Chapter Eighteen
CHAPTER
EIGHTEEN
Jaykun found the cove right where Jileana’s mother had said he would. And sure enough, there she was, sitting in the sand where the inlet met the water, her legs in the gently lapping waves. The cove was very similar to the one where they had first met.
“I understand now why you despise the sirens so much,” he said gently when she looked up and saw him approaching her.
“My mother told you,” she said, a statement rather than a question.
“Yes, she did.”
“It was a long time ago. Please don’t mistake me … I would like for there to be peace between the selkies and the sirens, if for no other reason than to keep my father and other brothers safe.”
“Your willingness to forgive past transgressions speaks very highly of you.”
“Forgive maybe, but not forget. I will never forget that the sirens are not to be trusted and neither should you.”
“Believe me,” he said softly as he knelt down beside her.
He took her chin in his hand and tipped her head back until she was looking directly into his eyes.
He wanted her to believe the next words that came out of his mouth.
“I will never trust a woman who seeks to manipulate me through love. In fact, it is the very core of everything I abhor.”
She drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “Tell me, why do you hate the idea of love so much?”
He frowned. His instinct was to brush the topic away, to change the direction of the conversation.
But then he remembered what her mother had asked of him, and he could see the wisdom in being completely honest and open with her.
He had to make her see as clearly as he could why love between them was impossible.
“I have told you the tale of the journey my brothers and I went on that gained us our immortality, yes?”
“Yes.”
“What I have told no one is what happened the day before I left. Not even my brothers know this.”
“All right,” she said carefully, already feeling in her soul that she was going to wish he had never experienced what he was about to relay.
“But first I must go back to when I was but a boy. I was only nine the first time I saw Casiria across the town green. She was the palest, prettiest thing I’d ever seen in my life.
All delicate features and white-blond hair that trailed down her back.
She had fair blue eyes as well, so light they seemed to jump out at you when she looked at you.
I had never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life.
I imagined she was a fairy queen come to live amongst mortals. ”
Jileana laughed and he grinned a bit bashfully.
“I fell in love with her on the spot. I continued to love her with utter devotion into our adolescence. My brothers would tease me for being infatuated, but I didn’t care.
I knew she was perfect and I had to have her at any cost. My brothers didn’t understand.
They even cautioned me, claimed she wasn’t as perfect as I thought she was, that she didn’t deserve me or my devotion to her, that no woman did.
I ignored them. They didn’t believe in love.
They didn’t believe in devoting themselves to one woman and one woman only.
They did not feel romantically inclined toward anything save their swords.
I fancied myself embroiled in a love for all time. ”
“And Casiria? How did she feel?”
“She basked in my attentions. Blossomed beneath my love for her. She swore she loved me for who I was and that she would love me for all time. We were young and idealistic. I thought I could make it work. I would earn my living as my brother Dethan’s second in command and come home to my loving wife whenever I could.
But it did mean leaving her alone for long periods of time.
Her loneliness grew over the years. She said she missed me and our love more than anything.
She immersed herself in raising our sons and I thought she found satisfaction in that. ”
“You thought?”
“I found out differently when I last came home to her.
My sons were left with a neighbor the night I was to set out with my brothers on our adventure to find the Fount of Immortality.
My wife said this was so we may have our farewells in private.
It was not the first time she had done this, and though I would miss them and wanted to see them, I would miss her and her bed quite sorely as well.
You see, I did not believe in taking other women to my bed during those long months away from her.
I loved her too truly for that. All other women paled in my eyes.
And I believed she was just as faithful to me.
“So my wife arranged for a peaceful night for us together before I left her for my journey, and we made love. She was so beautiful … always so beautiful,” he murmured, his mind clearly recalling that night.
“I had told her never to worry, that if anything ever happened to me she would be taken care of. As my widow, my brothers would see she was settled with the bulk of my fortune and she would fall under their protection the rest of her days. My sons would be cared for and well raised in my absence.” He frowned.
“I had told her this to give her peace of mind and comfort, to help her know that although my life was a dangerous one, she would always be safe and comfortable.” He rubbed at his neck wearily with a hand.
“She waited until I was relaxed before she fed me wine laced with some sort of drug. I was soon barely able to move, and then she let a man into our home who took a dagger to my throat and came very close to killing me. They both attacked me. But even drugged as I was, I was too well seasoned a warrior, far better able to handle myself than they were. I killed the man right off, and in the scuffle, I thrust the dagger they had planned for me into Casiria. As she lay bleeding to death, I asked her why. With more venom than I thought possible, she told me she hated me. That she had fallen in true love with the man … I don’t know who he was or even what his name was.
She said she had never loved me. She had used me to get a comfortable life and a secure future.
When she realized she could have my fortune and the man she had been having an affair with, they began to plot my death.
But they depended too much on that drug. Still, they very nearly succeeded.”
“And you never told your brothers?” she asked, completely horrified at the absolute betrayal. No wonder he had no faith in love any longer!
“I had intended to. I buried the bodies of my faithless wife and her lover and hired someone to care for my boys, then left on the journey as scheduled. Many times along the way I thought to tell my brothers of Casiria’s betrayal, but I was too embarrassed and ashamed to share the degradation with them.
Especially since they had often spoken against Casiria, had cited several times when they felt she was manipulating me to get her way.
In hindsight, I could see they were right.
She had used my devotion for her again and again to get what she wanted.
“So, you see, I do not believe in the love of a man and a woman. I believe in familial love, the bond between brothers and mothers and fathers, but bonds without bloodlines to connect them cannot be trusted.”
“But that’s so untrue!” she cried. “Just because one woman proved herself to be faithless does not mean all women are thus. It is unfair of you to judge us all by the actions of one inconstant woman.”
“Perhaps,” he conceded, “but it doesn’t change how I feel. I will never love a woman again and I most certainly will never entrust one with my life or my heart.”
“And yet you trusted me enough to follow me here. You trusted me enough to let me into your bed. Surely you are capable of more than you are giving yourself credit for.”
Jaykun frowned at her logic. It was true. He had allowed her close in spite of his better judgment. But letting her into his bed was a far cry from letting her into his heart.
“I am telling you this story so that you understand why I will not let a woman get that close to me again. So that you might protect yourself from disappointment. I do not wish for you to expect more of me than I am able to give.”
“I’m sorry, but that just isn’t possible,” she said with a stubborn frown.
“I disagree with you. I think you are able to give a great deal. It is just a matter of what you want to give. And you do not want to give trust. The fact that you loved Casiria tells me you are more than capable of love. It is simply that you are too burdened by your pain to allow love back into your heart.”
Jaykun pushed away from her, standing up in the water and pacing away from her. “You aren’t listening to me.”
“I am. I’m just hearing something you don’t want me to hear.”
“I want you to keep your distance from me so you don’t get hurt! You have too kind and open a heart, Jileana. It will only get you hurt if you entrust it to the wrong person.”
“That implies there is a right person to entrust it to. Which is it? Trust no one or trust only certain someones? And why can’t that certain someone be you? You have a kind heart as well. Would our hearts not be safe in each other’s company?”
“Jileana, stop!” His hands clenched into fists, his body bunching tight with tensed muscles. “I cannot love you! Do you understand that? Giving your heart to me will be a waste of your time and a sure path to pain and heartache! I will never care for you the way you wish me to!”
“It sounds to me like you are caring about me a great deal. You are caring enough to try to protect me.”
Jaykun cursed. “Is there nothing I can say that you will not take in a positive light? I am trying time and again to warn you away and you are taking it as some kind of great sign that I care for you!”
“Don’t you?” she asked, her iridescent green eyes looking at him with open curiosity and more than a little hope.