Chapter 13
Thirteen
Vivian
It's been a few days since we got home. Sometimes it feels like ten years, and other times I swear it's only been an hour. Time and food don't seem to matter much either.
I was struggling before, but now it's different. Everything always has to be so hard.
My belly twists with nausea whenever I think about being locked in that cell, but it also felt like a much simpler time. Survive and escape.
Then there was the hospital with tons of tests and questions. Heal and rest.
Being home is the same times a thousand. I feel like I'm still just fighting to survive each day and escape the memories. I've done nothing but heal and rest.
My men haven't even offered to give me my phone back, but I don't want it. I wouldn't find anything on there anyway, except for some demands from Max. Maybe I should pull my laptop out and send him the work I've already done for his extra nests. Or I could ask one of my guys to do it.
I have no motivation to work. All I can do is stare off into the distance and try not to think about anything at all.
Riot sent me into a slight tailspin that I don't blame him for. Of course he would have questions. I'm strange and confusing. I'm glad Kade tried to explain a few things about my issues, but damn, I wish I hadn't walked in on that conversation.
I hate thinking about my parents and my upbringing. There's a reason we never rehash those years, but I'm going to have to if I plan to keep Riot.
Though I'm not doing a very good job of convincing that man to stick around, now am I? Nope. I've crashed his two A.M. workouts every day we've been home, and each time I seem to distract him. He just wants to be alone, and I've ruined that for him.
His time upstairs has been super limited, and the only thing he usually does is huff at me. Well, he does talk, but I think he's starting to give up on me responding. I shouldn't feel so disappointed about that. Why would I want an alpha who can't handle the things that make me me?
No matter, I'm nothing but a sad husk of myself these days. I wonder if I would even notice if he left. Just yesterday I didn't realize how badly I needed to pee before Silas scared me half to death in my window nest. I've never run so fast for the toilet in my life.
"Alright, princess. I'm calling time of death on these sheets," Silas hoots, and gently yanks on the fabric beneath me.
"Shit, Silas. Do you have any fucking tact?" Kade growls, walking from the basement steps to the kitchen. Huh, what was he doing down there?
Silas flips our alpha off over his shoulder and snatches my blanket from me. "Not right now I don't. My nails are coated in dirt, but I have the perfect activity set up for Vivie to get her body moving and some pink on her cheeks."
What the hell does that mean?
A very small part of me doesn't want to do any gardening. Most of me would absolutely love to sink my hands into the earth and feel connected to something tangible, but I'm having a hard time not running away.
My omega side whimpers and pleads with me to find a dark, comfortable spot away from the world. I feel the need to run and hide, but I also want to enjoy this gift Silas has given me.
"I know you want to go back to your nest, but I really think you should try this, princess. Here. I went back in and brought a blanket with all of our scents on it." Silas marches over to me across the back patio, and I'm stuck wondering when the hell he left me out here.
My awareness of the world around me is dangerous. It's best I never leave the safety of our property. At least I'm already considering staying outside. Hooray. Eye roll. I'm a mess.
"Thanks," I murmur, battling the urge not to yank the cozy blanket from Silas' arms.
Silas smiles and hands the fabric over. "You're welcome. Let’s sit and I'll explain the plants I bought."
He helps me settle on the ground and get comfortable.
My side pulls and sparks with pain, but I can breathe through it.
Honestly, I feel like I must have been hallucinating how much I actually bled when we were running through the woods.
Nobody has said anything, but I'm guessing I passed out more from stress, exhaustion, hunger, and trauma than actually bleeding out.
Warmth wraps around my shoulders, blocking out the breeze. I sink into the feeling of comfort. Their signature notes beyond the fresh scent of rain almost draws a contented purr from my lips. Whisky, lavender, green tea, and—My head shoots up.
Silas smirks. "Yeah, Riot donated his scent as well. I can't quite figure out how to describe it. Earthy metal, but like with a zing?"
"Static," I whisper before burying my nose in the green fleece. Surprise, delight, and giddiness override the anxiety holding me hostage. Riot scent marked a blanket for me...
When I finally pull my face out of the fabric, I give Silas a sheepish look. He doesn't seem bothered though.
"You're adorable." He grins and snaps a hair clip onto the side of his shirt. "In case you need it," he offers.
Goodness, he's so thoughtful. I miss him. I know I've been right here with him for days, but I haven't really been here.
"Alright. So I don't want you bending over too much and pulling on your stitches. Let me know if anything starts to hurt, okay?"
"Yes, Beta."
Silas hums, and the energy shifts. He pries my gaze away from the flower beds with a slight grip on my chin. A trickle of arousal flows through the bonds and only heightens when our eyes connect.
"I fucking love it when you say that," he rumbles, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. It suddenly feels dry... "Shit, Vivie. Just you licking my damn finger is enough to make me want to fuck you into the flower beds."
As if the scent of my perfume and excited intake of breath slaps him, Silas' eyes widen and he releases me. My stomach drops and tears spring to my eyes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that," he says, sounding devastated. "You're healing. You've been through so much..."
"Don't do that," I growl low. "I'm not fragile, Silas."
He swallows and crosses his legs on the ground beside me. "I know you're not, but I shouldn't be thinking about sex right now?—"
"Why the hell not?" My chest feels tight with stress, and my mind is whirling around trying to figure out how the hell we went from him dirty talking to sex being off limits.
"Because you were kidnapped, Vivian," he responds with so much resolution.
I refuse to accept this stance. "They didn't touch me like that. Do you think—" I gulp. "I'm not dirty, Silas..." His name comes out sounding like a sob, but I won't be able to handle it if he won't touch me because he thinks I'm tainted now.
"Oh fuck no! Vivie, that's not what I meant at all," he reassures, placing his hands on my cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. What I meant is we need to be careful not to trigger you. Sex feels selfish when you're healing and struggling."
Sniffling, I dislodge his hands to wipe my cheeks. "Will you trust me when I tell you I'm ready?" I need to know if I'm going to have another fight on my hands. Do I really need to convince and prove to my mates that I’m eager to be intimate, or will they listen to me and my needs?
"I'll trust you," he murmurs.
"Then kiss me, Beta." I barely get the words out before his mouth is on mine and his tongue plunges into my mouth. Relief that he's not handling me like precious china races up my spine, making my lips tingle with the desire for more.
Silas explores my mouth, groaning and cradling my face like he's etching me into his memory. I am his and he is mine. This feels like coming home.
My knees are cold from the chill of the grass, my beta is dominating me in the sweetest way possible, and my panties are slick with need.
Pulling back, I suck in a greedy breath and drop my forehead to his. "I love you," I murmur. "Now give me my flowers."
Silas barks out a laugh and kisses my nose. "There's my girl. I fucking love you too."