…private?” She licked her wet fingers suggestively.
“No, thanks,” I said nonchalantly, retying my pants before running my hands down my shirt to straighten out the fabric. “I’m done here.”
While I’m sure she was nice enough, I wasn’t going to waste my time with someone who couldn’t give me what I needed.
I waved my hand in her direction as if I was shooing a cat away. “Thanks for the drinks.”
Her mouth gaped open as I turned around to walk away, down the dark alley, toward the inner ring. I didn’t have much time before Erryn’s closed for the night, so I moved as quickly as I could, despite my slight inebriation. The heels of my boots rhythmically clicked against the cobblestone, and it made my head pound in the quiet street.
Once I made it, I stumbled my way inside and glanced over each face, hopeful he would be here. A wave of disappointment washed over me when none of them resembled the male I was searching for. But since I was already here, I figured I might as well make it worth my while, and I sat myself at the counter.
Erryn approached from the other side of the bar.
“Roav,” he greeted quietly, with a polite smile. “Could I get you something to eat? The kitchens are closed, but there are still a few things back there that I could grab for you.”
“Just a drink. I’ll have whatever is strongest.” I leaned back in the seat after tossing some coins on the counter.
Erryn’s lips flattened into a thin line, but thankfully he didn’t argue with me. “Coming right up,” he said, then turned away to make the drink.
I closed my eyes for a moment, soaking in the calm commotion of the tavern. But it still wasn’t enough to distract me from the image of my arrow in Kya’s chest replaying over and over.
“Back again, huh?”
I opened my eyes and realized I must have dozed off, because my drink was placed on the counter in front of me. I turned my head toward the voice, noticing Erryn on the other side of the room wiping down tables.
The male I had come here searching for was lowering himself in the seat next to me. My memory of him was a little fuzzy, but I knew it was him. His dark, shoulder length hair was pulled back this time. He looked cleaner and more sober tonight, wearing nice clothes. He was much more attractive than I remembered, and he had this charismatic way about him that made it difficult to peel my eyes away.
“Yes, actually. I was looking for you,” I said as I sat up straighter and gripped the glass in my hand.
His eyes flickered with amusement. “I thought you might be. And if I’m being honest, I thought you would have sooner.”
My eyebrows pulled together. “So you know why I’m looking for you?”
He nodded. “If you want to finish that up,” he gestured to my drink, “we can take this outside.”
Without hesitation, I lifted the glass to my lips and threw it back, wincing from the burn in my throat as I gulped the entire thing down. I set it down with a thump. The male flashed me a charming smile before rising and holding his hand out for me.
I didn’t take it, hopping off the seat on my own. His smile widened, displaying a set of dimples that somehow made him even more appealing. He held out his arm, gesturing toward the door, and followed me outside.
The fresh, cool breeze felt good against my skin as I emerged from the tavern.
“This way,” the male whispered as he led us down the street.
It was quiet and peaceful, but I decided to break that silence and get some answers.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“You first,” he chuckled.
I rolled my eyes. “It’s Mal.”
I didn’t want to give out my full name until I learned who he was. Funny how I didn’t trust him with my name, even as I willingly followed him in the middle of the night, but I didn’t really care. I just wanted the images of Kya out of my head.
Did that make me a monster? That I didn’t want to think about her? It felt like I was dishonoring her memory and that was only building up the guilt I was carrying inside of me.
All the more reason to just forget all together.
“A pleasure to formally meet you, Mal,” he said. “I’m Daxel, but you can call me Dax.”
“Well, Dax , where are we going?”
“My home. You’ve been there before.” He shrugged. “But I’m guessing you don’t remember that, do you?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“And I bet that’s exactly what you’re hoping will happen again.” He winked at me.
I didn’t say anything, not wanting to admit he was right. I almost hesitated and second-guessed going with him, but when I saw the image of Kya with a tear rolling down her cheek and Daegel’s arm around her body as they slipped over the edge, that hesitation died along with her.
Gods, I have issues.
We walked in silence until we came to a single home built of different stones, giving it a unique aesthetic. Now that I had seen it again, I vaguely remembered it. Dax held open the door for me as I entered and gestured for me to sit in a plush chair.
“Wait here,” he said as he walked down a hallway toward the back of the home.
I took the moment to take in the space. The ornate furniture and lavish paintings on the walls gave off a sophisticated atmosphere, but the sparseness of it felt as if it wasn’t really occupied. It was exceptionally clean, and made me wonder if he actually lived here.
After a minute or two, Dax came back with a small marble box in his hands. There was nothing special about the box, but it looked…familiar. He sat down across from me and placed the box on the small table between us. He opened the box with his terbis and pulled out a small glass vial, no bigger than a finger, with a cork stopper. He extended his hand, offering it to me.
It was cool in my palm as I studied it. The vial was nearly filled to the top with a clear liquid that glimmered as it shifted in the glass. My lips parted when I finally understood what it was that I was holding—when I realized what it was that had made me forget so efficiently.
“Is this what I think it is?” I asked softly, still studying it.
“If you think it’s a demid elixir, then yes.”
Shit.
I nodded slowly. I expected to feel shame, but I didn’t.
Demid had been created by healers to counteract a disease that caused memory loss, and it worked. But anything good can always be twisted. Black market chemists had altered it somehow so it would incite a state of artificial euphoria. One of the side effects was temporary memory loss. It was an atrocious concoction—and highly addictive.
And now I understand why.
“This is what you gave me that night.” It wasn’t a question.
“Sure is.” Dax leaned back in his chair, and his fingers lazily traced circles on the arms. “Do you still want it?”
Did I want it? No.
Did I feel like I needed it? Like I needed the air in my tightening lungs as my reality threatened to strangle the life out of me.
“Yes,” I whispered. I knew I should have been appalled by the mere sight of the elixir, but at that moment, it looked like the Gods’ grace.
I reached to unstopper the vial, but Dax plucked it from my fingertips.
“Ah ah,” he said, shaking his head with a sly grin. “Last time was complimentary. You’re going to have to pay for it this time.”
I sighed, “How much coin do you want?”
I never had to worry about how much money I had before, rarely spending my earnings as a Roav on anything but food and a good time in taverns, but I hadn’t been taking on jobs since I got back. And I hadn’t worked since before Ryker came and retrieved Nikan and me and took us to Oryn. My funds were running dangerously low.
Dax leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees and twirling the vial in front of him while looking me in the eye with a devilish smile that would make anyone melt. “I never said anything about coin .”
His low, lust-filled tone and the sinful look in his eyes told me exactly what he was wanting as payment.
And I was willing to give it for the peace in that elixir. Not to mention, I had fucked worse people for far less. At least this time was guaranteed to be beneficial for me by the end of it—unlike my recent encounters.
My only hesitation was the unexpected thought of Hakoa. I didn’t know what we had, but it ended the moment I left Voara to go to the Rip with Kya. And he wasn’t here. Dax was, and he had something I needed.
I stood slowly, let down my hair, and began to undress piece by piece, holding his gaze the entire time. His breathing quickened, and he reached down to adjust the growing erection in his pants.
After removing everything except for my lacy panties, he looked me up and down, pausing to stare at my bare breasts. He nodded approvingly, then stood.
“Follow me.”
It felt awkward walking through his home in nothing but a small piece of fabric to cover my sex. I followed him into a room with a large, luxurious bed with posts and sheer curtains draped loosely over the top of them. Dax went to the side of the bed and turned to face me as I stepped through the doorway.
I took in the immaculate room, matching the same level of finery as the rest of what I had seen. He continued to stare, and I took that as him wanting me to take the initiative. I went to the bed, about to climb onto it, when he stopped me with a raised hand.
“Wait there.”
I held back a scoff. Wasn’t that what he brought me back here for? “What do you want me to do?”
Dax’s lips curved into that same charming smile from before. Still holding the vial, he took off his shirt and—thank the Gods—revealed a toned body. At least he was just as attractive underneath his clothes. It made this whole thing much easier. Then he proceeded to take off his pants, his hard cock springing out of its confines. I tried not to glance at it too long, only enough to get a look at its slightly above-average size.
My body reacted, and I felt myself getting wet.
Naked, he lay on the bed with his head propped up on a pillow. “Ride my cock.”
It’s just one time. It’s worth it. I told myself as I removed my last article of clothing then crawled on the bed and over his body, straddling his hips. His pleased look made me want to roll my eyes. But we were both getting what we wanted, so I refrained.
I lifted up and grabbed his dick at the base, giving it a single pump. Dax released a shaky, excited exhale. I swirled the tip around my entrance, lubricating him—mostly for my benefit. I pushed his tip just inside of me but didn’t go any farther. Dax grabbed my hips, trying to pull me down as he thrust. But I rose higher, refusing him. His face pinched in confusion.
I held out my hand.
“All business with you,” he chuckled. He handed the demid to me, and I grasped it in my palm.
I looked him in the eyes, and I saw them roll to the back of his head as I slowly sat down, filling myself with him. I released a soft gasp and my eyes fluttered closed.
I certainly didn’t mind this form of payment. It felt good. In fact, it helped me forget about everything. But, like with everyone else, it was only for a moment. I unstoppered the vial and tossed the cork aside. I should have been humiliated, but I was too focused on obtaining the oblivion the demid was about to give me.
As I brought the glass up to my lips, I promised myself I wouldn’t let it get out of control. I convinced myself I was stronger than the others—the ones that had fallen to the addiction. This was just a temporary fix until I could stop feeling the weight of what I had done.
Dax moaned when I started riding him just as he requested. His grip on my hips tightened, and he kneaded the flesh there soothingly before he started slamming me down on top of him.
“Don’t worry,” he said between grunts. “I’ll make this feel good for you too.”
But that wasn’t what I was here for.
“I don’t want to feel anything,” I whispered. Then I tilted up the vial and swallowed my damnation.