16. Chapter Sixteen
Once Ryker and I have both showered, we lay on his bed, snuggling under the duvet. My head is resting on his chest, his fingers interlocked with mine, hands resting on his abdomen, just above the tattoo of my date of birth.
“I still can’t believe you have so many tattoos dedicated to me. You’re such an anomaly.” I feel his chest vibrate as he lets out a gravelly chuckle.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, you have this bad boy demeanour, the tattoos, the dark hair, the stern look and the way you dress like a biker. But really, you’re sweet, loyal and caring. All in all, you’re like a big cuddly teddy bear.” I can practically feel his scowl at the back of my head and I laugh. “It’s a good thing.” He scoffs but pulls me closer to his side.
“I’m only like it with you, Callie. You’ve always brought out the best in me… When I wasn’t with you, it was hell. I was so dejected and numb the whole time. The only time I felt any form of happiness was when Johnny would send me pictures of you or whenever I was sleeping and dreamt about you.” My heart melts hearing that, and I give his hand a tight squeeze, turning my face so that I can kiss his chest.
“The tattoos were a big help once I got them done. Helped me get through everything that was going on. Now, you’ll always be etched onto my skin and be with me any time I need you.” Tears gather in my eyes and my heart turns to a puddle in my chest.
“Hey, you’re with me now, Ryker. Just stick around this time and you’ll be fine. We’ll both be fine.” His eyes connect with mine and he smiles softly.
“I did some shit whilst I was gone, Callie, don’t speak too soon. You might not want me around after you know everything…” He trails off, eyes falling to watch our hands that are gripped together.
“Ryker, I understand why you left. Yes, it scarred me, and I was torn apart by it, but I know that you did it to keep me as safe as you could at the time. Whatever happened while you were gone doesn’t matter. Nothing would ever make me not want you – apart from maybe Nate or Brad.” A shriek leaves me as he digs his fingers into my side, tickling me.
“Shut up, no other man could fully take you away from me. I’m just that good.” I roll my eyes.
“In all seriousness, though, I am interested in them. I don’t know how this is all going to pan out, but I want to explore the connection that I have with them both and see where it goes.” I play with his fingers nervously, waiting for what he’s going to say. He breathes in deeply and then lets out a sigh.
“If you have a connection with them, then I won’t get in the way of that. If I still have you as mine, that’s all that matters. After so much time away from you, I’m happy with anything you’re willing to give me.” He lifts his head from the pillow to kiss mine and I blush as butterflies swarm inside my stomach.
“Back to the former subject, though, I have a few bombs to drop on you.” The butterflies die inside of me, and my gut starts churning with dread. I lift off of him and choose to sit beside him, legs crossed, looking at his face to try and gauge a reaction to prepare myself.
“Hit me with it.” He skims his fingers down the side of my face, tracing along my cheekbone and down to the hollow of my neck. He rolls his lips inward and his eyes flit down.
Oh dear god, this is going to be bad. I can already tell.
“I’ll start with the easier one… I, uh, I was looking for your mum whilst I was gone.” The gasp that leaves me has his guilt-ridden eyes snapping up to mine. My mouth opens and closes, the shock of his statement rendering me speechless.
“I was working with Johnny, trying to find her. We thought that if we found her, then we could find the detectives she’s working with, and try to help them get some dirt on Derek… Callie, do you know why detectives are looking into your dad?” My brows furrow in confusion and I shake my head side to side. He blows out a shaky breath, sitting up and placing his long legs on either side of mine. He cups my face in both of his hands and lifts it so that I’m face-to-face with him.
“Callie, they’re looking into him for many reasons, obviously the drugs and the guns, but they’re trying to find evidence connecting him to multiple murders as well.” I stare at him blankly, slowly trying to process everything he’s telling me.
I knew my dad was dodgy; I knew about the guns and the drugs, and I even knew that he bought some women from sex traffickers once or twice. But murder? I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him due to everything he does to me and the twins, but I can’t understand why he would go so far as to kill someone.
“Wh-why can’t they arrest him just for the guns and the drugs and the abuse? Then mum could come home, right?” Ryker shakes his head and rubs a calloused hand against my cheek.
“They started investigating him just before your mum left. They had no evidence. I think it was just an anonymous tip from someone about one of his warehouses. Once your mum left, they found out about the abuse, but the only evidence they have of that is the state your mum was in the night that she left. And there’s no hard proof that it was him. It’s your mum’s word against his. Johnny tried to get pictures of any bruises or cuts whenever he was able to see on you or the twins, but you always covered them up. That’s why it’s taking so long for them to nail him. They’re trying to find concrete evidence that will stick so that he’ll be put away for a long time, hopefully for life.”
My mind is going crazy with everything that he’s told me. My palms are sweaty as I run through the unnerving information he’s thrown at me.
“Proof…” My voice is barely above a whisper. Every time that I’ve been bruised and cut is whizzing through my head as I think about all the evidence I could’ve been collecting this whole time.
Then my thoughts turn to my Mum, the words in her letter and then the words that Ryker just spoke. “Oh god, is Mum okay? And Crystal? Please tell me they’re okay.” He softly shushes me and pulls me to his chest as sobs wrack my body.
“Shh, Callie, they’re fine. They’re under constant surveillance and are moved every few months to ensure their whereabouts won’t be discovered. But your dad has people out looking, and he’s been close to finding them a few times. But there’s a man, uh, Detective Johnson. He’s making sure they’re as safe as possible. I promise Callie.” I breathe a sigh of relief.
Ryker clears his throat, his hands travelling down to my shoulders so that he can separate us. My vision is blurry from the tears; my nose runs and my lips tremble.
“Callie, there’s one other thing. Your Dad knew I was trying to find your Mum and now I know that he knew about the pregnancy before I’d left, too. I’m assuming those things made him angry because he sent people after me,” He pauses again, causing a nervous tremor to run through my body. His voice is hoarse, his eyes saddened and pained. “Johnny had given me a gun to protect myself, just in case anything happened. So, when Paul and two other guys broke into a room that I was staying in, I didn’t even think. I just started shooting.”
His eyes explore mine, undoubtedly looking for any fear, disgust or resentment. He wasn’t going to find anything like that. “I killed one of ‘em, Callie.”
The silence is deafening, Ryker”s eyes ping-pong between my own as I sit here staring back.
Minutes pass with our hands clasped together in a loose hold. I try to think of anything to say, but everything in my head sounds wrong.
I can see the worry in Ryker’s eyes increasing by the moment, and it makes me feel extremely guilty, but I just can’t find the right words to say.
“Please say something, Callie.” My heart crumbles a little.
He’s pleading with me. This beautiful, tough, menacing man is in front of me looking crestfallen at the thought of how I view him. I disentangle my fingers from his and lift my hand to his face. My thumb smooths the worry lines that have creased his forehead and my fingers run across his stubbled jaw.
“Well, that’s certainly shocking.” The creases reappear and I shake my head softly, smiling at him.
“Ryker, that’s not going to change my opinion of you. It doesn’t bother me because you did it out of self-defence. You chose to save yourself in that situation. I’m not going to judge you for anything you’ve ever done when you have justifiable reasons for doing those things. Anyone who works for my father is a dirty criminal, and they were coming for you, Ryk. You did what you had to do. What I’m more worried about is you.” He looks at me with surprise, and I huff out a laugh.
“Why would you be worried about me when I was the one that shot someone else?” I crawl into his lap, placing my hands on either side of his face and placing a gentle kiss against his lips.
“Because you shot someone. That’s bound to take a toll on anyone, and I know you, Ryker. I know that would’ve played on your mind for weeks afterwards and you would’ve been constantly doubting if you’d done the right thing. So, I want to know how you’re coping with it all. Are you ok?” His eyes study mine and he rubs his nose against mine.
“I don’t deserve you, Callie Conrad. You’re way too good for me.” He softly kisses me. “To answer your question, yes. I’m okay. It took a while for me to come to terms with what happened but I’m good… Although, I do think it changed something inside of me because all I can think about now is how much I want to kill your father and the creep that he’s friends with.”
“You’ve always had a dark side, Ryker. I’ve seen you fight, remember? I’ve seen you give Connor a run for his money when you’ve been angry – only a psychopath would be willing to go up against him. But having a little darkness inside of you isn”t a bad thing.” He squeezes me against him and kisses my head as he slowly leans back, dropping fully onto the bed.
We lay there for a while, holding each other and basking in the moment. He brushes his hand along my thigh, lightly caressing the scars that are scattered across the top.
“Tell me about how you got these. I want to know what’s happened since I left.”
“One of them, as you know, is from Cameron when we were kids…” I trail off, not wanting to tell him about the rest. “The others are from the first time that Fraser raped me.” I face him and he grimaces before quickly giving me a tight smile and nodding, signalling for me to continue.
I inhale deeply and close my eyes, breathing in Ryker’s smell, trying to ground myself.
“The first time, the night after my eighteenth, he came into my room when he thought I was sleeping. I wasn’t, I was wide awake and scared shitless because I knew that he’d be coming to see me at some point. Connor had given me a knife as a gift the day before. He told me to hide it in my pillowcase and use it if I needed to. Told me that all I had to do was scream if I needed him and he’d come running.” I pause, forcing down the sob that’s trying to break free as I remember everything that happened on that frightful night.
“I pretended to be asleep at first, thinking it would deter him, but Fraser was desperate to have what Derek had offered. As soon as he started pulling my shorts down, I started screaming for Connor, and I grabbed the knife, thrashing around and trying to stab him. I managed to get him in the leg, but I couldn’t pull the knife back out, so Fraser gained the upper hand.” Ryker’s hand closes into a fist and I can feel him vibrating with rage next to me.
I face him, looking through tearful eyes and see him glaring at the wall ahead of him. The sob I was trying to hold in breaks free and he pulls me tighter against him.
“Carry on, Callie. I know it’s hard, but I need to know. Please.” I blow out a shaky breath, wipe the tears that have escaped my eyes and squeeze my arms back around his waist, taking pleasure in the comfort he provides me.
“Connor didn’t come. I found out the next day that Dad had injected the twins so that they were unconscious. Fraser was forceful and rough, and the more I fought, the worse he’d get. H-he hit me, multiple times, so goddamn hard that my vision blurred, and I lost my balance. He sat on top of me, pinning me down. I carried on trying to fight him off, but that’s when he started slicing into my leg with the knife. He enjoyed it, and he was pleasuring himself to the sound of my screams.” I stop talking as my words become a jumbled mess, the tears now cascading down my face and soaking Ryker’s chest. His fingers twine into my hair, softly massaging my scalp.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you to tell me. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there to help.” I shake my head against his chest.
“You didn’t know. You couldn’t have known what would happen. And I’m okay. That was the only time it’s ever been that bad… I don’t think I want to talk about it anymore, though,” I mumble.
He kisses my head, his tears falling off his cheeks and dampening my hair. The room falls into near silence once again, my hiccupped breathing being the only sound as Ryker continues to run his fingers through my hair. I lay there, lost in thought.
I still haven’t completely gotten over Ryker”s departure. I understand now why he did it, but I can’t help but still feel disheartened by it.
It took me months to get back to being myself after losing Ryker and losing our baby. I was in such a numb-minded state that none of the beatings that were given to me bothered me. I would lay there, staring into nothingness whilst I was being kicked and punched.
I hardly remember the first few months after Ryker had left. I can vividly remember when I went to Jasmine’s house begging to know where he’d gone, and I can vaguely remember the first few times that Fraser had raped me, although I wish I didn’t.
Fortunately, I do remember a few decently happy moments that I had with the twins. But everything else was just blank. I was depressed and heartbroken, and the twins were the ones to help me sort myself out because they were so incredibly worried about the way that I was slowly deteriorating as a person.
I’m not going to hold any of that against Ryker, not now that I know the reason for his leaving and why he stayed away. But I am going to be cautious with him from now on because I’m terrified that he could leave again at any time.
“What are you thinking about?” His voice draws me out of my thoughts.
“Nothing important. Let’s just cuddle for a minute because I’ll need to head back soon before anyone realises that I’m gone.” Ryker belly laughs after I say that, I look up at his face, confused as to why he’s laughing, to see him holding his phone.
“It’s too late for that. Your brothers have clearly harassed Johnny for my number because I have about ten texts from each of them.” I groan and bury my face into his chest, breathing deeply to try and savour his smell. “Come on, Pretty Girl, let’s get you home.”
I make quick work of getting dressed and then we hurry out of Rykers and head back towards my house.
The white brick walls stand tall and strong. The dark-framed windows and the cluster of bushes and trees surrounding the place make it look ominous and secure. No lights are on inside and everything is deadly quiet. It’s an eerie place.
All I can hear is Ryker”s ragged, hushed breaths and our footsteps as we walk towards the opening in the bushes off to the side of our property. As we reach the tree that I’ve always used to climb up to my bedroom, a light flickers on in the downstairs hallway that leads to my father’s bedroom and office.
My body freezes and Ryker swiftly pulls me into his chest, hiding us behind the thick trunk of the tree. He pulls out his phone from his pocket and dims the brightness before pulling up his text thread with Callum.
Ryker:
Need help. Lights on downstairs.
He tucks his phone back into his pocket and then peers out from behind the tree to look into the windows showing the lit-up hallway.
His arm tightens around my waist, and his chest vibrates with a growl against my back. I turn my head to the side and cautiously look around him. My breath catches in my chest as I see Fraser and my dad in the hallway. The angry scowl on my father”s face tells me they”re having a heated discussion.
I pull myself back behind the cover of the tree and tug Ryker with me to get him to stop staring at Fraser through the window. His jaw is clenched tight, teeth grinding, nostrils flared and pure hatred in his cloudy teal eyes. Hinges groan above us, and I almost leap out of my skin.
“Callie, hurry the fuck up!” Callum whisper-shouts, half hanging out of my bathroom window. I breathe a sigh of relief. I peer back around the tree and can now see my dad pinning Fraser against the wall. A spike of fear rushes through me. Fraser is only ever here at the house for me. On the very rare occasion, he’s been here to discuss ‘business’ with my father, but with the way he’s currently pinned to a wall with my father furiously spitting in his face, I don’t understand the reason for him being here.
Ryker’s thumb and forefinger capture my chin and turn my face towards him. His lips caress mine, and he smirks against them when a soft moan is released from my throat.
“Get up there, stay safe and text or call me if you need anything.” He places a lingering kiss on my forehead, smoothes down my hair and then crouches down, locking his fingers together and holding them close to my feet, offering me a boost.
My stomach is in knots when I place my foot in his hands, and he slowly lifts me until I can reach one of the thick branches. Once I have my arms and legs securely wrapped around the branch, I hoist myself up into a sitting position and then look back down at Ryker.
He stares up at me, a soft smile pulling at his lips. He reaches his hand out towards me, and I reach out to grip it, feeling the cold metal of something being passed from his hand to mine. I pull my hand back and look down at the switchblade with Ryker”s initials scratched into the side of it. I peer down at him and see his eyes watching through the downstairs window again.
“You’re staying this time, right?” His eyes find mine and his mouth stretches out into a smile. He nods, lifting a hand and drawing a cross against his chest over his heart. My heart lifts, and I can feel the apples of my cheeks rising as a bright smile appears on my face.
“Callie, come on!” I jump, grasping tighter on the tree so I don’t fall and glare up at Callum.
“Chill out. I’m coming up. And keep your voice down!” I whisper, lifting myself to stand on the branch and grab another one above my head.