Chapter 75
Seventy-Five
CADE
You’re going to bury him like your dad buried me.
“Not now, Mom.”
I’m shaking so hard I think I can hear my bones rattling. I’ve been treading water in a cesspool of voices and images, fighting with every tool I’ve learned over the past four years to keep from slipping beneath the surface. But I’m running out of steam really fucking quick.
The minute I saw Sinclair point that fucking gun at my boyfriend’s head, I felt my heart stop.
Actually stop. No beats. Clinically. Dead.
I don’t even remember what happened next.
I think I blacked out. Just with my eyes open, my shoes glued to the floor.
I didn’t come back to myself until a distinct pop broke the sound barrier and boot stomped the door labeled Cade's Trauma.
So my brain went offline again. This time, I hit the deck. There’s a dull ache radiating from the back of my skull, but at least I ate shit on the carpet. After a quick puke— more of a dry heave, really— I got my numb legs to kind of work.
I say, kind of, because I’ve already tripped twice.
You’re too late. You couldn’t save him either.
“No, no, no, no, NO!”
A barricade of paramedics (BAD SIGN) and police officers (where were they five seconds ago?) blocks my path, but now that my legs are moving, they can’t stop. Nope. I’m a human missile— on autopilot and highly explosive.
“LET ME THROUGH!”
Surprised faces streak as I blast through—
Red on white tile.
My ribs cave in.
Black vignettes my vision.
White noise screams.
Shutting… down...
“Baby.”
Am I hearing his ghost?
“Shit. I’m right here, baby. I’m real. Sweetheart, bring him to me.”
Lies, lies, lies. You’re making it all up. It’s too late. Too late.
“Sir, we’re still assessing—”
“I don’t give a fuck. My boyfriend is having an episode!”
“Does he need medical attention as well?”
“Don’t know yet, but you gotta back up. Andrea, bring him to me.”
Too many voices. My eyes won’t focus.
“Cade, look at me, love.”
A blurry silhouette. Blink. Clearer. Blink. Dark hair with streaks of red. Blink. Freckles across the bridge of her slightly upturned nose. Blink. Chocolate eyes that peer up at me with so much love and genuine concern, it resuscitates me.
The most beautiful smile blooms on her lips.
Nails tickle my palm. Our fingers link.
“I’m sorry I left you,” Andrea whispers, cheeks glistening with fresh tears. “Come on, Seba wants you.”
My legs lock.
Wants you to join him. Plot 304. Join us. Where you belong. In the dirt.
“No, no, no, babe, he’s right here, see?” She begs.
“Baby, you promised to find me first. Find me.”
Four times, I was drowned to the point of unconsciousness.
I used to think, maybe that’s what did me in.
But I’ve come to understand that some pieces of me did join her.
Some died at the bottom of a bathtub. Others took a quieter approach, vanishing into smoke in the middle of the night.
Photos I don’t remember taking or notes I don’t remember writing.
Gaps of time that are completely blank, as if they didn’t exist at all.
But I remember every single word Sebastian Holt and Andrea Sinclair have ever said to me. Every single touch, carved into my heart. Pieces of me might be gone forever, but the cracks left in my soul have been filled.
“Drea,” I choke, my fingers strangling hers. I can't even look. “Don’t lie to me.” Please, please. “Is he real?”
She sniffles. “Yeah, babe. He's real. And he loves you. Just as much as I do. And he really needs you right now. He's ok, just a little concussed and pretty freaked out.”
“Ok,” I rasp, allowing her to guide me to the right...
Rough, callused fingers curl around my free hand.
Warm. Solid. His thumb gently rubs my knuckles. The protective shield my brain created shatters. Noise. So much noise. And movement. The blinders are off and the entire world returns to high definition.
Sebastian sits on the shallow step below the altar, a nasty raised lump on the side of his head, two white strips holding a gnarly gash closed. His lips twitch into a sad smile. “C’mere.”
I collapse onto him. “Don’t scare me like that again, please, I can’t— I can’t—”
“You’re ok, we’re ok. We’re all ok,” he whispers against my ear, voice thick. I’m cradled in his lap, fully enmeshed and it’s still not enough to reassure me. He clutches me back like he’s making sure I’m real too, kissing my cheek, my eyes, my mouth.
Here. In front of all these people.
In a fucking church.
He called me his boyfriend.
He called me baby.
Here.
“You’re really ok?”
“I’m ok,” he chokes, pulling back to wipe my tears.
Then Andrea joins the dog pile. Seba grunts. “Ribs, baby girl.”
“Sorry, sorry.” She glances between us. “Where are my kisses?”
We move at the same time, our heads knocking.
“Owww.”
“Fuck,” Seba groans. “I need a fucking helmet…”
She gives us a watery smile. “Re-do.”
This time, when we lean in, Seba angles his head so we can both kiss her at the same time. I cup her jaw, taking over before letting Seba have her all to himself.
“Thank you,” he mouths against her lips.
She’s shaking now. “Any time, big guy.”
I slump against Seba’s chest as they make out a little more, listening to the steady beat of his heart, gazing up at our girl.
Andrea breaks the kiss and hiccups a laugh. “I shot my dad.”
Seba’s lips split into a wide grin. “In the foot.”
“He kicked you.”
“Wait.” I shoot up. “The gunshot was you?”
Seba sighs, draping an arm around my back and palming my waist. “Saved my damned life.”
My jaw hangs. “When the fuck did you get a gun?”
She hums thoughtfully. “Two years ago, now?”
“Why?” I shriek.
“I live alone. Off campus. And I generally mistrust everyone because I’ve read way too much true crime not to protect myself. People fucking suck. Well. Most of them do. Not you two. But I’m in love with both of you, so that doesn’t count…”
Her rambling smooths out my frantic energy. Neither of us interrupts her as she goes off on another tangent, which I join while the paramedic returns to finish checking over Seba…
Who just keeps looking at us with this light in his eyes. Smiling. Laughing, despite it all. Like he’s finally happy. And it makes me realize how sad he was. How weighed down.
My lips graze his ear. “You’re free.”
He grins. “Thank fucking God.”