Chapter 19
Nineteen
Kade
We need answers. I should have done this a fucking week ago when it became more apparent that Vivian was struggling.
Locking myself in the office to do some research is the only thing I can think to do. No way will I risk her by taking her to a doctor right now, not when we just got word that the leader of the group who kidnapped my woman is still out there.
Trent's on it alongside the correct authorities, but it's still not safe. I was a bit suspicious when Riot asked me for Trent's phone number, but that faded when Riot gave me the update from Trent. He's looking out for us.
We're essentially in lockdown, which isn't any different from how we've lived for the past few years. Except for the fact that Vivie is struggling beyond my knowledge and that she shouldn't leave.
I've contemplated virtual sessions with a therapist for her, but she wouldn't go for it. I can't stomach the idea of forcing her either. At least not until I have an idea of what's going on.
Inputting the behaviors I've noticed, I start my list of possible diagnoses that might pertain to my omega. As I dig deeper, I'm able to cross some out that don't fit what's going on with her.
I'm mainly concerned about her food intake.
One moment she'll be hungry and the next it's like that hunger cue never existed.
She can shrug it off, but I can't. My woman is losing weight, and she's not sleeping.
Every single fucking night I wake to find her gone. And every time I find her with Riot.
Last night I wasn't as worried as I had been. Seeing them snuggled together on the couch in what looked like a nest gave me hope that having Riot accept their bond would make things better. I was wrong.
She was down at the breakfast table, staring off into the distance at six in the morning today for fuck’s sake. Not only that, but she wouldn't eat the breakfast I made her. Her stomach literally growled before she shut that shit down and ran off to her nest.
Riot's been sitting on the couch watching her all morning with a frown on his face. I don't blame the guy. I'm at a loss too. Hell, he doesn't know her as well as we do, and he doesn't have the bond to read her either.
I have the experience and the bond, yet I feel like I know fucking nothing. The only option is to do some research. She won't tell me what's going on, so I'll have to figure it out for myself.
Neither she nor Riot noticed me disappearing into the office, but Jarek and Silas picked up on the tension when I left. I'm hoping when I go to get them, I'll be able to manage it quietly and discreetly.
PTSD. I had a feeling Vivian would be struggling with post-traumatic stress disorder. I expected it to present as detachment because that's how her depression and anxiety have manifested for years.
Rapid mood swings. This one I wasn't prepared for.
Of course my woman has a sassy side, but I've felt more anger and frustration from her in the past few weeks than I ever have before.
Vivian isn't an angry person. That's what I would have said before the kidnapping.
She was beaten, traumatized, and terrorized.
She has every right to be angry. That doesn't mean it doesn't scare the shit out of me when her lip twitches with the beginnings of a growl or hiss.
Insomnia. This one kills me. My omega loves her sleep, and she's never had any issues. Now she rarely gets more than a few hours at night. The fact that she's having nightmares makes sense with the PTSD possibility, but I fucking hate it.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. I'd give anything for this to not be the case. Except all the signs are there. Food restriction, lack of interest in eating, and not wanting to eat because she's already full and doesn't want a belly ache.
She's not fucking full. She never is. I know this like I know how to spell my damn name. Something's wrong and I know it!
Slamming my pen down on the desk, I trade it for my phone. I send a quick message to Silas and Jarek, then unlock the office door. We need a fucking plan. I'm practically crawling out of my skin with the fierce need to help her.
"Hey, what's up?" Jarek asks entering behind Silas whose face is pinched in concentration. That's another thing I'll need to fix. Our beta is stretching himself too thin trying to support everyone.
Thrusting my sheet of notes at them, I collapse in the desk chair and run my hands down my face. "We need to do something."
They take a few minutes to read over everything, and while Silas looks increasingly paler, Jarek stays calm. Their responses are usually opposite under stress. What is Jay thinking?
"So what do we do? I can do some digging for a psychologist. Maybe her friend Amaya knows someone. But do we really want to tell her only friend that we think she has PTSD, insomnia, mood swings, and a fucking food disorder?"
Glowering at Silas, I cross my arms. "We don't need to tell Amaya shit. She will help us without demanding an explanation. Her pack is a good one. We can't handle Vivian on our own this time. We need help. We're not doing enough for her."
"Kade, I don't know about this..." Jarek says, leaning against the wall by the door with the paper clutched in his hands. "We know she's traumatized, and all of these things—the sleep, not eating, getting frustrated—almost all of it I've noticed is tied to one thing. Riot."
"What the hell does he have to do with this?" I growl. "If he did something to her I'll?—"
"Stop," Jarek snaps. "He didn't do anything. Fuck, maybe I should have said something to you guys sooner."
"Well, don't stop now," Silas deadpans.
Jarek's shoulders slump. "Riot's our scent match."
"Whose?" Silas and I say at the same time with the same tense tone.
Jarek's cheeks heat, and stress bleeds through the bond. "All of ours. And before you deny it, we've figured out why it's hard to tell. He's blocking us."
"How do you know this and we don't?" Silas asks the right question.
Jarek shuffles and I have half a mind to yank him over to me and calm him down, but I let him work it out on his own.
"It's like I'm stuck experiencing the bond the same way I was when we were searching for Vivian.
I can't get out so I've been studying it.
Riot's in there with us. Each of our tethers has interacted with his.
Think about it, why are you so comfortable with him here? "
"He's Vivian's mate," I say because it's obvious. No way would I keep her from another part of her soul.
Jarek shakes his head. "No. Why are you so comfortable with him?"
My mind flits through all the moments I've spent with Riot since bringing him into our home. I don't want to think about it because I have enough to deal with, but Jarek's right—I seek Riot out. We've all begun to orbit around each other like mates do.
A thought strikes me right in the chest. "Fuck, so my shopping spree was a courting gift, wasn't it?"
Silas snickers and wipes the sound away with his hand across his mouth. "Sorry. Yeah, it definitely was."
"Son of a fucking bitch," I groan and tilt my head back to glare at the ceiling. "I should have bought him nicer shit. Will you help me next time instead of just watching me make a fool of myself?"
Silas laughs again, knowing my question is directed at him. "Maybe lay off the gifts. The poor guy looked so uncomfortable. Just sit and talk to him instead of staring and showering him with presents."
"Okay, I can do that," I murmur, making a mental note to do exactly that. Glancing at Jarek, I fucking blush when I see the small grin on his face. "Yeah, I get it. He's mine too. Back to Vivian, though. What does this have to do with her?"
"In case Silas didn't get it, he's Riot's too. You've noticed how invested you are in making sure he feels welcome?" Jarek pushes Silas to accept his fate.
Silas doesn't hesitate. "Yep. I wondered when you were so clearly protective of him when we rescued them."
"Wonderful," Jarek hoots and claps. "I think what will help our butterfly is completing her bond with him. Right now they're in this weird limbo where she can feel him, but there's the issue of her PTSD and insecurities making her hold on to specific things harder."
Am I dumb or did that make no fucking sense? "What the hell does that mean?"
Jarek rolls his eyes and strides across the room to sit in a chair beside Silas.
"He's hungry, so he eats. By the time we get Vivian some food, Riot's already full, so her hunger cue disappears when his does.
She's awake at the same time as him every single night.
He can't sleep, so she can't. His anger is sharp and heavy in the bond, pulling her mood into his.
By the time she has it under control, she's mentally drained and zoning out again. "
"She's matching him as a safety mechanism..." I murmur. "Has a trauma bond ever mixed with a true fated mate bond? It would make sense that their natural connection is warped because of their captivity."
"Like some kind of codependency?" Silas asks, adding a new term to this already wild scenario.
Jarek and I nod and at the same time we come to the conclusion of what our next step needs to be. "We need to talk to Riot."