Chapter 10 #2
I sat at the foot of the bed. “It’s hard talking about losing a parent. And you lost two. You were also injured.”
Her fingers found the loose thread. I put my hand over where her feet were tucked under the blankets. The cat was passed out.
“Summer and I are the oldest, so we were in the middle row. Mom and Dad took the worst of the impact from rolling, but she and I also got hurt. Summer almost died.” A line pinched between her brows. She gestured to her chest. “Internal bleeding.”
She’d been through a nightmare and was more concerned about her sister. “This scar isn’t from something minor.”
“No.” She pulled and tugged at the quilt.
Now that I was closer, I could see several patch jobs and areas where seams had been reinforced. Maybe they should’ve sewn in threads that were tuggable and wouldn’t unravel everything.
“My arms and legs got really beat up,” she continued. “All the flying around when the car rolled.” She spoke like she was trying to be detached but also like speaking about it brought her back. “I was lucky though.”
“Is that what everyone told you to make you feel better?”
Her expression wavered before she nodded. “I didn’t feel lucky.”
“Neither did I when Mom died. It fucking sucked, and it’s okay to say it all fucking sucked and that the last thing you felt that day was motherfucking luck.”
“Who told you that you were lucky?”
I clenched my jaw. “Everyone. I was lucky I wasn’t snowmobiling with her. I was lucky I still had Hank. I was lucky to have her as long as I did. It’s all bullshit.”
I stood and went to her side. She pondered her quilt like my words were sinking in and she was finally giving herself permission to spin the accident the way it had happened in her head. A horrific event that had nothing to do with luck.
I leaned down to drop a kiss in her hair. Just like when I’d touched her scar, I didn’t realize I was doing it until her cool strands tickled my lips. I hadn’t planned to lay a finger on her at all, much less my mouth. “Get comfortable, Autumn. I’ll only take a minute.”
I took my toiletry kit to the small bathroom.
I didn’t unpack the whole thing. Just like she wasn’t ready to have sex, whether she admitted it or not, I wasn’t ready to submerse myself into a fake marriage.
I couldn’t risk forgetting that in a month, this would all be over.
I wasn’t ready to ask myself if I was okay returning to visit because I had a goddamn kid.
I brushed my teeth and changed into a white shirt and gray sweatpants. Autumn was curled on her side with her eyes closed. I doubted she was asleep, but she was pretending she was.
When I crawled in next to her and was surrounded by her sweet scent, I drifted off. Not even the cat commandeering an entire bed around two adults bothered my slumber.
Autumn
I woke up snuggled into a wall of heat. A warm iron band was around my back and my nose was buried in a hard chest. The comforting scent of cedar citrus filled my nose.
I was cozy as hell. I kept my eyes closed and wiggled closer.
The chest under my face rose. My eyelids flew open. Gideon!
I tried to shove away, but that band around my back kept me in place.
“You need to be getting more comfortable with me, rusty.”
The new nickname gave me pause. It also gave me floozy butterflies. “Rusty?”
“Seems more fitting for the morning. Actually, since we haven’t had sex, I don’t know which nickname fits you better.”
I swatted his chest. My cheeks were probably as bright as my hair.
He laughed, a pleasing, deep sound that made me smile.
“I’m not rusty,” I muttered.
The laugh turned into a growl but cut off right away. “How not rusty are you?”
I left my hand on his abdomen. Was he hard everywhere? The blanket was pushed down to his waist, so I could answer the question. I stayed where I was. In this position, I couldn’t see his face, and I wasn’t breathing on him. “Want me to ask the same thing?”
His stomach tightened. “Fair enough. Six months, I think.”
I popped my head up, forgetting about the morning breath. “That long?”
His expression was softer, and his hair was tousled. Suddenly, he was approachable. I was married to the guy, but seeing him like this was more dangerous to my resolve than anything else. He was out of my league on a good day. In the soft light of the morning, in my bed, he was intimidating.
I laid my head back down before he answered. I was still cuddled into his side, and I was content to stay there. I was soaking up a handsome guy in my bed while I could. Living the dream while I could.
“At least six months,” he reiterated. “I only remember because that matches up with the end of Q1 and I was working more with . . .”
“Yeah.” As distasteful as it was hearing about his sex life, I liked hearing that Taya was only when time and opportunity matched up. “No Q2 nookie?”
Another deep chuckle reverberated under my cheek. “The land sale didn’t make me the best guy to hang around.”
“How kind you are doesn’t strike me as a deal breaker when it comes to you.”
“You keep mentioning my looks, rusty.”
I snorted. “They’re that good.”
“You also haven’t answered me.”
Crap. It was my turn. “Um . . . right after the New Year. I tried another dating app last fall, and I thought I’d found someone who was a contender.”
“A contender for what?”
“For being a partner. He had a job and his family was nice. He seemed respectful and treated me decent.”
“He was a creep?”
I traced my finger over an ab ridge. Was I going to admit this? I hadn’t even told my sisters. Hello, embarrassment. “I caught him stroking off to a picture of Junie. It was her magazine interview in Music Today.”
He went taut under me. “What a fucking bastard.”
“Can you imagine how awkward family dinner would be after I knew that?”
“Don’t tell me you entertained staying with him?”
“He was trying to defend it, so I told him to print out a picture of his brother and I’d rub one off.” I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from telling the rest of the story.
“Don’t tell me he called your bluff?”
There went the rest of my pride. “Are you a mind reader?”
“No, I’ve just seen a lot living and working in a casino for so long.”
“People can suck sometimes.”
“A lot of times.”
We fell quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. Then Sprinkles jumped on the bed and meowed. She marched across the covers and caterwauled in my face.
“Is there a fire somewhere?” Gideon asked. Sprinkles marched up his chest, smothering my face with her kitty pooch as she went. She wailed in his face.
“It’s time for her to eat. And we have a party to get ready for.” I rolled away and he let me go. Sprinkles sprinted for the kitchen. I scooted out of bed and made sure my loose green pajama pants and my sleepy-cat nightshirt were covering everything.
“Autumn.”
I turned before going into the bathroom.
“We’re going to have to be intimate soon.”
“I know.” I did. And the more I thought about it, the more timid I got. The first night with him, I would’ve spread myself out like one of the buffets Vegas used to be known for. Now, I wasn’t sure I could survive going back to my quiet life when he deemed me of no use to him.
Would the sex be worth it? Would that be better or worse? “Thanks for, you know, giving me time.”
The look he pinned me with was dark and promising. “The clock is ticking.”