Chapter 16 Allie
Allie
“For God’s sake. Stop fidgeting.”
I try to stop, but I can’t. My stomach is in knots. I haven’t been able to eat an actual meal in days, not since my confrontation with Kade last week.
What if he actually shows up?
It’s the question I’ve asked myself every day since Kade climbed out of my window.
Which is exactly what he wants. I’m playing into his hand. He doesn’t need to be anywhere around me to fuck me up. He’s always there.
And I can’t stop searching for him now as I stand next to Mom at the bottom of the sweeping staircase, which opens onto the ballroom of the country club. The place looks like a teenage beauty pageant threw up the prom decorations it swallowed.
It was one thing when she planned a gala to show off a little. Now that Roman is dead, it’s like she thinks everyone needs to know she’s ready to step into power. It doesn’t matter that we’re up to our eyeballs in debt. The first order of business is selling her daughter into marriage.
“Oh, my dear!”
I try to relax and remember the name of the woman who leans in for a gentle hug like she’s afraid she’ll ruin my dress. “You are absolutely exquisite. I understand you have big news to share tonight.” Her overdrawn eyebrows waggle, and I wonder if she knows she has lipstick staining her teeth.
“Don’t rush the surprise,” Mom jokes, and then we all laugh because otherwise, I would start screaming, and if I start, I might never stop.
She moves off, and there’s a brief lull in the line of people waiting to kiss my mom’s ass, so I let my eyes drift around the room.
It’s over-the-top fancy—crystals, champagne, and flowers everywhere.
Way too many flowers. They’re spilling off every surface, the thick floral smell making my stomach turn.
I catch my reflection in a passing silver tray. From a distance, I almost look like I have my life together. My red hair falls in soft curls and waves, pinned back just enough to show my face, while the rest spills over my shoulders. A few loose strands frame my cheeks and jaw.
My makeup is simple but deliberate—glowy skin, dark lashes, and a soft hint of color on my lips.
The hunter-green silk dress hugs my curves like it was poured over me, clinging in all the right places.
And on my left hand, which I hold close to my body to at least try to keep the “surprise” until Mom’s big announcement, sparkles a diamond.
I wish it didn’t feel like a boulder dragging me down.
Can anyone else see how unhappy I am? Do they notice my empty smile? I suppose it’s easier walking through life with blinders on, pretending everything is okay.
Mom shifts closer and nudges me with her elbow. “Find Jackson, we need to start soon.”
I sigh and roll my neck, giving her my best sure thing smile.
I’m still searching the ballroom for my fiancé when the ballroom almost sighs. What the hell was that? I glance around and follow everyone’s wide-eyed stare to the stairs. Most people are gaping outright, and I know I am too. Mom cuts through the crowd to my elbow.
“What is he doing here?” Mom whispers in a shaky voice, like she’s on the verge of tears.
One glimpse at him and every nerve ending in my body fires at once. I want to hate him after everything he’s done to me. After every cruel word. But it’s not that easy. Not when he makes me feel more alive than I’ve ever felt.
I close my eyes, thinking maybe it’s a dream. He can’t really be here, right? Don’t be stupid, Allie. He warned you he was coming.
How did he even get in? I’m sure it didn’t take much effort. The Bishops could own this club if they wanted it. They just never seem to have an interest. They prefer to lord over Black Hollow Creek’s higher-ups in other ways.
As I stare at him, a calmness washes over me, and it’s terrifying because it tells me that I want him here.
Somehow, he’s the last little bit of the real me.
The only one besides Saint who knows me, not the girl who has to pretend for her mother, or her fiancé, but me.
With him here, I feel a little less alone.
Even if I know he’s about to ruin everything.
He looks completely fucking devastating in a tux.
I guess I expected him to walk in wearing dirt-smeared jeans and boots he’d have to scrape clean.
But no, he’s perfect. He moves slowly down the stairs, ignoring the whispers and murmurs that get a little louder with each step.
He’s too busy staring through me, making every nerve in my body tingle.
I don’t realize until dizziness swamps me that I’ve stopped breathing.
He’s smirking by the time he reaches us and extends a hand to Mom.
“Good evening.” He’s so damn smooth, and it’s obvious he’s enjoying the hell out of making her squirm.
When he turns his gaze on me, it takes everything in me to stay upright. “You look…”
He doesn’t finish, but the way he has to rearrange his slack-jawed expression makes me stand a little straighter.
I can’t resist the urge to fuck with him, though. “Good enough to hold up the family name, right, Bro?”
His lips twitch like he’s amused. “I won’t take up too much of your time. So many other people are dying to make sure you know they’re here.” He accepts a glass of champagne from a passing server and gulps it down in one go. “Better yet, I think I need something stronger than this.”
Oh no. Kade is one thing, but drunk Kade? The idea freezes my blood. As I’m about to say something, Mom finds her voice. “What exactly are you doing here?”
Kade doesn’t skip a beat. “I assume my invitation got lost in the mail,” he explains with a shrug. “As a family member, I know you couldn’t have meant to exclude me, right?”
My heart hammers against my ribs, and I’m so anxious right now I think I might puke. My mother opens her mouth to speak, but Kade isn’t interested in continuing the conversation. With nothing more than a smile, he turns and heads off toward the bar.
“Ignore him,” she orders in a fierce whisper. “Pretend he isn’t here. Focus on Jackson.”
She wouldn’t understand, not even if I told her the truth. There is no way to forget Kade’s existence. To do so would be like telling myself to stop living. Instead of responding, I do the same as before and paste a smile onto my face.
Music fills the air, lightening the mood and cutting some of the tension. It doesn’t take long for couples to meander out onto the dance floor. On the surface, this looks like a success. Exactly what Mom wanted, but deep in my gut, it feels more like a setup.
I can’t stop myself from glancing toward the bar. Kade stands against the rail unbothered by the looks that pass over him. The bartender pours him a whiskey, which he downs like a shot before asking for another. This isn’t The Rusty fucking Nail with its swill.
What is he doing?
“It’s time. There’s Jackson.” Mom nudges me with her elbow, nodding across the room. “Go on. I want you two to be seen together before I go up, so things don’t appear so out of the blue.” I’m like a pawn on a board, moved around without anyone caring what I want.
I take a deep breath and smooth my sweaty palms down the front of my dress. Jackson and Mr. Lowry wandered in from the terrace. Even from a distance, I can see that Mr. Lowry is deep in conversation with a red-faced man drunk enough to laugh loudly at whatever he says. It’s now or never.
I start toward them, trying not to look like a lamb being led to slaughter. I’m halfway across the room when the men notice my approach. Mr. Lowry’s gaze trails over the length of my body, an appreciative smile tugging at his lips. “Don’t you look lovely tonight.”
“Thank you.” I smile and force myself to turn to Jackson.
He’s dressed in a tuxedo like the rest of the men are, and he wears it like he was born to.
Gorgeous without trying. If only the expression on his face wasn’t so blasé.
It’s not like I want to be here either, but I’m playing my part.
The least he could do is play his. That bored look on his face morphs into interest as he takes me in.
He’s undressing me with his eyes, and I don’t like it.
With a smile on his lips, he reaches for me. “May I have a dance?”
What the hell? Did he just ask me to dance? I couldn’t be more shocked if he started speaking a different language. He might as well be—so far, all he’s been toward me is nasty, rude, and threatening.
I’m tempted to say no, but I don’t think that would look good for either of us, so I bite the bullet and nod. His dad must have put him up to asking because there’s no way he would do so on his own.
I place my hand in his and allow him to escort me onto the dance floor. This is exactly what my mother wanted. For everyone to see us together. Dancing. Chatting. Playing the role of a young couple in love. As Jackson leads our moves, I find myself searching the room for Kade.
Will he make a scene when he catches me dancing with Jackson? My stomach knots tighter. Kade’s a loose cannon, and there’s no telling what will set him off tonight.
Jackson pulls me in close, one of his hands resting against my lower back. “I owe you an apology.”
The surprises continue. “You think so?” I ask, arching an eyebrow.
He chuckles and grimaces, somehow still looking charming.
“I’ll be honest with you, Allie. I haven’t been nice to you.
In fact, I’ve been a real asshole, and while I can’t change how I’ve acted, I can change how I continue to treat you.
” There’s more warmth in his voice tonight, for sure, and in his dark eyes as well.
I don’t feel as much like I’m looking at an inanimate object.
“I’m sure you know that I don’t want this marriage, not any more than you, but that doesn’t give me the right to treat you badly.
I’ve been taking out my resentment on you, and I apologize. None of this is your fault.”