Now
I lost track of how long I was in that room. At some point, the sun had risen and fallen, and the room was pitch black again. Michael had only entered once to put a bucket in the corner. “I don’t want you making a mess of our new house,” he spat out bitterly as he set down a bowl of water next to me. “For my pet.” He didn’t want me dead, but he also didn’t want to give me the courtesy of using the bathroom, eating, or drinking water with dignity. He was degrading me and he was taking pleasure in it. I’m sure he thought that would break me, but I had been through worse.
Elliott was in my ear most of the time, repeatedly asking if he needed to get me out of there, but I knew I needed to stay—that was the only way I would be close enough to get the job done.
“Talk to me, Jacqueline,” Elliott gently said after a long stretch of silence.
My parents were the first thing that came to mind. Being left alone with my thoughts led me to places I rarely visited, except during therapy.
“I miss my mom,” I said, my breath trembling.
There was a pause for a moment before he responded. “Tell me about her.”
Her soft features, blonde hair, and brown eyes immediately popped into my head. I remembered the comforting smell of her as I laid my tiny head on her chest and her quiet voice singing a lullaby as she sat next to me on my bed. Tears pricked my eyes as I hummed along, a sting gnawing at my chest.
“She was very sweet, and she was so loving. I see a lot of myself in her, especially since we both endured so much violence and stayed with our abusers.” A tear fell down my cheek. “I never knew how strong she was until I went through all of this. I wish she would’ve put my dad out of his fucking misery; anyone who hurts people like he and Michael do must be so fucking miserable.”
Elliott was quiet before he spoke. “She would be proud of you, Jacqueline. You’re an amazing woman.”
My chest constricted. I wanted to make her proud by doing what she should have done to my dad. But she didn’t—she couldn’t. I knew she probably didn’t want to break up our little family; even as a small child, I loved my dad. He wasn’t a very involved father, but any attention I got from him felt like the world to me. And I knew that you could love someone deeply and unconditionally, even if they hurt you. But this was different; Michael couldn’t go on with this any longer. I wasn’t worried about getting caught—this was just something I knew had to happen. I had experienced enough trauma in my twenty-eight years to not give a fuck about the consequences of my planned actions.
I jumped when the bedroom door flung open, Michael’s dominating presence filling the room. My eyes stung from the bright hallway light streaming through the door frame. I watched as Michael’s silhouette glided toward me, his bare feet nearly soundless on the hardwood floor.
“Jackie.” His voice was so soft that I barely heard him.
“Yes, Daddy?” I answered in the same tone.
He leaned down to untie my ankles first, my heart racing as I watched him finish before he moved up to my wrists. He finally removed my collar and tossed it on the floor.
“You’ve been such a good girl, sweet Jackie. Clean up your waste and I’ll bathe you in our bathroom.”
I sluggishly got to my knees and lifted myself up with my palms. Michael stood and watched as I grabbed the bucket of piss, then followed me down the hall to the guest bathroom. I flushed my waste down the toilet and looked under the bathroom cabinet for a cleaning solution. Surprisingly, it was well stocked with all the necessities. I wondered if Michael had shopped for them or if they were left by the previous owners. He remained silent as I cleaned the bucket and washed my hands.
“Good girl,” he praised, taking my hand and leading me out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the main bedroom. The room was bare apart from a dresser and a king-sized bed. Michael flicked on the bathroom light and started running water in the large bathtub that sat beside a window. My stomach dropped as I watched him take off his joggers, then his boxer briefs. Even after the isolation punishment, where I had spent every waking moment hating him, my pussy still pulsed at the sight of his naked body.
He gestured to the tub. “After you, baby.”
My weak legs lifted over the porcelain as goosebumps prickled my body upon submerging my feet in the warm water. I kept my eyes fixed on the bottom of the tub as I lowered the rest of my body, pulling my knees close to my chest. I could see Michael entering the tub in front of me but I didn’t dare meet my eyes with his.
He stopped the faucet and grabbed some body wash from the side of the tub. He lathered it in his hands before pulling my body close to his, turning me around and positioning my back against his chest. My heart raced as he began to rub my breasts with the soap, squeezing gently. I felt his erection grow on my lower back and guilt washed over me as excitement twinged between my legs. Somewhere deep in my core, I wanted him to suddenly change; I wanted him to do a complete 180 and start to become a decent human being so I wouldn’t have to end his life. I had spent years loving him, and as much as I hated him, I would have preferred to not kill him.
“So tell me, sweet Jackie. Did you have enough time to think about all the ways you wronged Daddy?” His hot breath against my ear sent shivers down my spine.
“Yes, Daddy. I’m sorry,” I whispered into the empty space in front of me.
He exhaled a small laugh and began to slowly slide his hands from my breasts to my pussy. I closed my eyes and was suddenly all too aware of the small device in my ear that was my gateway to Elliott. I let out an involuntary moan as Michael slipped a finger inside of me, undoubtedly feeling how wet I was for him.
He continued as he began to rub my needy clit. “Why did you really come back, Jackie?”
My eyes shot open as his fingers moved quickly. “To be yours, Daddy,” I let out my panicked answer. He has no way of knowing—I’ve been so compliant. He’s fucking with you again. Don’t give in.
“I don’t think you’re that stupid, Jacqueline . What have you planned, hm?”
I shook my head as Michael continued to rub me, my climax near despite how scared I was.
“Nothing, Daddy. I tried to make it work with Elliott, but all I could think about was you,” I said in a half-moan. “Having you back in my life just reaffirmed my belief that I was meant to be yours. It’s fate. I love you.” Tears escaped my closed eyes and fell down my cheeks.
Michael suddenly stopped his frantic fingers and took my shoulders, then turned me around to face him. His dark gray eyes peered into mine, searching my face as if it gave away all of my secrets.
“I love you, Daddy,” I cried, reaching for him, but he flinched away and grabbed my hand with his.
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “Why?”
I blinked away my tears. “I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. “None of this makes sense, but all I know is that I love you and would do anything for you.”
Jackie from four years ago believed that. Even Jackie from a week ago believed that. I observed as Michael’s eyes shifted from fiery anger to profound sadness. I almost wanted to claw out the small spyware from my ear and drown it in the water, to live only in that moment with Michael forever—with a raw, vulnerable Michael who seemed to be just as torn as I was.
“No one has endured so much from me and still loved me. I can’t say that I’m even capable of loving you back, Jackie. I want to, but all I feel is anger.” His eyes slowly widened as he spoke, as if he had just realized this profound revelation. And my guard began to slowly crack, as if my heart was trying to burst through the hardened shell that I had carefully placed around it, safe from Michael’s reach.
“Why do you feel angry?” I probed, reaching my hand out to his stubbled, chiseled jaw; to my surprise, he didn’t react.
He shook his head, and his eyes were still widened with uncertainty. “I don’t know.”
Fuck. Don’t believe him. Don’t let one moment of vulnerability and softness overshadow years of his cruelty and torment. This is what he always does—he causes you pain and then reels you back in. The anguish and confusion I felt pierced deep into my chest.
“You’ve never loved me?” I knew there was a subtle hint of pain in my voice.
I sat in front of him, our eyes locked, feeling like he was truly listening and hearing me for perhaps the first time ever; it only fueled my doubt and confusion more.
He was silent as he stared at me, his eyes devoid of anger for once. “No.”
I shouldn’t have let his answer hurt me, but it did. The only thing I had wanted for years of my life was for him to love me in return. But perhaps it wasn’t love that I felt for him after all; perhaps it was only an unhealthy obsession and a desperate need for his reciprocation.
“But you’ve loved others?”
I wanted to keep him talking, hoping to find a reason not to go through with my plan.
“I loved Hana,” he responded immediately. “And Charlotte.”
I tilted my head. “Charlotte?”
He quickly averted his gaze, but a smile slowly spread across his lips.
“I found her right after my mum died. She was younger than me, by a few years, and I was instantly obsessed with her. She was the first woman I wanted to tie up, to hurt. I asked her to marry me and she agreed. That’s when I got to experiment—to try what I really wanted.” His sinister gaze landed back on me. “Rope. Handcuffs. My belt. She wasn’t too keen with any of that, though. She called me a monster. And I went easy on her—she had no idea what I was capable of. And shortly after…” He trailed off, looking down at my breasts. “She got pregnant. I was over the fucking moon. But she wasn’t; she wanted an abortion. Just like fucking Hana.” He shook his head angrily. “It was supposed to be different with Hana.”
I was afraid for him to continue, but I only nodded as tears streamed down my face.
“What happened then?” I hesitantly asked.
His narrowed eyes bore into me with rage. The vulnerable and soft Michael was gone, replaced once again by the Michael I knew so well. It was frightening how quickly he could change.
“Abortion was illegal back then in Ireland, so I wasn’t worried. But she used an excuse to visit family in France to get one behind my back. She called me from France telling me what she had done. We had broken up, and she stayed away from me for months, leaving me to stew in my anger and contemplate all the ways I wanted to get back at her.”
Michael began to rub my soaped-up breasts again, a hint of a smile back on his face. I was afraid of what he was going to tell me next, even though I was fairly certain I already knew.
“I caught her home alone one night. She was just getting in the bath. She never saw it coming.” He said the words so casually, as though he were describing a movie he had seen.
My heart threatened to burst through my chest. “She—she never saw what coming?”
I looked down to see his erection growing under the water as he continued to rub me.
“I grabbed the pain meds she had stashed away in her medicine cabinet, forced her to swallow all of them, and then—” He slowly traced his hand up to my neck, then reached behind my head and tugged my hair back. “I spat in her face and held her underwater, watching her pathetic life drain from her eyes.”
My breathing hitched as Michael held me back, dropping me lower into the warm bath water, but stopping once my ears submerged and as I wailed, “Please, don’t!”
He laughed as he let go of my hair and released me, seemingly thriving off of my fear.
“I wouldn’t kill you, sweet Jackie. You’re too compliant. You have nothing to worry about as long as you obey me.”
I couldn’t hide my fear as I began to sob into my hands. I can’t do this. He’s going to kill me first. I know he’s killed before. I can’t. I need to get out of here .
“Oh come on, baby. Do you want me to tell you that I love you? Will that make you happy?” He was trying to comfort me, but his words dripped with sarcasm.
No. The only thing that will put both of us out of this misery is if he were dead .
“Yes,” I murmured into my knees, my face buried in them.
Pain seared through my head as he fisted my hair and tugged my face up to his.
“I love you, Jacqueline . Oh, how I can’t live without you, my beautiful, fucked up, little pet.” He pressed his lips hard against mine, then grabbed my hips, lifted me up, and turned me around to press my body against the hard, tiled wall. The wind was knocked out of me as he slammed his hips into mine, shoving his hard cock into me without mercy.
“Do you still love Daddy now that you know what I’ve done?” he spat into my ear.
“Yes!” I answered without hesitation as his fingers began to furiously circle my clit.
His hips slammed harder into mine, as if my unwavering loyalty to him turned him on even more.
“You’ll never betray me like the others, will you? You will be my good little girl, my perfect little pet, won’t you?”
His fingers were working me up to climax as his cock continually pounded into me, smashing my body into the wall ruthlessly that would surely leave marks.
“Yes, Daddy,” I breathed out, my chest constricting with guilt over my inevitable orgasm.
“Come on, sweet Jackie. Come on Daddy’s cock like a good girl.”
On command, my pussy seized on his cock, my moans loud and untamed for a better and more convincing performance.
As Michael’s grunts grew loud as he came inside of me, I moaned in satisfaction, praying with all my heart that this would be the last time I’d ever endure such excruciating guilt from my tormentor.