18. Bradley
Bradley
W hen Jefferson pulls out of me, I feel empty. I can’t explain it, but sex with him was different. It was supposed to be a one-night stand, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt like more.
But I know he’s still hung up on someone else and that this with me tonight didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me.
He steps back beside me, washcloth in hand as he cleans the sticky substance off of me, before tossing the rag on the floor and moving to the other side of the bed.
“Ready to go to sleep? I’d say let’s fuck again, but I only brought one condom.” There’s a quiet plea in his eyes, a silent hope I’ll stay.
I shouldn’t. I have to meet Malcolm tomorrow, and we’re heading out of town. I haven’t even packed yet.
Malcolm. Another man tugging at my heart, unknowingly twisting the knife. These two are going to kill me.
“I’m exhausted. Who would’ve known the ancient man would have more stamina than me.” I toss him a wink and a goofy smile so he knows I'm playing with him.
“This ancient relic would be more than ready to fuck that fine ass of yours again if I had another condom.” He pulls back the comforter on the opposite side of the bed from me. I sit up, turning my body so I can pull down the comforter on my side of the bed and slip underneath it.
The sheets are warm. Inviting. He sits down on the edge, reaches over to turn off the light on the nightstand, before he lays down on his back.
“I didn’t expect this tonight,” I admit.
Jefferson looks over at me, his brows raising just a little. “What—this?” He moves his hand between the two of us. “Or the part where you were on your knees in a hotel room?”
I can’t help but laugh. Because being on my knees wasn’t in the plan for the night. “All of it,” I eventually mumble. “The way you looked at me all night. The ease of conversation. And well, if I’m honest, all the spicy moments.” I pause. “I hate that the night’s ending.”
“Technically it’s not ending. We’re staying here tonight so the end won’t come until the morning.”
“Oh, okay. So this is the part where you tell me that when we leave in the morning, we pretend that everything after the end of our paid time never happened?”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Only if that’s what you want us to do.”
I hesitate for a minute. Unsure what to say. The truth. A lie. Some stupid dad joke. In the end, I choose the path of telling the truth.
“I don’t.”
“Good,” he says, voice dipping lower. “Because I was hoping you’d say that.”
Jefferson lifts up, leaning over just enough so that he can kiss me on the lips. Not deep and passionate. It’s a soft kiss; one that is filled with possibility. And when he’s done he drops back onto his pillow.
Silence falls between us, nothing but the soft hum of our breathing. But I need to know something else. I know if I don’t ask him, it will fester and keep me up all night. An afterthought rushes to my mind; maybe I should put a warning on the site that I’m a rambler.
“Are you a cuddler?”
Shit. What if he’s not a cuddler? I am, and before the night’s over, I’ll be wrapped around him like a damn koala. He turns onto his side, tucking one arm beneath his head while the other rests on the blanket draped over the lower half of our bodies.
His face is expressionless as he looks at me.
No, scratch that. He looks straight through me.
A knot builds in my throat, working its way up.
It feels awkward now. That after sex moment when you start to wonder if you should just go.
But he asked me to stay. Why am I feeling this way?
Oh crap! Did he just say that to be nice but he thought I would get what he really meant and get dressed and leave?
Immediately I’m going down the rabbit hole of what if’s.
“Cuddling. That’s a good question. But to answer it I’d have to talk about my ex and it seems kind of rude to do that,” he pauses, slightly nodding his head as he contemplates his next words. “After what we just shared.”
A heavy sigh of relief rushes from me and I can breathe freely. He’s worried about talking about his ex with me. That’s sweet. Jefferson is worried about my feelings. It’s what couples or people who care deeply for the other do. This feels like a good sign for us.
“Okay.” I roll over to my side, facing him, my hand dropping down onto the sheet in front of me as I draw lazy circles waiting for his response.
He laughs, deep, scratchy and so out of place for the conversation we’re having. “You really want to hear about cuddling and my ex?”
“Yeah. I mean if you don’t feel comfortable sharing those details, I understand.”
He lowers his hand on top of mine, gripping it gently, before lifting it to his lips, kissing it softly.
“I find it a breath of fresh air that you do. I loved my ex with all my heart. I still do. We haven’t been broken up for long. But it feels like an eternity.”
Fuck. Here I was thinking I had a shot with this man. It’s clear just from the start of this he’s still hung up on this guy.
“He was very reserved, for lack of a better word. PDA wasn’t his thing, so when we were alone cuddling was my way of staying connected to him. So while I wasn’t cuddly initially, I grew to love it.”
I gnaw on my lip, letting what he told me sink in.
“Why did you break up? It sounds like you were in love. That you still are.”
Jefferson presses his lips together, closing his eyes as he inhales deeply then blows it out slow and steady.
“We are in different places. I want to move forward—he doesn’t. I still love him, but if I’d stayed, I would’ve ended up resenting him.”
“I’m sorry. It must be rough to love someone and not be with them.” While I mean every word, inside I’m jumping for joy that he’s single.
“It is. Especially when I still have to see him. It would be easier if I broke up with him and that was the end of it. Blocking him from being able to call me and unfriending me on social media should have been all I needed to do. But when he still has business dealings with me, it isn’t that easy.
Instead, I get to relive my heartache every time I see him. ”
“You see him a lot?” I question. A knot forms in my throat at the new tidbit.
“More than I care to. Thankfully, I’ve been able to use my assistant to run interference for some of those meetings. But he’s persistent.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach out, placing my hand on his chest, his heart beating rapidly. “There isn’t any chance the two of you will work it out? Find a common ground to meet where you’re both getting your needs met?”
He shakes his head. His mouth opens as if he's going to speak, only to clamp it shut. He does this a few times, then grunts in frustration. “No.” He just stares at me but I can tell by the way he’s clenching his teeth, the tiny muscles in his jaw contracting, that he has more to say.
It’s like he’s taking his time to select the words.
“It’s complicated. We’ve been together for a while and I’ve been the one giving up pieces of me, changing myself so that we can be together.
He has his reasons for being reserved with our relationship, and I get that.
But at some point, he needs to face them.
If I continued the way we were, I knew he wouldn’t. ”
He’s being careful with his words. Not wanting to give away too many details about his ex. I respect that. It speaks to how great of a person he is that he wants to protect his privacy while still exposing what he can.
“I know we haven’t known each other long, but you deserve to be happy.”
There’s nothing I want more than to be the one who helps him heal, to fill the space his ex carved out and left behind. But it’s clear he’s not ready for any of that.
“You made me very happy tonight, Bradley.”
My fucking heart begins to pound in my chest. Beating against my ribcage with such intensity that I fear it’ll break a bone.
“Really?” I gulp.
“So much so I can’t wait to take you out again. Maybe our next date could be something you love to do.”
If he weren’t right beside me in this bed, I’d be jumping on it like I used to when I was a kid, until Nana caught me.
She always said hotel beds were the only ones meant for jumping.
Never told me why, and now it’s too late to ask.
Even though I know she’d approve of this one, the fear she drilled into me still lingers.
“Anything?” I ask cheekily.
“As long as it won’t kill me. But now it’s time to cuddle and get some sleep. Maybe we can see each other again this weekend. Stay here and not bother checking out. I can extend the reservation.”
God, I’d love to do that. But I can’t.
“I can’t this weekend. But can I get a raincheck?”
“Definitely.” He rolls over toward me, his hand slipping through my hair until his hand cradles my skull and kisses me. Deep and full of desire as he scoots closer to me. “Now roll over and let’s spoon,” he mumbles through the kiss.