Chapter 20
Esme
“Well, good morning, you two,” Soren said, face full of a manic glee that could only come from teasing a younger sibling, as Ford and I approached the breakfast table. That smirk was promptly wiped off his face with a light smack on the back of his head from Bellamy.
“You seem sprightly,” I said evenly, even though my heart still felt like it was trying to punch its way out of my chest. Soren’s solemn demeanor from yesterday had vanished, but then again, I’d never known him as someone who was able to stay serious for any length of time.
“Well, what can I say?” Soren replied, still lightly teasing, but less than the what were you doing in that room all alone for so long? tone he was sporting at first. “I’m excited for the day ahead. But first, I need to eat.”
Good, a distraction. One I desperately needed.
I remembered everything. Every sweep of Ford’s hand over my leg, every murmured praise, every spark of static when his lips hovered over the crown of my head, never quite touching.
And yet, it registered as nothing more than a dreamy haze of contentment, one that made waking up this morning feel like a brutal change of pace.
For a precious moment, right when my eyes opened and I was still enveloped in the warmth of sleep, that glow remained.
Then it all came crashing back down in cold droplets of reality.
The worst of it had been the fact that Ford hadn’t touched me once since we got out of bed that morning. I knew he was waiting for me to ask, to reach out to him, but there was a part of me that still just wanted him to fall victim to the Bond.
Go as crazy as I did.
And still just…wanted. Maybe with even more force than the first go around.
Every repressed desire was pushing its way to the surface, trying to crawl its way through the tiny opening I’d given it, too many fighting for the light at one time.
Just tell him something, the Bond groaned. I’m dying over here.
I didn’t even know how to verbalize it without sounding insane. Could you please show me affection? Oh, what kind? Maybe we could hug? We’ve never done it.
The way he’d held me yesterday may have counted as a hug, but that was more an embrace. Especially because it started off as necessary to prevent a panic attack.
“I don’t know how you’re happy about this,” Bellamy said, shaking her head at Soren. “We have to hang out with Caspian and Elijah again, while they get to have all the fun.” She punctuated her words with a sweeping hand in our direction.
Freya pointed at herself with such comical emphasis I had to hide a laugh under the rim of my coffee cup. My eyes drifted to the side to find Ford doing the same, his eyes crinkling rather adorably at the corners.
God and the Goddess, help me, I prayed silently. This sappy shit was new, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
When Ford caught me staring a beat too long and his eyes narrowed in challenge, a spark of heat tightened my stomach with such force I almost doubled over at the table.
Well, alright, not entirely sappy.
I couldn’t tell which was worse.
“Yes, you,” Bellamy said to Freya with a smile. “Actually, especially you. You get to play happy explorer.”
The second after she said it and Freya’s expression grew even more aghast, the entire table erupted in quiet laughter. Freya was chatty and lively with those she trusted, but with new people, I knew it took a lot of effort for her to open up.
“Oh, come on. Soren gets to play Royal,” Ford said, his voice still thick with a morning rumble. “That’s his favorite.”
“Fuck you, Langley.”
“Appreciate the offer, but no thank you.”
“I’m going to find a way to smother you with a pillow.”
“That’s nice, sweetie.”
“Alright, enough,” Bellamy chided lightly, cutting off Soren and Ford’s back and forth. “I’m already a little nervous, I don’t need to see you two start fighting.”
“Don’t worry, Soren wouldn’t mess up my pretty face. He likes it too much,” Ford said, clearly unable to help himself.
I normally hated to see Ford’s lighter side cut off too soon, those moments like the sun breaking through clouds on the foggiest of days, but Bellamy was right. I placed my hand on Ford’s thigh under the table, not meaning to chastise, just to…well, I guess I hoped I’d distract him.
That move had its desired effect, because Ford’s attention was latched onto me a second later, edged with a touch of shock. I didn’t like how that shock made me feel, but I forcibly reminded myself that if I wanted any semblance of a comfortable dynamic with Ford, that would take time.
“Alright,” Ford said, drawing out the word as his eyes dragged away from me. There was that spark in my stomach again. “Let’s run through the plan once more?”
“Soren and I at a lunch meeting with Caspian and Elijah to discuss trade proposals,” Bellamy said, recounting what we’d read in the letter she’d slipped under our door last night that went untouched until this morning.
“Freya and Arthur will make a show of wanting to explore the city, hopefully getting an escort out of Alice.” I doubted that the woman would say no.
Ever since she’d sat next to Freya at dinner two nights prior, she’d become smitten, looking at her like she was about to ask her if she was looking for an adoptive parent.
“Ford and Esme will ask to go for a ride, but send Sky and Shadow off on their own.”
We were going to break into Salona’s town hall. It wasn’t necessarily the best way to foster cooperation, but we weren’t going to get caught—that just wasn’t an option. As well as negotiations were going, we’d be stupid if we just accepted that at face value.
If there was something, anything to be wary about, we needed to know before we gave up all our secrets.
“Let’s hope to God that these people are dedicated to their religion,” I quipped under my breath.
It was a Friday, the day Muli took to celebrate the Goddess, while back on Vir we took Saturday to celebrate our God.
Though our understanding of our sister planet’s religion had skyrocketed since the beginning of this war, and vice versa for Muli, I was always shocked to find that so much of what we’d learned had been confirmation rather than discovery.
The priestesses on Vir had written extensively of the Goddesses’ practices on Muli, though conveniently leaving out the little tidbit about Marks until it was forced out of them when the war began. The priests that channeled God’s will here did the same, sharing our own practices.
It was hard to deny some degree of divine influence when those writings were proven true once we had access to the Bridge.
Especially with those who had been cast aside as religious zealots for writing about some mystical link between our world and the brightest star in the sky were turned into trusted historians once their writings were proven true.
As expected, human interpretation of the divine varied, with some using it as motivation to honor our planets and some using it to build up their own power.
Freya would surely want to stop into one of the services taking place around the town today and would probably come back with a detailed account.
My instincts were still alight with the sickening feeling that we were missing something big. It was such a reversal, nearly destroying our camp and threatening to take over the Bridge, only to claim they wanted to sue for peace.
I didn’t quite buy Caspian’s excuse of Elijah getting a little trigger happy either.
That feeling only grew as the rest of the morning went a little too seamlessly for my liking.
Not that something had to go wrong at some point for me to believe in it, I understood that some things were just good, but even the Bond was rumbling in the back of my head like the ground seconds before an earthquake.
Caspian had greeted Soren and Bellamy at the door off the inn to personally escort them to their meeting, causing both of them to practically stumble with shock. I didn’t think there was a Royal on Vir—other than Soren and Bellamy themselves—who would have done that.
The streets were crowded, with people weaving in and out of temple, and Alice had pouted that we were missing an incredibly lively day when Ford and I tried to excuse ourselves for a ride.
Ultimately, with the promised of an engaged Freya and quiet Arthur for company, she practically skipped away with them in tow.
Sky, who normally grumbled and kicked up dust any time we parted ways, trotted off into the damn sunset with Shadow without so much as an annoyed huff in my face. He’d eyed Ford before leaving, an expression I couldn’t quite register, but was ultimately okay leaving me in his company.
And, despite my clear infamy, people’s stares were less assessing than normal. Maybe it was the events of the day that had them looking elsewhere, or maybe it was me, less likely to notice.
One of the many discoveries I’d woken up with was that I…didn’t mind the moniker. Ford had looked rather proud of me, despite everything. I could be proud of myself too, of the physical feat and of the spirit it took to complete it, not just the Bond’s insanity.
Whatever the cause, we’d made it around the back of the Salona’s town hall without being stopped or spotted, and if we had, most would assume we were lovers sneaking off for a tryst.
The window Freya had scouted on her walk last night was just as she’d described, easily lifted from the outside with a little maneuvering from a knife. Ford dipped his head in, making sure no one was there while he blindly pocketed his blade.
He nodded at me once, something he’d done a thousand times before on missions, but this time, there was the barest hint of a smile curling his lips. The adrenaline pumping through my own veins was making this feel more like an adventure than anything.
I let my own lips curve into a matching smile, then lifted my knee in preparation. Ford paused for a second, looking a little shell shocked about something, so I wiggled my foot to get him moving.