27. Bradley
Bradley
I let my back fall against the door, not only for support because I feel weak as hell, but from the weight of what I saw.
Malcolm.
Not just his name. But a picture.
And it was of him, in bed, wrapped up in Jefferson’s arms.
The world spins around me. A mixture of sickness and the world crashing down on me. It feels as if someone’s stuck a knife in my heart, turning it slowly, prolonging my pain and suffering.
How in the hell did I start falling for not one, but two men?
And then find out that both of them know each other.
Pushing off the door, I make my way down the hallway, stopping only to pick my phone up from the desk, my mind frantically piecing all the details together.
Malcolm talking about his breakup from his ex.
How he broke it off with him because he was tired of hiding.
Jefferson explaining how he broke up with the love of his life because they were in two different places in their relationship.
How could I be so damn stupid?
Everything was right there in front of me, and I was too na?ve or blind to see it.
Slowly I make my way to my bed, pulling back the covers before sitting down on the edge.
He told me not to, but there’s no way in hell I’m letting Jefferson pay for tonight.
I quickly send off an email to Foxy, asking her to please refund the money.
That I was sick and was not able to perform my duties according to the agreement.
I don’t have a message from Malcolm. So either tonight went well, and he wanted to see Jefferson. Or it went terribly, and he wanted to talk to him. Either way, he didn’t choose to message me.
“He didn’t even check if I was doing okay?” I say out loud, pettiness etched in every word.
I plug my phone in, huffing like a kid who’s had his favorite toys taken away from him.
“Stop, neither of them were your boyfriend. You knew Malcolm wanted his ex back. The only difference is now you have a pretty damn good clue who it is.”
I fall backward on the bed, immediately regretting the decision as a wave of nausea overtakes me.
I sit up quickly and rush across the room toward the hallway.
Unfortunately, fate wants to give me a swift kick in the ass and I stumble over a stray shoe on the floor, and fall, catching the weight of my body with my hands.
But I’d rather have smacked the floor with my head.
Puke spurts from my mouth like a geyser, splashing back up, hitting me in the face.
I just want to die. Where’s a black hole or sink hole when you need it? I’d even take quicksand at the moment.
Coming up on my knees, I slowly push up from the floor and step over the vileness covering the floor.
Thank God it’s not on any carpet. I make my way down the hall and into the kitchen.
I’m pulling my shirt over my head as I do, being careful not to drop anything on the floor.
Well, nothing more than there is already and drop it by the laundry room. I’ll deal with it later.
Opening the storage closet, I grab a roll of paper towels, a Swiffer and a trash bag.
I need to clean this floor first; my emotions can wait. Preferably when I don’t feel like death is knocking at my door.
Malcolm
Jefferson: OMW
I don’t know how long I stared at that message. Shock from the night’s events and from his reply have me almost in a catatonic state.
Paige and the kids left about thirty minutes after Alice dropped her bombshell.
A grandpa. I’m going to be a grandpa. I still can’t believe it.
Alice being pregnant out of wedlock wasn’t what I envisioned for her.
But she’s happy and from all she says, Patrick loves her, and that’s all I care about.
We have a family dinner set for next Sunday so that we can meet the people our children are dating and give our blessing.
Bradley pops into my mind. If it weren’t for him helping me, I’d never be where I am now. I’d still be bound by my secret. Clicking over to my messages I pull up my thread with him.
Me: I did it. I finally told my parents and my kids. It was a mixed reaction.
I hit send, but there’s more I want to tell him. Just not through text or a phone call, but in person.
Me: I need to see you. Can I come over tomorrow? I know you’re not feeling well so I want to check on you, anyway. I can bring food. If you’re up to eating.
Before I can send it, I hear the elevator doors opening.
Jefferson’s here. He’s really here.
“Malcolm,” his deep gruff voice calls.
“In here.” I step out of the dining room into the living room, and my heart stops at finally seeing him since that godforsaken morning that ruined me.
He takes one look at me, my swollen eyes, tear stained face and haggard posture. It tells a story and he’s reading every page.
“Come here.” He holds open his arms and my feet move as if by memory right to him.
His arms wrap around me as I rest my head on his shoulder, and the tears fall.
I cry for the heartbreak I caused him. For losing him.
The way my parents reacted and their rejection.
Then I cry happy tears for the love Paige and the kids show me.
Most of all, I cry because I never thought I’d have this again. Jefferson’s arms around me.
I inhale, his rich cologne calming me. I’ve missed him so fucking much.
“Are you okay?” He brings his hand up, gently stroking the back of my head while the other rubs my back.
“Yes. No. Maybe.” I mumble into his shirt.
“Let’s sit down and I’ll get us something to drink. You can tell me about it.” He releases me, and instantly my body misses him. Hating the tease of having him, only to have to lose him again.
Jefferson guides me over to the couch, then disappears into the kitchen.
He knows my home better than I do. Where each glass is.
How I have my pantry organized meticulously.
Even where I hide my chocolate, because if I keep it out in the open, I’d eat it.
I heavily employ the out of sight, out of mind practice.
He returns, two bottles of beer in his hand. Yep, definitely going to need a beer to spill my news.
“You finally told your family?” he asks, sitting down beside me on the couch, so close that our legs brush against each other, causing my breath to hitch.
“Yes.” I pause for a second, swallowing the lump building in my throat. He needs to know the whole story, not just snippets.
I grip the bottle tightly, my fingernails picking nervously at the edge of the label.
“Jefferson, when I told you I loved you and losing you wasn’t an option for me, I meant it.
” I pause, and he takes that as either an opportunity to speak or me wanting him to reply.
Neither of those were what I wanted, but I hear him out.
“Malcolm,” he sighs. “I never doubted your love. You know why I broke it off. It wasn’t that I wanted to, but because I needed to. You were in a different place, one where we couldn’t be a real couple. Not the kind I needed.”
He’s right. I was.
“I know. But you doing what you did, put everything into perspective for me. A life with you is what I want. Hell, I still want it. To be able to walk down the street holding your hand in mine. To kiss you. Have you as my date to my daughter’s wedding.”
Jefferson’s eyes lift to find mine, his brows furrowing at my words. “Wedding? Alice?”
I just nod, a goofy smile on my face. “Yes, but I’ll get to that.”
Jefferson bites his lip, and I can’t help but groan. There’s nothing I want more than to have my lips on his, nipping and tugging on them.
“I had everyone over for dinner.” I start, needing to get back to task. “I’ve been working on myself and with some help, I was able to get comfortable being in public. Dinner and news, it was the perfect plan. Or so I thought.”
“What happened?”
“The kids actually knew. They even knew we were together. It was obvious, they said.”
Jefferson laughs. “Really? What gave us away?”
“Apparently the way we looked at each other. And get this, Henry’s bisexual and is in a relationship with a man and a woman.”
Jefferson’s eyes go wide as he leans forward, picking up his beer, lifting it to his lips and swallowing. My eyes go right to his Adam’s apple, watching it move up, then down with the movement.
“And Alice is seeing a man who’s almost my age. Has been for a year and he’s planning to propose. He just wants my blessing.” I pause, waiting for the even bigger news. “And she’s pregnant. I’m going to be a grandpa. Can you believe it?”
Jefferson smiles brightly, before playfully slapping my knee. “Congratulations, Grandpa. Or are you going to have a cool name?”
“Fuck if I know.” Honestly, the news is still so fresh, but I don’t see myself being called grandpa. I’m far too young and handsome.
“Okay, so the kids know and are okay. You haven’t mentioned your parents.”
My face goes slack. The happiness from sharing the news obliterated with just the mention of them.
“You don’t need to tell me. I can already imagine exactly how your homophobic parents reacted.
” He breaks in speaking, eyeing me to make sure I’m okay with what he said.
“I know they’re your parents, but they are.
I know they can’t stand me. You think I never heard their snide comments when they thought I wasn’t within earshot?
Or the way they refused to sit by me when we were in the same room? ”
God, I hate that he’s heard what they’ve said about him. I should’ve spoken up when they talked negatively about him, his sexuality. But I didn’t, and for that I’ll forever hate myself. Because in essence, in all those moments, they were not only degrading him, but myself as well.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t realize I’ve said the words out loud until he replies.
“For what?”
“Not being the man, the boyfriend, you needed. Allowing my parents to spew their hate. For hiding who I am and making you feel like you had to do the same.” I take a breath.
“When I told them tonight, they told me they would never have a gay for a son. They wanted to find help to cure me and when I told them there was nothing to cure, they informed me I was no longer their son and left.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. You deserve to have better parents than that. Ones that accept you for who you are. I’m so happy that you finally saw the greatness in yourself that I and everyone else do.”
The tear falls before I can try and force it back. Jefferson reaches out, brushing it away with the pad of his thumb. My hand moves on instinct, grasping his wrist, holding his hand in place.
I’ve missed his touch.
“Do I have a chance of getting back what we had?”
He doesn’t answer me. And my heart explodes into pieces.