Chapter 13
Chapter
Thirteen
Lape looked in better condition the following morning. She was sitting upright, sharing breakfast with Isla.
“Ye dinnae look as though ye got much rest,” Lape said.
“How can I rest when my life hae been torn apart? Look at us… it seems sae recently that we were sitting in yer chamber at Inverdane Hall. I was tending tae yer… illness.”
She hesitated at this moment, still coming to terms with the fact that her father had been poisoing her mother for so long.
It was something she had wrestled with during the night because there had been so many moments when her father had come to stand beside his wife’s bedside.
Together, he and Isla had prayed for her mother’s recovery.
Isla wondered if any part of her life had been true.
“Aye, ye hae always been a good daughter, Isla. I am grateful tae ye. Without ye I dinnae ken how I would hae survived. Ye and Kai… I always considered the two of ye my children. I ken it sounds horrible, but with Alastair and Callum… they always took after Renard more than me.”
“And they paid the price for it,” Isla said bitterly, frowning with a look of disbelief on her face. “Were we ever a happy family?”
“Aye, once upon a time. When ye were all young and the future seemed unwritten. I did hope that haeing children would change yer father.”
“What was he like when ye were young?” Isla asked, realizing that she had never spoken about her parents’ life before the children had come along.
It only occurred to her now that years ago her mother would have been a young woman just like her, trying to find her place in the world and understand the purpose of her life.
Lape chuckled softly. The color was returning to her cheeks and her eyes were brighter than they had been for a long time. She was not yet fully recovered, but she was getting there and Isla was grateful for this.
“He was charming and handsome, as I’m sure ye can imagine. He was unlike any man I hae ever kenned. He was so sure of himself, and when I was that age I found it an attractive quality. I was too young tae ken any better,” she adopted a wistful tone.
“Ye never doubted that he was tae be yer husband then?” Isla asked.
Lape wore a wry smile. “I dinnae hae a choice. Nae that I minded, as I said, he was charming. He stood out from the other suitors. The first thing he said tae me was that I would be his bride, and that was before our fathers hae arranged anything. It was as though he kenned, like he could bring his own desires intae being. There was something compelling about a man with his drive.” She paused and hung her head.
“It was nae until later that I realized how this was actually a dark thing and how it consumed him.”
Isla shook her head slightly “I just cannae believe that he hae been like this all along and I never suspected a thing.”
“Yer father is skilled at showing people what they want tae see. He hae spent sae long pretending tae be a father, a husband, and a generous Laird that I’m nae sure there is anything real left in him anymore. Perhaps there never was.”
“But how… how did this happen?”
Lape shrugged. “It is who he is. He hae always been a man of ambition. He was always told that he was the most skilled, the most cunning, and the most handsome man in the Highlands. His parents revered him as though he were a god, and I suppose that made him think that he kens best, that only he deserves all the power.”
“And ye could nae influence him.”
“Nae,” the word dropped out of Lape’s mouth like a stone.
In that moment, as Isla saw the pain creeping across her mother’s face, she understood that Lape had not only been suffering from poison for all these years but also with the knowledge that she could not change the nature of the monster to whom she was married.
“Ye should nae blame yerself,” Isla said softly, reaching over to squeeze Lape’s hand. Lape offered a grateful smile.
“I tried tae dae more, but any time I resisted him he threatened ye. He was nae gaeing tae protect ye, sae I hae tae. When ye were bairns I never thought he would treat ye as the enemy. I am sorry for bringing ye intae a world like this with a father like him.”
“Ye dinnae need tae apologize for that. Ye could nae hae known he would treat us like that.”
“Aye… I did hope he would love ye. He always said that he wanted tae produce an heir worthy of him. I believed him for a time, until it became clear that his pride would never allow him tae admit that anyone was capable of being his equal.”
“And now he has a clan ready tae gae tae war for him, ready tae avenge their Laird,” Isla choked on her words. The bitterness tasted harsh in her mouth.
“It is a great shame that Iain hae tae become a victim as well. I always did enjoy his visits tae the Keep. What was he like as a man?”
“The same as he was as a boy. Trusting, happy, kind,” Isla said wistfully. “He was tae good for me…” she trailed away.
“Ye should nae say that.”
“But ‘tis true.” Isla’s words became harsh with anger.
The admission of guilt lingered on her tongue. She almost told her mother that she had kissed Gavin, that she was ready to leave with Gavin, and that if it hadn’t been for her then Iain might still be alive. It was hard enough to admit it to herself, let alone to her mother.
“He shouldn’t hae been killed. He should nae hae even been there.”
“Whatever happened, it was yer father’s daeing. It should nae prevent ye from following yer heart.”
Isla turned her head sharply and her voice became terse. She pulled her hands close to her chest and breath settled in her throat, so thick she might have choked on it.
“My heart?”
Lape tilted her head and gave her a knowing look.
“Isla, ye are my daughter. I ken ye. I ken ye were fond of Iain as a lass, but ye are a woman now. People change. Hearts change, and I hae watched ye over the past ten years bringing books tae Gavin, making sure he ate well, and even letting him ride a horse. There is something between ye that ye should nae deny.”
“There might hae been once.” Isla stood up and paced around the room, her emotions so turbulent she could not remain sitting.
“But that was before Inverdane Hall burned. Everything hae changed since then. I told him tae leave and he dinnae listen tae me. He pushed and pushed and how could I ever live with a man who dinnae listen tae me? He’s just like Da. ”
“Ye dinnae mean that. More than that, ye ken it nae tae be true.”
“He’s a monster. He killed Iain,” Isla choked out.
Lape let that statement hang in the air for a few moments but did not address it directly.
“I remember when he used tae visit me. It was clear tae me that he missed his own Ma. I also saw the way he looked at ye. I ken he hae been through a lot, but he is nae like Renard. He is nae cruel for cruelty’s sake.
There is something rare between ye, and it should nae die along with everything else. ”
“It’s too late for that. If I loved him once then it is over. I cannae see him as I once did. My eyes hae been opened. I can nae longer be a lass with a dream. Life dinnae allow us tae dream,” she muttered.
Lape folded her hands in her lap and her head dropped. Isla told herself it was because Lape was tired, but really she knew that Lape was disappointed.
Isla was restless.
Stormhaven was a busy Keep and there were noises all around her, but when she stayed in her room she felt bored.
She could only gaze at the cliffs for so long before her mind became troubled and she exhausted herself by going over the same things again and again.
There was an intangible itch roiling in the pit of her stomach, a sense of anger that would only grow and become more difficult to cope with.
So she took herself to the training grounds in the hope that the chaos might help her process these dark emotions. Or at least silence them.
She paused when she saw Gavin sparring with Coll and Kai. The three men were thrusting and darting around. Their faces were set in grim determination in one moment, as though they were each other’s sworn enemies, and then a moment later they were laughing and joking.
Well, that was true for Coll and Kai. Gavin didn’t laugh much.
He brooded and held his spear tightly, sometimes staring at it as if the weapon made no sense to him.
Sweat glistened on his brow and either Coll or Kai had cut his shirt.
A tear ran across his chest revealing curled, dark hair and strong muscles.
Isla swallowed a lump in her throat as she purposefully averted her gaze.
She could not avert her thoughts, though.
Once again she was taken back to the night before her wedding when she should only have been thinking about her betrothed, but instead she was in Gavin’s arms with his massive body bristling before her.
All she had wanted was to soar through the air with him and cling to his body, to trace the valleys of his flesh.
Even now her knees almost buckled. She bit the inside of her lip to distract herself from these feelings and turned towards the archery range.
She picked up a bow. It was slightly heavier than she expected. She tested the arrow against the bowstring and got used to the weight of it in her hands when Kirsty sauntered over.
Isla sighed, not particularly wishing to speak to Kirsty at the moment.
“I’m glad ye hae left yer room. I thought ye were gaeing tae act like a prisoner. Stormhaven is free for us,” Kirsty said.
“I shall always feel like a prisoner for as long as I dinnae hae a home,” Isla replied.
Kirsty hung her head and put one hand on her hip. The men let out a loud cry, distracting both Kirsty and Isla for a moment.
“I noticed the way ye were looking at him,” Kirsty said.
“I dinnae want tae talk about this now, Kirsty.”
“Aye, but we need tae talk about it because I dinnae like this cloud that’s hanging over ye.”
“Perhaps ye should hae told yer brother tae nae murder my husband,” Isla snapped.