Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
ABBY
T he darkness is so thick I can taste it. It fills my throat as much as it does my vision, the putrid taste of death dancing on my tongue. No matter where I turn, there’s not even the tiniest sliver of light piercing the endless shadow doing its damnedest to smother me.
“Abby…”
I whip around but see nothing in the swirling blackness, though I’m sure it came from behind me.
“Abby…”
No, that definitely came from behind me and it was much closer.
“Where are you?” I ask, surprised words could escape through the vapour filling my mouth.
“Right here.”
I scream, bringing my hands up to my ears. The voice sounded as if it was spoken by someone directly beside me, but once again, there’s nothing. Just me in this void.
Void.
I know it’s he who taunts me. He sounds older now, no longer producing the soft voice of a child, though it hasn’t yet broken into manhood.
His laughter echoes through the nothingness, both loud and soft at once. Sometimes it sounds near, other times it’s much further away. But there’s one thing I know for certain…
“I’ll see you soon.”
I launch out of bed just as I do every morning, throat raw and gasping for air. There’s no point in telling myself it was just a nightmare because I’ve been doing that for weeks now and it hasn’t helped a bit.
Three weeks, to be exact.
It’s still dark in the small room Quinn and I have been staying in at the very top of the only tower still standing among Marein’s ruins. Even with the massive hole in the wall, it’s in relatively good shape. That hole is why I’d chosen this spot. When Quinn asked, I told him I simply enjoyed the view, but the truth is, I feel better knowing I can monitor the shadows that now consume Lunae. They seem bigger now. Wider. As if the disease has already begun to spread across the land.
Void’s words play in my mind again. I’ll see you soon. Those are always the words that wake me up. The threat that wakes me up.
I can’t say how long has passed, but the sky has lightened a fraction and with that light, my breathing has slowed. The small buckets of water and blue-green algae Quinn collected and placed around the tower help, but not nearly as much as the sun. At least, that’s how I feel most mornings.
Today is different.
It will be dawn soon and then… I don’t even want to think about it.
Quinn is still asleep, though he appears restless. I’m tempted to wake him from whatever dreams are plaguing him, but he hasn’t been sleeping well as it is. Neither of us have been ourselves since that fateful night on the beach. War, broken bonds, and the impending threat of Lunalissa’s Chosen have all taken their toll. Quinn led me to believe he carried buckets of algae all the way up here to lighten the shadows that now terrify me, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s just as fearful of something lingering in the dark.
We’ll be okay, but it’s going to take some time. All my life I’ve never been afraid of the dark and now even closing my eyes can bring my heart rate up. Even with all this power given to me by Terranous, I feel weak.
We’ve made some improvements to Marein’s islands. Moving rich soil from the edge of the forest to the cleared out area I’d found on the island next to ours wasn’t easy, but I’m thankful for the distraction. That, and my daily lessons with Teagan, are all that have been getting me through these last weeks. I’ve been able to grow a bit of food, too. It’s not much and hasn’t made a dent in the shortage the sirens are experiencing, but once things are settled here, Quinn plans to hunt for game in the forest.
He could have been hunting already, but so far, he hasn’t strayed far from Marein. Or me. I won’t complain about his nearness. The new bond that’s formed between us is only just beginning to ease up on our unrelenting ‘need to fuck,’ for lack of a better term. It’s the time I feel myself, if I’m being honest. The only time I’m not terrified that any moment Lunae will attack.
I yawn and snuggle back into bed beside Quinn. My nearness seems to ease some of the tension in his body, so I let my hand brush soft circles over his tanned skin. All the time he’s spent shirtless in the sun helping me prepare the garden has turned his skin nearly as golden as most of the other sirens. If it weren’t for his lack of webbed fingers and a stunning array of fins, I might say he looks like he belongs here.
He’s spent a bit of time in the underwater city, though he never leaves me for long. I haven’t been able to bring myself to climb down the massive spiral staircase, but today I don’t have a choice.
While Quinn was in meetings with Merrick and Rhett planning for this very morning, I’ve distracted myself by spending as many afternoons as possible with Teagan—much to Petra’s dismay. Petra has moved to one of the ruined homes on the adjacent island to be closer to her mate, but Teagan is still unable to leave the water.
Quinn stirs beside me and rubs an eye as he sits upright. He looks as exhausted as I feel. “How long have you been awake?” he asks, sleep still filling his voice.
“Not long,” I lie. It must be nearing an hour now, as the sky has shifted from an ominous red to a haze of pinks and yellows. I’ve heard that a red sky in the morning means a storm is coming, and given the significance of today, I might just have to agree.
The healers have decided that it’s time we wake Jade. According to what Quinn has relayed to me about his meetings with them and Merrick, Jade’s body has healed enough to handle the process. Despite the apparent healing, he’s warned me multiple times that there’s been some changes to Jade’s body. He’d wanted to elaborate, but I didn’t want to know. Merrick actually paid me a visit one day, and all but begged me to go down there with him so that the shock of seeing Jade in that condition wouldn’t hit me as hard today, but I couldn’t do it.
I’ve never known myself to be a coward, but apparently I am.
Jade is alive because of me, but just what kind of life will he have? He’s unconscious and there’s no telling what state he’ll be in when we wake him. And that’s if he wakes.
He was so damaged after colliding with the beach, like the last star to fall in an endless spill of night. The only thing that saved him was that he was a dragon—and even then, the fire should have burned that out of him. His own blood was setting him ablaze from the inside, and the image of his once-brown skin blackened and cracked still haunts me every time I close my eyes. The only part of him that didn’t lose moisture was his eyes, ever as green as the Jade Coast he was named for.
I stand and Quinn follows closely behind. His arms wrap gently around me as we stare out through the crumbled wall at the sunrise. His nose presses into my hair and he breathes me in, grounding himself and banishing the horrors that plagued his dreams. He hasn’t told me about them and I haven’t pressed. I have no right when I don’t want to talk about mine.
“Dawn,” he says, and that single word carries with it two meanings. With it, Quinn is both telling me it’s time to go and asking me if I’m ready to face this.
Anxiety floods me, but I do my best to keep it from showing on my face. It doesn’t matter though, because Quinn seems to know exactly what I’m thinking. Whether it’s because of the bond or because he just knows me that well, I can’t be certain.
“Hey,” he says, turning me around to face him and cupping my face in his newly calloused hands. “We don’t know anything for sure. Let’s go into this hoping for the best instead of fearing the worst.”
“If he feels what we felt…” I don’t have to finish the thought. The flicker of pain in his eyes tells me Quinn knows exactly what I’m talking about. When our bonds broke, so did our hearts. We may have found each other again, but Jade will be left with that nothingness. That same unrelenting agony that I would sooner die than face again will probably be his new reality—and it will be my fault. Because I was too selfish to let him die a peaceful death. Too selfish to accept another loss that I was willing to force him into a life of physical and emotional agony just so that I didn’t have to say goodbye.
Quinn’s arms slip around the small of my back and he pulls me in for the warmest of hugs. My breath quickens in response and I allow myself to sink against him as silent tears spill down my cheeks. No matter what happens, I won’t cry when we wake Jade. But here, in the only truly safe place I have left? I’ll allow a momentary lapse in the facade I’ve been working so hard to maintain since my world nearly crumbled.
“We’ll help him. Whatever it takes.” There’s so much conviction in his words that I know he means it. Feel he means it. Jade was once his enemy, but all that changed when he sacrificed himself to save Quinn so that I wouldn’t have to lose him. He was willing to give his life for us, and now Quinn owes him just as much as I do.
I pull in a deep breath and force my emotions back down where they’ve been buried for the last three weeks. Pulling away from Quinn, I take his hand in mine and move for the tower stairs. “Let’s get this over with.”
We amble down the whirlpool steps. We’re already late, but Quinn makes no move to rush me. He allows me to set the pace, only giving my hand a reassuring squeeze anytime I slow. I know everyone else is likely already waiting for us, but I can’t bring myself to move faster. I’ve been dreading this day since it was decided exactly one week ago, and now that it’s here, I want nothing more than to turn around and run right back up to my tower.
When we finally arrive at the infirmary, the dragons, Aurelia, and a few curious sirens are waiting, just as I knew they would be. Even Erwyn is here, which might be the most surprising thing about this assembly. He stands in the corner, arms crossed tightly against his chest and eyes narrowing on Quinn. I guess they haven’t yet worked out their differences.
“It’s about time,” Petra says with a roll of her eyes when we enter the room, though her tone lacks its usual edge. My best guess is that even in her annoyance, she can’t begrudge me for my hesitation. Jade was my mate once—even if it was just a curse. Petra knows how it feels to think you’re losing a mate, probably better than most. She can appreciate that this isn’t easy. Especially since waking Jade might risk what I have now with Quinn. What if he opens those eyes and a second bond with him snaps into place? I hadn’t even thought about that possibility until this moment, and the thought alone has me feeling sick to my stomach.
There are significantly less wounded here now than there were the last time I was here, but I don’t want to think about how many didn’t survive their injuries. Over the last few weeks, there have been three separate funerals at sunset, and although I didn’t attend them, I’m almost certain that multiple bodies were carried out to sea for at least two of them.
“Sorry.” What else can I say? It’s probably obvious that I’ve been crying and even if it wasn’t, my voice will give it away. I steel myself as best I can with a sharp intake of breath and will the quake in my voice to settle. “Is he awake?”
“We were waiting for you,” Merrick says. Unlike Petra, there’s not an ounce of annoyance in his tone. There’s only kindness and concern, which I know isn’t for me. Jade is his cousin, and although they don’t always see eye to eye, they’re family.
Rhett steps forward. He’s looking so much better than he did the last time I saw him, though the absentminded rub of a hand to his shoulder tells me that there’s still some discomfort there. Dragons heal fast, but the arrows that hit him were poisoned by the same black smoke that now shrouds Lunae. He’s lucky to be alive, so some residual pain and slow healing is a fair price to pay.
He offers me a half-smile, but the light that’s normally behind it is dimmed. “He’ll be confused and scared, though he’d never admit that. He’ll shift. If we can’t calm him down, you’ll have to change him back before he hurts someone or himself.”
“Can he shift?” I may not have been present for the discussions that led up to the decision to wake Jade now, but surely this has been debated. The reason Jade is like this in the first place is because he disobeyed a direct order from Merrick, and his dragon blood burned him from the inside out. He should be dead, but since he isn’t, it’s likely the part of him that can take the form of a dragon is. Suggesting he can still shift is madness.
“We think he will,” Rhett says with full confidence. “The markings on his skin are hot to the touch and the water in his pool is significantly warmer than the rest of the ocean.”
What markings? I don’t ask the question aloud, but there’s something in Merrick’s eyes that tells me this is why he wanted Quinn to get me down here sooner, just to see Jade and mentally prepare for today.
I clear my throat so it doesn’t betray me. “His entire body was covered in burns. I think being a little warm is normal.”
Rhett looks to his right and I follow his gaze to the healer who is watching us in silence. Her arms are crossed, and she looks almost as angry as Erwyn.
“His burns have healed,” the woman snaps. “Which you would know if you bothered to visit.”
Great. Even the healers are upset with me.
“She doesn’t mean that—” Rhett starts to say, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.
“She’s right. It’s fine. Let’s just get this over with.”
The brutally honest healer doesn’t wait for permission and moves to the closed door at the back of the room that separates us from Jade. She’s the first inside, followed closely by Rhett, Merrick, and Petra. Quinn gives my hand another squeeze and I know this is his way of asking if I’m ready.
I’m not, but I squeeze it back and together we walk into the last place I want to be.
It looks just as I remember it, despite those brief memories being clouded by exhaustion and devastation. The room is dim, the only light source coming from the blue and green algae that line the bottom of the natural rock pool where the silhouette of a body floats.
Where Jade floats.
I can’t make out his features from here, but I can see that there’s someone else in the water with him, their hands beneath him to ensure he stays motionless and his head doesn’t slip beneath the water. Merrick doesn’t hesitate and wades into the pool to Jade’s other side. Once he’s secure, the dragon—Nuri, if I remember her name correctly—exits the pool, passing Rhett on his way in to take his place at Jade’s other side.
This is all according to plan. If Jade awakens in a panic, not only will there be two strong dragons ready to restrain him, but Merrick’s and Rhett’s faces are the best choices for him to see first.
Next to mine.
I let go of Quinn’s hand and move to take my place in front of Jade. I expect the water to be as cold as it was in the bathing room, but it’s so warm that it’s actually quite pleasant.
I’ve been looking everywhere but at the body in front of me, but now that the time has come, I slide my eyes to Jade and my heart breaks all over again.
The last time I’d seen him, his skin was cracked and charred. But now? Much of his skin has regenerated thanks to the pool and his heightened healing abilities, which he must have retained. Raised, angry red lines ripple through his skin like cracks of molten rock running down the side of a volcano. It reminds me of the only artist’s depiction of Dragoria I’d seen in one of Lunae’s forbidden books.
His hair is only just starting to grow back, but it’s patchy and doesn’t appear quite as golden as it once did. It appears almost white, as if all colour was leached from it as he healed, though that could just be the unreliable lighting.
With his eyes closed and the absolute stillness brought about by the Morati Eternus flower, I can’t make out even the faintest hint of life in him. And then it hits me.
This looks nothing like the Jade I once knew.
Before I can force my voice to work, the healer steps forward. “I have a tea prepared to put him back to sleep if this is too much for him—and it very well might be. His body has healed, but the change in him is obvious. It is not just fear and uncertainty we must contend with. There might be pain. In all my years, I have never seen burns heal like this, so we are taking all precautions.” She pauses and makes eye contact with me, as if making sure that I understand that her word is law. “We will wake him, and no matter how he responds, we are putting him back to sleep in no more than five minutes. He is not ready to awaken permanently. This exercise is merely a test. I do not want any of you trying to prolong this.” Her eyes slide to Merrick and I don’t miss them narrowing. Has he voiced wanting to wake Jade sooner? If he has, no one told me.
“We understand,” Merrick says with a roll of his eyes. “Five minutes.” Something tells me this isn’t the first time they’ve had this discussion and although the healer looks as if she could be the same age as Tess, Merrick doesn’t seem to much enjoy her treating him like a child.
“ At most . If he reacts badly—”
“We know. I know.” This is definitely not the first time they’ve had this discussion. “Do it.”
The healer turns back to me. I should really ask her name, but now is far from the time. “Are you ready? If what I’ve been told about you is true, your ability to control his form will greatly ease the risk both to him and us.”
There’s no point in lying. “I’ll never be ready. Just do it.”
Without so much as a nod, she hands a cup that must contain a tea made from the roots of Morati Eternus to Rhett, and he pours it into Jade’s mouth.
Jade is still for a long moment.
Too long.
I’m not breathing, and I’d be willing to wager that neither is any other soul in this room. What if it doesn’t work? What if Jade is too far gone and—
His body jerks violently. Merrick and Rhett tighten their holds on his arms in response, but his next thrash nearly pulls them beneath the water.
“Jade?” Merrick says through a tight jaw. “It’s okay. Open your eyes.”
Jade’s fierce kicks send splashes of luminescent water into the air before it cascades down, nearly soaking me. I resist the urge to block my face and keep my attention on Jade. If he shows any sign of shifting, I need to be ready.
The only sound that can be heard through the splashing is the panicked breathing and whimpers coming from Jade. I can’t tell if it’s pain or fear or if he’s just trapped so deep inside his own body that he doesn’t have enough control to even open his eyes or speak.
“Come on, man,” Rhett says. “I woke up. Now it’s your turn.” He sounds as defeated as I feel. This isn’t how things were supposed to go. This isn’t working. Jade is broken, and it’s my fault.
His body jerks again, more violently than before, but this time his eyes flash open and it’s impossible to miss the absolute horror in them. Green eyes stare directly at me, but instead of recognition, all I see is hatred.
“Something’s wrong,” I say, unable to stop myself from taking a step back.
Before anyone can act, Jade lurches forward. His mouth opens in a guttural roar as his hands morph into claws.
Oh, shit!
Wings sprout from his back in a spray of water and steam. One of them hits Merrick in the face, knocking him sideways. “Fuck!” Merrick shouts, losing his grip and slipping off Jade’s arm.
Rhett holds tighter, his face strained with the exertion of using whatever strength he has to restrain the dragon at his side.
Jade’s mouth opens again, but this time it’s a scream forcing its way through it as if he’s in very real pain—yet I don’t feel any of it. For the first time, I’m certain our bond really has broken. I reach for it anyway, even just in the hopes that it will help me calm him down, but there’s nothing.
“Jade.” His name sounds wrong on my tongue. “Look at me.”
He already is, but there’s nothing but anger in those eyes that are the only part of him I recognize.
“Control him!” The healer yells from somewhere behind me.
I’m trying. The Gods know I’m trying, but he isn’t responding. I send up a silent prayer to Terranous, but either he can’t help me here or he’s not listening because any second now Jade is going to break free and then who knows what will happen.
“It’s not working!” I shout back, desperate for this to end. We shouldn’t have done this. It was too soon. Jade wasn’t ready.
Merrick grabs hold of Jade again, this time from behind, but as a dragon, he’s far stronger. Merrick shifts and the room gets even smaller. He climbs on top of Jade, forcing him under the water.
“What are you doing?” I screech. He’s going to drown him!
“Get the tea!” Merrick shouts through a mouthful of water.
Rhett takes it from the healer and all I can do is pray that it doesn’t spill. Merrick pulls Jade up from under the water and Jade coughs, gaping for the air that was stolen from his lungs. Merrick holds his mouth open as Rhett pours the liquid down his throat with significantly less grace this time, before clasping a hand over his lips to keep Jade from spitting it out.
Jade’s eyes are still open wide, though they’re bloodshot now, as if the vessels in them have burst in his determination to get to me. His clawed hands ball into fists as he kicks fiercely with his legs.
Quinn is in the water now. When did he get there? He throws himself onto Jade’s legs, using his weight to still the dragon. I don’t know how long the men stay like this, but it’s far too long.
And then, just as suddenly as the thrashing started, Jade stills. Asleep once more.