Chapter 46 #2
He let out a slow breath and closed his eyes for a long moment.
I wished I could bottle the sound of his relief and keep it with me forever.
Still, guilt ate at me. He surely suspected that the woman he was so worried over had been sent here to use him.
To use this. But he didn’t yet know that I’d abandoned that task weeks ago.
A part of me wanted to confess everything right then. Another part clung to the lie. When he pulled me even tighter into his chest and his breathing came out in stutters, I knew I wasn’t ready to make the right choice.
But I would—soon.
“I’m here. I’ll stay.”
Emrys eventually, reluctantly, loosened his hold.
I smiled up at him. “But if I don’t go see Catrin soon, she’ll break her own promise not to strangle you.”
That earned a faint huff of laughter. His lips brushed my temple then he let me go.
I stepped back out into the golden afternoon light, heart still racing, and crossed the short distance to our tent.
Catrin was cross-legged on her bedroll, muttering curses as she tugged dry leaves from her braids.
She didn’t look up as I entered. Frustration shimmered off her like heat from a sunbaked stone.
She was annoyed but not hurt by Emrys’s heavy-handedness.
“If he ever steals me away like a sack of potatoes again, I will grab Mama’s wooden spoon and spank his royal arse.”
That broke the tension. It was impossible for me to contain my laughter at that imagery. Tiny Catrin, righteous and red-cheeked, laying into Emrys, who was twice her size, with a cooking spoon. I’d pay a king’s ransom to see it.
“Let me re-braid your hair,” I offered, already reaching for the comb.
Her irritation flickered and disappeared.
She nodded then added with a crooked smile, “It wouldn’t be proper for a lady to do her maid’s hair. But let’s be honest, absolutely nothin’ about this trip has been proper.”
I picked up the comb and got to work teasing out the rat’s nest that had formed. “You told me everything about that strapping soldier back there, everything but his name the last time we talked about him. You finally going to tell me?”
It was a good thing she didn’t know that I was always open to the emotions surrounding me. Because if she did, Catrin would likely be embarrassed. It was safe to say that she was very interested in her savior.
“His name is Adyn,” she muttered. “You happy?”
“Ecstatic.”
“How about instead of talking about him, we talk about that dazed look you had when you walked in here? Or are your thoughts still tangled up in Emrys’s bedsheets?”
“Catrin!” I gasped.
Her smugness bubbled up, honey-thick and insufferable. She was absolutely preening inside.
“He’s been a thunderstorm for months, then you show up and things change overnight.”
My comb faltered in her hair. I didn’t want to talk about this, didn’t want the flutter in my chest or the memory of his lips on my forehead to matter as much as it did because the size of this feeling was so large.
And because I might be leaving Darreth in a couple of months, when I’d only just realized that I wanted nothing more than to stay.
Catrin continued, ignorant of my internal conflict. “Then he asks me to cover for you sleeping in his tent? What do you expect me to think?”
I let out a slow sigh. “That I’ve been using my magic to calm him since before we started this journey,” I said carefully.
“Oh, I have ears.” She cackled. The vixen laughed so hard she nearly undid my work. “He’s the one who put the tent so close that I can’t help but hear.”
But he’d put wards of silence around us when we—
Catrin continued, “I could hear you two talking for hours.”
Oh, thank the gods, that was all she meant. She hadn’t heard our other activities.
The sweat that had begun to bead down my spine quickly evaporated.
“And?” I asked, a bit too peevishly not to be guilty of something.
She gave a slight shrug. Being so close to the end of her braid, her small movement didn’t matter. “Just saying, isn’t that how the best love stories start? Just two people, tellin’ each other everything about themselves because they want to know and be known in return?”
I conceded with a whisper, “That’s a very beautiful way to put it, Catrin.” I kept my eyes on the braid. It felt safer than looking up. “But I don’t think that’s what’s happening with us. We have to work together. That’s all.”
With her braid secured, she turned and looked at me. A furrow now creased her brow in place of the smug smile. Taking the comb, Catrin motioned for me to turn around so she could fix my hair.
“I have to work with Emrys too,” she said softly. “But I’m not the one he’s opening his heart to, sharing stories of his childhood.”
“You shared a childhood with him, Catrin.”
“True, but I am younger than him, so it was more like me following them around.” She laughed.
“All I’m saying is… Emrys has never acted this way before, Isca.
I think you’re special to him. I already told you that he doesn’t meet with women.
And, before you start getting ideas in your head, know that I approve of everything going on. You’re good for him.”
“Oh,” was all I could manage. Her high opinion of me meant more than she could ever know.
“Did you not suspect that I’ve been trying to encourage this all along? I mean, really, Isca… The hair down during the noble dinner…”
I sent her a narrowed-eye glare.
“Sorry…” she said, not meaning it at all. “And I ‘had to handle something indoors’ all of a sudden the day we were set to explore the glacis?”
When she put it that way, it was fairly obvious that her “errors” hadn’t been errors at all.
“Is getting involved with him wise, though?” I asked, hating how revealing the question was. But her words had stirred a ridiculous hope within me I couldn’t seem to douse.
She paused, fingers still working at my hair, then eventually said, “If this is real, if there’s a chance it could last, don’t talk yourself out of it too soon.”
Wise words.
“I’ll…try.”
She snorted. “So glad I’m finally getting the truth!”
“Ugh, Catrin!” Her name came out on a whine.
“You don’t seem dismayed about the situation with him one bit.” Her teasing faded. What came next wasn’t in jest. “If it makes you happy, I think you’re the best thing that has happened to Darreth in a very long time.”
Except that I’d been sent with a specific purpose in mind—to heal the kingdom, yes, but also to use either him or Nisien.
Though my heart had already chosen sides. Tonight needed to be about keeping Emrys calm and in control. I would confess everything tomorrow, after he returned to me safe, bringing word that there would be no war.