CHAPTER 37（MAHI）
The hospital was busier than usual today.
Footsteps echoed through the corridor.
Phones kept ringing.
Patients kept coming in.
And I kept moving.
One case after another.
Report after report.
Diagnosis after diagnosis.
I should have been focused.
I was focused.
At least... on the outside.
But somewhere between checking vitals and signing files...
My mind kept drifting.
Back to Aryan.
Back to the cliff.
Back to the ring.
Back to the words I still hadn't said.
I exhaled quietly as I closed a file and called the next patient in.
"Good morning," I said automatically.
Professional.
Controlled.
Stable.
Everything I was supposed to be.
But when the patient started speaking, I barely heard the first few sentences.
Because my thoughts weren't here.
They were somewhere else.
Somewhere quieter.
Somewhere heavier.
You both want honesty...
But both of you are scared of it.
Alina's words came back again.
I tightened my grip slightly on the pen in my hand.
Scared.
Was I really scared?
I looked down at the patient's report.
My handwriting was neat.
Steady.
But my mind wasn't.
I finished the consultation quickly and stepped out for a short break.
The hallway felt colder than usual.
I leaned against the wall for a moment and closed my eyes.
Silence.
Finally.
But even in silence...
The thoughts didn't stop.
Raj's silence.
Aarushi's voice.
That moment I had tried to tell Aryan something...
And stopped.
I opened my eyes slowly.
"...When?" I whispered to myself.
Not loudly.
Not even fully formed.
Just a thought.
When should I tell him?
Today?
Tomorrow?
Next week?
After everything settles?
But something inside me already knew the truth.
There would never be a perfect moment.
I pushed myself off the wall and started walking again.
Another patient waited.
Another case.
Another responsibility.
But as I moved forward...
The question stayed with me.
Not loud.
Not urgent.
Just constant.
When should I tell him?
And for the first time...
I didn't have an answer.
By the time my shift ended, my head felt heavier than usual.
Not from work.
From thoughts.
I changed out of my coat, signed the last report, and finally stepped out of the hospital building.
The evening air hit my face instantly.
Cool.
Quiet.
Familiar.
I pulled my bag higher on my shoulder and started walking toward the exit gate.
And then I stopped.
Because he was there.
Aryan.
Leaning against his car like he had all the time in the world.
His eyes found mine immediately.
A small smile appeared on his face.
"Snowflake."
Just like that.
Something inside my chest softened.
I walked toward him slowly.
"You didn't have to come," I said, trying to sound normal.
He opened the passenger door for me.
"I know."
A pause.
"But I wanted to."
I looked at him for a second longer than I should have.
Then got into the car.
He closed the door and walked around.
The silence inside the car was different.
Not empty.
Just... full of things we didn't say.
He started driving without asking anything.
As if he already knew I needed space.
I stared out of the window.
The city moved past us slowly.
But my thoughts didn't slow down.
They only got louder.
Raj's face came back suddenly.
The moment I told him.
The way his expression changed.
Not anger.
Not love.
Just distance.
Like something inside him had switched off.
Like I had become someone he didn't know how to hold anymore.
My fingers tightened slightly in my lap.
No.
Not again.
Not that feeling again.
I blinked quickly and looked away from the window.
Aryan noticed immediately.
Of course he did.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly.
I shook my head too fast.
"Nothing."
He didn't believe me.
I could feel it.
But he didn't push.
The car slowed near a quiet road, but he didn't stop yet.
Just drove slower.
Like he was giving me time.
My throat felt dry.
I turned slightly toward him.
"Aryan..."
He hummed in response.
The words came up to my throat.
I could feel them.
All of them.
The scar.
The fear.
The past.
Everything I had buried.
My lips parted—
And for a second, I almost said it.
Almost.
But then—
Raj's eyes flashed in my mind again.
The silence that followed.
The distance.
The way he stopped looking at me the same way after that day.
My breath hitched.
I swallowed the words back down.
Silence fell between us.
Aryan glanced at me again.
Waiting.
Patient.
And I hated myself a little for what I did next.
"...Forget it," I whispered.
He frowned slightly.
"Mahi."
I looked away immediately.
"Not today."
A pause.
The car stopped now.
But he didn't move.
Neither did I.
The silence stretched.
Heavy.
Then finally, he said quietly,
"Whenever you're ready."
That should have made it easier.
But instead...
It made my chest ache more.
Because he wasn't the problem.
And that was exactly the problem.
I closed my eyes for a second.
And leaned back in the seat.
Still not telling him.
Still afraid.
And still stuck in a past that wasn't even mine anymore.
Yet somehow...
It still held me back.
The car stopped in front of the mansion.
I stepped out slowly.
The cold air greeted me instantly, brushing against my face.
For a moment, I just stood there.
Then I walked inside.
The sound of my heels echoed softly against the marble floor.
Familiar.
Quiet.
Almost too quiet.
I didn't call out.
I didn't look around.
I just moved upstairs.
Each step heavier than the last.
Once inside the room, I placed my bag on the bed without thinking.
And then—
I collapsed onto it.
Face buried in the pillow.
A long breath escaped me.
Everything felt like too much again.
Mahi...
You have to tell him.
The thought came instantly.
Sharp.
Clear.
But I didn't move.
I stayed there, staring into the fabric beneath me.
What if it changes everything?
What if he looks at me differently?
What if I lose the way he looks at me now?
I turned over slowly and stared at the ceiling.
Silence filled the room.
And then another thought slipped in.
Mahi...
You're just scared of something that already happened once.
Not something that is happening now.
Raj.
That moment.
That silence.
That distance after truth.
My fingers curled slightly into the bedsheet.
But then another voice followed.
Calmer.
Stronger.
The universe doesn't repeat the same story the same way.
People are not the same.
Situations are not the same.
Maybe...
You're not the same anymore either.
I closed my eyes for a second.
And for the first time today...
the fear didn't feel as loud.
Not gone.
But quieter.
Still there.
Still waiting.
But not in control anymore.
I turned my face slightly into the pillow again.
"...I'll tell him," I whispered to myself.
Not today.
Not tomorrow.
But soon.
Because staying silent was starting to feel heavier than speaking.
Aryan stepped in the room, closing the door.
My body felt tired, but my mind wasn't letting me rest.
I turned slightly toward him.
"Aryan..." I said softly.
He looked at me immediately.
"Yeah?"
He was already starting to walk toward the study.
I noticed it then.
The file in his hand.
The slightly focused look in his eyes.
Work.
Right.
Of course.
He stopped near the doorway.
"I have some work," he said gently. "I'll be in the study for a while."
A pause.
Then, a softer tone—
"You okay?"
I nodded quickly.
"Yes."
Too quickly.
Because I didn't trust my voice right now.
He studied me for a second longer.
Like he wanted to say something more.
But then he just nodded.
"Call me if you need anything."
I forced a small smile.
"I will."
He turned and walked into the study.
The door closed softly behind him.
And the moment it did...
Everything inside me shifted.
The thoughts came rushing back again.
Alina's words.
Raj's silence.
The scar I had never spoken about.
I sat down on the edge of the bed.
Then slowly lay back, staring at the ceiling.
No distractions now.
No Aryan voice to ground me.
Just me.
And my thoughts.
My phone buzzed beside me.
Alina.
I hesitated for a second.
Then picked it up.
Alina: You reached home?
I stared at the screen.
My fingers hovered.
Then I typed.
Me: Yes.
A pause.
Then another message came almost immediately.
Alina: You're overthinking again, aren't you?
I let out a small breath I didn't know I was holding.
Of course she knew.
I closed my eyes briefly.
Then typed slowly:
Me: I think I need to tell him something.
The typing bubble appeared instantly.
And stayed.
Longer than usual.
Then finally—
Alina: Then tell him.
I swallowed.
My grip tightened on the phone.
Me: What if I lose how he looks at me?
Another pause.
Longer this time.
Then Alina replied:
Alina: Then you find out if he deserves to look at you differently.
I stared at that message for a long time.
My chest felt tight.
But not confused anymore.
Just scared.
And a little clearer.
I put the phone down slowly.
And turned my head toward the study door.
He was just a few steps away.
But somehow...
It felt like the hardest distance in the world to cross
I stared at the study door for a long time.
It felt heavier than it should have.
Just a wooden door.
Just a few steps.
But somehow...
It felt like standing on the edge of something I couldn't come back from.
My fingers curled slightly at my side.
Mahi...
Just tell him.
Alina's words echoed again.
I inhaled slowly.
One step.
Then another.
My heartbeat grew louder with every step I took.
Until I finally stood right in front of the door.
I raised my hand.
Paused.
My fingers hovered in the air.
I could hear faint movement inside.
Paper turning.
Maybe a pen.
He was still working.
Still unaware.
I swallowed hard.
"...Aryan," I whispered.
My voice was too soft.
I cleared my throat and tried again.
"Aryan..."
Silence from inside.
Or maybe I just didn't hear anything over my own breathing.
My hand finally touched the door.
And then—
It stopped.
Because Raj's face flashed in my mind again.
The way he had looked at me after I told him.
Not angry.
Just distant.
Like something had broken that couldn't be fixed.
Like I had become too much for him to hold.
My chest tightened sharply.
No.
I stepped back instantly.
My hand dropped to my side.
A shaky breath escaped me.
"I can't," I whispered to myself.
Not yet.
Not like this.
Not when my voice was already shaking.
I turned away from the door quickly.
Almost too quickly.
And walked back to the bed before I could change my mind.
My knees felt weak as I sat down.
I pressed my palms over my face.
Frustration building in my chest.
Why was it so hard?
It wasn't even the truth that scared me anymore...
It was the memory of what truth had done before.
Inside the study, I heard nothing.
No footsteps.
No voice.
Just silence.
And that silence felt heavier than anything else.
I lay back slowly, staring at the ceiling again.
"...I will tell him," I whispered.
This time, not a promise.
Just a hope.
Because tonight...
I wasn't strong enough.
But maybe tomorrow...
I would be.
I made my way back into the room again and sat down on the edge of the bed.
The silence around me felt louder this time.
I stared at my hands resting in my lap.
Why is it so hard?
Just tell him...
And see what happens.
My fingers curled slightly.
My chest felt tight, like something was sitting there that wouldn't let me breathe properly.
Maybe I am scared...
I thought slowly.
Not because I don't trust him.
But because I don't want to lose him.
That realization made me pause.
My eyes lowered again.
But if I don't tell him...
Then what's the difference?
The question lingered in my mind.
Heavy.
Unanswered.
I let out a slow breath and leaned back slightly, staring at the ceiling again.
Nothing had changed.
The truth was still the truth.
The fear was still the fear.
And Aryan was still just a few steps away in the study...
Unaware of the storm I was standing in.
My fingers moved slightly over the bedsheet.
Restless.
I closed my eyes for a moment.
Then whispered to myself,
"I can't keep doing this."
A pause.
But even then...
I didn't move.
I stood up and ran a hand over my face.
Maybe a hot bath will help me.
Just for a little while.
I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the water, letting it heat up before stepping inside.
The warmth hit my skin slowly, easing the tension I didn't even realize I was holding.
I closed my eyes.
And tried to breathe.
Just relax, Mahi.
My thoughts whispered back to me almost immediately.
You should tell him.
You shouldn't be worried about what others think.
Don't let your past decide your present.
My fingers trembled slightly under the water.
I exhaled slowly.
But even as I tried to calm myself...
My hand moved on its own.
Slow.
Unsteady.
Until it rested over the faint, visible burn marks along my arm.
I froze.
For a second, everything else disappeared.
The water.
The warmth.
Even my breathing.
My eyes stayed closed.
Because I didn't need to look.
I already knew what was there.
A memory I had learned how to hide...
But never how to forget.
My throat tightened slightly.
I lowered my hand slowly, letting the water run over my arm again.
It didn't erase anything.
It never did.
I swallowed hard.
"...Maybe that's why," I whispered to myself.
Because some things don't stay in the past.
They stay on you.
Even when everything else moves forward.