Chapter 36
Robyn
I stare at my computer screen, trying hard to concentrate. I’ve read this patient summary three times and could not tell you the first thing about it.
I sigh and rub my eyes with the back of my hand.
I scroll back to the top and try again. There’s a stack of charts to my left that needs to be reviewed, a list of post-op follow-ups to confirm, and three emails from the administrator marked URGENT in capital letters.
The office door swings open without a knock, which means it’s Carla.
“Lunchtime, Doctor.” She leans against the frame. “Come downstairs with me. I refuse to eat with the radiologists again; they’re boring with a capital B.”
“Not today,” I say, gesturing at the screen. “I’m so behind.”
“You’re always behind. The work can wait. Come and eat.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“There’s lasagna on the menu today.” She bobs her brows at me. “You love melted cheese.”
It’s true, I do, but the thought of food right now turns my stomach. There’s a tight little fist sitting just under my ribs that has been there since I woke up.
“I’ll grab something later,” I say. “I promise.”
Carla narrows her eyes. She steps inside, pulls the door shut behind her, and drops into the chair opposite my desk.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
She lifts her brows. “Speak to me.”
“I’m buried.”
“You turned down lasagna.”
“I’m watching my figure.”
“Yeah, right.” She crosses her legs. “Talk to me, please.”
“It’s looking like Ridge will be wrapping up here sooner than expected. Today, maybe. Tomorrow at the latest.”
Carla winces. “Damn. Already?”
“Yep, I’m afraid so.”
“Well.” She sucks her teeth. “I’d be a little sad too, in your shoes. You’re going to miss all the great sex.”
A laugh works its way out of me, and it’s thin and sounds sad.
“I should never have slept with him. I should have let him go.”
“Oh, honey, no. Sex is good for the soul.”
“Carla, I’m falling for him.”
She leans forward. “No, you’re not. You can’t be.”
“I am.”
“It hasn’t been long enough.”
“It has been for me, because I’m falling. It’s happening.”
“Robyn.” She lowers her voice the way she does when she’s about to be reasonable. “Sweetheart, the dick is good. That isn’t the same as falling for someone. Trust me, I have had life-changing dick, and you do not need to marry it.”
“It isn’t just that. We’ve talked.”
She widens her eyes. “You weren’t supposed to talk.”
I push my chair back from the desk and turn it a quarter so I can look at her properly. “Well, we did.”
“Was it deep?”
I nod.
She makes a noise that tells me she’s not happy. “Do you think he’s falling for you, too?”
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t think so. And even if some piece of him is, he won’t admit it to himself. He’s said it more than once. He doesn’t want a relationship. And if he ever did want one, it wouldn’t be with a human, and I happen to be human.”
“Why not? That’s a touch dramatic.”
“Because shifters mate for life. Their concept of forever is different from ours. He’s looked me dead in the eye and told me that humans don’t understand mating for life, that we don’t mean it. And the fact that I’m divorced doesn’t exactly support my counterargument.”
“Your divorce was not your fault. Bruce was a cheating, lying—”
“I know.” I hold up a hand. “I know all of that. But it doesn’t matter. To Ridge, the box is ticked.” I exhale. “He’s been adamant about it just being sex. That none of it means anything. And then this morning, he left me a note.”
“What did the note say?”
I take it out of my drawer and hand it to her.
Carla reads it out loud:
Dear Robyn,
Thank you for last night. Hope you have a good day!
Ridge xx
“A guy who’s just there for the sex does not leave a note like that.”
“I know.”
“A guy who’s just there for the sex sneaks out and texts you ‘last night was fun’ three days later, if at all.”
“I know. It’s confusing the hell out of me. He told me he isn’t looking for anything, then he made love to me like I meant something.” I realize my voice has thickened and stop talking.
“Right,” she finally says. “Here’s what I think: I think you should enjoy whatever time you have left with him. Don’t waste it stewing. And then, tell him how you feel.”
“I can’t.”
“You have to, and if he knows what’s good for him, he’ll stick around.”
“He won’t.”
“He might just surprise you. He might even turn you down and then realize that he’s missing you and come running right back. In fact, that’s what I think will happen.”
That doesn’t sound like Ridge.
“I don’t know so much.”
“I think it will.” She lifts a shoulder. “You are an awesome woman. He’d be an idiot to walk away and not look back. And I don’t think he is one.”
I want her to be right. I want it so badly, but I’ve seen the look in his eyes. It’s a mix of regret and something else I can’t quite put a finger on. Disappointment, maybe. He looks like he’s already said goodbye.
“I think he’s going to walk out of those doors,” I say, “and then I’m never going to see him again. That’ll be it.” My eyes fill before I can stop them. I tilt my face up at the ceiling and try to blink it away.
“Oh, hon.” Carla is up and around the desk in two strides. She wraps her arms around me from the side and leans her cheek on the top of my head. “You know I’m here for you, right?”
“I know.”
“I mean it. Whatever happens. Whatever he does or doesn’t do. I’m here.”
“Thank you.” I sniff.
She squeezes a little tighter, then lets go and crouches by my chair so she can look up at me. “He’d be crazy, Robyn. I mean it. It would be his loss. I’m going to fetch you some lasagna in a takeout box. You can eat here at your desk. You’ll feel better after you have some food in your belly.”
I nod, even though I doubt it.
I’m already miserable, and he hasn’t left yet. She’s right, though, I need to tell him how I feel, even though I know what his answer will be. I have to try.