Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jonah
“I’ll be right back, Jonah.” Macy scurried off, and I was left waiting in the front of the hardware store. The young guy working the till lifted his chin toward me like this was our usual routine.
Actually, it was.
I pushed a hand through my hair, waiting for the fall of the strands on my forehead, but with regular haircuts, that happened less and less. I had trimmed my beard and my scar showed through the stubble more, but the kid didn’t dwell on it.
Actually, no one at Curly’s last weekend had either.
I didn’t like to think about last weekend. How I’d been an epic dick and lashed out at Summer. How I’d gone to bed alone. How her face had looked when I’d said the shitty things I had.
Wasn’t that what I’d done? Pushed her away when she was trying to have an honest conversation?
Fuck. Like usual, my thoughts spun like tractor wheels in mud.
I struggled to concentrate on the task at hand. I had to pick up another order of epoxy, a special-ordered router, and a band-saw blade for another custom project. This time, I made sure the order didn’t include heirlooms or collectibles.
But that had been a nice table.
No. I was not making more. The pressure had been absurd.
Yet . . . the detail would take my damn mind off missing Summer every second of the day.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Loss ripped through my chest, followed by panic that I couldn’t turn back time and take back everything I’d said to make Summer leave.
But I had, and I’d meant what I’d said. Summer was better off moving on with someone else and getting what she wanted. I couldn’t have her pausing her life to wait on me.
A cart wheel squeaked as Macy returned. “How’s this?”
I didn’t bother to check the order. Only once in fifteen years had an item been missing, and today, I didn’t care if everything was there. I’d come to town to keep from being home and replaying the conversation in my head like I’d done for the last four days.
“It’s all been run through your account.” Her grin was wider than normal. “You look like the spring air’s agreeing with you.”
She was digging for information I wasn’t willing to give. I felt like hell. Seemed like an insult to what I had with Summer to get compliments on my appearance, as if waking up knowing I wouldn’t be seeing her this weekend wasn’t hell.
“Thanks.” It took all my energy to soften my response. Macy and her husband had been too good to me over the years to bite her head off for thinking I was a stable adult. “Winter’s finally done with us for a while.”
A piercing hole burned through my chest. Had I said that to remind myself what I’d lost? No more snowstorms until next winter. No Summer getting stranded at my cabin. Just me. Alone. Until next winter.
I gave Macy a tight smile that I hoped didn’t look like a grimace and pushed my cart outside.
The wheel squeaked in time with my limp. A breeze blew the smell of burgers across my nose. I glanced toward the bar. Not many cars were in the lot. I didn’t care about being a spectacle. The freedom from the fear was short-lived. I also didn’t want to be asked about Summer.
What would I tell people?
How did I know anyone would care to ask? They might not have believed the talk if they hadn’t been there themselves. And also . . . people might not be fucking talking about me. Why the hell was I newsworthy when others were going about their lives trying to survive and buy groceries?
None of my pondering mattered when my stomach growled. Had I eaten yet?
For the last four days, I’d been eating sandwiches until I was left with nothing but the memory of lunch meat in the fridge. Last night, I’d eaten a cheese sandwich rather than make a meal that might summon memories of Summer puttering around in my kitchen.
With or without Summer, I wasn’t going back to being a hermit.
It’d be without Summer. She wasn’t with me, and she wasn’t planning to go out with me anytime soon. But I’d gone to the dive bar before without her.
Except I’d stopped there and ordered a burger because of her.
A car slowed to pull into the parking spot next to me. I jerked. I was standing right where they wanted to park. How long had I been there, twiddling with myself while I thought about Summer?
I lifted my chin as acknowledgment and shuffled out of the way. I got into my truck and drove to the bar. Then I sat there and stared at the door.
They had good food, and I would’ve loved to have taken Summer here.
We’d eat and then return to the cabin and get lost in each other.
The next morning we’d . . . What? I’d go work in the shop.
She’d bum around the place and maybe visit her family.
Without me. Then we’d go out again. More sex. Rinse and repeat.
I had liked our routine. But going through the motions by myself wasn’t the same. Had I been using Summer as my emotional support girlfriend?
Had she been my girlfriend?
Of course she had.
Had I ever called her that?
She’d wanted to know about our future, when I’d been satisfied with the most monogamous semirelationship ever.
Someone pulled up next to me, and I opened my door before I was busted once more staring at nothing.
A couple that had to be at least ten years younger than me got out of their car.
The guy was vaguely familiar. It took a few moments before I recognized him.
His name was Bennett. He’d delivered barrels from Copper Summit a few times.
I grabbed my cane once I got a good look at the pockmarked parking lot. Winter had been hard on the asphalt.
Bennett nodded at me. His wife gave me a friendly smile, then clasped his hand. Together they strode toward the entrance, and I trailed behind them.
After she went inside, Bennett stopped to hold the door. I needed a few seconds to catch up.
“Thanks,” I said.
“No problem.” After I entered, he followed me in. I stepped back to let him go around me and link back up with his wife. He nodded almost sheepishly. “Our date nights are getting earlier and earlier.” His laugh was dry.
When he’d made deliveries, he’d tried chatting before. I’d returned his conversation with little more than grunts. Now, I didn’t want to be rude. For once. “Hey, I know the feeling.” Did that sound as empty as it felt?
His smile was quick. “Right? When our babysitters aren’t much older than the kids, we’ve gotta be in earlier than them.”
I had no fucking idea what he was talking about, but I nodded. Idle chatter like this hadn’t happened to me in a long time. Strangers didn’t talk to me unless it was about my injuries. If I weren’t feeling like a kicked dog, I’d appreciate the man’s efforts.
“It’s like the best of both worlds,” his wife added, tangling her fingers through his. “We get to eat out, but then we get to tuck them into bed.”
Normally, I’d want to get away, but the couple’s openness made me want to reciprocate. “That sounds nice.”
Something twisted behind my sternum. Then longing took its place.
Well, fuck me. This was what I got, trying to move on mere days after Summer had left me.
Why couldn’t I run across a couple that’d talk about cars or the weather or something?
Why did I have to run across two parents excited to be on a date in the earliest hours of the evening?
I should’ve stayed in my shop and found some priceless artwork some customer wanted me to pour epoxy on.
“Oh, over here.” She tugged Bennett toward a table by the window.
“See ya, Jonah.”
“Later, Bennett.”
He hadn’t thought twice about chatting with me, even after his experiences with me had been less than stellar. Had people’s reactions for the last decade or more been in my head?
Had I used them as an excuse not to leave my cabin?
I veered to the bar so I could put my back solidly toward the happy couple who’d be tucking their kids in tonight.
I scrubbed my face when Mike stopped in front of me.
“What’ll you have?”
“Patty melt and fries with a Sprite.”
“Got it.” He knocked on the bar top and walked away.
I planted my gaze firmly on the baseball game on the TV. I wasn’t with it enough to register the teams, or even what league they played for.
Did I want kids?
Terror squeezed the sides of my heart together. That was a nope.
So I’d done the right thing. For me. And for Summer.
I kept the mantra on repeat until my food was slid in front of me. People entered and I didn’t pay an ounce of attention. I’d eat and get home, and if I was lucky, I wouldn’t see happy couples on my way out.
I was about to take a bite when a familiar cloying perfume wafted by my nose.
“Jonah?”
A long breath left me. My burger was almost to my lips, and I was tempted to take a bite so huge I couldn’t talk.
Then I remembered how she’d treated me the last time we’d run into each other.
Either this was a fucked-up coincidence and evidence of my shitty luck, or Jackie was a regular at the bar. I suspected I knew the answer.
“You sure you want to talk to me?” I asked. “We’re in public.”
She had the grace to appear chagrined. “You’re so easy to talk to,” she said sarcastically.
Convenient excuse. Summer hadn’t been daunted. Well, not for the last couple of months. “Sure.” I took that bite. Expecting the food to taste like dust thanks to Jackie, I moaned when flavor burst over my tongue.
Summer would like—
Now the hamburger tasted like dirt. I chewed and caught the way Jackie turned sideways in her stool.
“You look good.”
“Thanks,” I said around my mouthful and continued eating. Despite my taste buds, now that my stomach had seen solid food, I wasn’t leaving without polishing off every bite.
“You busy later?”
That was how our texts usually started.
Me or her: You busy?
Followed by Yes or No and then agreeing to meet at her house if we were both ready and willing.
Never at the bar. Never at a restaurant. No coffeehouse. She was never seen with me.