Chapter 15 Sin
Sin
Iblew out a slow breath, trying to time mine with the gentle rise and fall of Caspian and Melanie’s chests. They had been in perfect sync since we brought them to Kai’s nest three days ago, but not once had they opened their eyes.
With my legs spread, my elbows on my knees, my hands twisted together as if rubbing them like a magic spell could bring them back, I sat there with my head bowed forward.
I rarely prayed; there was no place for it in a world like ours.
But after days of pouring energy into Caspian and Melanie, of blanketing them with my aura, of giving them so much of myself through the bond that I was weak, I would try anything.
It wasn’t unusual for Caspian to spend a day unconscious after going rogue, but his usual method when he awoke was to struggle, shout, and attack anyone who came near him as his state wore off.
Hence, the handcuffs, which bolted his wrists to the bars of Kai’s bedframe.
Yet there had been nothing from either of them since Melanie passed out from exhaustion.
With the Selection Ceremony next week, so soon after Caspian's parent's deaths, we couldn't afford to look weak and divided.
If Caspian appeared with obvious signs of his lingering rouge state and Melanie couldn't walk because of her injuries, it would raise even more suspicion.
And that was only if we could actually attend.
Caspian lay on his back, his biceps pressed against his ears, with Melanie curled up next to him. With one arm wrapped around his stomach while she used his chest as a pillow, as if she needed to hear his heart under her ear to stay sane. It was the only reason I hadn’t taken the place myself.
They were both far-off presences in the bond, but I could still feel them in my body, and that was all that mattered.
I had barely moved from my small chair at their bedside since I took the place five hours ago.
I couldn’t bear the thought that they would wake up alone.
Kai’s disgust whenever he looked at me was so potent that he had opted to take shifts rather than be anywhere near me.
I could only hope that would change when our mates returned to us.
Every attempted conversation with him led to an argument. No matter how deeply Kai resented me for not biting Melanie, I could only apologise that I did not make the decision he wanted me to make. But I would not apologise for making it.
It was a shock to learn that Kai had the ability to sever his connection to us.
We could hide ourselves in the bond, yes, but that was far different from reaching out for my omega and finding a dead space.
The first time it happened, unbearable terror ripped through me, and I ran to find him, believing he was either dead or he had cleaved, and he was simply working in his studio.
Even reaching for him now, there was a gaping hole that reeked of desolation.
Unfortunately, he was unable to sense us when he shut us out, so I couldn’t alert him should they awake.
My mates were the most lively people I knew, so to see Caspian lying there with skin paler than Camille’s, his breathing so light that I kept having to place my hand on his chest to make sure he still moved, and even the muscles on his face completely relaxed—it was all so unnatural that I could barely contain myself.
Melanie herself was the opposite. Peace radiated from her, and even though she was barely a speck in the grand landscape of our bond, her contentedness flowed through us.
But who knew if it would remain when she awoke.
While Lily and I tried to handle the consequences of that day, Kai allowed doctors to examine them both.
Caspian’s eyes remained soaked in blood red, and there was no permanent damage to Melanie’s stomach from the fight.
All it would take was rest, and she would naturally heal. Her psyche, on the other hand…
I wanted to keep them both on the lower floor, but Kai insisted they remain in his nest. It was no small feat to carry them both up three floors and scale the ladder to bring them here.
Melanie had still been conscious at that point, and Caspian was deadweight.
But Kai hissed You nearly fucking murdered her; it’s the least you can do, so I gave in.
My brief wonderings about the state of our pack had spiralled since I’d had days to wallow, and I was beginning to understand the full breadth of our relationship.
Not just with Kai and the permanent damage we had caused him, but Caspian’s brokenness and my inability to be compassionate when they needed it most. I didn’t know how we could mend the fracture between us.
My love was no longer enough for them, and I did not know how to remove the burden from Melanie.
Even asleep, she still naturally calmed Caspian, and I suspected that her carrying the weight of the aftereffects of Caspian’s rogue state was another reason they had not moved.
The pure rage that beat from Kai when he removed the barrier was a mild punishment compared to losing Melanie.
I was unfamiliar with a resting state of panic, but it had grown on me since I first took my place in the chair beside them.
Discomfort was my constant companion, but I could not look away from my mates.
I had to acknowledge what I did, and repeatedly confirm that my refusal to bite Melanie was correct, no matter how passionately Kai despised me for it.
Every hour that passed, I sank deeper into despair.
Until a light groan echoed from the bed, and my heart plunged as Caspian shifted his hips.
Time slowed, pain screamed through my body as Caspian exploded to life inside me.
My lips parted as I straightened in the chair, forcing my hope not to flourish.
I couldn’t bear to have it shattered again.
He could simply be moving in his sleep.
But I let out a muted cry of desperation as he stretched his neck, arching his back, and his eyes fluttered open as he groaned again.
“Caspian?” I croaked, leaning forward in my chair.
I shuddered at the pure force of him. Even after three days, his rogue state still fought for release. The chains of his handcuffs rattled against the frame as he tested the tautness, but we had done this enough times that he knew the bars wouldn’t break.
His weakness morphed into a growl as he shook them again, his red eyes sparking in the evening light.
“What the fuck did I do?” he snarled, his voice like gritted sandpaper. “Why do I feel like shit? Sin, I swear to fucking God…”
I choked out a laugh, because of course Caspian would return in a blaze of snarls and swears.
My mate’s anger grew, his lips pulling back over his teeth, his gaze snapping to mine, like I could possibly answer him in one sentence.
I couldn’t breathe. Instead of being stuck in the chair, unable to move from my panic, I was rooted, simply watching Caspian scan the room to assess his situation, like a good soldier would.
His chest heaved, wheezing as he grabbed the thick chains of his handcuffs and rose as high as he could, certain he was searching for our omegas.
Pain screamed through his body, so much so that it was numb. I didn’t care that even the act of turning his head pierced through mine, blurring my vision, and nearly knocked me backwards.
It dominated him so thoroughly that he had no clue Melanie clung to him.
“Calm yourself,” I said, my throat as dry as his. I couldn’t sense her through the force of Caspian inside me.
Until another groan echoed on his chest, her voice wove through Caspian’s growls. The second he saw her, every tense muscle, every stabbing pain, each second that the rogue state needed to flare and dominate him again, it all washed away as she pushed herself up on one hand.
“Caspian?” she said sleepily, never taking her other hand from his stomach. “What happened?”
She winced as a jolt of pain shuddered from her stomach, and Caspian snapped out a growl.
“That’s what I want to fucking know.” His gaze went straight to the source of her pain, hidden underneath loose purple pyjamas Kai had chosen for her.
The second she shivered, he pulled back his rage, and a sigh went through me as he attempted to send her love through his corrupted state.
But I was there with him, instinctively exhaling love to support them even though I shook so hard I could barely stand.
With lungs about to burst, my heart pounding in my ears, my limbs so weak I did not know if I could make the single yard to the bed, I stood.
I tried to contain myself, but it was no use.
My legs gave way, and a gasp ripped from me as I launched myself towards them before I tumbled.
My knees caught the mattress, and I landed beside them, instantly throwing my arms around them.
I bent over, my chest against Caspian’s, half pulling them close, half using them to support me as the first sob racked my body.
“Sin, what the fuck?”
“What’s happening?”
Their shock was nothing compared to the release of days filled with anxiety and fear.
I could hear myself crying, my eyes stinging, clinging to them just to scent them and make sure they were alive. Melanie brought her hand to my neck, trying to send me soothing energy, but I could not stop.
I was supposed to be the one to help them, but in all their confusion, they clung to me. It all poured out of me as the bond opened between us, and I could finally feel their hearts again. Their exhaustion, their pain, their worry bloomed into love as they tried to comfort me with no questions.
They had just opened their eyes, and I had yet to give them an answer, but I couldn’t control my tears. Sobs ricocheted through my chest as emotions I held onto for years escaped.
I knew they didn’t have the strength for it. But I needed to be selfish one last time. I opened myself up, pouring my useless love into them, because I couldn’t say it with my words.