Chapter 36
I wake up, a scream on my lips at the feeling of being restrained, the nightmare fresh in my mind.
I’m in Derren’s apartment. They have me pinned.
He’s about to rape me, but my eyes fly open.
I startle as warm breath flutters over the back of my neck, while thick, muscled arms band around me.
Protective rather than restrictive. With his warm body pressed against my back, I freeze for a second, tensing as my brain tries to put the pieces together and remember where I am.
Confused whether it’s still the same day, my mind and body are still so on edge.
“Hey, you’re okay. I’ve got you.” His gruff, sleep-addled voice tickles my senses.
My body instantly relaxes. The smell of him cocoons me like his embrace, and I relax against him.
“Hey, Nerd.” Killian presses a kiss to the back of my neck. I sigh; I’m safe. He’s here, and I’m home. I reach for his hand, wrapping my fingers around his and kissing them.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “For coming for me.”
“I’ll always come for you, Nerd. You’re mine.”
I shake my head.
“What, you’re not mine?”
“Do you still want me after all this? I just—it feels unreal. I can’t bring myself to believe it.
That you want me. It just doesn’t make sense.
It’s surreal. Why?” I’m glad he’s behind me, unable to bring myself to look at him.
I stay wrapped in his arms, facing the other wall. “I don’t understand what’s changed.”
“What can I do?” he whispers against my neck.
“Make me believe it. Show me I’m who you want, who you need. I just need to know this isn’t some weird, twisted, mixed-up protective brotherly love.”
“Firstly, eww gross.” He pulls away from me and rolls me onto my back. He slides his body over mine, our clothes twisting between us. “Secondly, do I look at you the same as I did before, Nerd?” His blue eyes twinkle at me, mischief sparkling in them, and his sinful grin lights me up.
I bite my lip, wincing a little, staring at him because, hell no, he really doesn’t look at me the same anymore.
He smirks at me. “I’ll take that as a no, Nerd.” The way he says Nerd now makes my skin tingle. I shudder at the thought. He leans in so close, he could almost kiss me. His intense gaze bores into mine.
The slight quirk of his lips is devilish and sexy as fuck, and I squirm.
Heat rises between us, and his gaze lingers on my lips as his breath brushes across them.
He grinds himself against me. My eyes close, and then the heat is gone.
I open them again and sit bolt upright, wincing at the sudden movement.
He’s standing at the side of the bed. He leans in and cups my face.
“Easy tiger.” He smiles, “You’re a little banged up, let’s get you some food.
I bet you’re starving.” He kisses my forehead before turning and leaving the room.
I drop onto the bed as my stomach grumbles.
But I smile, my face sore from the movement, but my heart full.
The way he looks after me is the same as he always has.
He’s always been my person. My go-to. The one I tell everything to.
If we do this, will that change? Will it make us stronger?
Sighing, my mind reels. I’m broken from my thoughts when he wanders back in with a drink and a sandwich.
I stare at him, confusion etched across my face.
He places the sandwich on my lap and my drink at my side and leans in, kissing my cheek before joining me on the bed.
“What are you thinking so hard about, Nerd?”
I huff out and stare at my sandwich. “How will this work?”
“Well, you pick it up, put it in your mouth and chew.” He shrugs, and I chuckle, shaking my head.
“You’re a dick,” I mumble, but I actually smile.
“How will what work?”
“This,” I gesture between us. “After everything I’ve done. After… him. How will you ever trust me?”
He faces me. “I don’t want this to sound patronising, but I’ve been young.
I’ve been swept away by the wrong person.
I’ve almost fallen for someone who wasn’t right, who wasn’t a good person.
Someone I felt was what I deserved. I needed you to pick me.
To want me. To understand that you deserve better.
I knew you were the one the first time we fucked.
The way you looked at me opened something inside my heart, and it all clicked into place.
But I’ve had time. I’ve had the opportunity to be with different people.
I chose to play the field. You’ve barely had a chance to see what it’s like to be with other people.
I wanted you to want to choose me. But I don’t want you to feel like you’ve settled.
I had to be patient. I had to allow you to pick me.
Don’t get me wrong, if you decide you’re mine, there’s no room for uncertainty.
If you’re in this, you’re all in. I won’t let you keep me dangling.
If you’re unsure, say so, and we can go back to how things were.
I’ll be there for you. I always will, so the line has been drawn.
Which side of it you’re on is up to you.
I’ll give you time to process everything.
I’ll wait for you, Scott.” He stands, but I reach out and grab his hand. I look into his piercing eyes.
“I choose you. I want you. It’s always been you.
I just don’t feel like I deserve you, but I’ve never not wanted you.
” I gaze up at him, hoping he can see that I want this, I want him.
I’ve always wanted him. I just never thought he’d want me back.
He leans forward, pressing a chaste kiss against my lips.
My eyes close, but he pulls back before I can deepen it.
“Eat.” He grins at me and nudges my leg. “Eat, Nerd.”
I smile and snatch my sandwich off the plate and rip chunks off it, chewing and swallowing as fast as I can. I want to be in his arms again. I want to be next to him. He rests a hand on my back. He absentmindedly strokes it while I eat. Having him so close just makes me feel safe.