Chapter 9 Raegan
Raegan
“Jesus, Rae. You can’t seriously be considering going to see that grade A douche-canoe,” Sutton exclaims, emphasizing her displeasure by pointing out my apartment window like the target of her ire is somehow right outside.
Spoiler alert… he isn’t. Not for a long fucking time.
I cock my head to the side and glare at my baby sister. She’s known for having a flair for the dramatic, so I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to engage with her on this.
It changes nothing. It certainly doesn’t change the fact that I’ve spent the last twenty years married to a fucking ghost.
“Don’t start with me, Sutton,” I scold as I return to shoving my suitcase full of clothes.
I’m not even sure why I’m packing this much.
I don’t plan on being in Chicago for long.
“I need to do this, so I can finally close the book on that part of my life. I’ll never be able to move forward until I do. ”
“I just don’t understand.” She plops herself onto my plush mattress with an irritated huff. “You could have signed the divorce papers years ago and been done with him, but you didn’t. You didn’t seem all that bothered then. Why now?”
I wish I could give her a clear answer. The truth is, I don’t know why.
When the papers came, with very clear, no-nonsense instructions for me to sign, I sat in the same chair…
at the same desk where he would sit, night after night, behind a laptop, working on who-knows-what for his class.
I’m not entirely sure how long I silently stared at the document, but I know I stared at those damn neon yellow tabs for far too long before I slid the entire pile across the shiny oak and into the trash can.
“I just do, okay?” I sigh.
She sits up on the bed, her eyes softer than before.
“Rae, he literally left you in the middle of the night without an explanation or a goodbye. I’ve never seen you so inconsolable and it took you almost an entire year to snap out of it.
Don’t even get me started on the broken wrist you refused to talk about. ”
Oh no she fucking didn’t.
“You have no fucking clue what you’re insinuating, Sutton.” My voice is strained as the memories of my last night with my husband flood me, but I refuse to allow her to shame me for something that didn’t happen.
She wasn’t there.
She doesn’t know.
Hell, I’m not even sure I do.
“Clean up your own goddamn glass house before you make accusations about something you know nothing about. How is Greg, by the way?”
“Bitch,” she mutters under her breath.
Fuck.
That was harsh, even for me. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“Yeah, it really was.” She pauses as a rogue tear creeps down her cheek.
She makes a futile attempt to quickly swipe it away with the back of her hand.
I know she’s trying to be subtle, but my baby sister isn’t good at hiding her emotions.
Suddenly, the shame I was so dismissive of, is creeping back in for a completely different reason.
“I know you feel like you have to do this. And I know I can’t stop you from going–”
“No, you can’t.”
“What about Jonah and Xander? They love spending time with you.”
“I’m not going to be gone long,” I promise, stepping into her and palming her cheeks with both hands. “My nephews will be just fine without me for a few days. I’ll leave you my key. If they want to come over and play X-Box, bring them. My house is your house. You know that.”
“You’re sure about this?”
Am I?
I release a sigh that feels like it’s lived inside of me for twenty long years. “Yeah. I need to look him in the eye when I force him to explain himself. Then I’ll sign his precious papers and leave. Easy breezy.”