50. Enslee
About an hour and a half later, I boarded the private jet Declan had chartered.
Layla and her bodyguard also arrived, and I saw the relief fill Declan.
He’d been worried about them skipping out on us, even though he had his men there with them, so there was no way to make a run for it.
If they’d tried, they’d be apprehended and brought to the airstrip.
Thankfully, Layla kept her word, although I could tell she was nervous.
I could also tell that she’d been crying.
Earlier, she’d mentioned other men hurting her, but I didn't know any specifics.
I could probably take a good guess at what a lot of that entailed, though.
And again, it made me think about the time when an older person from my life had taken advantage of me, and how I’d felt like I’d had no other choice.
I never thought in a million years I’d actually empathize with Layla.
She was rich, beautiful, and so put together, while I’d always been a bit of a mess, and still was.
The fact that I was even here and not keeping as much distance away from the men was proof of that.
Additionally, there was also the fact that I’d uprooted my entire life to come to Mexico to help them.
I did so because I needed to help Brogan. When I’d first launched Killer Thoughtz, the one thing I’d wanted to do was bring a voice to those who felt like they didn't have one.
A victim whose voice wasn't heard when it came to the sentencing of a suspect.
Ones who’d felt silenced when those charged had gone free of their crimes.
Death row inmates who’d felt unheard and forced into pleas to avoid that penalty.
Essentially, a voice for those who believed justice hadn’t been truly served.
I'd wanted to be the voice I didn't have growing up, and I tried convincing myself it’d been why I’d put my life on hold to do this.
That it was why I’d put everything on the line to save two men who’d hurt me so deeply.
As I stared over at Declan and saw his despondence, I knew it was a lot more than that.
“Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. Welcome aboard! I’m your captain, and I just wanted to let you know our flight time should be around four hours and forty-five minutes, so our estimated time of arrival in New York City will be around one thirty a.m. local time.”
The flight attendant then took over and rattled off safety information as well as letting us know there were drinks and refreshments on board if needed. I gazed at Declan, who didn’t even acknowledge a second of either’s spiel as he stared out the window.
Eventually, the plane ascended, and we were given the all clear to move around the cabin. I quickly unbuckled my seat belt, then rose to my feet and walked over to Declan.
“Let's go back there on the couch,” I said to him.
He opened his mouth and looked as if he’d wanted to say something, but he got up and moved to the back of the aircraft. Before following him, I looked over my shoulder and saw Layla talking to Nash as she wiped her eyes. Taking a deep breath, I let them be and joined Declan.
“You looked deep in thought about something back there,” I said to him.
“It’s nothing deep, just me coming to a realization.”
“About?” I asked as I sat down beside him.
“It’s silly really, but when I got on the plane, my first thought had been to text or call Brogan to let him know I was bringing Layla home. It then dawned on me that he’s in jail, and even if he hadn’t been, he still wouldn’t have taken my call.”
“I know Brogan’s upset, and you think everything’s impossible, but—”
“It’s not a thought but rather a fact, Enslee.”
I pushed my bottom lip out at that. “With Layla coming back, he’ll get out of jail. Once he does, I’m sure he won’t stay mad at you.”
Declan leveled me with a deadpan look. “You only know the Brogan he’d allowed you to see. As you're fully aware, some of it had been a lie.”
“What part, Declan? The brooding asshole or the charming boyfriend? And when you get ready to answer me, just remember to answer it as yourself as well.” He sat there silently, so I continued.
“Which one were you? Were you a quitter as you are now? Or were you a fighter like the man I’d come down here with? ”
He let out a sigh. “It's a complicated situation, but—”
“There are no buts. I understand there’s a lot of emotions going on. You truly believed she was alive, and now your suspicions have been validated.”
“Brogan—”
“He’s in jail, but thanks to you, he will not be there much longer. Layla’s going to the police station, and when they see that she's alive, he'll be released.”
“And even if he never speaks another word to me, that’s the most important thing. Brogan needs freedom to get the life he truly deserves. To be locked away for a crime he didn't commit… The charges have to be dismissed.”
“And they will be.”
“I know. I’m trying to tell myself that even if his life isn't with me, he deserves to live a full one, nonetheless.”
At that, I placed my hand on his knee. “You deserve to be happy too, Declan.
Just like Brogan does… just like Layla does…
like I do. All of us deserve to find joy in our lives.
You know, when you think about it, we're all victims of something, of someone, even if it's just a victim of circumstance.”
“I hate that we really didn't get to spend a lot of time with the real you because you're awfully wise.”
I let out a small laugh. “You did get to spend time with the real me even if I had no idea who she actually was.
And in the spirit of honesty, I feel a lot more like myself now than I ever did before the fall.
No one would understand, and maybe I'm just making excuses, but you and Brogan filled in the parts of me that had been empty.
I feel like a different person. I'm me, but I'm not me. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, that's exactly how I felt during this whole Layla situation. Having to keep my part in it away from Brogan, especially when I saw everything he was going through. It killed a part of me because I’d known I was responsible. Even if there was the chance he didn't blame me any longer, I’d still hold myself guilty. If I had only thought of a different way.”
“Layla was going to leave regardless, and you’d helped her out of a very bad situation, and one she might not have been able to leave otherwise.
If something would’ve happened to her in New York City, fingers would’ve still pointed at Brogan.
And if they had, she wouldn't be here to save him in the end.
Sitting here playing the ‘what if’ game doesn't help anyone. What we need to do is focus on the things we can control and change. My grandmother used to tell me that if you want to affect change in this world, you need to become the change you want to see and be the change you want to be.”
“I suppose you're right. I've been running on pure adrenaline for weeks now. I feel like I'm just going to fucking crash. I used to get like this all the time.”
“How did you get through it?” I asked him.
“Sometimes, I’d be on deadlines with different roles because we needed to leave the filming.
It could’ve been a weather-related disaster, a health-related issue, a funding issue, or just anything in general.
We’d work incredibly long hours shooting the same fucking scenes over and over again.
Sometimes, we’d do the same shot fifty times. ”
“Sounds terrible. I’d made myself a promise that I’d never shoot my podcasts more than three times. Whatever became of it was what it was.”
“The studios felt differently in the past. After a while, though, you just become exhausted but push on through the fatigue until the scene is completed.
Afterward, all the adrenaline disappears and you just crash.
That's normally when I’d call Brogan, but I can't call him anymore. I have nobody to share anything with.”
“Declan,” I said as I squeezed his knee. “Now, you've got me.”
“I’m not sure how the hell it happened, or what we’d done to deserve it, but you've been the biggest blessing to us both. At first, we thought you might’ve been our downfall, but I think everything that happened between the three of us was meant to happen.”
“It does seem like fate stepped in. However, I could’ve done without the head bump and memory loss. I wouldn't have wanted to have done without you or without Brogan.”
“And we wouldn't have wanted to do this without you,” he said as he placed his hand over mine.
“I know we’d put you in an incredibly awkward situation, but we truly do care about you.
As happy as I am to go back to the city and get Brogan freed, I know it's going to mean losing you.
I've already lost Brogan, and soon I'm going to lose you too.”
“You're not going to lose me. No matter where I am, I’ll still be here for you. We're friends, right?”
He looked at me, and his eyes darkened as his gaze dropped to my heaving chest. The intensity of it made my nipples harden into tight peaks, and when he dropped his gaze lower, I felt a familiar ache in my core. Then he looked back at me. “We're friends, Enslee. Would you like something to drink?”
“Maybe a water.”
“Let me go ask the flight attendant if she could—”
“I could do that,” I said to him, but he shook his head.
“No. You just sit here.”
When he got up, I watched him walk past Layla and Nash as he made his way behind the curtain.
Declan had mentioned crashing, and I knew he wasn’t the only one who would soon.
I felt a yawn coming on, so I stifled it with my hand.
This had been a trying couple of days, and I hadn’t slept in at least three or four of them because I'd been so worried about missing our chance to find Layla. If we’d missed her, it could’ve been weeks before she’d returned to the bank.