12. Declan
Sleep had evaded me for what seemed like months now, and I hadn’t even realized I’d fallen asleep until I heard a noise and recognized that it was Brogan.
My eyes opened, but no one was there, although I knew he had just been here because the thick scent of leather and birch still lingered like a cloud in the air.
Being careful not to wake up Enslee, I quickly but carefully untangled myself from her and slipped away. Afterward, I saw the headlights heading down the driveway toward the gate, so I ran to the garage and jumped behind the wheel of my F-type Jag.
As I chased after my man, I kept trying to call him, but he wouldn’t answer.
The seconds turned to minutes, yet felt more like hours, as I sped behind him, watching as he zigzagged in and around the cars in front of him at a high rate of speed.
One of the things I had always loved about him, even as a boy, was that he was positively fearless.
From creating and using our own ziplines as kids, to cliff diving as teenagers, and later bungee jumping and skydiving as adults, he was fueled by the rush of adrenaline.
Treating the highway like it was a NASCAR speedway wasn’t surprising to me at all.
It was infuriating, though. I managed to keep him in my sight, even if I had to break every speeding law in the fucking city to keep up with his silver sports car. Brogan was pissed. I could tell by the way he drove, and that he’d made the trip to Staten Island but didn’t even stay.
You didn't fucking stay!
That thought repeated itself in my head, and I knew why, but it was no excuse.
Sure, he’d walked in to find me lying on the couch with a woman in my arms, but instead of talking to me rationally, he just fucking up and left.
This was after he'd ignored me all day too.
On top of that, as I continued to tail him through the city, he still was evading me.
“You might be able to avoid me right now, but your minutes are numbered, asshole.”
Normally, I didn’t ever think of him in anything but exemplary terms, but like all couples, there were times when we would fight.
Now, appeared to be one of them. Only, this wasn’t over a missed flight, or a misunderstanding, or anything else.
It was a life-or-death situation we were facing, and the life was the one we shared together.
Thankfully, he was headed straight home.
That would allow us to get everything out into the open.
Besides that, Brogan was not in his right frame of mind.
Ever since he was a teenager and had gone away after our kiss, he’d come back a shell of who he’d once been.
It had taken getting him out from under his father’s palm for me to find the man I knew him to be.
The man whose mouth I had dreamed about feeling against mine again.
The last thing he needed to do was draw attention to himself when he was already under so much suspicion, so I heaved a sigh of relief when he pulled into his parking garage.
I quickly followed but didn’t worry about him seeing me because he wouldn't suspect me during these periods of time. It’d happened in high school after he’d come back a completely different person.
He’d zone out completely, and it was almost as if he was stuck in his own world and in his own head.
And I hated when he got into these moods, but I also loved it, not for the emotional pain I knew it brought him, but for the fact that it confirmed how much he needed me.
I was the only one who could bring him out of those trances and depressed states.
I thought I’d done a damn good job of doing so last night, but evidently it hadn’t been good enough because he reverted even farther into himself.
Now, it was up to me to draw him out yet again.
But at the same time, I was also pissed off at myself. I had things of my own that I needed to get off my chest, or else I’d let this shit linger in my head, let it fester, and I wasn't going to do that. He might want to pretend as if he was dead inside, but I wasn't going to do the same.
I waited until he took the elevator upstairs and it returned to me before I followed his lead. As soon as I made it into his penthouse, he looked at me, but before he could say or do anything, I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him up against a stone column.
Something flared in his eyes momentarily before they reverted back to the same hollow, empty, black hole I was sick of seeing.
That was exactly what it was like staring into them.
Usually, I would gaze into those dark eyes of his, and I’d see his soul.
Whatever had happened to him today, or even yesterday, had stolen every bit of light from them.
Hell, it was likely a combination of every fucking thing, but whatever it was, it had definitely taken its toll on him.
He was nearly dead inside, and I wouldn’t accept this.
Whether he wanted to be saved or not, I intended to do it, and selfishly for my own reasons because as infuriating as he oftentimes was, my life would be incomplete without him.
“Well, hello to you too,” he said, and my hand tightened around his neck.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you, Brogan? After I've been trying to reach you all damn day, you get home then just fucking up and leave without a goddamn word.”
Something flared in his gaze, but he lowered his lashes enough to impede my view before responding. “You looked pretty damn comfortable. I didn't want to interrupt whatever was going—”
“What was going on was fucking nothing. It was only what we’d agreed to last night.” I took my free hand and raked it through my hair. Frustration was growing. I didn't really want to argue with him, but I also knew we couldn't get past this without doing so.
I took a few deep breaths, then stared back into his eyes, forcing him to look into mine.
Every time his gaze tried to dart away, I’d grip his throat tighter to hold him still.
Now, he was forced to stare at me, and I looked deeply into those eyes, wishing I could find the man that I loved so much within them, but wherever he was at was going to take a while to get to him.
“She'd been asking questions,” I said to him.
“What kind of questions?” he asked me.
“Obviously, she wants to know about her relationship with us. She assumes we are together romantically, and there are some revelations I’ll share with you another time, but she fell asleep in my arms. I didn't want to wake her, and I ended up falling asleep myself. That’s all that fucking happened. Nothing else.”
Either he wasn't convinced, or he just didn't give a fuck, because his expression didn't change. The bitter look on his face intensified until his mouth turned up into a snarl. I finally released him and stepped back, then threw my hands up in surrender.
I didn't know what else to say to him, but I had to ask one more time. “Answer me this, Brogan. What the fuck happened today? You were fine this morning, and now you're so angry.”
“What do you want from me, Declan?” he asked in a low tone.
I even hated the sound of his voice when he spoke to me like this. “An explanation for starters,” I replied.
After he scrubbed his hands down his face, he leveled me with a glare.
“What should I explain, Declan? And if I did, would you actually listen?” Before I could say anything, he growled.
“Do you understand how much fucking pressure I'm under? Do you understand how everything has been building and building and building to the point that I feel like a powder keg about to fucking explode? I got to work and found my fucking father sitting there at my goddamn desk. We naturally got into it and had it out. I even punched the motherfucker—”
“You did what?” I interjected.
“Yeah, it’s not important. After he left, my lawyer shows up to let me know that I’m likely to be arrested soon. The prosecutor’s already putting charges together to present to the grand jury. If I'm indicted, I'm going to jail, Declan. And you know what… you're probably going with me.”
“Wait! How can they press charges when there's no evidence of any wrongdoing?”
“It doesn't matter. The perception is that I did something to her.
They don't know what, they don't know where, they don't know when.
They just know that something happened to her, and I'm the likely suspect.
He advised that they're tracking my digital footprint.
Do you know what that means? They're going to know the night she disappeared that I was at your place all night long.
What do you think that's going to tell them?
They're going to start looking at you as an accomplice?”
I stood toe to toe with him. “Well, so be it. I have nothing to hide, and neither do you.”
Brogan shook his head as he removed his suit jacket, loosened his tie, then started to walk away. I stayed step to step with him and soaked up the frustration radiating off him in waves.
“We didn't do anything wrong, Brogan. Repeat after me, we did nothing wrong!”
“I should’ve never entered into this fucking agreement with Layla. I should’ve known that she couldn't be trusted. But I did it because I didn't want… just never mind.”
“What do you mean? What were you going to say?”
“Nothing,” he lied, and I balled both hands into fists and had to actually resist the urge to either punch my man or strangle him. I’d decide the moment I allowed myself to lose control.
“Just fucking say it. Quit lying and say whatever you were going to say.”
“No,” he responded.