Chapter 31
Thirty-One
SENAN
The woman’s eyes snap open. Until the moment I saw her golden irises, I couldn’t be sure. But now I know. I know this is the same woman I lost all those years ago.
Tonight, I came to lose myself in the handful of women cloistered behind the curtains. But something about the music called to me. It’s been years since I wanted to dance without being forced at some event or another, and I’d been powerless to resist the song’s call.
The last thing I expected was to find myself dancing with a ghost.
Only she isn’t a ghost.
My Allette, my love, my girl , is standing here, blinking up at me through wide eyes. Only her hair…it’s no longer blue. It’s black.
I must be hallucinating. That is the only explanation. I guzzled a few drinks back at the castle, but not enough to make me see the face in front of me as clearly as the sun at noon.
She is alive .
I curl my arms around her form, praying she doesn’t vanish. The unending ache deep within me subsides, and I can finally breathe without hurting. “Gods. Allette. You’re here. You’re really here.” How is this possible?
Her palms flatten against my chest, and she pushes. “Let me go.”
Her smoky voice cuts through the noise around us, more beautiful than the most perfect melody. I can’t let her go. Not when I finally found her after all this time.
The last thing I expect is for Allette to shove me again. My hold loosens, and she slips away. I shout for her to stop, but she doesn’t. She shoves through the crowd on her way to the door.
I knock people aside, step on toes, and dodge elbows, my focus on her and her alone.
A man with silver hair catches Allette’s hand. From the pale, grayish tone of his face, I assume he’s Tuath. When his gaze locks with mine, his expression hardens.
“Are you all right, Goldie?” I hear him ask Allette.
Why is she letting him hold her hand? That fucking bastard. If he doesn’t let her go this instant, I’m going to tear out his throat.
She’s my mate .
She’s my mate.
She’s my mate.
I shove two men aside, rip his hand off hers, and introduce his eye to my fist. Fuck, that hurt , but it’s worth it when the man stumbles back and falls into a table, knocking a slew of drinks to the ground. Shouts and cries erupt. Guards flood toward us. The man reaches me before the guards, landing a solid punch that rattles my teeth. He lunges again, but the guards grab him by the arms and hold him steady.
I’ll deal with him later.
There is someone far more important I must speak with first. I take Allette’s hand, but her fingers don’t lace with mine. When I try to guide her toward the closest alcove, she stumbles along like she doesn’t want to come with me. Which makes no sense. We haven’t seen one another in over four years. Surely she has missed me as much as I’ve missed her.
When we’re finally away from the fray, I draw the curtains tight, cutting out all light except for the sconce on the wall.
I can’t help but stare at her, memorizing the frown lines of her face in case she disappears again. She looks the same, but different. Her skin is far too pale. Her perfect mouth is pinched.
Gods, I still can’t believe she is alive .
“What the hell was that about?” Allette— my Allette! —hisses, her beautiful face fixed in a scowl.
Hold on. Is she angry with me? She shouldn’t be angry. She should be elated. “Why did you hit him?” she demands.
“You’re my mate, and he put his hands on you.” The bastard is lucky I didn’t take his fucking head.
Tears trail like ink down Allette’s pale cheeks as her stunning golden eyes fill with the same despair that lives in my very soul. “I haven’t been your mate since you abandoned me in the human realm.”
She thinks I left her by choice?
Why wouldn’t she? It’s not as if she knows the truth of what happened that night. I’ll set her straight, and then she’ll understand.
My hand squeezes hers. “The king’s men came for me. Knocked me unconscious and dragged me back to Kumulus. By the time I came to, it was too late to return through the portal.” Or so I thought. King Boris and his fucking lies . “For a year, I waited in agony to return to you.” I’d been so lost, pivoting from boiling rage to endless sorrow and back again. A feral beast pacing its cage until the moment that silver light shot into the sky.
Her head shakes, more tears spilling free. “You’re lying. You must be lying.”
I brush my thumbs beneath her eyes, catching every tear. “It’s not a lie, Allette. I was the first person through the following Samhain, but you weren’t there. I didn’t know where to start, so I returned to the cottage where we hid. The place had burned to the ground and there was a…” My racing heart thumps louder. “A body inside. A body with blue wings.”
Just saying those words is like a leaden weight crushing my chest, suffocating me.
Allette’s delicate brows come together, her eyes searching mine. “Senan, I waited at those stones every single year. No one ever came through.”
What is she talking about? The number of Scathians using the portal has doubled in the last few years. What the hell is going on?
Does it even matter? For too long, I’ve been broken, and now I’ve finally found my missing piece.
“I’m so sorry, my love.” Those words feel insignificant compared to the depth of my anguish and sorrow. I brush a curl from her face, longing to hold her close. To love her. I’d believed her dead. Gone forever. But she isn’t. She is alive and so desperately beautiful that I can hardly breathe. “Gods, I’ve missed you so much. Not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought of you. Dreamed of you. Wished you were in my arms.” And now she is here. Here .
“You must think me a fool. I’ve seen you with your princess. The way you look at her. The way you whisper in her ear.” She draws back, and her throat bobs when she swallows. “The way you kiss her.”
How is that possible? I haven’t left the castle with Leeri. If Allette has seen the two of us together, that means?—
Oh, shit .
Her hair .
It’s not blue…
It’s black .
Does that mean?—
“It was you all along…” All this time, I thought I was mad, that this intense pull toward a stranger must be all in my fucked-up head. But Wynn really was Allette.
And she has been hiding in my home all this time. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She has had plenty of chances, and yet she chose to hide behind a mask instead.
“Because you’ve clearly moved on—erased all traces of me.” She takes another step away and lifts her palm, revealing the silver scar marking our bond.
I drop the glamour I’ve worn for the last four years and stretch my scarred hand to hers. “How can I erase what is written on my heart? On my soul?”
She opens her mouth to respond, but then the curtains flutter and a woman with short, silver hair steps into our alcove. “Are you all right, Wynn?” the woman asks, casting me a wary glance.
I grab Allette’s hand. My girl was separated from me once, and I will not let it happen ever again.
“I’m fine, Braith,” Allette says, her hand limp in my grip.
Braith’s brow furrows, but she nods and says she’ll wait for Allette outside. Before the curtains fall back into place, I catch a glimpse of the man I struck. Blood oozes from his nose, dripping down his lips and chin.
Who is he? Are he and Allette just friends? Maybe distant relatives? Gods, tell me they aren’t lovers. Not that I have a leg to stand on after throwing myself away for so long.
“Senan, the last four years have been hell.” Allette’s voice rings with resignation as she slips her hand from mine. “I’ve finally found a semblance of happiness and purpose. We both knew this had to end—we were fools to believe otherwise, for trying to defy the stars.” She retreats a step. “You need to let me go.”
How can she bear to say those words? All I want is to hold her. To breathe her in. And yet the barrier in her eyes feels more impossible to overcome than any realm keeping us apart. “Allette, please. Don’t leave me.” I won’t survive losing her a second time.
“I’m sorry.” She turns and pushes through the curtains, falling into the arms of her female friend. The two of them squeeze through the crowd and run toward the door, disappearing into the night. It takes every ounce of strength I possess not to sprint after Allette and spend the rest of my days begging her to reconsider.
The stars must be laughing at me now. How pathetic I must seem to them. To her. Pining all these years, ruining my life over a handful of precious memories.
This cursed bond between us is nothing more than a fallacy.
Even as the thought drifts through my mind, I know it’s not true.
What I feel for Allette is as real as the scar on my left hand.
I recall my glamour, hiding my mating bond where the world cannot touch it. When I emerge from the alcove and find the guards still detaining the man I struck, bile boils in my gut. Singes my throat. Drips like acid on my tongue.
All it takes is a word for them to drag the man out of the bar. A few Tuath protest and shoot accusatory looks my way, but I pay them no mind. They can hate me all they want, curse me as well. Nothing hurts as much as knowing Allette is alive but no longer mine.
I retrieve the vial of stardust from the privy and fly straight to the castle. The moment I step inside my room, I drag a blade across my palm and dump dust over the wound.
For the first time since I started using three years ago, the light doesn’t clear the shadows from my mind. Instead, the darkness morphs into my love’s tear-streaked face the moment she told me to let her go. And then I see the silver-haired man touching not just my mate’s hand but her body as well.
I slam my fist into the marble wall over and over again, until blood splatters across my cheeks and my hand feels like minced meat.
And then I sink to the floor and cry.