CHAPTER 20
Bradford
I’ve had a scan. There’s no bleeding in my brain. I was most likely just overwhelmed, they told me. But I feel hollow. Everything is moving slowly. There are holes everywhere in my memory. Events flicker in my consciousness, but they're not complete. It’s like a movie montage in fast forward. I’d try and work them out, but my thoughts all come back to Bruno. It can’t be too late. I couldn’t have damaged things beyond repair, could I?
“The connection is still there. Believe me, Bradford, it’s too strong to be broken by all of this.”
I’m in bed trying to nap. Opening my eyes, I spot her sitting on the edge of the mattress, clear as day. In a world as blurry as mine is right now, it’s a wonderful thing to see this kind of detail.
Though the hope in my heart surges forth at her statement, I can’t quite make myself believe it. “How do you know, Mum?”
She flaps her hand at me. “Oh, I don’t have any magic view into his world. I just have this kind of… sixth sense, if you will.” She sighs, long and loud. “Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’m still just a regular mum. But ask yourself this, darling. Do you really believe that Bruno would be done with you? Honestly?”
I mull it over. “Now that you’ve put it that way—no, I don’t. But sometimes people surprise us.”
“He’s stuck by you, Bradford. I mean, have you ever had a tense moment together? Doesn’t that tell you something? Bruno— and you —will never find that sort of thing again. He’s an intelligent man and he’s well aware of this.”
“You always make me feel so much better, Mum.”
“That’s what I’m here for.” In her usual jump cut style, she’s suddenly standing at my side. “I’m sorry about last time, darling. I should never have shown up like that, but I’d spent a week worried sick about you.”
“Mum, don’t apologise. You were here exactly when I needed you. You always are.” I desperately want to give her a hug, but I know I can’t. I'm just hoping she can tell what I’m feeling by the look on my face.
The door bursts open. Loudly. Blind hope tells me it’s Bruno long before a big man throws his arms around my shoulders and crushes me into his chest. His scent is thick. I can’t breathe him in fast enough. There are no tears I can offer him. I am completely numb. I am broken. And the only thing stopping me from crumbling into nothing right now is the man who’s holding me together. Without him, I’d disappear. All I can do is draw him in through my nostrils, trying to make myself believe that he’s here. He’s actually here.
His body shakes and stifled sniffles resonate above me. “I’m so sorry, Bradford.” The moment the words come out of his mouth, he breaks into sobs. “I was wrong. I should never have laid all that heavy shit on you the day we left.”
I’m in such a daze it’s taking me a while to process his words. A lightning bolt goes through my body as I realise what he’s saying. “No! No, please! Please don’t change your mind about me. I know my life is a mess but I promise I’ll get it together. I’ll do anything I can to show you I’m worthy.”
Bruno grasps my shoulders, moving me outwards so he can look at me. “Of course you’re worthy. I fucking love you…” His voice trails off as he ghosts his fingers under my eyes. “There’s a storm raging inside you, Bradford. Things might be fucked up right now, but I’ll stick around forever if that’s what it takes. However long you need till you feel ready. I won’t pressure you, OK?”
“No, Bruno! You’re not… I mean I c…” In my abject panic to set him straight, I’m stumbling over my words. “I don’t need time. I don’t need anything except you. I would have told you I loved you months ago if I’d had the balls. And if that bastard hadn’t smashed my phone and put me in a coma I would have called you straight away.” I grab his face and pull it close, squinting as hard as I can. I’m sick and tired of all this blur. “When I found out I’d been off with the fairies for a fucking week, all I could think of was how I never got to say any of this to you.”
“Oh, God, baby,” he gasps. Now that he’s so near, I can see the tears running rivers down his cheeks. Leaning even closer, he places his mouth softly to mine. Three gentle kisses. A simple, loving statement. Our lips brush together as he speaks in an urgent whisper. “I don’t want us to ever be apart again. The second I can get you out of here, I’m taking you back to Mum’s place and I’m gonna look after you.”
He slides his hand behind my head and I flinch involuntarily.
“Oh Jesus, fuck.” Bruno’s brow screws up in horror as he looks me up and down, checking my wounds. “I’ve been mauling you to death and I didn’t even think… did I hurt you?”
“No, Bruno. Maul away. Nothing else matters. I’m safe now.” I try to focus my eyes on his, hoping like mad I’ll be able to see them better again someday. “ Sarà perché ti amo , remember?”
“I was singing it to you, Bradford. I wish I’d been brave enough to actually say it. Maybe then all this…” He screws his eyes up, turning his head to the side.
“Hey, it was gonna blow up sometime. My mess to take care of.”
“You went through all this alone.” He moves his face as close as possible. “Can you see my eyes clearly now?” I gaze into one, then the other. The sincerity in them is so potent I almost need to look away, but I’ve missed out on far too much lately. “You are never gonna have to do that again.”
A familiar voice sails into the room. “I got us a park, but I might have to run soon—” Claudio stops short of my bed and his voice drops. “Oh, fuck, mate. That prick did a real number on you.”
I instantly cringe with embarrassment. Amongst all this drama, I haven’t even thought about how hideous I must look. “Nice of you to drop by, Claudio.”
Claudio chuckles and pats me on the shoulder. “Good to see you, mate.”
“Does this mean all of you are home now?”
“Nah, I got back late last night. Work, y’know. Gab and the others are there a bit longer.”
A nurse bustles into the room spouting the usual pleasantries, then wheels the obs trolley up to my bed. “Doctors are doing rounds, they’ll be here in a minute.”
“I might go and see if I can find Gina,” says Bruno. “Be back soon.” He leans down and kisses my forehead.
I can hear Claudio talking under his breath as they walk away. “Fuck, Bru. That cunt’s got it coming. Want us to take care of him?”
Bruno laughs a little too loudly, then switches into a fast flurry of Italian as I hear their voices trail off down the hall.