Chapter 31 Working It Out
WORKING IT OUT
Clay should have never let his mother get in his head. That he wasn’t trying enough.
What the fuck? He was spending weekends with Meredith.
Two in a row with a plan on the third.
But that wasn’t good enough for the woman who wanted all her kids settled down popping out babies.
No, thank you. Not there yet.
He should have stayed away from the cafe this morning, but he ran in to get food.
The first thing his mother did was question his relationship with Meredith and his intentions.
She’d never done that before.
He didn’t have intentions when it came to his personal life.
His mother didn’t care for that answer, then gave him shit for always having Meredith come to the property and cook for him. That the least he could do was take her out to dinner once in a while or she’d think all he wanted was sex.
Well yeah, he wanted it. A lot.
More than he had with another woman.
But that was on Meredith. She started it all.
She was the one who pushed him past his limit.
The one who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Not that he actually said no. But he thought it.
And he tried to get her to see a side of him others ran from.
She never ran though. If she had he’d probably have to catch her before she broke a wrist catching herself in a fall.
He shook his head and put his phone in his back pocket. He was in town anyway for a doctor’s appointment. It wouldn’t hurt to grab Meredith and take her out to eat as his mother said.
The excitement in her voice just now told him he might not be putting enough into this.
But he went to dinner with her parents yesterday. What more did anyone want?
He walked in the door of the medical arts building, went to his doctor’s office and gave his name, then took a seat.
The last thing he wanted to do was to keep this appointment when he had enough shit to do in a day, but he came once a year, had all the normal crap done, then went on his way.
No way he was letting Blaze give him a hard time over skipping out on it. He was in perfect health. At least physically. He was positive he was getting there mentally now too.
Which went right back to Meredith and that he should put more effort in.
His name was called by a young nurse. She was grinning at him when he stood up.
“I’m Evelyn. I’ll be your nurse today. We need to get you on the scale first.”
His blood pressure and pulse were perfect like always. He answered all the questions again that he’d preregistered, not sure why he had to waste ten minutes doing that if he was going to have to here.
“The doctor will be in shortly,” Evelyn said, pulling out a gown and handing it over. “Everything off but your underwear.”
“I know the deal,” he said.
He undressed and put his clothes on the chair, threw the gown on and tried not to have flashbacks of all his physicals in the service. Where you waited for one minor thing to come back and you’d be off the team.
Or benched until everything was perfect again.
“I’m Dr. Black. We haven’t met yet.”
He shook hands with the young guy. “Nice to meet you. Is Dr. Zang off?”
“He actually relocated. The same with me. I started a few weeks ago and am doing a few days a week here, the rest of the time in Glens Falls,” Dr. Black said.
“I have to say, I noticed the name. How common is Ridgeway around here? I’m friends with Dr. Ridgeway at the hospital in Glens Falls.
He is the one who reached out with the opening. ”
“My brother,” he said.
“I thought so,” Dr. Black said. “I can see the resemblance. Your brother and I go way back. Good guy.”
“He can be,” he said. “Forces my butt here or I get a lecture.”
“I’ll make it as painless as possible.”
They went through all the routine questions and exams, then Dr. Black stopped typing into his laptop. “Everything okay?”
“I know you were in the Navy. Not just from Blaze, but your records. It’s a safe space, but I know it’s hard for people to talk about this. You could go to the VA but came here. Can I ask why?”
“This is closer,” he said. And he didn’t want to deal with all the damn questions he was most likely going to get now.
“And less intrusive,” Dr. Black said. “Got it. Anything you want to share or just move on?”
“I’m good,” he said. He could confidently say that. “Better than I was two years ago if that helps.”
Dr. Black nodded his head. “I’m here if you find you’re not. But I’m positive you can go to your brother also.”
“I could,” he said. “I don’t need to.”
But Blaze would be the one he’d talk to before anyone else. He wasn’t so afraid to talk as his family feared.
It had more to do with working it out on his own.
He’d thought for years he’d failed Colin. It took talking to Meredith for him to realize that wasn’t the case.
That he put guilt on his shoulders without knowing all the facts.
For a man who prided himself on gathering all the information, he hadn’t there.
He was more worried about failing in life. In anything.
Letting his father down. His mother. His siblings.
Then the brothers on his squad.
When what he’d feared might happen did, he just had to leave.
Now he wondered if the fear of letting a woman into his life added to his list.
When the exam ended, he got dressed, made his appointment for next year, then went to get his blood drawn.
Once he was done, he shot the text off to Meredith that he’d be there in ten minutes.
“What happened to you?” she asked the minute she climbed in his truck. She hadn’t even let him get out, but was waiting on the porch and came running toward him.
He saw her there, his phone having gone off with an alert to movement on the front porch.
Maybe his heart knocked a bit in his chest over the thought she was so excited to see him.
“Nothing, why?”
She pointed to his arm where the bandage was from the needle. “Oh. I had blood work.”
He ripped it off and put it in the side of the door to grab on his way out later.
“Everything okay? Are you sick or hurt?”
He turned to see the concern in her eyes matching that in her voice. “No. Just my annual checkup.”
“Got it,” she said. “Guys have it easy. Women need more than one annual checkup. You never have to put your feet up in the air and spread yourself wide naked.”
He laughed. Truly laughed. Her jaw was open. Jeez, was he that much of a dick that she rarely saw that reaction from him?
“You like doing that for me.”
She shoved at his arm. “Very funny.”
“I thought so,” he said. “That is why I laughed.”
“I’m glad you asked to go to dinner. I can tell you my funny stories now. I need it after my bad day.”
He growled. “What happened?”
“Whoa,” she said. “Nothing. I mean nothing to me. It’s about one of my students.”
“Oh. What’s going on?”
“That’s sweet that you want to know.”
“I can tell it’s bothering you,” he said.
Just by the tone of her voice. She was reactive to everything and he found it easy to gauge her moods.
Happy, which was most times.
Frustrated, usually when she was with him.
Scared, not often around him, which made him wonder if she took much seriously, but he’d seen the other side too.
Upset, talking about this student. Her voice low, a sappy quality to it.
“Yeah. This little girl, Macy. I’ve brought her up before. Not the best home life, but the last time I talked to the grandmother about things, they improved.”
“This is the kid that stunk and was hungry?”
“You remembered,” she said. “Sometimes I think half my words go in one ear and out the other when we talk.”
They might have early on.
“What happened to her?”
He listened while Meredith talked about the bruises on Macy’s backside and that she wanted to go home with her favorite teacher.
“It’s sad,” she said. “I know she feels comfortable with me but not enough to tell me what happened. The counselor got it out of her. I’ll find out more tomorrow, if I can. They don’t always tell me everything.”
“Someone should take a belt to that dick,” he said. “Beating on a child.”
“Yeah, well, he was probably drunk by the sounds of it. Who knows? As much as I’d like to have more say or control over things, it’s just not possible. And I don’t want to ruin our time together.”
“Do you care where we go to eat?” he asked.
“Nope. Your choice.”
He parked on Main Street. There were more restaurants in walking distance than he could count.
They walked toward one on the water. It was too cool to sit outside, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have a nice view from inside.
“What stories do you have to share?” he asked. Maybe he was looking forward to her antics more than he’d admit.
“Nothing too drastic. Just that I’m losing my mind.”
He closed one eye at her. She was laughing so he wouldn’t worry too much. “How so?”
“I keep doing things around the house without even realizing I’m doing them.”
He frowned. “Like what? Eating in your sleep?”
“No,” she said. His voice was cautious as if he wasn’t judging, but she still felt like an idiot bringing this up.
“But that wouldn’t be good. Could you imagine if I was gaining weight and didn’t know, then realized every night I’d come down and have a bowl of ice cream?
I guess finding the bowl in the sink the next morning would freak me out, but it’d have to be me. ”
“Then what, if it’s not that?”
“Just thinking I had to do something and then must have done it. Like the dishwasher being empty when we came back to my place. I went to fill up my paper products that I do every few weeks and they were already done. Even my towels were folded this afternoon and I thought I still had to do them.”
“You don’t remember doing any of it?” he asked, his head angled.
“It’s not a big deal. I talk to my mother or clients or even friends at night.
I’m always walking around doing things while I am.
I probably folded them last night while I was prepping lunches for the week talking to my mom.
Like I know I did that last night but then thinking back I don’t remember cleaning up the dishes but I had to because I turned the dishwasher on at some point.
This morning I emptied it when I put my coffee cup in there. Things like that.”
“Makes sense,” he said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you always appeared scattered if it’s not work related.”
“I know.”
“And you’ve had a lot on your mind. Plus, you haven’t been home much. You’re probably running around doing things on automatic and not even sure you are.”
“That’s what I figured. Just a lot going on.”
He wanted to ask more about what was on her mind, but maybe there was part of him that didn’t want to know.
“Anything you want to share?”
“You should see the pained look on your face when you asked that,” she said, reaching for his hand. “Don’t worry. I won’t unload on you. There is a lot going on in my life. Not all bad. Most of it is good. Other than, you know, nasty letters, dents in my car, and a broken window.”
“Don’t forget about dead fish, upturned pots, and rearranged arts and craft supplies.”
She smiled and winked at him. “See. You get it. No big deal.”
But something told him it was much bigger than she wanted to let on. Or there was something more she wouldn’t share.