Chapter 30
The days that follow are a blur of healing and cleaning. My inventory is a mess. I’ll have to close the shop for a week to ensure all the books that snuck across the magical divide are found and shoved back.
I sigh, leaning back against my front counter and eyeing the stacks before me.
At least the buyer of The Arachnomicon came and went with little complaint.
Mr. Solomon Nightingale was a little wary when Lucas refused to open the iron box to let him inspect the book.
I offered him a small discount to offset the costs of repair, which I adamantly refused to do in-house.
The man’s eyes bugged when Lucas handed over the overstuffed key ring to all the various chains and padlocks.
Finally, The Arachnomicon was out of my life. For the first time in weeks, I can breathe easily.
Valen emerges from the stacks, looking better than he has in days. Together, we managed to heal most of his scars, except for the one that slices his right eyebrow in a heart-fluttering sort of way. The sight of it now brings heat flooding into my cheeks.
His blue eyes flick up to meet mine and my breath leaves me. His hair has escaped the pomade and brushes his forehead gently.
My pocket grows heavy with the weight of the ring box that holds the engagement ring he gave me seven years ago.
I retrieved it to prove that I wasn’t lying about keeping it.
Now my heart is fluttering so fast that I fear I might faint.
I stumble over my words like a besotted teen. “Was your search fruitful?”
“I found twenty-seven hidden in the children’s section.
” He’s standing inches from me, no counter dividing us this time.
His voice is a smooth melody that worsens my growing desire.
“I’m not sure which is more disturbing: that there were twenty-seven cursed books, or that you have a children’s section. ”
I laugh. “It’s for show. I don’t get children in here.” Nerves surge and I fiddle with my cuffs. “You’re pretty good at this. If you wanted to stay in the city, I could give you a job while you get on your feet.”
His smile turns forlorn and a sinking sensation tightens my hands. “Perhaps an alternative.” He’s closer, his heat warming me. “You could come back to the Order once my father takes control. I’m sure the archives could use someone with your expertise.”
I laugh, but it doesn’t reach my heart. “Yeah, but then I’d set up a smuggling ring with Lucas and we’d make a fortune.” Tears begin to win the battle and I duck my head. “Actually, this could work. Let’s discuss.”
Sadness tightens his gaze.
My breath trembles. “Do you even want to be Archweaver? Truly?”
He hesitates. “It’s for the good of the Order.”
“But what about you? When do you get to do the things you want?”
“It’s for the good of me, too,” he whispers. His fingers brush along mine and they leave a hollow ache inside my chest.
“I don’t believe that.” I shake my head, my voice turning strained. “I think it’s what’s expected of you.”
“Tori.” His hands cup my face. The sincerity in his eyes weakens me and I lean heavily into his touch. “Come with me. Please.” His thumb strokes the corner of my mouth, his voice low. “My love.”
My lip trembles, hating this moment with every fiber of my being. Valen’s gaze flicks away and snags on something behind me. I turn and falter.
Lucas watches us from the row of stacks leading to my loft.
He turns his head away sharply and holds up his hands.
“Sorry. I shouldn’t be—” He gasps for breath.
“I’ll give you two space.” And he slips into the back room before I can think of something to say.
My heart aches, unsure if I should go after him.
Valen murmurs, “He has a knack of appearing when he shouldn’t.”
I say nothing while I observe the way Valen’s gaze lingers on the silk curtain, the way his throat works and his eyes shift.
A small hint of deep longing filters through his expressionless mask.
The raw emotion softens my voice so low that only he can hear.
“You could have him, too, you know. If you stayed.”
A haunted shadow crosses over Valen’s eyes, his mouth tightening.
I know what he’s thinking. Though Vincentius Bauer the Third may not care if Valen has two lovers, he sure as hell will care if one of those is a magician.
It would cause a divide between father and son, a fight that Valen is not sure he’s willing to have.
The rising heat of hatred worsens the pain of this moment.
Vincentius. He has ruined so much for both Valen and me.
I search Valen’s eyes and find none of the betrayal that I feel.
It’s the hard truth of Valen. He loves his father, fully and unconditionally.
It’s a foreign love to me and I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.
I mumble my question towards my shoes, unable to meet his gaze, “When are you leaving?”
“Today.”
I suck in a harsh breath and my head snaps up. “So soon?”
Valen nods solemnly, “My father summoned me to assist him. There are some complications. The Transformation Domain is determined to stay neutral. Luciana’s family is still powerful and it’s making it difficult for our allies to convince Urlic to act, but I think I can sway him.
” His gaze lands on me again. “I’ll come back for you when it’s safe, if you decide you’d like to return, too.
You are an Heir now. I don’t know what that means since the Archweaver you’re apprenticed to is dead, but it must mean something.
We can figure it out. Together.” His smile is soft, beseeching.
“But if that’s not the path you wish, then come back for me and reclaim what we were.
” He strokes my short hair. “It will be as it was. I swear.”
But it won’t. It can never be. Because no matter how much I love Valen, my mind and soul will always be back here in my shop with my trickster inventory and my loft that smells of enchanted flowers.
I’ve tasted a life free of the Order. Returning to the rules and restrictions that nearly suffocated me would be a hell that even Valen could not fix.
Then there’s Lucas. My soul might not be split in two anymore, but my heart is. Valen might be able to walk away from Lucas, but I could never.
The realization makes my words flow effortlessly. “I’m sorry, Valen. I won’t go back there.” Pain lances me. “Not even for you.”
Valen’s gaze shudders and he rests his forehead against mine. We stay like this, breathing each other in. My fingers lace with his and our joined hands touch our hearts.
He whispers into the space, “I wish you loved me more than you love him.”
My lips part in a small gasp and I prepare to argue, but I stop instead.
The temptation to tell him he’s wrong is strong, but he’s not.
Not entirely. I love them both, but Lucas is willing to put my needs above all else.
Perhaps if Valen loved me more than he wants power in the Order, things would be different. But he doesn’t.
I deserve to be loved like Lucas loves me. For the first time in my life, I’ll feel what being first in someone’s life is, and that is a true gift.
I smile softly, my vision blurring. “Goodbye, Valen.”
Magic tingles between our palms and I release his hands. The blue velvet box holding my engagement ring remains clutched in his fist. I meant it as a token of my unfaltering love, but now it’s a mark of our separation.
He stares at it, his thumb sliding over the latch, before slipping it away into his pocket. He strokes my face, his voice rasping as his eyes glisten. “Farewell, Tori.”
Our kiss is slow, lingering. It’s a bittersweet kind of pain as I mold against his body for the last time.
I brush my nose against his, breathing in his achingly familiar scent.
“If you change your mind or if the war goes to shit, my door is open to you. Always. But I won’t chase you, Valen.
When you leave, I’ll let you go.” My throat is closing, my eyes stinging. “Thank you for everything.”
He kisses me again and steps away. A letter shimmers into existence between us and he hands it to me. “For him.”
I smooth my hands over the crisp, white paper, fingering the elegantly scrolled Lucas across the front. My vision blurs and my inhale quivers.
The shop door dings, and I don’t have the will to magic the lock closed. I walk down the three steps and twist the bolts. I lean against the door and slide down the smooth paint. Tears wash down my face and I curl up tightly into a ball of despair.
I permit myself to grieve until my tears dry and I stare blankly ahead. I wipe the tracks from my face, sniffling. The loss of Valen is a living thing and I wonder if I’ll ever stop missing him. Like the absence of Aunt Vi, a little piece of me is gone.
My gaze falls on the curtained back room. Lucas hasn’t emerged.
Slowly, I drag myself to standing and make my way back there. The curtain is smooth against my fingers and I push it back until it secures in the brass hook. It’s dark within, as if the magical window cannot bear to be cheery. False rain clicks against the panes, the only sound in the room.
Lucas’ back is to me. He’s moved the mountain of books off one of the wooden chairs so he can sit down. He leans on the stained table, his cap beside him and his arms folded under his cheek. My fingers brush the back of his neck, the silken strands of his hair sliding between them.
His face is tight with devastation. His jaw flexes, his shoulders bunching, and I stroke his hair back. “Lucas?”
His eyes squeeze shut, his voice rough with the rawness within him. “I didn’t want to be a guest in your relationship with him, and yet he seduced me into it so easily.”
My fingers still.
His arms tighten, his eyes opening again. “I couldn’t help it. I wanted to touch you so badly. I wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted by you in that way.”