Chapter 51 Raegan
Raegan
Things have been eerily calm–in general–since Hayes faced his father and then left him behind for good. I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride when I replay the memory of it in my head.
It’s amazing how one thing–one moment–can change everything.
That’s what his mother’s letter did for him.
Forty-three years later and she was able to give him the peace he’s desperately needed and craved.
My only wish, now, is that I had a time machine so I could go back and thank the woman myself.
And maybe also to sneak a peek at baby Hayes, because who wouldn’t want to see that?
I have a feeling he was the most handsome little baby.
Selfishly, I felt a little vindicated watching him share his truth with the man formerly known as his father.
The trauma that man inflicted on his son kept us apart for way too long and I don’t think either of us will ever truly forgive him for that.
Even so, we may be better off for it now.
My head turns so my eyes can take in Demetria and my heart flutters.
We wouldn’t have her if it weren’t for what we’ve already been through.
So, I can’t find it in me to regret it completely.
Speaking of Demetria, we arrived in Kansas City a few hours ago.
Our flight was delayed overnight, so we didn’t have time to check in at the hotel.
Now we’re waiting outside the Kansas state Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs or LARA for short.
It's totally not ominous at all. Our appointment was at one this afternoon and we’ve now been waiting over an hour.
Hurry up and wait is apparently the name of this game.
Or they’re purposely trying to make me sweat.
Considering why I’m here, the latter seems more likely.
My leg begins to shake and I look down to see it’s not my leg at all.
It’s Demetria’s. Her knee is pressed to mine as her leg bounces up and down with impressive speed.
I lay a hand against her thigh with a little pressure behind it and lean into her to whisper, “Hey, it’s alright. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it.”
The other leg joins the party now. “How can you say that? You don’t even know what they could do. What if they take you away from me?” Her legs still and her brows raise. With wide eyes, she slowly asks, “Oh my god. Could they send you to prison for this?”
Fucking hell.
“Demi, seriously?” Hayes interjects with a hint of a chuckle he’s clearly trying to hold back. “She’s not a fucking felon, for fuck sake.”
He’s right, what I did wasn’t criminal, it was just unethical. I groan internally. Why does that feel worse? Dirtier?
“I’m not a felon and I’m not going to prison,” I reassure her. “But I do have to answer for what I did.”
“I’m sorry I pushed you to cross the line with me, Raegan. I was so caught up in emotions I couldn’t purge, I wasn’t ab–”
I press a finger gently to her lips, interrupting her emotional spiral. “Don’t you fucking dare apologize. I made a choice and not a part of me regrets any second of my time with you. I do have to ask you a question though. Before we go in there.”
“Anything,” she says with a reassuring smile.
“Do you trust me?”
“You know I do.”
“I’m going to need you to remind yourself of that while we’re in there.”
Demetria
Her timing is fucking impeccable. Almost as soon as she finished asking me about trust issues, she was called into the room. A much larger room than I anticipated and it’s admittedly making me nervous. For us and for her.
“I love you,” she tells us both, kissing us each softly on the cheek. “I’ve got this. I promise.”
Hayes and I regard each other with curiosity before watching her slide up to the podium, front and center in the room.
Ahead of her is a large desk that seats six people.
Each of those people are looking through a file, silently while we wait with bated breath for what’s coming.
I know she said she’s not going to prison, but this place looks an awful lot more like a courtroom than what I thought a licensing board room would look like.
It doesn’t leave me with an easy feeling.
“If she says we should trust her,” Hayes says, breaking the silence and pulling my gaze from Raegan’s back. “We should trust her. Let’s sit.”
Hayes’s hand gives mine a light squeeze before he tugs me into the front row of seating where we can see everything clearly.
“You don’t understand. This is my fucking fault. I know she says it isn’t, but it started with me… therefore it’s mine. She’s just saying it isn’t because she doesn’t want me to feel like shit.”
“You’re right.”
“Excuse me?” I whisper yell, rearing my head back for added effect.
Hayes’ eyes roll back in his skull. “You heard me, Babygirl. She is trying to spare you, but I can’t say I blame her. If I were in her shoes, I’d do the same thing. No doubt about it.”
My heart flutters at his words and I’m unable to stop the slight smile that’s working its way across my lips. Knowing they both would do something like this for me… is on another level from anything I’ve ever had.
“I just don’t want to lose her,” I admit as a single tear rolls down my face.
Hayes sighs heavily. “I know. Neither do I, trust me.”
Once the board members are finally finished reading their files, they all look up, appearing utterly disinterested and like they’d rather be anywhere else but here. That makes two of us… well, maybe four.
“Raegan Adler,” says the one on the far right. “Thank you for coming in today.”
I release the puff of air I’ve been holding in my cheeks for a little too long and Hayes reaches over to rub reassuring circles against the small of my back.
The bald man continues. “You’re here because we received a complaint that you engaged in an inappropriate and intimate relationship with a patient under your care. Do you understand the complaint and its seriousness?”
“I do,” Raegan answers.
The door behind us opens and my head turns to see who the fuck would be interrupting whatever is about to happen. My jaw drops when I see the one person I never expected to see here, of all places.
“Do you know her?” Hayes whispers.
I turn back to him, eyes wide. “That’s my fucking mother.”
“Thank you for joining us, Mrs. Mitchell. Would you mind stepping up to the podium, please?”
What the literal double fuck is going on here?
“I’m so sorry I’m late. Traffic was a mess,” my mother tells the board.
“It’s okay, Mrs. Mitchell. It’s highly unusual for the person that made the complaint to join the hearing like this. Most people want to remain anonymous, but since you insisted, we all agreed to let you say your piece.”
I let my head fall back as my eyes squeeze closed. I’m in the fucking Twilight Zone. That’s the only reasonable explanation. How did my mother even know about Raegan and I?
“Do you want me to go now?” Mom murmurs into the mic and the man nods.
“Okay, great. Well… it all started because I was worried about my daughter, you see. She came to her father and I with some pretty disturbing news and we had no choice but to engage in some tough love. Shortly after that, since she’s still on our insurance, I went into the claims and saw she was seeing this woman for counseling services.
I went to her office to try to speak with her about my daughter and that’s when I found out this horrific woman was preying on my Demetria. ”
My legs move of their own accord, putting me on my feet so I can yell, “That is a goddamn lie and you fucking know it… mother.”
Hayes grabs my arm to pull me back into my seat. “Jesus, Demi. Get a hold of yourself. We’re not going to help her like this.”
“You see this? She was never like this before,” my mother fucking mother continues, every next word, more lies. “In fact, I think she’s the reason she came to us in the first place. She confused our daughter and made her forget who she is. Frankly, it’s disgusting.”
I bolt out of my seat and storm my way to the podiums. “Your honor or whatever we’re supposed to call you…
my mother is certifiably insane… and a fucking liar.
That thing she keeps referencing is when I came out as gay to my parents.
She’s just too much of a fucking prude to say it.
I told my parents I was gay and I ended up in therapy because of them.
They disowned me and told me what a waste of space I was.
Any child in their right mind would need therapy after that, don’t you agree? ”
“Miss–” another person–a woman–on the panel starts.
“Demi is fine.” I answer, shooting my mother a venomous glare.
“Demi. Are you saying that you didn’t engage in a physical relationship with Dr Adler?”
Fuck fuck fucking fuck.
“She didn’t take advantage of me,” I respond, my words trailing off in defeat.
“That’s not what we asked.”
Raegan reaches for my hand and I give it.
“I’ll take it from here,” she mouths. “Demetria approached me in public, after one of our sessions, and asked me to help her in a more physical way. She presented the idea to me and while I did stop seeing her as a patient from that moment forward, I did also engage in a physical relationship with her. We were together for about four months. I understand my part in this was unethical, to say the least, but I didn’t expect to fall in love with her either–not that it’s an excuse.
I know what I did was wrong and I would like to prove this by relinquishing my license and ability to treat patients for the next two years or whatever length of time you see fit. ”
My mouth falls open on a gasp as I turn to face her. “No.”
“Yes, Demetria. This is my choice.”
“You can’t seriously believe this nonsense,” mother spits. “She turned my daughter against the lord and made her think she’s gay.”
“Hold on a second, Mrs. Mitchell. Dr. Adler, are you seriously offering to voluntarily suspend your license? This is very unorthodox.”
“It’s the amount of time I should have gone no contact before I began a relationship with her. It seems like a fitting punishment. I know it doesn’t take away what I did and I won’t stop seeing her, so this is the best I can come up with.”
I look over my shoulder at Hayes to find him stoic and unaffected by this craziness. “Did you know?” I mouth.
When he doesn’t acknowledge me, I have my answer.
“Demetria,” Raegan calls, pulling my attention back to her. “I know you don’t love this for me, but I need you to know that I love you more than my license. You are worth more to me. I can do anything with my life, as long as I have you and Hayes. I need to do this. For you. For me. For us.”
Tears well in my eyes at her heartfelt confession. How am I supposed to argue with that? I offer her a quick nod to let her know I’m in this with her, too. “Okay.”
“Very well, Dr. Adler. You are not to treat patients for two years starting today. If we find out you’ve treated anyone, we’ll take it permanently. Are we understood?”
“Yes, Sir,” she tells him with a smile before turning back to me. “Let’s go fucking home.”
“Yes, please.” I agree.
My mother stands there, stunned and speechless.
I guess there’s a first for everything. I can’t help but pause at her side before we leave so I can tell her, “For the record, I’m not gay.
I’m bisexual. And don’t ever call me Demetria again.
Only my girlfriend gets to call me that.
” I grab both of their hands and glance one final time at my mother.
“Oh, and he’s mine too. I’m not only bi, but I’m polyamorous.
So take that to your little prayer circle and have fun. ”
My mother’s jaw drops, her eyes wide as her hand flies to her chest on a choked gasp. But I can’t find even one fuck to give as the three of us walk out the door, hand in hand.