Chapter 65
Sixty-Five
ANDREA
I should leave.
Run. Run far the fuck away, then hide from them— from myself. Everything is too much and I want to scream. Scream until my lungs collapse and my voice rips from my throat. But my delusion won’t break under his rambling, which hasn’t stopped since he let me in.
“Are you even listening to anything I’m saying?” Cade snaps.
Every word. My brain just refuses to acknowledge the probability of it all being fact. I was so close to making up an excuse to continue soaking in self-loathing. But the idea of hurting Cade sent me into a spiral. So I threw on an oversized tee and hauled my flighty ass to Sebastian’s apartment.
I’ve driven past it but never turned into the complex. It’s nice. Way nicer than my single. Has to cost a lot since it’s not considered student living. I muted him on social media— not that he ever posts anything— so I don’t know if he works for anyone other than my father.
“Rewind. I’ve got a raging flare-up chewing my nerves like jerky.”
He tries— and fails— to hide an amused smirk. “I offered to kiss your pussy better.”
This flirt. As if the fresh bites and hickies aren’t enough to confirm he’s been freshly fucked, I can smell it on him— citrus and sex. It’s coursing through my veins and cranking up my body temperature.
Suddenly, Cade curses at the laptop and bangs on the keyboard. “I’m locked out again.”
“How many passwords are there?”
“Not sure.”
“And how many have you done already?”
“Six.”
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Deadass.”
I slap my forehead, muttering, “The fuck,” as I slump into the cushions and wipe my palm down my face. “I don’t understand why all of this is necessary.”
His eyes slide to me. “For the millionth time, Sebastian is part of an ongoing investigation of your corrupt-ass dad, who will probably stone him to death Old-Testament style in front of the entire cult if he finds out he’s been narcing to the authorities for years.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
My brain glitches. Flashbacks of a crooked finger in my face, “Never question me, stupid girl!” Backhanded threats, “The Lord leads me. I don’t question the plans of the divine, see, because that’s not my place.
My place is to lead his people and do his will.
The Lord won’t welcome you into his kingdom if you ignore his will.
” Brainwashing, “Our God is all-knowing. He can see your thoughts and intentions. To have impure thoughts is a sin. You don’t want to end up in hell, do you?
” Guilt-tripping, “I’ve just been trying to save you, but I guess you’ve made your bed with Satan. ”
“Drea?”
Cade’s concerned stare bores into me.
“Hmm?”
“You’re acting like me during an episode.”
I choke on a laugh.
He snatches my chin. “I’m serious. Do you need to go to the doctor?”
“No, no,” I insist, scooting away.
He’s not convinced.
Beeping. A click. Then the door to the apartment swings in.
Fuck. Me.
Wide, disbelieving brown eyes lock on mine. Cradled in each of Sebastian’s defined arms are two small potted plants: one with yellow flowers and the other…
My heart lodges in my throat.
Orange blossoms.
I’m cracking down the middle. I’ve known, in my core, who leaves them at my door.
I’ve known but could never bring myself to discard them— just simply brought them inside, hung them upside down and waited for them to dry before arranging them in one of the thrifted vases scattered around my apartment like a morbid shrine.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Seba rasps, carefully setting the plants on the counter. Glancing at Cade, “Baby.” Then to the open laptop. “What’re you two up to?”
Cade pops up from the couch. “Took you long enough. I almost locked us out of the computer.”
Seba’s brows knit. “Wha—”
“You’ve gotta show her,” Cade insists, borderline manic as he climbs over my legs to get around the coffee table, sliding in his socks over to his stepbrother. Seba catches him before he crashes into the kitchen island.
“Whoa, slow down. Meds first.”
Cade rolls his eyes, yanking the duffel off Seba’s shoulder and jamming his arm elbow-deep into it, muttering, “What do you think I’m doing?” He rummages around for a minute before pulling out a pill box and shaking it like a maraca. “Now show her!”
Seba sighs, sneaking a look in my direction.
I’m stuck in tar— desperate to flee but glued in place.
His throat rolls with a swallow. “There’s no need.”
“The fuck do you mean?” Cade shrieks.
Everything is on fire— around me, inside me— but I’m so cold. Cold and numb. Seba looks directly into my eyes and says, “She’s seen it all.”
An invisible snake wraps around my throat, constricting tighter… and tighter…
I can’t breathe.
I can’t be here.
I can’t be.
I can’t.
I…
Run.