21. Enslee
My memory still had not returned much to my chagrin.
I’d thought for sure that something more would’ve been recovered after having been with both Brogan and Declan.
I hadn’t been expecting a full slideshow of memories, but was it too much to ask for a brief flash or two of something?
It was then that I realized that by trying to force them to come back, it might’ve explained why they stayed just out of reach.
I was starting to settle into life here mostly alone because Brogan was out of town on business, and Declan had resumed shooting, so he was gone most of the day and into parts of the night sometimes too. I was essentially left alone with nothing but these confusing thoughts running through my head.
It was a little unnerving to have shared what Brogan, Declan, and I had shared together, only for both men to disappear.
Insecure thoughts would afflict me, but I refused to let them break me.
Something made me think that I’d been a loner most of my life, and maybe after finding these two men, it was yet another reason my memories wouldn’t surface.
Jenni would also stop by on Declan’s shooting days, and I enjoyed the vivacious blonde’s small talk.
And there was also Edna, who was here every day.
The older woman and I had actually become friends.
She had a nurturing aura to her, and I had a feeling she was close to what my grandmother would’ve been.
For me, I couldn't remember any family outside of this grandmother.
That would explain why on occasion I’d hear the woman's voice in my head. Normally, it’d be a certain line here or a certain line there, but I was frustrated over not being able to picture her face.
No matter how hard I tried, nothing came to me, so I’d decided to let the memories come on their own as I made the best of my situation.
As it were, Edna and I had grown friendly with one another, and she always tried to make me feel like I had some part in the day-to-day things here.
I always tried to help her with whatever, whether it was laundry, dishes, or dusting, and I hoped to one day even help her cook.
As she’d meal prep, I’d binge-watch cooking shows on television.
Since I had no memory of cooking before, everything I saw was brand new.
“Do you know what you might want for dinner tonight, dear?” Edna asked me.
Pausing the special on one-pot dinners, I tried to remember the name of what I’d seen a few episodes ago. “Is it just us tonight?”
She smiled warmly. “Brogan and Declan should both be home this evening.”
“Really?” I asked, then tried to subdue my excitement, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t been with both men in any capacity since I’d been with both men in bed. The idea of actually having dinner with them excited me a lot more than it probably should have.
“Yes. What’s your favorite dish?” she asked me.
I furrowed my brow. It should’ve been an easy enough question, but the bad thing about having no memories was that you didn't know what you liked. Everything I’d eaten or drunk since arriving here, I had been told that I’d liked, or I’d had to find out on my own.
Maybe my taste buds disappeared along with my memory.
Thinking back to the earlier episode, I remembered how I’d drooled over the finished product. It’d looked so rich and decadent, which was a direct contrast to the healthier options I usually ate.
“I’m not sure what it’s called, but there’s a dish made with steak and mashed potatoes smothered in gravy.
” It didn't look like the sort of food I’d eat, at least not from what I’d been told about my diet before.
It also certainly didn't look like anything both men would eat, either. As I’d watched the show, however, something about it seemed familiar.
Had I eaten something like that before in the past?
“Are you sure that’s what you would like?”
“Yes.”
“And you used to eat it?”
“I don’t know. I think I might’ve eaten it in the past at some point. Do you think I have? It seems very comforting.”
“Chicken fried steak is a Southern comfort food, and with you being from Alabama, you likely have had it at some point.”
“Do you know how to make it?”
“I’ve made it a time or two in the past.”
My face lit up at that, especially when she told me she would make a store run, which I had wanted to join her on, but Declan and Brogan had wanted me to stay here. I went back to the cooking shows when she left and only turned off the television when she returned shortly after.
“Will you let me help you?”
“You don't want to get all dirty in this kit—”
“I want to learn how to do something besides just sitting around all day. Between reading and watching television, I’m not doing anything.
I'd really like to do something nice for the men. With Brogan getting back in town and Declan being done with shooting, this will be the first meal we’ve shared since…
” I stopped at that point. I didn't want to say since I’d had sex with the two, but it really had been that long.
“Well, if you insist, then I'll let you do a few things”
“I promise I won't get in your way.”
She smiled at me, and again, there was something about it. Her warmth made me yearn for someone I couldn’t picture. Whether it was a grandmother on my mother's side or on my father's side was yet to be determined, but I’d been close to at least one of them.
“I need to finish the laundry and vacuuming, but I’ll let you know when I’m ready to start dinner.”
I sat back down and picked up another book Jenni had left for me.
It was in the same series as the first one, and this author was quickly becoming one of my favorites.
I was a fast reader because I was always so anxious to see how the woman navigated the relationship with multiple men.
The more I read, the more natural what I had with Declan and Brogan became.
I eventually became so engrossed with it and had just made it to a spicy part when I had to take the book and wave it in front of me to fan my face.
Due to the words on the page, I was ready to come out of my skin.
This entire week, I’d been achy and needy.
Declan, even when he was here, didn't really touch me.
Maybe they didn't do so individually. It was possible that they only did it when we were all together.
Declan did hug and kiss me, though. He certainly didn’t do the things to me that he had the other night when he’d buried his head, fingers, and later his cock between my legs as he made me come.
Instead, he was friendly, but a bit distant, which made me wonder if my performance was not up to par.
Surely, they wouldn't fault me for something I didn't remember how to do.
Still, insecurities mounted, only made worse by my memory loss.
I couldn't even remember if this was my normal frame of thinking when it came to our relationship.
Were they simply treating me with kid gloves because of the fall?
I had no idea. I was a boat lost at sea just trying to stay afloat without capsizing.
Edna finally returned ready to start dinner, and she allowed me to peel the potatoes and shred the cheese that was going to be used for the macaroni and cheese.
I hadn’t even suggested that side, but my mouth was now watering for it.
While I busied myself with those tasks, I’d glance over on occasion as she sliced the steaks and pounded them out before she dipped them in an egg wash, then in a seasoned flour mix before laying them onto a wire rack.
She only did three of them, and I still found it odd that she never ate with us.
The men didn’t bat an eye at that, so I knew it was standard.
I put my focus back on dinner, watching as she diced the potatoes I’d just peeled into big chunks before she dropped them in salted boiling water. In another pot, she added the noodles.
I moved closer to watch as she added flour and butter to a smaller pan to make a roux. After, she added in a can of evaporated milk, heavy cream, and a portion of the cheese I’d just shredded.
I tried taking mental notes while imagining that one day I might be able to cook an entire meal for my men.
Soon, the noodles were done, and she added them straight into the cheese sauce.
I helped her layer it into the casserole dish, using up the rest of the shredded cheese.
Lastly, Edna put it in the oven to bake before adding oil to a frying pan.
“Why are you cleaning the pan like that?” asked the young girl’s voice in my head.
“Because it’s how you handle these pans. If you treat the cast iron right, it’ll last you a lifetime, Lee-Lee,” I heard the only voice that’d been able to penetrate the memory loss.
Lee-Lee? That had to be my nickname.
A wide smile tipped my lips, and I eagerly continued to watch Edna as she added in one steak at a time, all while hoping the voice would come back, but it didn’t.
I wouldn’t let that upset me, and I didn’t as I grabbed another baking sheet at Edna’s request, then watched her put each fried steak on it.
The potatoes were now done, and she instructed me on how much cream, butter, salt, and pepper to add while she checked on the macaroni and cheese.
Happy with how it looked, she switched the oven from bake to broil, then took out a final pan.
From there, she started another roux, eventually making a semi-thick gravy to go on top of the steak and potatoes.
Finally, she pulled out the macaroni and cheese, and it all looked so good.
“There are so many dishes. Please let me help you clean them,” I said to her when I noticed the full sink.
She looked like she wanted to shoo me away, but eventually caved. “If you insist.”
There was a dishwasher, but she’d insisted on washing them all by hand.
By the time we finished, the front of my shirt and shorts were damp, so I disappeared into my room to change clothes.
Since she’d previously said both men would be home tonight, I also made sure to run a brush through my hair to look more presentable.
When I emerged from the room, they’d arrived.
Brogan was the first one I saw, and when our eyes met, I was so excited to see him that I flung myself into his arms. He kissed the top of my head and held me tightly before bringing his lips to mine.
I melted against him, only pulling away when I remembered Declan.
Making sure to give him the same welcome, I then dragged them toward the dining room where Edna had already laid out the food for us.
“You were pretty busy this afternoon,” Declan said to the old woman before laying a chaste kiss on her cheek, making her blush.
“I had some help.”
“You did?” Brogan asked.
“Yes, I helped her,” I said, and both men turned to look at me.
“And a delightful cooking partner she was. I need to head out. I’ll be back tomorrow.”
And from there, she left, leaving me alone with my men. They exchanged a look with one another before sitting down. “Is this something you’ve eaten before?” Declan asked me.
I grinned. “I think so. The dish looked so familiar that I’m sure I’ve had it before.”
“Do you remember anything else?” Brogan asked as his hand froze in mid-air.
“No,” I said, and he brought the forkful to his mouth and swallowed the bite of food.