46. Chapter Forty-Six
Knocking at the door pulls me out of my turbulent thoughts and distracts me from the marred skin on my thigh, which is causing tears to prick in my eyes.
“It’s just me,” Kat says through the door, “Have you got everything you need?”
I quietly clear my throat before replying.
“Yeah, I’m all good!”
“Okay, well, I’m heading to bed then. I’ll see you in the morning!” She calls back.
I wait for the sound of her footsteps to fade before my eyes move away from the white wooden panels of the door and back to my thigh. I smooth my thumb across the blistered skin, tracing the shape of the letters that will forever be burned into my leg.
My vision blurs as tears begin to well in my eyes and I turn my head to the ceiling, attempting to blink them all away and hold myself together.
I don’t want to be upset every time I look at my body.
I don’t want to be reminded of him.
He orchestrated this, knowing that if I did survive, I’d be haunted by him and by what he did to me. He wanted me broken, and he knew that this burn, coupled with the video of him raping me, would be an effective way of finally smashing me into pieces.
I close my eyes, letting the tears leak out and trail down my cheeks. My bottom lip begins to tremble as images flash behind my closed lids.
Cameron pinning me to the floor as he pushed himself inside of me.
My limp and bruised body lay on the middle of my bedroom floor after being used and abused by two different men.
The sight of blood flowing out of my body whilst being shackled to a table.
My muffled cries fill the room around me as I drop to the floor and curl my aching legs into my body, hugging myself as the haunting memories fill my head.
After days of acting unaffected, pretending that I was okay, I can feel myself falling apart.
This is exactly what he wanted.
He knew that I wouldn’t be able to cope.
As my cries grow louder, I hear Nate call my name from the other side of the door. His soft, angelic voice breaks through the torturous memories that are invading my mind.
Moments later, I feel his smooth hands caress my arms as his body surrounds mine, lifting me from the floor and cradling me against his chest.
“It’s alright, Callie, I’ve got you. Let it all out.”
I clutch onto his t-shirt as sobs wrack my body.
“I hate it!” I shout, burying my face into him. “I can’t even look at myself.”
He soothingly rubs his hand along the length of my back, rocking our bodies back and forth.
“It’ll get better. I promise.” He brushes my hair away from my face and kisses my temple. “Personally, I think that your scars add to your beauty. They’re your battle wounds and they are proof that you’re strong, determined and will never stop fighting. They show that you’re a survivor.”
I peer up at him through tear-filled eyes and see his concerned gaze focused on my face.
“You’ll always be beautiful in my eyes, Callie. Inside and out.” He swipes his thumb across my cheek, wiping away my tears. “Nothing could ever change that. I know you won’t agree with me right now, but I’ll be here every single day, telling you how beautiful you are until you believe it.”
“Every time I look at them, I think of him. I c-can’t cope with it, Nate.”
His glistening green eyes are laced with sympathy as he stares down at me, and a crease forms between his blonde brows.
“I don’t know how to help you with that, Callie, but I promise I’ll try. We all will.”
He leans forward, a tear dripping onto his cheek as his lips firmly press against mine.
“Make me forget,” I hoarsely whisper against his lips.
He pulls back, cupping my jaw and shakes his head.
“Callie, I don’t think that’s a good idea, it might make you-”
“The video keeps replaying in my head,” I tell him, a shiver running through my body. “I’m starting to remember that night… I was feeling drowsy and cold, but I couldn’t move. It was like m-my body was stuck. I remember the relief I felt when Fraser left the room and then the fear that rose inside of me when I heard my door open again.”
He sniffles as he pulls my body tighter against his.
“Every time my mind replays that video, I remember more from the night that it was taken. I don’t want to remember how helpless I felt or how vulnerable I was. I want to wipe the thoughts from my mind, Nate. Please, help me try and forget,” I implore.
“Callie, I want to help, I do, but I don’t want you to regret this.”
A small smile pulls at my lips.
“I love how caring you are, and I love that you’re concerned. I can promise you, I won’t regret this afterwards. I want this, Nate. Even if it doesn’t help, I still want this.”
His uncertain eyes flick between mine and then trail down my naked body that”s curled in his lap. He releases a deep sigh and nods his head.
“Okay, but if you want to stop at any point, if it triggers anything for you, you tell me immediately.” I nod, agreeing with him. His eyes sweep my body again. “Shower, we’ll kill two birds with one stone.”
He stands, lifting me in his arms and walks us over to the shower. Releasing his arm from beneath my legs, he lets my feet drop to the floor and then moves his warm body away from mine.
“Get in and start the shower, I’m just gonna get undressed then I’ll join you,” he says, nudging me towards the frosted-glass panel door of the shower.
I move into the small cubicle, closing the glass door behind me before turning the handle of the shower. My pert nipples welcome the heat of the water as it begins to rain over my body and I close my eyes, listening to the sound of the water hitting the tiles around me.
I feel a cold draft against my back moments before a pair of hands lightly grip my hips and Nate’s warm body presses against mine from behind.
His arms wrap around me as he rests his head atop of mine, joining me beneath the stream of water. The feel of his chest against my back brings me comfort and my muscles relax as I lean against him, eyes still sealed shut.
“What do you wash first, body or hair?” He asks, voice soft and quiet in my ear.
I move my face from under the water before opening my eyes and turning to look at him. His dick bumps against my hip as I move, and my eyes instinctively drop.
My brows raise with shock when I see his cock, standing tall and proud, bobbing between us. I watch as it twitches, fascinated by the motion. Lifting my gaze to Nate’s, I step closer to him, closing the gap between us and pressing my naked body against his.
“Callie, are you sure we-”
“Please, Nate.”
His eyes flit between mine before drifting down to where our bodies are pressed together. My chest is moving rapidly, breasts rising and falling with each breath. I’m not sure whether it’s from fear or desire.
Both emotions are flowing through my body, fighting against each other to see which one will come out on top.
Nate’s hands caress my skin, his gentle touch leaving goosebumps in their wake. My stomach quivers with anticipation as his palms slide across my skin, one venturing downwards whilst the other lifts to the back of my neck.
I place my hands on his silky shoulders as he steps to the side, letting the water crash against our joined bodies. His hand glides down my stomach, travelling lower and lower until his fingers slip beneath my folds and a breathy moan falls from my lips.
“Mmm, you’re so fucking wet for me. Aren’t you, Callie?”
I peer up at him, nodding as droplets fall from my lashes. His usual green eyes are now a shade darker, his lustful gaze burning into mine.
His tongue darts out from between his lips as he applies pressure to my neck with the hand that’s clasped around it, pulling our faces impossibly close together.
His lips skim against mine at the same time the hard ridges of his dick brush against my lower stomach. My legs part as his hand begins to move between them, his fingers gliding through my wetness.
When the heel of his palm rubs against my clit, I jolt from the unexpected touch and a small smirk pulls at his lips before he leans forward, capturing my mouth with his.
The kiss is gentle yet demanding.
Tender swipes of his tongue as well as little nips with his teeth.
My nails dig into his shoulders as he pushes a finger inside of me, and he hisses from the action.
He pushes me backwards until my back presses against the chilled shower wall, and his hand releases my neck, cupping my head instead to create a barrier between my skull and the hard-tiled wall behind me.
Pumping his finger inside of me as his hand applies pressure to my clit has soft moans drifting around the room and tears prickling in my eyes.
He grinds his hips, his dick moving against me, creating friction for him to feel a small amount of release as he’s giving me mine.
His lips trail across my cheek and down the length of my neck.
When he adds a second finger inside of me, I gasp and a tear leaks from the corner of my eye.
Nate’s movements stop for a moment as he peers up at me, waiting to see if I’m okay.
“Don’t stop,” I croak out.
I grip onto him with one hand, keeping his body pressed against me and I widen my stance. My other hand drops between us, my arms brushing against his, until my hand wraps around his length. His eyes flutter shut, and his head drops forward, his forehead resting against my collarbone.
As my shaky hand begins to move around him, he growls against my skin and pulls his fingers out of me.
I’m about to ask him what he’s doing when he nudges my arm, moving my hand away from him, but before the words can be said, he’s dropping to his knees beneath the spray of water and hoisting my scarred leg over his shoulder.
I cringe when I catch sight of the scar that runs down my thigh, and my eyes burn when they lock onto the brand.
Nate’s hands trail across my wet flesh, landing on my arse cheeks and then his mouth descends on my thigh.
Soft kisses are placed along the length of the scar. His tongue occasionally darting out and running along the raised skin.
When he reaches the top of my thigh and the start of the burned letters, his hooded eyes raise to meet mine.
“You’re beautiful, Callie. Every single inch of you is god damned gorgeous.”