Chapter 10
I wake and stretch, groaning as my stiff body bends and creaks.
I’m tingling with excitement as I think about the night ahead.
I’m too excited to sleep any longer, but I also have to get through the day first. I have a date with Derren tonight.
He’s picking me up and taking me to dinner.
Smiling, I wonder where we’re going. There are some really nice restaurants around here, and I daydream about how the night will end, if we’ll finally get to spend some real quality time.
I want to lie there naked, in post-coital bliss.
I want to learn all about him. To have these conversations while wrapped in each other’s arms. A warmth spreads through me as I think about him.
I really like him. I’ve seen him a few times while he’s been working when I’ve called in to get my sandwich fix on the way to uni.
We’ve not been out since the last date when I made a fool of myself by getting wasted, and Killian brought me home.
I also need to talk to him about that night.
I’m not sure how to broach the subject of how much was spent on my card when we went out.
I thought I paid for a round, maybe two, but the amount of money I spent was confusing.
But I don’t want to rock the boat. Derren has come around, late in the evenings after he’s been out, but that wasn’t the right time.
I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
His words melt me. He needs me. He longs for me. He kisses me at the door before dragging me to my room. My heart races, my skin buzzes, and I can’t wait for him to touch me, to fuck me again. He takes me roughly, and it’s so hot the way he can’t contain himself.
The pure lust in his eyes as he fucks me leaves me breathless.
But I never seem to get my release. He never quite gets around to touching me.
To pleasuring me. Maybe I’m expecting too much.
I’m being needy and demanding. But I long for more.
I’m always almost there before I’m left wanting more and feeling empty.
I need him to stay, to spend more time, to make more effort to please me, but he always has to rush off. And then I’m left feeling selfish.
I’m hoping tonight will be different. Hoping I can get him to stay after our date and spend some time together. I want to feel like an actual couple. More than just a fuck. I want a relationship.
As I get ready, I change and change again. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Why do I need him to see me differently? I want him to want more with me. The beep of the horn startles me from my thoughts, and I rush for the door, snatching my wallet and keys from the table.
“I’m going out,” I yell as I run out the door. Steven’s hand raises in dismissal as I click the door closed behind me. I jog down the path towards the car.
My heart sinks as I reach the passenger seat to find one of Derren’s mates sitting there. He throws his thumb in the air, pointing to the back seat. My shoulders sag as I slide in beside his other friend. It’s a tight squeeze. He flicks his gaze to mine.
“Hey, baby.” He winks through the mirror before peeling away from the curb.
I stare out of the window, my evening shattered.
I kick myself for thinking we were going to spend some time together and get to know each other a bit more.
They laugh and joke, drinking and throwing empties out of the window.
I refuse everything they offer me; maybe I should take one if it will make tonight easier to get through.
We pull up at what can only be described as a dive bar, and we climb out of the car and head inside.
They all order drinks, and then Derren pats his pocket, “Oh shit, baby, can you get these. I left my wallet at home.”
“Sure.” I grimace, knowing I should say no.
Not wanting to put a damper on the night, I tap my card.
They snatch their drinks and head to the pool table.
I take my drink and head over. I sit at the table and watch them.
They laugh and push each other around, and I sit here feeling like a spare part.
Derren finally looks over at me and gives me a gorgeous smile, and my stomach does that fluttering thing he makes it do.
He stalks towards me, crowds me, and then leans in and kisses me.
His tongue forces its way into my mouth, and I lean into him.
His arm wraps around me and tugs me against him. I grin into the kiss.
“Fuck, you look sexy.” He leans in more, kissing me again. The kiss turns aggressive, and it makes my knees weak. I love how he can’t control himself around me. It makes me delirious.
“Can you get the drinks, baby? We’ll have a couple more, then I’ll take you home and ravish you, because you look far too sexy sitting there.”
I smile and head to the bar. I keep looking at the guys laughing and playing pool.
After I carry the drinks over to them, they snatch them from the tray.
I got myself a vodka and Coke, might as well.
I sit and sip at my drink while the others laugh, staring at me, and drinking.
None of them asks me to join the game, and I start to feel a little self-conscious.
When they finish their drinks, Derren wanders over to me.
“Can you grab another round, baby? I’ll pay you back.”
“Sure.” I nod, slightly disappointed. If he’s going to pay me back…
I head to the bar again, grabbing myself another drink.
Might as well make it a double, because why not?
The warmth from the vodka spreads through me, making me feel a little buzzed, and I like it.
Derren watches me with a hungry expression.
When he walks past me, he bites his lip, and I get lost in thoughts of what’s going to happen when we go back to mine after.
My cheeks flush. Unsure whether it’s the alcohol or the thought of what he’ll do to me when he gets me home.
I finish my drink and head to the toilet.
I splash a little water on my face. That drink was stronger than I realised.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pull it out, smiling as I see Derren’s number. I read the message.
Derren: shooting off to take the lads home, baby, I’ll meet you at yours later. X
I freeze for a moment, my heart pounding.
My pulse thuds in my ears as panic sets in.
Wait, what? I rush into the bar, searching frantically.
The pool table is deserted, and their empty glasses remain on the table.
There’s no one in sight. I turn and run straight outside, only to see the car gone.
Tears well in my eyes. My chest is tight with embarrassment, disappointment, but most of all a feeling of not being good enough.
I stare at my phone. I’d been gone all of five minutes.
I blow out a breath, my heart thumping as I look around.
I have no idea where I am. I didn’t pay attention.
I just… My lip shakes as I feel stupid and used.
I have no idea which way to even start walking.
How to even make it home. I contemplate my options, and I sigh, tugging my phone from my pocket.
“Yo, Nerd, what’s up?” he answers cheerily, and I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Killian.” My own voice betrays me, cracking as I gasp out his name.
“Scott, are you okay?” The worry in his tone makes me try to stifle back a sob.
“I… I’m stranded.” I hear him move. He’s probably on the sofa.
“Where are you?” His question comes out strained.
“I don’t know, I’m at a bar.”
“Do you know what it’s called? Scott, it’s okay, just tell me where you are.”
I turn, staring at the sign, the name blurring through the tears. “The Rusty Nail.”
“What the fuck are you doing there? Are you inside?” He’s moving around his flat, and his keys are jangling.
“I-I’m in the c-car park,” I stutter out, flinching as I hear a car door slam.
“Go back inside and sit at the bar. I’m coming. Do not move from there, okay?”
“Thanks, Killian.” My voice cracks again, my cheeks wet with tears, and I hang up.
I take a breath and make my way inside. I sit at the bar and order a Coke, which I can’t bring myself to drink.
I stare at the dark liquid, the ice clunking against the side of the glass as I turn it back and forth in my hands, mesmerised by how the ice floats.
Feeling like everyone is watching me, I stay frozen to my stool, my eyes fixed on my drink.
I don’t know how long I sit there. It feels like hours, when the reality must be less than twenty minutes.
The door crashes open, startling me from my self-pity.
My eyes flick up to see a fuming Killian.
His jaw ticks, his brow pulled tight with tension.
His tight expression relaxes when he sees me.
I jump off the stool. And I can’t help it, I run to him, and he wraps me in his arms.
“You okay, Nerd?” he whispers in my ear and kisses the side of my face, and I nod into his chest. His arms grip me tighter, and he just holds me.
The feeling of his heart beating its steady rhythm settles me while he hugs me until I stop shaking.
He pulls back, staring down at me. “Come on.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder protectively as he pulls me outside.
He leads me to the car, and he opens the door for me.
Pure relief engulfs me, making me want to cry again.
Knowing he came for me makes me want to break.
When I get into the car, he gives me a tight-lipped smile and closes the door, moving around and sliding into the driver’s side.
He glances at me and starts the car, pulling out of the car park.
I stare out of the window, feeling confused, ashamed, and alone.
His hand grips my leg, and he leaves it there for the journey home. When he pulls up at mine, I turn to face him. I stare at him, my emotions all over the place. I want to say something, but the lump in my throat won’t let anything slip out.
“Wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head and climb out. A stray tear falls, and I reach up and bat it away. I open my mouth to say thank you, but the words stick in my throat. I swallow hard, and he gives me a smile and a slight nod. He understands how I feel.
I step back, close the door, and turn away. I can’t say what I’m feeling. I’m barely holding it together as it is. I walk up to the house defeated. When I get to the door and turn back to look, he’s still sitting there. I turn away, close the front door, and run straight upstairs to my bedroom.
I slam the door behind me, flopping on the bed and crying into my pillow. Struggling to come to terms with my overwhelming emotions and the way they’re pounding into me all at once.