Chapter 26
LENNOX
We’ve been on the ranch for five weeks, and we’ve fallen into a rhythm with one another. Sebastian is trying to be less controlling, and it’s actually kind of cute when he freezes mid-sentence because he realizes what he’s saying.
Sun shines through my eyelids, and I know I’ve forgotten to close the curtains again.
I stretch and roll over, finding the opposite side of the bed empty.
I heard him come in late last night; he’d spent a few days in San Francisco dealing with a hotel issue, and knowing he was back, all I wanted was to roll over and cuddle into him.
I’ve missed him so much. My body aches from needing him, from waiting for him to break his promise and reach for me.
He hasn’t. I should be happy, but I long for his touch.
I hear movement in the kitchen, the smell of coffee drifting through the house.
I pull on jeans and a T-shirt and pad barefoot to the kitchen.
Sebastian stands at the counter, two mugs of coffee waiting, wearing jeans and a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
His tattooed forearms are on full display.
God, this man would make a nun break her vows. I force myself to look away, anything to break the spell he has over me, whether he knows it or not.
“Morning,” he says, more husky than normal. Or am I just so fucking horny that every word he says sounds sexy?
“Morning.” I take one of the coffee mugs. “Thank you.”
“Did you sleep okay?”
“Better than I have been knowing you were coming home. You?”
“No, I wanted you in my arms.” He leans against the counter, maintaining distance.
He takes a sip of coffee. “Can we finally talk? Because I’m about ready to say fuck it to everything we’ve been doing to build us and take you upstairs.”
“I’d like that,” I say.
“The talk, or taking you upstairs?” The corner of his mouth twitches, and I can’t help but smile.
“Maybe both?” I put a bit of space between us and move to the window, looking out at the ranch operation already in motion. Cowboys working, cattle moving, the constant rhythm of a working ranch. “But first, I need to tell you something. And you’re not going to like it.”
His body tenses immediately. “What?”
“I’ve been thinking that I should go to Montana. To see my family.” My nose stings, and I blink faster to will away the tears that want to spring from my eyes.
Heavy silence hangs in the kitchen.
I turn to face him, watching the war play out across his features. The instinct to refuse, to control, to remind me of the contract, battles against the promise he made yesterday to try to be different.
“For how long?” His voice is tight.
“Three or four days. Maybe a week.”
“A week?”
“Sebastian, I went to California almost a year ago without saying goodbye to anyone. My father doesn’t know I’m married.
My siblings don’t know where I’ve been or why I disappeared.
” I set down my coffee cup and move toward him.
“And I sent Janie back there. I need to make sure she’s okay, that she hasn’t told anyone what really happened. ”
“She could expose everything,” he says in a hushed tone.
“She won’t. But I need to see her face-to-face. Make sure she understands what’s at stake.” I reach out and put my hands on his crossed arms. “And honestly, after everything, I just need to ground myself. Remember who I am outside of being your wife.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, staring into his coffee like it holds answers.
“The timing is terrible,” he finally says. “We’ve hardly spent any time together, between the issues here with Thomas Marshall and me dealing with the resorts.”
“Which is exactly what makes me realize I need to go. I’m walking on eggshells all the time, and I’m the one that’s going to break, Sebastian.
Completely.” My voice cracks slightly. “I need my family. Just for a few days. I’m asking you to trust me.
” More silence. I can see him struggling, can see every instinct screaming at him to refuse.
“If I agree to this,” he finally says, “I need something from you.”
“What?”
“Daily check-ins. Morning and night. So I know you’re safe.” He holds up a hand before I can protest. “With everything happening with Thomas Marshall, I need to know that you’re not in danger.”
“Thomas hasn’t made a real move for weeks. Riding the fence line and tripping your cameras every hour isn’t exactly threatening. Do you really think he’s going to continue to cause problems?”
“Lennox,” he growls at me.
“Fine, daily check-ins,” I agree. “Morning and night.”
“And only four days. Not a week. Four days, then you come back, and we figure out boundaries and expectations as we agreed.”
“Five days. I need at least that much time with my family.”
“Four and a half. You leave tomorrow morning, you’re back Sunday night.”
“Okay. Four and a half days.”
He nods, still tense. “I’ll arrange the jet, have it ready by eight tomorrow morning.”
“Thank you.” I mean it. “For not fighting me on this.”
“Don’t thank me yet. I’m going to regret this decision about five hundred times before you even board the plane.
” He puts down his coffee cup and pulls me into his embrace.
I sink into him. It feels so right to be wrapped up by him.
His heart is racing, and the stiffness of his shoulders seems to relax, which makes me melt.
“What are you going to tell your family? About us?”
“The truth. That I married you, and that it’s complicated.”
“They’re going to have questions. Want to meet me. Probably try to talk you out of coming back.” He tightens his arms around me, and I wrap mine around his waist.
“Probably.” I pause. “What do you want me to tell them?”
“Whatever feels right.” He lowers his head and buries his nose into my hair before taking a deep breath.
“Lennox, if you decide while you’re there that you can’t do this any more, that two years is too long with someone like me, that I’m too fucked up to be what you need, I won’t force you to come back. ”
The admission stuns me. I wriggle back so I can look at him, but he doesn’t let go of me. “Really? Are you sure?”
“I’m giving you a choice. Which you should have had from the beginning.
” His jaw tightens. “I bought you at an auction. That’s always going to be the foundation we’re built on.
And maybe that’s too fucked to ever become something real.
So if you want out, truly out, I’m not going to stop you.
Because if you come back to me, you’re choosing to be here. ”
I stare at him and try to figure out if this is another manipulation. Another way to control me by making me think I have power I don’t hold. But the look in his eyes seems genuine. A spark of hope that I’ll choose to come back on my own instead of being forced by a contract.
“I’m coming back,” I say carefully. “Four and a half days. Then I’m back here, and we figure out what the next two years look like. Together.”
“Why?”
“Because I keep my word. Even when it’s hard.” I move back into his embrace. “And because I want to see if you can actually be different.”
“Four and a half days,” he finally says.
“Agreed.”
We stand here wrapped in one another’s arms, two people who’ve spent too long with the Grand Canyon between us. But right now, we’ve each taken a step across a bridge we’re building board by board. It feels fragile, uncertain, like one wrong word could shatter it.
I swallow. We haven’t been intimate since our argument, and I miss his touch so much.
I sometimes wake up with his arm draped over me, holding me possessively to him.
But then he’ll wake up and draw away, like he’s afraid he’s crossed a line.
I glance up at his face and catch him looking at me with an intensity I can’t read.
For just a moment while I stand in his arms, I let myself pretend this is normal. That we’re a normal couple saying goodbye for a few days. Just two people who care about each other, figuring out how to be together.
We hold each other for a long time before reality crashes back in and I pull away. “I should pack.”
“Yeah.” But he doesn’t look happy about it. “I’ll handle the flight arrangements. And Lennox? Be careful in Montana.”
“I’ll be careful.”