Chapter 69
Sixty-Nine
CADE
Raw.
That’s how I feel after every session with Dr. Kat.
Like she scalped me and exposed all the cracks in my psyche, then pried apart my cranium to reveal multiple Cades huddled together like the old-timey cartoon dudes stacked under a trench coat.
(Would be a sick painting though.) Speaking of paintings…
“You think the inside of my head is more Monet or Van Gogh?” I ask as she locks up her office. It’s cozy— green tweed couch, velvet pillows, vintage furniture. Homey is what she calls it. I like it.
My therapist hums thoughtfully. “I’d say, Van Gogh. Then again, I’m partial to his style.” Her keys jingle as she leads me through the lobby.
“You’ve got good taste, Doc.”
She chuckles, pausing to hold the door open for me. The asphalt glistens like an oil slick in the post-storm evening light.
“What color are you right now?” she asks.
What started as a way to gauge when I’m splitting has become an easy way for her to check in with me.
Baseline is yellow— bright and fun and chaotic.
Orange is horny. Blue, when Little Cade takes center stage.
He’s a total buzzkill, but for the most part, he’s locked up with Mom.
Red is in there, too. He’s a manipulative bitch and mean as hell.
But he was the one who stepped in to protect Blue when Mom was hurting him.
Me.
Hurting me.
That’s what we’ve been working on. Accepting the pieces of me as a whole. Blue is the same as Red, who’s the same as Orange and Yellow and… Mom.
She’s the hardest one for me to accept. Every time I’m forced to face it, I’m reminded of her gaping absence. She’s gone. In the ground. And the voice in my head… is my own creation.
“A little blue.”
Dr. Kat removes her fogged-up glasses, her kind eyes squinting against the sun glaring off the windshield of her retro station wagon.
“I’d be worried if you weren’t.”
An engine rumbles. We both turn to see Sebastian’s truck cut through the empty parking lot, a fine spray kicked up in its wake. Dr. Kat waves as he approaches. The window rolls down—
My jaw hangs for a solid five seconds.
Andrea. Is in the passenger seat. Of Seba’s truck. With Seba. And they’re both smiling.
“Please tell me you two made up,” I beg.
Seba lifts his right hand… holding hers.
“Yellow. Orange. Yellow-orange, fuck, YES!”
Dr. Kat’s laugh floats at my back as I collide with the truck and rip open the driver’s side door to climb on top of Seba. He’s laughing and Andrea is doubled over and I’m definitely rocking a boner as I plant a wet one on each of their mouths— because they’re mine and they’re together and—
“This is the best day of my life.”
Stubble scrapes my cheek. “Mine too, baby,” Seba murmurs. “Now get your ass in the back so we can get going.”
Hiking my thumb at Andrea, “She’s smaller.”
“Hell nah, I was here first!”
“Technically, I was, since he dropped me off.”
“That was a separate trip!”
“It’s the same—”
“Hey!” Sebastian snaps, glare wheeling between us. “Both of you are gonna ride in the truck bed if you keep this shit up.”
My nose wrinkles. “Not the way I wanna get wet.” Sebastian’s not amused. I shrug. “And I’m Baby. Nobody puts baby in the back.”
Andrea pouts her bottom lip. “I’m baby girl.”
Seba pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering, “Jesus Christ," under his breath, then points at me. “If you get in the back, you can eat her pussy first.”
Oh hellllll yes.
“Now, was that so hard?”
“Wait,” Andrea grins, dragging a nail down Seba’s bicep. “What if I wanna watch Cade eat you first?”
My stepbrother is the color of a tomato and I’m grinning like a maniac.
“Ooo I like where this is going,” I purr.
Andrea drags her tongue ring over her teeth.
“We’re eating dinner first,” Sebastian grits out and adjusts the obvious bulge in his jeans.