Chapter 40
CHAPTER FORTY
QUINN
T hree days seemed to pass in the blink of an eye, and now our time is up. I didn’t bother with heartfelt goodbyes because I’m not the one running into enemy territory. I’m simply making sure Ty gets where he needs to be. From there, it’s all up to him.
Abby is still prominent in my mind despite her silence. I know she’s worried, even if she’s doing well to hide the emotion from me. The day of rest was enough, and the place where Ty’s claws sliced into my flesh has closed entirely. The space is tender, but there’s no risk of it reopening with a shift, which is the best I could ask for given our timeline. Bleeding would be inconvenient, but it’s easy enough to ignore the soreness when you have something more important to focus on.
After a three-hour run, I come to a stop a short distance from the border of Lunae. I’m already closer than I should be, but I wanted to stay with Ty for as long as possible. I can smell the fear on him, mingling with the scent of the decaying corpses of his friends. This is the place where Jade found them. Murdered them and dragged Ty back with him. We wouldn’t have come here if it could be avoided, but this is the only way to make it look real.
Ty stops and makes great effort not to look at the bodies, his chest rising and falling rapidly with the exertion of our run. All things considered, he did well to keep up. With enough training, he might one day out pace me.
‘You’re on your own from here,’ I tell him, not dragging this out any longer than necessary. ‘Let’s go over it one more time.’
He chuffs in feigned annoyance, but I know he’s just trying to hide his nerves. He sits on a grassy patch of forest floor and stretches his tired muscles while I keep one eye on him and the other on the surrounding trees. I watch for any sign of change. The quieting of bids, the snapping of a branch, the shrieking of a wraith. If we’re not alone out here, I’ll know it.
‘I make myself human and run the rest of the way to Lunae.’
He’s skipping an important part, but I can’t blame him for that. ‘Then what?’
‘They’ll question me about my missing companions. I’ll tell them we were attacked and I fled.’
I don’t know how many times I’ve gone over this with him. Probably as often as Abby made him shift that first day. I’d taken over part of his training yesterday, but most of the work was still thanks to Abby. She’d focused mainly on her connection with him and sharing his sight. I would rather have another week to work with him, but we made good use of the time we had. ‘And what won’t you do?’
‘ Tell them about Marein. About any of this.’ Something flickers in his eyes and he averts his gaze. The air between us changes and I brace myself for what I already sensed was coming. ‘What if they kill me?’
I feel for him. I really do, but he c an’t have those thoughts getting in the way of what needs to be done. ‘You may be punished, but you have enough injuries to corroborate your story as long as you’re convincing and no one looks too closely. Be convincing.’ I emphasize that last statement.
‘But what if they kill me?’
Fuck, I really didn’t want it to come to this, but there’s only one thing for it.
‘Then they kill you.’ It’s harsh, but I can’t have him panicking in there. He can be fearful, but not of them. He’s supposed to fear the creature that attacked him in the forest.
He’s supposed to fear me .
He doesn’t respond, so I push harder. ‘Look at me.’ He does. ‘What am I to you?’
‘A wolf.’
I roll my eyes. ‘I don’t mean literally. Who am I to you?’
He hesitates and then says, ‘Lunae’s future king?’
I can’t stop myself from cringing at that title, but then I plant my feet firmer and strengthen my stance. ‘Wrong. I’m your general, and unlike the commanders you’ve had before, I don’t like losing my soldiers. I won’t lie and tell you that this isn’t dangerous, but I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I didn’t think we could pull it off. So I need you to stop thinking about what they’ll do to you and focus on what you need to do for us. Now tell me, what is your mission?’
He stands and takes a stance that mirrors my own. ‘My mission is to gather intel and relay it back to prin—to Abby—while everyone sleeps.’
‘And?’
Confusion clouds his features. ‘Sir?’
‘Survive.’ I let the word hang in the air between us before asking the most important question. ‘Are you ready?’
He nods once and then shifts. I would help him if I could, but I promised Abby that I wouldn’t leave this form. Even in the daylight, the risk is too great now. I watch in silence as he peels the shirt from one Guardian and the pants from another. By the time Imelda sends someone out here to investigate her fallen men, there will be very little for her to find.
Once he’s dressed, he pulls in a deep breath and nods to me again.
And then he runs.
I suck in a steadying breath of my own and then chase him down. I catch up to him in no more than three bounds and lunge. He goes down hard, but that couldn’t be avoided. His scream rips through the air as my claws sink deep into his back and slice through flesh and fabric like it was nothing.
I leap off him, praying to whatever gods will listen that I didn’t cut too deep. He sits up, fighting the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, and fuck, I wish I could tell him how sorry I am.
“Gather information and survive,” he says, probably more for himself than for me. I nod—because it’s all I can do—and let him put his weight on me as he clambers to his feet.
All I can do is watch as he stumbles towards Lunae and hope he can forgive me for this. Imelda isn’t stupid. If he walks into Lunae without distinctive marks that could only be made from a wolf, she’ll dismiss his story and kill him on the spot. If they look too closely, someone will realize the fresh scar to his side was made with a knife. The only chance we have of this working is if we make it so obvious that no one thinks to look closer.
When he’s gone from sight, I get to work. Imelda will send someone to confirm his story. She won’t let the deaths of two Guardians go unchecked. Not when she already expects an attack.
So I’ll make it look that way.
I’ll tear into the corpses, shred through their armour and clothing until I’m sure no one will notice the pieces missing. I’ll scatter their body parts all along this patch of forest and make it look like would if the monster really did this.
It didn’t take as long as I thought it would, but long enough for the sun to set and shadows to flood the forest. If I run the entire way, I should be able to make it back to Marein in a couple of hours.
Back to Abby.
She must sense I’m thinking about her because warmths spreads down the bond as gentle as the voice that fills my mind. ‘Are you on your way back?’
‘Yes. I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ I left as soon as I was done and stopped, only to wash the blood off me when I came upon a small stream. I don’t want her to see me like that.
‘Are you okay?’
Fuck, she can probably hear it in my voice. The exhaustion that comes after killing. I may not have killed those men, but it certainly looks like I did.
‘Not really, but I will be. The run will help.’ Minimally, but I don’t tell her that. ‘Would I be an ass if I said I’d prefer to be alone with my thoughts right now?’ I don’t want to dismiss her, but I’m not great company at the moment and won’t be until I can clear my head.
‘As long as you make it home to me, that’s all I care about.’
‘I’ll always come home to you.’
I don’t bother shutting myself off to her because I trust her to respect the boundary I’ve set. Instead, I run hard, exerting my muscles and pushing them to their limits. I’m stronger as a wolf and with each bounding stride, I push myself faster through the darkness, relying on my enhanced vision as I skirt around tree after tree.
The aches that grow in my body are numbing to the mind, and once I hit my stride, all I can do is think about the path ahead. There’s a chill tonight that somehow seeps through my thick coat, but it’s not uncomfortable. This is just how I like it. I’m no stranger to running to clear my head, but this is the first time I’ve done so knowingly in this form.
And—as much as I detest the wolf—I don’t hate this.
A familiar scent hits my nose and my legs lock on their own. Skidding to a stop, I sniff at the air. I know this smell, but for some reason, my brain just can’t place it. Maybe it’s the blood I couldn’t wash off or the mingling scents of the forest, but there’s something both familiar and foreign about it.
I should keep going, but my curiosity gets the better of me. At a much more leisurely pace, I veer to the left in search of the source. It doesn’t take long to find it. Just ahead of me is a small patch of ash roses. Not a spiralling field of them like we’ve been seeing, but a quaint cluster that almost seems as if they were planted in this spot.
Suddenly, I no longer care and move to divert my course back to Marein, but I don’t get that far. On exactly the same spot as those roses, a rift appears and I find myself frozen in place.
Where there’s a rift, there’s wraiths, and I doubt Jade is going to swoop in at the right moment this time. I’m alone out here, and the Spider said the wraiths would get smarter. This form won’t hide me forever, and if that time has come, I may have to break my promise to Abby.
I shake the thought from my mind and take a step back. Of course I’m making it back to her. I always will.
I chance a glance at the rift and spot Evan already there. It took minutes for him to appear last time, so perhaps that means my time is almost up. If I’d been selfish, I could have led Ty out here and pushed him inside rather than send him to Lunae and what may very well be his death.
The only thing that stops me from launching back into a run is the realization that Evan has only seen me this way once before…and that was the day I killed him.
The last time he saw the wolf— the monster —it was tearing into him while he screamed. A wave of guilt crashes into me, followed closely by the nausea I’ve been trying to chase off. What I did to those bodies not two hours ago is exactly what had been done to him when he came to my room to check on me.
I open my mouth, but there are no words. Not in this body.
Evan doesn’t speak either. He merely watches me with the same sad eyes that have become all too familiar these last months. Is he mourning the life I stole from him? If he were alive, he’d be king now. Imelda may not have survived long enough to birth the child destined to thrust the world into darkness.
Evan should have lived. Not me.
He turns quickly as if he heard something. I can’t be certain, but for the briefest of moments, I think I see a person behind him. A woman with long, flowing hair that curtains her face.
I blink and the woman is gone, but my heart races all the same. There’s only one woman I would see inside the veil at Evan’s side.
Mom .
I open my mouth again to call out for her, to beg her to come back just so that I can see her again. Even for just a minute. I’m no stranger to loss, but Gods, I miss her the most. I miss her kindness and the light she brought into this world. I see bits of her in Marein, but it’s not the same. It’ll never be the same.
I take a step towards the rift, and Evan raises a hand, signalling for me to stop.
But I don’t want to stop. I want, no need , to see her again.
If I shift, I can call out to her. I can’t hear them, but I’m pretty sure they can hear me.
But I can’t shift. Not here, and especially not at night. Not when I promised Abby that I would always make it home to her.
That small, momentary glimpse will have to be enough. It will have to last me until it’s my turn to pass through the veil—be it fifty years from now or five days from now.
Evan moves again, but this time he’s pointing. Pointing in the direction I’m supposed to be going.
I nod once and then throw myself into a sprint, all the while hoping that this is just another thing the crisp evening air will help me forget.