Chapter 24
Allie
Iwish she had told me why it was so important to see me right away. There’s nothing worse than wondering and worrying while I race home.
I drum my fingers on the wheel to the beat of the song playing from my phone to the car’s speakers.
It’s from my pick-me-up playlist, the one that usually makes me feel kick-ass and unstoppable.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt less unstoppable in my whole life.
How long will it be before I stop feeling so scared and jittery all the time?
I’m always waiting for the next bad thing to happen.
I know I can’t live like this forever, but that’s all I see in front of me. An eternity of being scared.
It can’t be anything all that terrible, right?
She would’ve sounded worse than she was.
She was worried, but she wasn’t, like, horrified or furious or anything like that.
The way she would be if Sheriff Tanner came around and said, “Hey, by the way, we’re pretty sure your daughter murdered someone. ”
Right?
The snow is falling a little harder now.
I turn up the speed on my windshield wipers to clear away the flakes that are now dusting the trees on either side of the road.
It’s beautiful, magical. At least, that’s how I would usually see it.
For now, all I see is cold. Somewhere, is Jackson’s body getting covered with all this snow?
What will happen once the thaw comes? I really don't need to imagine anything about him right now.
Now, it’s all I think about. I want to stop thinking. How do I make that happen?
I don’t notice the car coming up behind me until the headlights damn near blind me in the rearview mirror. “Fuck!” I hold up my hand to shield the glare. These damn LED lights. “Get off my ass!” I bark. Not like they can hear me, but it makes me feel better to yell at them.
The road is not in bad shape or anything, but still. Maybe give me a chance to brake without getting rear-ended. When I step on the gas a little harder to put some distance between us, the driver does the same.
“Are you fucking serious?” I slam my palm against the horn, then raise my hand and flip them off.
I’m wondering who the hell this asshole is when my car is tapped from behind.
“Shit!” I spin the wheel against the direction I’m skidding, close to the shoulder of the road, with the trees only a few feet farther back. Adrenaline pumps through my veins, and I’m breathing fast and heavy, but somehow, I manage to steer back on the road.
And the car behind me picks up speed. The sound of its engine roaring makes my stomach drop and my heart pound against my ribs. “What are you doing?” I shout, lowering my foot on the gas.
All I see are those headlights in my mirrors. In my head, I search wildly for a way out of this. Is there a road I can turn down? I don’t want this guy trapping me on a narrow road, though. I just want to get home. I’m almost there, just a few more minutes.
I don’t know if I have a few more minutes. It takes another light tap against the back driver’s-side corner to make me almost lose control. This time, I end up spinning off the road, screaming while snow flies up on either side of the car.
“Please, God!” Is he even listening? Maybe this is what I deserve after what I did. Maybe God won’t bother with me anymore.
My hands grip the wheel tight. I lean in, fighting for control.
Somehow, I end up back on the road, and this time, I floor the gas.
“Come on, come on,” I whisper, watching the headlights get smaller in my mirror.
He’s backing off. A broken sob fills the car, but I can’t stop.
I keep going—though I only slow down once I’m sure he’s gone and I’m safe.
There’s a joke. Safe? Is there any such thing?
I almost sob with relief when I pull through the gate, then stop myself before my emotions can take over.
I need to get it together for Mom. I can’t let her see what happened.
I’m not even sure what happened as it is.
Why would someone do that? My mind immediately flashes to Jackson.
He’d do something like that, but he’s dead, he can’t.
Before I go into the house, I creep around to the back of the car to check for any damage.
There are scratches in the paint, but nothing major.
I figured I would have at least left a taillight lying on the road, but no.
Maybe if they had hit me that hard, I wouldn’t have made it out. I guess I got lucky again.
How much longer will my luck hold out?
Who would’ve done it? That’s the question I keep asking myself, looking back over my shoulder, half expecting to see headlights coming up faster, ready to run me down.
Who, why? I’m trembling as I walk into the house, but Mom jumps to the wrong conclusion—or maybe the right one, depending on how I look at it.
She must’ve been waiting for me and almost pounces as soon as I’m through the door.
“You must be freezing, shivering like that! When will you learn to dress for the weather?” She shakes her head, pulling me into the front room where a crackling fire warms up the room.
I stand close to it, holding my hands out, letting myself thaw at least on the outside. Inside, I’m frozen in fear.
“Where were you that it took you so long to get here?” She doesn’t bother waiting for an answer before she drops into a chair close to where I’m standing. “Sheriff Tanner called. Joseph Lowry is opening an investigation into Jackson’s disappearance.”
What if I threw myself into the fire? I don’t know if my whole body would fit, but I could try. I close my eyes and take a breath to put a little distance between myself and that thought. “I guess that’s what he needs to do. He’s worried.”
“He seems to think you had something to do with it.”
It hangs in the air like an accusation. “Of course, he would think that.”
“Why do you say that?” There’s a touch of panic in her voice. She must see her plans dissolving. I need to remember she’s not worried about me. Only the ranch.
“Because he was seen with me leaving the country club. I’m the only person he can accuse.”
“Accuse is a strong word.”
Even after everything, she’s making excuses for him. Not surprising. It’s all about this delusion that his money will save us. “He basically came up to me in town yesterday and made it sound like he was threatening me.”
She’s quiet for a second or two. I know better than to think the conversation is over. “And what exactly happened after you left the country club?”
By now, I know the story so well I almost believe it myself. “Jackson brought me here. All I wanted was to take a shower and pretend the whole night never happened. He drove off once I was inside the house.”
“He never told you about any plans?”
“No.” He didn’t have to tell me anything. He showed me. With his hands, his mouth, and his body when he pinned me under him. A shiver runs through me.
“What could he have gotten into?” Out of the corner of my eye, I watch as she stares at the fire. Does she believe me? She has no reason not to, right?
“To be honest with you, it wouldn’t surprise me if he got himself into trouble.” Maybe I shouldn’t say it, but I can’t suddenly be his biggest fan. Not in front of Mom, when she knew how much I didn’t want to get married. How would I handle this if I really didn’t know what happened to him?
“What kind of trouble?” She still sounds like she doesn’t believe me.
“I don’t know. I’ve already told you he’s a bully.” That was a close one. I almost used the past tense. “He was only pretending to be charming.”
“You know what wouldn’t surprise me?” Mom’s voice goes bitter. “If he took one look at the insanity Kade unleashed and decided he didn’t want to have anything to do with us.”
If that’s what she needs to tell herself. But wait, I’m supposed to be backing him up, right? Or is all of that behind us now that we’re sleeping together…if that’s even what we’re doing.
“Why would Jackson not contact his dad, though?”
She sighs before rubbing her temples and closing her eyes. “I know. I’m grasping at straws. I suppose the only thing to be grateful for is knowing he has nothing to accuse you of. He’s only wasting his time.”
Sure. We’ll go with that.
“It’s probably a big misunderstanding. Maybe he decided to go home early, got stuck somewhere, whatever. He can probably afford to go wherever he wants, whenever he wants.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” She sounds so tired. I understand the feeling.
“I’m going up. I need to shower.” I remember I left my bags in the car, but they can wait.
As soon as I’m upstairs, I pull out my phone. Kade answers my call right away. “What was so important?”
I lock my door, then lean against it. “There’s going to be an investigation.”
“Of course, there is.”
“Did you…or…was his body hidden well?”
He breathes heavily while I go to the window and look out. I don’t know why I keep expecting to see someone watching. A pair of headlights. “My people know what they’re doing. Trust me on that. It wasn’t the first time.”
I can’t even pretend that upsets me. Maybe it would have been before I committed a murder I can’t remember. Right now, I need experience on my side. “Okay. I’ll trust you.”
“Keep doing that.”
I can’t help it. I need to know. “Did you go home too?”
“Yeah. Why’re you askin’?”
“Because…” I shudder, wrapping my arms around myself and turning my back on the window. “Someone followed me. They tried to run me off the road.”
“What?”
“I didn’t get a look at the kind of car, but it was big. Probably a truck or an SUV. The headlights were in my eyes the whole time.” After taking a shuddery breath, I add, “Twice, I almost lost control.”
“Jesus fuck, Allie!” His shout echoes in the background.
“I’m fine. The car is fine. I think they were just trying to scare me, but why?”
He goes quiet for a second, except for heavy breathing—like a bull getting ready to charge. I wouldn’t want to be the one in his way. “Why did you ask where I went? Did you think I was the one who did it?” There’s something dark and dangerous in the question. Something painfully familiar, too.
“Can you just give me a break?” I whisper. “It wouldn’t be the first crazy thing you’ve done to torment me, you know.”
“We’ll talk about that later.” There’s a growl in his voice that I recognize. “That was on the way home? How close to home?”
“A few miles.”
“All right. Maybe stay home tomorrow instead of seeing Sheriff Tanner if he tries to set something up. Call in if you have to. Don’t go in person yet. I don’t like the idea of you being out on your own.”
“What are you gonna do?” Because it’s obvious he’s planning to do something. Kade is not the type to wait and see. He’d rather tear things apart.
“Don’t worry about it. You stay home and act like you have no idea what’s going on with Jackson.”
He makes it sound so easy. I don’t even care. It’s so much of a relief to basically hand the whole situation over to him so he can deal with it. “Whatever you say.”
Only he would chuckle at a time like this. “I like the sound of that. Whatever I say.”
I find myself rolling my eyes, but I’m smiling when I get off the phone.
Until I remember how scary it was on the road, and my heart drops.
Someone could’ve killed me tonight.