Chapter 18
“Okay, you are officially a pain in my ass.”
Carl jolted as he looked at Tonya. She was driving the squad car as they went to the next house on their list. “What?”
“You’ve been a shit all morning and that last conversation with Mr. Edelstein? Not necessary to put him against the wall.”
“You?” he stressed, layering sarcasm in every word. “You’re chewing me out for too much force?”
“Yes. Because that’s my beat. You’re the thinking one. Except today you’re Mr. Get Outta My Face.”
“Yeah, I am. So get out.”
She snorted. “You’ll have to get a lot more violent for that to work on me.”
“Don’t push me, Tonya. I mean it.”
She huffed out a breath. “You playing the alpha card? Was that an order?”
He considered it. He was in that foul a mood.
But Tonya had only so much obedience in her, even when given direct orders.
A good leader knew when to call in his markers and this wasn’t one of those times.
So instead of answering, he looked out the window at the rapidly warming landscape.
Michigan was hitting one of those hopeful spring moments.
The smart ones knew it could change in five minutes, so they took the time to appreciate the weather now.
He chose to stare at the landscape and pray that Theo wasn’t out in it somewhere.
“That’s not going to work either,” Tonya said with a huff.
He turned and hit her with a hard glare. She stared at him for a moment, and then turned back to the road.
“Okay. So I guess that will work. So I’m going to do something radical here. I’m going to offer something I never do. Are you ready?”
He snorted rather than answer.
“I’m going to listen without judgment. Whether you realize it or not, you need to talk to someone. So talk. I’ll listen. And I won’t tell either, but you know that already.”
Yes, that part was true. She was as close a confidant as he’d ever had. Except for his brother, she was the one person he trusted with his secrets. Which meant, after a time, he finally started speaking.
“Becca wanted to meet my bear last night.”
Tonya frowned. “She already met your bear. When you tore apart Nick.”
He winced at the memory. “Not like that. Unshifted. Just…you know, the bear.”
“Jesus, you are the bear. Unless we’re talking fur and claws, you were being you.”
He snorted. “That’s what she said.”
“So she’s smarter than she looks.”
“Stop that!” he snapped. “She’s brilliant.
She understands a lot more than you do, that’s for damn sure.
She’s gentle and kind. She’s been raising a kid by herself, running a business, and you should see her cakes.
They’re works of art. She’s amazing, and you show yourself as an idiot when you trash-talk her. ”
If his earlier silence had her staring, this little explosion had her gaping in shock. Bad news when they were speeding down a country road at seventy miles per hour.
“Pay attention to the road!” he snapped.
She did. Her gaze ripped back to the road and her mouth clenched in a tight line. But she didn’t speak. Instead, she slowly blew out a breath. And then after he’d turned back to glare out the window, she finally ventured a couple sentences, albeit in a small, quiet voice that she never, ever used.
“So she met your bear last night and told you that you and the bear are the same people. What happened next?”
He sighed. “She may be pregnant.”
She snorted. “Been there, done that.” He glared at her again, but she held up a hand. “Not judging. Just saying.”
He didn’t respond. Nothing to say. Except apparently, Tonya had plenty on her mind.
“Okay, since you’re not talking, let me be the one to say the things you’re brooding about.
We’ll just get them out in the open and you can tell me to go shove it or not.
” He opened his mouth to tell her to shove it, but she rushed her words.
“You’ve fallen for Becca. That much is clear from your tirade a moment ago. ”
He didn’t argue. That much he’d already figured out.
“Maybe you even think you love her.”
He hadn’t gone to that word yet. Worship.
Adore. Thank God for her every moment of the day.
Those words he’d used, at least in his own head.
Love? His bear certainly loved her. Maybe he could admit that the human Carl loved her, too.
But crap, that was a problem. The woman hadn’t even been able to look at him this morning.
“So you’re moody,” Tonya continued, “because you know it’s a doomed relationship.”
“What?” The word came out with a sharp bite.
“Don’t snap at me for saying what you’re already thinking.
Look, she’s fully human. She may be the adopted mother of a shifter boy, but she’s not one of us and she never will be.
Anyone else in the community, that’s not a problem.
But you’re the Max. And worse than that, you like being the Max and you’re pretty good at it. ”
“So maybe you should let me pick the woman I want and leave it alone.”
“I will, but that doesn’t help Becca. She’s the one who’ll suffer, not you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. She’ll be my Maxima. That’s a position of status.” He ignored the fact that she was a long way from becoming his wife. Hell, as of this morning, he wondered if she’d still be there tonight when he came home. He gave even odds that she’d have already bolted back to Kalamazoo.
“Now who’s being ridiculous? She’s an outsider and that will never change.
She’ll be given lip service as your Maxima, but attacked in other ways.
People won’t talk to her, won’t accept her help, and will criticize her every chance they get.
She won’t be able to function as a Maxima would because no one will let her. That will end up hurting both of you.”
That was a bleak picture. Worse, he knew it was possible.
Being alpha was akin to being mayor of a small, insular town.
Everyone seemed friendly on the outside, but once you got to the inner workings of the clan?
Well, that was a dicey political position indeed.
He survived because he kept the various factions in balance.
Marrying a fully human woman would hurt that standing.
But then, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.
Maybe he should give up being Max. It was never something he sought out specifically.
He just hadn’t wanted psycho people like Nick to take control.
“So be it,” he said. “I don’t need to stay Max.”
“Bullshit. You love being Max. Sure, you complain, but you’re the only reason the Gladwins have held together since your father killed your uncle.”
He winced. That had been a devastating time for everyone.
It started out just rocky. No one grieved his uncle’s passing and they were relieved at the sudden release from the violent control that had been the man’s MO.
Everyone cheered his father’s kinder, more gentle approach.
But within a year, it became clear that his father just didn’t have the organizational skills to keep matters running smoothly.
He screwed up key negotiations with neighboring shifters—which planted the seeds of Nick’s discontent—and worse, he had no ability to manage finances.
Even at eleven, Carl had understood the disaster in the making.
He was the one who convinced his father to hire an accountant and a manager to oversee the daily affairs of the kids camp that had always been the heart of the Gladwin clan.
Shortly after his twelfth birthday, Carl started listening in to important meetings.
It wasn’t always smooth, but with his help, his father had managed to keep the Gladwins from disintegrating long enough for Carl to come back from college.
The day after he graduated, his father handed him the title and four months later died from a heart attack.
There’d been a challenge two days later, but Carl’s bear was in its prime.
The fight had been long and bloody, but he’d ended up victorious.
He’d become Max in the most animal way. But the widow had been angry and started whispers.
Sure, he retained the title, but the discontent had been a constant nagging problem that had eaten at his peace of mind.
But that was the job of the Max. To keep things running smoothly for the good of everyone. And Tonya was right. He was good at it. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t do something else.
“If I give up being Max, I could put more time into finding a solution to the feral problem. I could spend more time with the kids.”
“You’re not a scientist, and you spend time with the kids as Mr. Max. It doesn’t work if you’re not the alpha. It’ll be the other Max’s job. And speaking of which, just who do you think will replace you? Nick was the least nutty of the viable candidates.”
“Why not you? The alpha doesn’t have to be a guy.”
She shot him a look. “Like I want to manage money or listen to an old lady’s complaints about her neighbor’s dog.
I’m the least diplomatic person alive and you know it.
One bad look from the wolves in Detroit, and we’d be at war with them.
No thank you. I prefer to leave that kind of crap to the guy who kept us neutral three years ago when the cats and dogs started killing each other. ”
He’d done some fancy dancing then, when the werewolves and the were-cougars had gone at it.
It was a short war—only about a year—but it had been bloody on both sides.
The populations were still recovering and it had taken all of his human diplomatic skills to keep the Gladwins out of it.
Especially since one of the most logical battlegrounds was Gladwin State Park.
And what even Tonya didn’t know was that he was the one who brokered the peace.
“I could be your diplomatic liaison,” he suggested.
“Or you could keep doing what you’re doing and not screw with success.
” She blew out a breath. “Look, I know you’re feeling all these great things for Becca.
She’s everything warm and fuzzy that you adore.
She’s also sexy in that hot mama kind of way.
But come summer, it’ll change. Don’t destroy both your lives for spring fever. ”
Was that what he was feeling? Spring hormones? It didn’t feel like that, but hell, it’d been so long since he’d felt the hots for anyone, how would he know?
Tonya shot him a long look, trying to gauge his reaction to her words.
He didn’t give her any. There was too much to consider.
Just because every part of his body and soul wanted Becca in his life didn’t mean he was thinking clearly.
Or that it was the best choice for everyone.
After all, he could give up being Max. He could if it was for her.
Plus, it would give him more time to do the things he cared about, like finding a solution for the ferals.
But what if she would be miserable here?
Tonya was right. As a full human, Becca would never completely fit in.
He had only to look at his brother, Alan, to know that.
The man did more for the community as a lawyer than any of them could possibly imagine, but he was still considered inferior because he couldn’t shift.
How much worse would it be for Becca, without any shifter blood in her at all?
He couldn’t do that to her. She had a life and a business in Kalamazoo. Why would she give that up just to be shunned here? It didn’t make sense, and he’d cut off his right arm before he made her miserable. Which meant the answer was clear.
He couldn’t have her. He’d go back to what he had been doing, which was watching her from afar. Wanting her but knowing it was best for her sake to leave her be even as he taught her adopted son how to be a shifter.
If he’d cut off his right arm to make her happy, then how much harder could it be to cut out his heart?