Bound Lies (The Sullivan Mafia #4)

Chapter One

RILEY

There’s blood on my hands.

I might have washed them half a dozen times and got rid of the hot, sticky substance on my skin and the metallic twang in the air, but I’m not sure I’ll ever feel clean again.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

An innocent man is dead because of me.

I couldn’t bear the thought of marrying Sean O’Keefe, one of New York’s most notorious crime bosses, a man old enough to be my father, and Dr. Allen paid the price.

His wife’s screams of agony as she watched him bleed out from multiple gunshot wounds still echo in my head.

And if Ronan hadn’t gotten to us in time, Ciara and I would have ended up the same way.

My blood turns cold at the thought.

I’ve put the Sullivans through hell, and for what? For some evidence that turned out to be fake because I was stupid enough to fall for my father’s trap.

God, how many more people will suffer because of the choices I’ve made?

All I can do is hope that my child won’t be one of them.

I sit cross-legged on the edge of Ciara’s bed, twisting the hem of my sleeve until the fabric bites into my fingers. I’m exhausted, yet too restless to sleep, but I’m not the only one.

Ciara lies propped up in her bed, her green eyes fixed on me as if she’s waiting for me to snap. “Do you want to talk?”

She’s almost nine months pregnant with twins, uncomfortable, and clearly exhausted, yet somehow, she still has space to offer me reassurance I don’t feel like I deserve.

So, I shake my head and go back to fiddling with my sleeve.

I don’t want to talk about how Kieran and I almost died in an ambush on the freeway or how Dr. Allen bled out from multiple gunshot wounds while his wife watched.

I’m so tired of all of it.

“You’re doing the right thing,” she says softly, shifting against her pillows.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“I mean, in telling Kieran about the baby. You might know him better than I do, but I know he hates being lied to. The longer you keep this from him, Riley, the harder it’s going to be.” Her voice might be gentle, but I don’t miss the warning underlying her words.

I swallow past the lump in my throat. “I know. I just… I’m scared. What if this is the thing that makes him walk away from me? What if I lose him?”

Ciara’s lips curve into something that isn’t quite a smile.

“If Kieran loves you, and I think he does, you won’t lose him over this. You’ll only lose him if you let fear stop you from telling him the truth.”

Pressing my hand against my tummy, I can’t help but want to protect the secret life that is growing there. I’m barely four weeks along, but the whisper of possibility that this life brings is enough to terrify me.

I was never one of those girls who dreamed of getting married, and having kids, and somehow in the space of a few weeks, I have the possibility of both.

Well, Kieran might not legally be my husband, but the thin gold band he wears on his finger says otherwise.

I used to resent the matching ring I wear on my finger and refused to wear it as a way to punish Kieran. But now it’s a source of comfort among the chaos that is our lives.

The sound of the front door opening jolts me out of my thoughts, and a male voice filters up the stairs, deep and rough with irritation.

Kieran.

From the sounds of it, he’s not alone. Another voice joins his, Ronan’s, and the volume suddenly increases. I can’t make out much of what they’re saying, but I can tell from the tone that it’s not a pleasant conversation.

I glance at Ciara, who only shakes her head.

“I don’t know what’s going on. Just that they had trouble getting hold of Cormac.”

Cormac?

From what I know of the third Sullivan brother, he likes to keep his distance. He’s been living on the West Coast for the past few years, and the only reason he’s back in New York is because of his father’s death. If you ask me, I’m surprised he’s stuck around this long.

Before I can ask Ciara more, Ronan appears in the doorway, his gaze flicking first to Ciara, then to me.

As the oldest of the Sullivan brothers, he’s had to carry more weight and responsibility after Seamus Sullivan’s murder, and it seems to be taking its toll. He looks tired, with shadows etched beneath his eyes, and something about the grave look on his face makes me nervous.

He nods toward Ciara. “I need to check on her.”

Taking the hint, I quickly rise off the bed. “Of course. I’ll give you two a minute.”

I slip from the room, the floor creaking under my bare feet as I pad down the hall toward the stairs.

The air downstairs is heavier, like the house itself has absorbed the weight of Kieran and Ronan’s argument.

I pause halfway down, gripping the banister, my ears straining toward the sound of Kieran’s voice.

He’s pacing around the living room with his phone pressed to his ear. His black shirt is taut against his muscled back, and he’s rolled the sleeves up to his elbows, and I catch the tendons in his forearms flexing as he curls his hand into a fist.

He looks seconds away from putting it through a wall.

“I don’t care what it takes, find him!” He hangs up, curses, then drags a hand down his face.

When he finally turns around to find me standing in the doorway, something in his expression softens, but only slightly.

“Hey.”

“Everything okay?” I step carefully into the room, afraid one wrong move might set him off again.

He exhales heavily, shaking his head as he pockets his phone. “Not really. Cormac’s…missing.”

“Missing?”

“His phone’s been disconnected.”

“Are you sure he just didn’t want to go off the grid for a while?”

“It’s not just the phone. Ronan and I searched his office and found some evidence that points to him being the mole.”

I frown. “Cormac? Are you sure?”

Kieran’s jaw tightens as he glances over to the wall of bookcases, where dozens of family photos are displayed. It isn’t lost on me that after a certain age, Cormac stopped appearing in them.

“No. But I should’ve known. Deep down, I knew he was hiding something. I just never thought it would be this big.” His hands curl into fists at his sides, frustration radiating off of him in waves.

“Are you sure someone’s not trying to frame him?” I don’t know why I’m defending Cormac.

I barely know him, and yet I can see the pain it causes Kieran to consider that his own brother might have been responsible for their father’s death. Betrayal doesn’t cut much deeper than that.

“No. All signs point back to him.”

“What are you going to do?”

Kieran stares at the photos with a distant look in his eyes as if losing himself to some old memories that I’m sure he is wanting to forget.

“I don’t know.”

I close the space between us and wrap my arms around his waist, burying my face in his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I’m sorry that you’re hurting.”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“You don’t need to handle it alone.”

“I know.”

For a moment, we just hold each other, neither one of us speaking. We don’t need to.

The silence is heavy with everything we have yet to face, which is why I find myself not wanting to break it.

But Kieran does. “I’m so sick of people lying to me, Riley.”

I tense in his arms. “What do you mean?”

“Everyone’s got secrets, everyone’s hiding something, and I seem to be the one who pays for it.”

He doesn’t know it, but his words are cutting, as if he just took a knife to my skin.

I am one of those people, harboring what could end up being the biggest secret of all because I’m too much of a coward to face the reality that Kieran could walk away.

My stomach churns at the possibility, but if I tell him now when he’s in this mood, he’ll never forgive me. He’ll see my secret as just another betrayal, and I can’t bear to lose him when I’ve barely had the chance to have him.

Before I can say anything, Kieran reaches out and lifts my chin so that I have no choice but to look at him. Even after all this time, my breath catches under the intensity of his gaze.

I have every inch of him memorized, from the curve of his lips to the way his hair curls around his ears, and yet, it still catches me off guard just how beautiful he is.

This man is mine. But for how long?

“I’m sorry.” He brushes my hair out of my face. “I’m taking this out on you, and none of it’s your fault.”

“I don’t mind.” I force a smile despite the guilt that is sitting heavy on my chest.

“Well, I do. You’ve had enough to deal with without me adding to it.”

My smile warms a bit. “I think that’s how normal, healthy relationships work. I share what’s on my mind, and you do the same.”

“Is that how it works?” His eyes flick to my lips, and I hold my breath, hoping he’ll bend down and kiss me.

It feels like an eternity since I last felt his lips on mine, and yet it’s only been a few hours.

Just when I think Kieran is going to close the distance between us, he does the opposite. He drops his hands to his sides and steps out of my arms. “You’ve had enough to deal with. I should have been here for you more.”

I want to scream as I watch him put up an invisible wall, feeling the distance between us grow wider.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise. But right now, I need to find Cormac before he does any more damage.”

I force myself to nod, even though my chest aches.

“Of course. Do what you need to do.”

His eyes search mine, lingering for a moment as if he senses the weight pressing down on me. Then he nods, squeezing my arm once before stepping past me toward the door.

“I’ll be upstairs using Ronan’s office if you need me.”

I watch him go, every step dragging him further from me.

The house feels emptier once he’s gone, like he’s taken the air with him.

I sink onto the couch, Ciara’s words echoing in my head as I catch the sound of the office door slamming shut.

The timing will never be right.

She’s right. I know she is. Every time I’ve tried to tell him, something has gotten in the way. But now it’s not just circumstance holding me back. It’s fear.

I press both hands against my still flat bump as I close my eyes.

It’s not just about me anymore. I have to find the courage to tell the truth, not just for myself, but for the life growing inside me.

Kieran has no idea that his life is about to change, and whether it's for the better is up to him.

But I can’t keep this from him any longer. The longer I wait, the more impossible it will become.