Chapter 15 #2
Isla gasped as Gavin ravished her. She clung to him. His grunting breaths washed over her as pleasure ebbed and flowed from her body.
She couldn’t think. She could only feel, and there was nothing in the world she wanted more than this.
More than him.
The night was quiet.
The water had a steady rhythm, and it lulled Isla into a state of tranquility, although Gavin had to take much of the credit for that as well.
She was nestled against his mighty chest. His chin rested on her head.
Every time she breathed she inhaled the scent of him, which she thought was wonderful.
Her hand rested against his stomach and she stroked it slowly, still trying to comprehend the conflicting emotions within her.
“I used tae dream of a night like this,” Isla said softly.
“Aye, me too.”
“I used tae dream of a lot of things, but then something went wrong with the world and they were all taken away from me. I dinnae understand what tae dae.”
“I felt the same way when I came tae Inverdane Hall. All the lessons I’d learned growing up were nae worth anything. Everything was unbalanced. The only thing that made sense was ye,” he said.
The words made Isla’s heart skip a beat. She closed her eyes. There were so many things that seemed right with this moment, yet she could not escape the warring emotions within her. Now that the passion had faded, rationality was returning to her mind.
“Gavin, we need tae talk about what happened. I… I need tae ken.”
She felt him shift, just a little, but it was enough to show his discomfort. He gulped and cleared his throat, but he did not pull away. Even after last night she still feared that he was the one who had killed Iain. Perhaps it had been an accident, but still…
Could she love Gavin if he had killed Iain in cold blood?
“Did ye love him?” he asked.
Isla thought for a moment. “I’m nae entirely sure.
I think I did, at least… I convinced myself that I hae tae love him in order tae save the Highlands.
He was a friend, and I ken that he would never be unkind tae me, nor would he demand anything from me that I dinnae want tae give.
I suppose I believed I could be happy with him. ”
“But did ye love him?” Gavin asked, this time his words were rougher.
Isla tilted her head and their gazes met.
“Nae. Nae like I love ye,” she said, the words slipping between her lips as though they were thieves in the night.
But when she was honest with herself like this it felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
“Ye ken how I feel. I was ready tae leave with ye. If Da hae nae interrupted then we would hae been away.”
“Aye, and I hae been thinking how different things would hae been. But that’s nae what happened.”
“Nae. Sae what did happen? Ye are the only one I can trust tae tell me the truth, Gavin. And this is nae about whether ye killed him or nae. I just want tae ken how my friend died.”
Emotion rolled beneath her words and tears misted in her eyes. She blinked them away, but they soon returned.
Gavin waited a moment before he responded.
“Iain came tae me. He told me tae leave. He kenned that there was something between us. He said ye would never be able tae move on from me if I was around, and if I died then ye would always resent him. He wanted me tae choose my freedom over ye.”
“What did ye say?”
“I kenned he was right. He could give ye a life I never could. He was a better man than I and I saw the wisdom in his words. But before I could move yer father arrived. He was annoyed that Iain hae nae killed me. Iain was nae a pawn. He made it clear that he would nae dae what yer Da wanted. That’s when he killed Iain.
Stabbed him and pushed him taewards me. I caught him and that’s how I got his blood on me.
I was tae be blamed for the murder. He wanted tae sever the bond between us and make me the enemy of the clan. ”
“Nae,” Isla gasped.
The tears were flowing more freely now, warm streams down her cheeks. She could taste the saltiness as the tears followed the path of her face and lingered around the corners of her mouth.
“It happened before I could dae anything. I’m sorry that I could nae save Iain.”
“Da hae ruined everything in my life. He dinnae just want tae burn Inverdane Hall. He wants tae burn everything. And I… I almost let him succeed. I almost let him take this,” she said, pressing a hand upon his chest.
“Ye hae every right tae be angry. As ye said, if I hae just listened tae ye?—”
Isla cut him off with a sharp shake of her head.
“I dinnae, Gavin, because my anger was nae really anything tae dae with ye. I felt guilty because I kenned Iain loved me but I could nae stop thinking about ye. I told myself even if it wasn’t what I wanted, it’s what was best for the Highlands.
There were sae many reasons why he would have made a suitable husband, but at nae point did I ever want him more than I wanted ye. ”
“Isla…”
“And that night, I dinnae lie with him, Gavin. I could nae. But if I hae then he would nae hae been speaking with ye. We could hae found a way out of the situation taegether, but instead he died and it was on me, Gavin. I killed him.”
Her words drowned in sobs and she buried her face against him. Her body shuddered as she wept. Gavin held her tighter and ran his fingers through her hair.
“Isla, neither of us is tae blame, even though we carry it with us. Sinclair was the one who stabbed Iain. Sinclair would hae killed Iain at some point, as soon as he realized Iain would nae simply follow his orders. But I am sorry ye lost him. I’m sorry it was nae me who died.”
Isla lifted her gaze and blinked away the watery tears. When the blurred vision melted away, she noticed that Gavin was being entirely serious.
“Dinnae say that,” she whispered.
“But it’s true. I was broken a long time ago, lass, and I’m grateful for yer kindness and yer love, but sometimes I think yer heart was wasted on me.”
Isla rose to a sitting position and put her hands on his shoulders. She gazed deeply into his eyes. The tears subsided now, although they still stained her cheek.
“This hae nae been a waste. What makes ye think I ever wanted a life like that? I chose ye when ye were a fosterling, nae a Laird. I never wanted grandeur. I just wanted ye.”
Her words were impassioned. Gavin reached up and stroked a lock of hair away from her face.
“Ye hae me,” he said.
The words cracked something inside her. She fell into him, kissing him hard. Her tears made her lips salty, but beneath all the bitter sorrow there was something sweet, something that she found only in his lips.
His hands fell to her hips as she rolled on top of him. Once again they were like the waves, flowing rhythmically, bonded now by their raw emotions, the anger and guilt giving way to the purest thing of all.
It felt endless, and for this one night at least it felt as though they had everything they ever wanted or needed.
It was just a shame that the morning had to come.