Chapter 35 Awkward Moment
AWKWARD MOMENT
Clay had never been good with words and watching Meredith get up before him the next morning and jump in the shower wasn’t helping matters any.
He didn’t think she was going to drop the L bomb on him last night when he could barely gather his thoughts from watching her come undone on top of him.
He didn’t know if he loved her. Fuck, he didn’t know what love even was.
The last thing he was going to do was say something that might not be true. That would only hurt everyone in the end.
Or more than he’d already done.
She came out of the shower, and he was sitting with his back to the headboard. “We should talk.”
“No,” she said. “It’s all good.”
There was a forced smile on her face. “No, it’s not. You deserve to know what I’m thinking.”
“What if I don’t think I’m ready to hear it? Can’t we just leave it be?”
“You can’t run from everything in your life because it’s not the way you want.”
“Don’t tell me that,” she said. “I’m not running. Not like you think. I stand my ground and half the time that gets me in trouble. If you think otherwise, then you don’t know me at all.”
He was thinking he didn’t know himself.
“I know you better than you think I do. You’re feeling gratitude toward me.”
“Yep,” she said. “That’s it. You know how to give a girl one hell of an orgasm. Thanks for that.”
He threw the covers back and stood up. “Don’t do that. Don’t make what we had into something it’s not.”
“I told you not to talk to me about this,” she said firmly. “You’re the one pushing it. I don’t want to say anything else to make this worse. I’m going home now.”
“It’s barely seven,” he said.
“I’ve got things to do.”
“Don’t drive when you’re upset,” he said.
She turned from where she was packing her clothes from yesterday.
Her big brown eyes were glossy. “Clay. We are different people. I’m an emotional creature.
It’s been a really tumultuous few months.
The last couple of days were worse. I watched two people who love each other deeply get married yesterday.
Maybe I’ve got rainbows in my eyes with a sprinkling of glitter.
I don’t know. You’re making more out of this.
When I tell you to let it go, I mean it. I’m embarrassed.”
He sighed and pulled her into his arms. “I don’t want you to feel that way,” he said. She was wiggling around to get out, but he wasn’t releasing her.
Maybe he needed to hold on as much as he wanted to soothe her.
“You can’t control how I feel. I know you think you can. That you can tell everyone what to do and they follow along. I guess I’ve been doing that with you too.”
“Stop,” he said. “I care for you. I do. Never think otherwise. But I’m not someone who throws that word around. Not even in my family.”
He couldn’t remember his father saying it to his mother. He was sure it happened, but probably behind closed doors.
Ford was the only one who talked about being in love, but his brother always knew what was in his heart more than the rest of them.
She let out a large breath. “I know. I get it. I really do.” She pushed out of his arms. “This is just one more awkward moment between us. Don’t worry, I won’t glue paper hearts on your mirror or finger paint on your walls. Nothing like that.”
He forced out a laugh. “I didn’t think you would. Stay. Please.”
It was a lot for him to ask that.
“It’s best if I go. I have things to do. I’m not mad. I promise.”
But she was hurt and that was worse.
She picked up her bag, grabbed her purse, found her shoes by the door and was hopping around while she pushed her feet into them.
He thought she’d fall for a second and reached out, but she shot his attempt down with a glare that might have singed his fingertips if she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes.
She’d caught herself on the wall anyway, proving she didn’t need him.
“Can I get a kiss?”
“Sure,” she said, moving close and smacking her lips to his. She didn’t even pucker them.
She opened the front door and walked out, got in her SUV and drove away.
“Fuck!”
Just when he thought he could get a handle on things he messes them up again.
It didn’t matter how much he tried, he never could get the important things right.
When he came out of his bedroom after showering, his mother was in the kitchen.
If he’d had his phone on him, he would have known someone was in his house. But he never worried around his family.
“What are you doing here?”
“I saw Meredith speeding down the road. She looked upset.”
He’d unlocked the gate for her. He could have been a dick and kept her locked in, but he wouldn’t do that.
“She said she wasn’t.”
“Women lie,” his mother said. “I used to tell your father I wasn’t mad or upset when I was. It’d only make things worse in that moment. But your father always knew the truth and we’d work it out another day.”
He wasn’t so sure he wanted to talk about this, but just like his father knew his mother, Brooke Ridgeway knew every one of her kids.
“It’s been a rough couple of days.”
“She seemed fine yesterday.”
“I don’t know if she’s putting a front on. I can’t tell,” he said.
“Clay. You can tell. You can see everything. Don’t lie to me.”
He hated getting caught and then called out.
He saw everything.
The love in Meredith’s eyes. It was right there in front of his face and he was holding out against hope she didn’t say the words.
When they came, he froze. Internally his mind went blank.
It was probably worse than trying to talk and he should have listened to her.
“She told me she loved me last night.”
“Okay,” his mother said. “I can see that. You wouldn’t have said it back and that upset her?”
“How did you know I wouldn’t say it back?”
“Because you’re the one of my kids that tells no one what you feel until you’ve worked it out in your head that you know one hundred and ten percent it’s what you think it is. There is no way you know this early.”
“That about sums it up.”
“Did you explain that to her?”
“I tried. She didn’t want to talk about it. I let that go and this morning tried again.”
His mother laughed. “Clay. You’re the last person who should force someone to talk when they aren’t ready. Really?”
“Yeah, well, it seems I’m making a mess out of a lot of things.”
“You’re not. You’re too hard on yourself. Give Meredith a few days to think it over. She’s a smart woman. She knows what is going on with you. I’m positive she can see it. But she’s emotional and probably embarrassed.”
“She said that.”
“There you go. She’s being honest.”
“It doesn’t make me feel any better about it.”
“This isn’t about you, Clay. You need to get that out of your head. This is about the woman who just drove away from here. She’ll be back. Don’t worry.”
“Because she works for me.”
“That’s it,” his mother said. “Because she works for you.” His mother walked by him, smiled and shook her head. “Idiot.”
That was exactly what he felt like when he was sitting at the table drinking his coffee and waiting for his phone to go off telling him that Meredith got home safely.
He tried to zoom in on his laptop to get a better look at her face. There were no tears on her cheeks, but her middle finger came up to scratch her chin as she unlocked the door.
He laughed.
She still got her jab in there. He’d take it over glitter any day and give her the time that she needed.