Chapter 38
I walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind me, leaning against it as my heart pounds.
Taking a breath, I close my eyes. My mind is racing.
I want him so badly, but have I fucked this all up?
After everything with Derren, how can I be sure that if he has me, if I’m his, that he won’t get bored?
I turn the shower on and strip off, standing in front of the mirror with my cut and bruised face, my ribs black and blue, and my spirit cracked and broken.
I thought I knew what my life was gonna look like.
Killian was always front and centre, but if this all goes wrong and I lose him, I won’t make it through.
I step under the spray, wincing as it hits my injuries, but I press my hands to the wall and hang my head, letting the water beat down on me. Needing this moment to myself, a moment to weigh everything up. A moment to just feel.
Killian is all I’ve ever wanted; he and his mum are my family.
I hope I’m making the right decision. I pick up the soap and lather it, scrubbing every inch of my skin.
Cleaning every cell of my being. A factory reset.
Everything I know in this world is about to change for the better.
My life is so much more fulfilled with Killian in it like this.
I now have to start and allow myself to live it.
I step out of the shower. After wiping a hand down the fogged image of myself in the mirror, I give myself a once-over. My body’s toned, my muscles defined, not in the same way Killian’s are, but I look good. I trace my fingers over the tattoo, wondering if I deserve it. If I deserve him.
I dry off and wrap the towel around my waist. I rub my fingers through my hair, leaving it natural.
Squinting, checking out the myriad of bruises in various colours that pepper my skin, hoping they don’t put Killian off.
Because right now, I just need him to want me.
I don’t need him to be gentle; I just need to feel him.
I walk out of the bathroom and head to my room. I stop on the landing, my hand on the door handle.
“You okay?” Steven asks, peeking through the crack in his door.
“Yeah, I think I am.”
“Is Killian still here?”
I smile. I can’t help it, but I nod, the grin growing bigger as I feel the heat flush my cheeks.
“Oh, fuck, give me five minutes to head downstairs and put my headphones on. I don’t want to hear that again!
” He smirks at me. It’s a relief to have my brother back.
It’s not gone unnoticed that he seems to be making an effort.
I know that’s Killian’s doing. I know when I stopped talking to him, he got Steven to step up.
This is why I know I’m making the right decision.
I crack the door open, shifting inside and closing behind me. Killian is lying on the bed, fully dressed, looking rumpled but still sexy. His phone is in his hand. When he hears the click of the door, he turns to look at me.
He scans my body, his jaw tenses, and his brow furrows.
His gaze flicks from one bruise to the next.
I make my way over to him. Now I’m in front of him, he slides to the end of the bed, his hands rest on the towel at my waist, the tips of his thumbs brushing against my skin.
He leans forward and kisses the bruises on my stomach and around my ribs.
I let my eyes close and rest my hands against his shoulders, lost in the feeling of his lips on my skin.
“Does it hurt?” he whispers. I stare down at him, his concern prominent. I push on his shoulders slightly. I tug the towel off, dropping it behind me, and I climb over his knees, straddling him. His hands slide to my ass, and he grips me tightly.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I smile at him before giving him a tender kiss. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I pull him tighter against me. I slide my tongue over his, and he groans as he palms my ass. “You’re not playing fair, Nerd,” he grumbles into the kiss.
“Fair?” I smirk, grinding my hips. His dick is already solid under me. That alone is heady, even knowing he’s probably always good to go.
“I’m trying to be a good boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” I question because I hadn’t really thought of him as that.
“Yeah, fucking boyfriend.” He grins at me, and I chuckle a little because it sounds foreign coming from him, but I like it. “I’m your boyfriend, okay.”
“Aren’t you too old to be a boyfriend?” I bite down on my lip to stop myself laughing.
“You little shit.”
I squeal as he stands, lifting me like I weigh nothing, turning us and laying me on the bed.
“I should fuck your ass dry for that comment.”
I bark out a laugh; it hurts a little, but goddamn it feels good.
He starts to undress slowly. I rest on my elbows and watch as he peels off his clothes, throwing them on the floor, standing naked in front of me.
I rub against my aching, solid dick, grunting at how hot and hard it is.
It’s pulsing as I stare at him. His body is a work of art.
He has a hell of a lot of tattoos, but the bare skin is tanned, golden and sun-kissed. My mouth waters.
“Make me forget everything,” I whisper to him, and he nods.
I slide onto the bed and lean over, snatching a few condoms and the bottle of lube out of my top drawer and dropping them on the bed.
Killian climbs onto the bed, crawling towards me, settling between my legs.
His breath flutters over my cock, and my hair stands on end.
The goosebumps erupt where his breath flutters as he places a kiss on my cock.
“Fuck you, have a nice dick,” he mumbles, his eyes trained on it.
He stares at it as he wraps his hand around it, and I shudder.
“Fuck, it’s thick. I fucking love that.” He licks from the base to the tip, and I shudder.
He pulls back a little, and he startles me as he buries his nose under my balls.
Inhaling deeply. “Fuck, you smell so good.” He rubs his nose around my taint before licking and sucking at it.
His hand slowly slides up and down my shaft, and his thumb brushes over my tip.
A string of precum clings to the pad as he sucks his thumb into his mouth.
“Motherfucker,” he groans before nuzzling under my balls again.
My head drops back to the pillow, and my legs open wider for him.
His palm slides to the back of my thigh, pushing my leg up and back before he stares at my asshole.
“Oh, fuck,” he grumbles, and I yelp as he buries his face, plunging his tongue against my hole.
He flips from his flat tongue, laving over the puckered skin to spear it with the tip.
His hand slides down the back of my thigh before slipping his finger into his mouth.
He stares up at me, his blue eyes shimmering as he pops his finger out of his mouth and presses it against my ass.
I gasp, which quickly falls into a moan as he gently pushes inside of me. I shudder around him.
He slowly retracts his finger while he nuzzles his face against my balls.
He sucks one into his mouth, rolling it around his tongue.
I grind my hips against his hand, groaning.
He yanks his finger out, causing me to gasp, only to thrust his tongue in instead, spearing me with it, pressing it inside my hole.
“Killian,” I pant, unable to form a sentence as he maintains the slow rhythm of his strokes over my dick while his tongue spears against me.
I slide my hand to his, stopping him, and I grip my hand around my cock.
“Stop, stop, wait.” I squeeze my eyes shut and grip the base of my dick to stop myself from coming.
He chuckles, the breath feathers over my ass, and I shudder.
“Fucker,” I mutter, but he waits, and I exhale and try to calm myself. But fuck, it’s like he’s the devil himself; his mouth is a gateway straight to hell, and I want a one-way ticket to the hot place. The way he does everything is so skilled. I’m a little out of my depth.
“Can I carry on now? I’m nowhere near done yet.”
I groan and toss one of my arms over my eyes, but I nod. He slaps my hand away from my dick, replacing it with his and wrapping his fingers around it. My hips buck, and he grins at me, and I try not to peek at him from under my arm, but fuck, he’s so Goddamned sexy.
His grip on my dick tightens, and he starts to pump me faster.
“Killian, please.” He licks the tip, sucking me into his mouth and groaning. The vibration runs straight through my shaft as he takes me to the back of his throat, gagging a little before pulling back. His eyes stare at me, and I move my arm so he can’t see me watching him.
“Look at me, Nerd.”
I blow out a breath and slowly remove my arm, gazing at the bright blue eyes between my legs.
“I’m gonna blow you until you come in my mouth.
” He sucks around the tip, popping it out of his mouth.
“Then when you come, I’m gonna spit it against your hole and use it as lube to fuck this tight, sexy ass.
” He licks the tip, wrapping his tongue around it and sucking it into his mouth again.
“Then I’m gonna fuck this sweet ass until you make me come.
” His eyes darken as he stares up at me.
“And then I’m gonna do it all over again. ”
I swallow hard but nod because that sounds filthy. And fuck, I want that so bad. He presses my leg back, spitting on my ass, and pressing a finger against it. His eyes don’t leave my face as he slides it inside before swallowing my dick again.