Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
Kade
It's the day after the intense episode in the garden, and I'm losing my mind. Two days, two fucking days, since she overheard the conversation I started with Jarek and Silas.
It's twisting me up inside that I haven't apologized yet. How do I explain to her that I was just worried? Surely, she'll understand that I was out of options. I haven't been able to get her to eat anything substantial, and she doesn't sleep in my arms anymore.
I didn't know what to do...For a pack alpha to say that to his omega, well, it's the same as admitting I've failed her.
We promised Vivie a long time ago that we would never treat her like her parents did. They were quick to put a word to what was wrong rather than talking to her about it first.
Sitting here now, studying the way she avoids looking me in the eye, I'm wondering if I even asked her what she was feeling. Was I too scared to hear her answer?
On the other hand, if I did ask, I didn't push hard enough.
Glancing at Riot, I see him watching me. He's waiting to hear what I have to say. There's a challenge in his eyes and his body is angled toward Vivian, telling me he's feeling protective.
Riot told me he gave Vivian the basics last night of our theory. I'm glad it was him, actually. He seems to know how to talk to her when the rest of us don't.
The more I see them with each other, the more I notice how he pushes her. He's different for her. We've known Vivie for eight years—we know how to communicate with her when she's mute. There's no need to nudge her harder like Riot does.
Now I'm wondering if, without Riot, we've been at a slight disadvantage. Silas, Jarek, and I are comfortable with her silence. We've built our pack around comfort and safety. Vivie feels safest in the quiet. As her pack, we're hardwired to provide that for her.
Riot, on the other hand, is different too. He's lived a hard life, one with death and no love. The fact that he never thought he'd have a pack provides Vivian with a new approach.
It may scare me shitless, but after my major fuck up, I'm thinking Riot's onto something. Vivian can be challenged. She can handle fucking anything.
"I'm so sorry, little Omega," I begin, voice tense with the need to say so much more. "I was scared and didn't know what to do."
Vivie glances up at me but immediately drops her gaze back down to her lap. She twists the corner of a blanket in her fingers. Fuck, I hate that she's anxious because of me.
"I swear to you I wasn't going to do anything without talking to you and the others first. Baby, please believe me. I was just looking for answers."
I'm so fucking desperate for her to believe I wasn't going to ship her off to a doctor or somewhere worse. She has to know I would never do that. Right?
"I know..." she whispers and shifts further into the corner of the couch.
Damn it. Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I scour my brain for something profound to say. "Jarek and Silas had nothing to do with my decision to research. "
Vivian's face twists into confusion and actually looks me in the eye now. The fire I see when she looks at me fills me with relief and trepidation. I don't even mind that she glances at Riot for some kind of permission, because whatever passes between the two of them brings my omega back to life.
"I don't care about the fucking research, Kade."
Shit. What did I do then?
She huffs, the sound close to a growl, and untangles herself from the blankets Jarek dumped on her. Pacing, muttering under her breath, Vivie's a vision. This I can handle. I'd rather piss her off than break her heart.
Riot leans back and watches her. What surprises me is his lack of concern that Jay, Silas, and I are carrying. The man looks turned on.
"Vivian, talk to me," I murmur, sitting on the edge of my seat. "What's going on?"
No response. For once I don't want to let her voice lock itself away. She has something to say, and I know it.
Treading carefully so as not to use my dominance or my alpha bark on her, I deepen my voice. "Please."
Jarek stiffens when she doesn't listen. I can practically hear Silas gulp on the other side of the sectional. This is new for the three of us. Normally we'd snuggle her and comfort her until she felt reassured again.
But I'm noticing new things now. The set of her shoulders is tight and pulled back. Her eyes are hard and angry; the jut of her chin speaks of confidence.
"Vivian," Riot murmurs. He doesn't say anything else, nor does he use any kind of inflection in his voice. Yet Vivian explodes.
"You said you couldn't handle me! That you needed help and advice because I am so fucking difficult! What did I do?! I'm—I don't—AH!" she shouts, turning away and going to stand at the window.
Riot, the sexy asshole he is, raises an eyebrow at me as if to say, whatcha gonna do now? Clenching my jaw, I rise to my feet and approach my woman.
She's not my omega right now. She's not depressed, selectively mute, anxious, or even a victim. Vivian is a woman who deserves to be treated as an equal. She's practically fucking begging for me to see her independence and strength.
Careful not to touch her, I step close enough for her to feel my heat.
"What I said wasn't a reflection on you.
I needed to control, to help, and to make everything better.
I had no idea what to do. Vivian, I felt like I was failing you.
Fuck," I groan and drop my forehead to her shoulder.
"I'm so sorry. You're not a burden or too much. I was just feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. I could have lost you, Vivie..."
Feeling her sigh makes my heart thump harder. Please believe me.
"You hit every one of my fears..." she whispers, sounding so fucking sad.
Unable to stop myself, I wrap my arms around her midsection, careful of her knife wound, and hug her to me. "I'm so, so sorry. The only explanation I have is that all of my fears were at the forefront. I'm terrified of losing you, and it being my fault again."
"It wasn't your fault, though," she denies, looking over her shoulder at me with confusion.
I give her a sad smile. "I'm your alpha.
It's my job to ensure your safety, and instead, the worst thing imaginable happened.
" She doesn't say anything, which I'm grateful for.
There's no way she could convince me otherwise.
"I just want you to sleep as much as you want.
Eat all the snacks and laugh with abandon.
I need to give that to you, my love. I'm sorry I didn't go about it the right way. Please forgive me?"
When she turns in my arms and looks up at me with watery eyes, I about break into a million pieces. Then she says the one thing that actually makes me cry. "I forgive you. I'll be okay, Alpha. Because I have you. All of you."
Tears fall faster than I care to admit as I drag her into my chest like I'm trying to hold us both together. "I'm so proud of you. I love you. You're never leaving my sight again."
A soft chuckle from her makes me smile. I made her fucking laugh. After screwing up at the worst possible time, I made my woman laugh.
When we pull apart and turn to the others, I'm shocked to see some angry tension radiating off Riot. Vivie leans into my side, and I wait for something to happen.
Then, to my surprise, Silas sniffles. "It's my fault too. Not just Kade's. I was there talking through ideas, and you should be mad at me."
"For fuck’s sake," Riot growls and jumps to his feet. "I've had enough of self-sacrificing bullshit to last a lifetime."
As he says this, Riot grabs the front of Silas' shirt and yanks him off the couch. Jarek stands, looking ready to fight, but I tune into Vivian instead. She's curious and calm.
"What the hell, Riot?" Silas exclaims trying to push the alpha off him.
Riot doesn't let go. If anything, he gets even closer. "You may think nobody's noticed, but I have. I've seen how you're trying to be everything for everyone. You're exhausting yourself, and it ends now."
"I'm not?—"
Riot snarls and grips Silas' shirt tighter. "You are. Just be you! Let us fail and struggle. Kade deserved it for his poor choice of words. Why would you try to protect him?"
"Because I'm the beta! It's my job to make sure everyone is okay. I may be over compensating but our worst fear came to life, and I'm scrambling to make it all better."
As if Riot has all the confidence in the world, he scoffs. "Well, that's enough of that. We all have each other to lean on. Nobody wants you to be anything but yourself. So stop," he snaps and shocks the shit out of all of us when he pulls Silas into a kiss.
Kiss isn't the right word. They go from just their mouths to tongue fucking each other’s throats in a split second.
"Shit," Jarek curses, immediately adjusting himself in his jeans. I agree.
The only thing that stops them from ripping each other’s clothes off is the heady expansion of Vivian's perfume. She wiggles against me, and I can tell she's holding back a needy whimper.
Silas and Riot pant for the same breath as they press their foreheads together. Riot's voice is thick with emotion and lust when he reiterates, "We need you to be taken care of too, babe. I'll keep an eye on you."
We need to keep trying to be better for each other.
Everything is out in the open. The next thing to do is move forward.
Together.