32. Chapter 31
Chapter 31
Branson
Some things are worth fighting for, even if it is easier to walk away. You will know them when you see them.
A cold front greeted us when we returned to New York in the run up to Christmas. I both loved it and hated it in equal measure. On the one hand, getting to and from work sucked - the pounding rain took no pity on my flimsy umbrella - but on the other hand, coming home and throwing on my comfy sweats and cuddling with Milo and Noel under a ton of blankets and pillows was pure bliss.
Shaking the water from my hair, I entered the hotel lobby, catching Marcie’s eye as she stood behind the reception desk. “Good evening, Marcie, what’s new?” Her red hair was tied into a tight bun, her makeup immaculate and the navy blue shirt she was wearing, perfectly pressed. It was her bright smile and sunny disposition though, that drew people in and made her the perfect host for greeting guests.
“Evening, Branson. Nothing new going on here, just the usual. A-list stars with complaints about thread count and Mrs Perkins’ chihuahua got out again.”
I snorted a laugh. Mrs Perkins was an eighty-five-year-old widowed billionaire who pretty much lived here - much like we did - because she liked the company and the service. She was sweet, quick as a whip and had a pretty foul mouth. I loved listening to the stories she regaled us with; she’d lived a thrilling life, and whenever I ran into Mrs Perkins, I always left hoping I’d be able to tell people such exciting tales about my life one day.
“Sounds far more interesting than my day. I spent four hours in a financial forecast meeting. With no snacks! Who has a four hour meeting without a single drop of sugar?” Marcie pushed a jar of sweets towards me and I sunk my hand in, pulling out a load of colourful sweets. “You’re too good to me. On the upside though, I finally handed in my notice. Four weeks from now, I’ll be unemployed and I couldn’t be happier!”
“That’s great! Any idea what you’ll do next?” Marcie asked.
“I do! My plan is coming together slowly, I’ll tell you soon.” I winked at her then asked, “Can you check that Noel booked the suite next to ours for two nights from Monday, under the name Winters, please?”
August and Caleb had a last minute business conference to attend in Boston but then were coming to stay with us for a few days before heading back to the UK to spend Christmas with Caleb’s parents. We had dinner plans on Monday and then tickets to a comedy show that one of Milo’s colleagues had told him about.
Marcie's perfectly manicured nails click clacked on the keyboard. “Yes, he has.”
“Great! So, what are your plans for Christmas?” I asked, leaning my elbows on the check-in desk.
“I’m here on Christmas Eve and then on Christmas Day, we will be with Beckett’s family. I’m baking a ham to take along, which no doubt Beck's mom will find issue with.” Beckett was Marcie’s husband - a singer in a small indie band and the owner of a rather posh bar downtown.
“Well, I’ll eat it if she doesn’t want it,” I said and Marcie chuckled before looking over my shoulder. I turned to see a family of four walking through the glass doors, heading towards the check in.
“That’s my cue to leave, have a lovely evening.” Waving goodbye, I headed towards the private elevator but paused briefly to take in the festive surroundings. With less than three weeks to go before Christmas, The Starlight was completely decked out. Gold stars and lights hung from the tall ceiling and a twelve foot fir tree stood in the centre of the lobby, decorated in ornate gold, red and white baubles. A huge star sat on top of the tree and a sprinkling of lights danced between its branches. I mentally added a Christmas tree to my list of things we needed for our hotel room. Other things on the list included a larger scratching post for Juliet and Lena, a proper tea pot, and a bookshelf.
If we were going to move into our own house though, a few of those could wait. Thoughts of what our place would look like followed me into the elevator and up to our floor. Neither Noel nor Milo had mentioned moving out again, not since that day in London and though the words sat heavily on my tongue, begging me to bring it up, I hadn’t yet. Maybe over dinner, I thought as the elevator door dinged open.
I smiled to myself, knowing that both my boyfriends would already be home. Noel had been working from his office in the hotel and Milo was off for a few days. Unfortunately for me, we were going through a busy period at work and I’d had to return the day after getting back from London. The now familiar smell of pine cleaner and hotel laundry soap filled the air as I walked to our door and opened it to be greeted vocally by our small bundles of fluff.
Juliet clawed at my legs, meowing and purring then flopped on her side and rolled over. Lena, much more timid than Juliet, brushed against my legs before sauntering off. From the sorrowful noises coming from Juliet, and her over-dramatic antics, I surmised she had either not been fed yet or she was playing me in the hopes of a second meal.
“Milo? Noel? You two home?” I called out as I removed my soaked coat and kicked off my boots. I had on tight jeans and a tartan fleece shacket which I shrugged off and tossed onto the sofa. Walking further into the suite, the pitter patter of water caught my attention and I pushed open the bathroom door to find Milo standing under the spray of the shower, his head tipped forward as soapy water cascaded down his body. The lines of his muscles, the pure strength in them, and the tattooed planes of his back always took my breath away. He was stunning and I often found myself gawking at him, the same way you would at a beautiful sunset. But no, Milo was more beautiful than a sunset, he was like a navy blue sky twinkling with diamonds. “Hey, love,” I greeted and he turned around, his soft gaze meeting mine through the water streaked shower door.
“Hi babe,” Milo replied, rinsing off the remaining suds and turning off the water. I held a towel out for him as he stepped out of the shower. “Thanks.” He dried his face and body then pulled me towards him, trapping me in a coconut and vanilla shampoo scented embrace. “I’m glad you’re home. How was your day?” He kissed my temple before stepping back and wrapping himself in the towel.
“Boring and, um… boring. There are literally no other words to describe it. Thank fuck it’s over and it’s the weekend. How was your day? And where’s Noel?” Milo moved around the bathroom, picking up his clothing from the floor then headed back into the main room and pulled on a pair of sweats, a thin black vest and a chunky knit cream cardigan. I stripped out of my work clothing, stumbling over my trouser leg, then threw on a similar outfit of sweats and a fairisle jumper.
“My day was good, I worked on some new designs and took Mia out for lunch. And I ran into Mrs Perkins which led to an hour of chitchat, tea and baklava her daughter had dropped off. As for Noel, he is downstairs in the kitchen, pestering Emile to make us an Oreo cheesecake.” I raised an eyebrow and Milo smirked before elaborating. “I may have shown him a video I saw online and mentioned how good it looked. He said something about you loving Oreos and you know how he is, he couldn’t help himself.” Milo lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.
“Well that sounds bloody delicious, but I could do with some real food right now. The soup I had for lunch did not touch the sides.”
“I can feed you something real,” Milo suggested playfully as he pushed me until I was flat on my back on the bed and his big body was blanketing me.
“You’re so fucking cheesy,” I joked but my chuckle morphed into a moan as he dragged his soft lips down my throat. Craning my neck to the side, I offered up even more real estate for him.
A loud meow sounded from the floor next to me, followed by a small tiny catapult of fur launching itself at my face. Milo sat up, his eyes sparkling with fondness for our little visitor. He scooted Juliet up and kissed her head. “Seems you’re not the only kitten that’s hungry.” I laughed at my boyfriend before climbing off the bed and heading to where we kept the cats’ food.
Half an hour later, once Juliet and Lena had eaten and Milo and I had settled onto the sofa idly browsing our phones, Noel returned with a large box in one hand and takeout bags dangling from his arm. “Food, my loves,” he announced, and I chuckled as Juliet paraded herself at his feet with a pitiful meow.
“Ignore her, she’s eaten.” I stood up to greet him, lightly brushing my lips to his. They were cold and his cheeks were tinted a bright pink. It was then that I noticed his coat was dusted with droplets of water and his hair was mussed as though he’d had it under a hat. “Did you go out?”
Noel placed the items he was carrying on the side table and removed his black leather gloves before shrugging off his funnel coat. “Emile said the cheesecake would take four hours to chill, so I went out and bought one.” Oddly, he wouldn’t meet my eyes when he spoke and my stomach churned with unease.
“Why the sudden need for cheesecake?” Milo asked, as he stretched his legs onto the coffee table. “I’m sure we could have found something else down there. The brownies are pretty good and I know Emile keeps a load of them hidden in the freezer.”
Noel bit his bottom lip then soothed the spot with his tongue as his hands wrung together nervously. “I need to talk to you both about something and I thought we could have a nice dinner together first.” That churning turned into a full blown whirlwind as my mind went to all the places this talk could take us - none of them good because why would he be so nervous if what he had to say was anything but awful?
“What,” I started, then swallowed thickly, my mouth suddenly bone dry. “What did you want to talk about?”
Noel shook his head, “Shall we eat first?” All traces of my earlier hunger had evaporated and looking at Milo and the way he now sat up straight, his arms resting on his knees, his jaw set tightly and his eyes glued to Noel, I guessed he was feeling a little uncertain about this ‘talk’ too.
“You know when you say ‘we need to talk’ it sounds ominous right?” I wasn’t able to hide the anxiousness in my voice.
“It’s nothing bad, I didn’t mean for it to sound that way but it is important.” Noel gestured to the sofa. “Okay, let’s sit and we can eat after.”
Apprehension lodged in my throat as I sat in the space next to Milo. Noel took the armchair opposite us, his hands twirling together restlessly on his lap. Silence sat thickly in the air, the scent of cheese and garlic circling us, as we sat in a suspended moment before Noel cleared his throat.
“My dad is sick.” Memories of my own father in that hospice room barrelled through me and I shook my head to clear the images. This was about Noel now, not about me.
“You know he had a heart attack a while back and though he's been doing well it left him with some irreparable muscle damage to the organ. He's been managing it well with medication but his overall health has been declining.”
Noel’s bottom lip quivered and his head dropped then he raked his hands through his mess of blonde strands before straightening up again and taking a deep breath. “When I saw him on this last trip, he looked so frail. Seeing him really drove home that I may not have a lot of time left with him.”
Sliding to the floor, I crawled over to him and took his hands in mine. “I’m sorry.” They were words that couldn’t fix anything, but they were true nonetheless because I was sorry. Sorry he had to deal with this, the same way I had. I would never wish this on anyone.
“What have the doctors said?” Milo asked, scooting forward as he spoke.
“That there's other medications they can try, diets, lifestyle changes but how well that will help with his weakening heart is unknown.”
I’m not afraid of dying, Branson, but I do hate that I’m leaving you and your mother behind. I wish I could soak up a thousand more minutes with you before I leave this world.
It hit me like a freewheeling freight train, what this all meant and I was ashamed at the wave of anger that hit me at the implications. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question because I knew it to be true with as much surety as I knew my own name. His head dropped again but I didn’t miss the subtle nod of his head.
It wasn’t fair of me but as the pieces clicked into place, I couldn’t help the hardness in my voice. “How long have you known?” Noel’s red rimmed eyes shot up to meet mine at the same time that Milo said my name, an air of warning in his tone.
“How long have you known that you would need to leave New York?” I repeated the question.
Noel dropped his gaze from mine, looking down at his fidgeting hands. “A while.”
“Did you know before we got together?” Another nod as betrayal itched at my skin and warred with the shame I felt at being mad at him at a time like this.
“So this whole time, you knew you’d need to leave, and you never said a word? You lied to us.” I stood, moving away from him and towards the door. His eyes followed my every movement but he remained seated. Milo was still, his head tracking from me to Noel and back again.
“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t tell you. Not at first, but I’m telling you now. I’m sorry it took me so long. I do need to move back to the UK, to be closer to him and to help my mum. Before I met you, I was going regularly but that wouldn't be enough now. I can't be so far away in case he… I need to make this permanent and I want you to come with me. Both of you. I’ll buy us a house and we can live together there. All of us, even the cats. It’ll be the start of the next part of our life together.” There was so much hope in his voice. “I didn’t say anything sooner because I didn’t want to accept his diagnosis, and because I was scared.”
I could understand wanting to ignore his father’s illness, I can remember trying to do the same as a teen, like if I pretended he wasn’t ill then he wouldn’t be but I didn’t get why he was so afraid to share this massive bit of his life with us. “Scared of what?” I asked, my head spinning from his confession and his proposal. Of course I would leave with him, but that didn’t stop the hurt that he’d kept this from us. “Because you know we would have helped you through this, supported you however we could. Hell, if I’d known I’d have blown off sightseeing to go meet your dad. Why didn’t you lean on us, the same way we always lean on you?”
Noel looked at Milo, his eyes pleading with him to understand. “I was afraid one or both of you would say no, that you wouldn’t come with me and I don’t know how to be there and here. And I don’t know how to be without the two of you.”
I opened my mouth to tell him I would follow him anywhere, he just needed to be open and trust us but my words were forced back in when Milo spoke, his words landing with a crack against my heart.
“One of us is saying no.”
My eyes shot to Milo. “Wha… what do you mean?” Tears blurred my vision because I wasn’t stupid. I may be the one they always thought they had to take care of, but I wasn’t stupid.
“I can’t go with you.” Milo shook his head then rubbed at the back of his neck before turning to Noel. “I’m sorry.”
Noel gulped, “I don’t understand, I thought you loved us? I thought you wanted to be with us?”
“I do love you, but I can’t. You’ve sprung this on us, and I get that you have to go, and that it’s easy for the two of you. I can see it on Branson’s face that he was going to say yes, but it’s not that easy for me. I’m sorry your dad is sick, Noel, and again I get why you have to leave, but it’s going to have to be without me.” Milo’s voice was thick with emotion but couldn’t muster up any response. I was empty. Numb. I moved closer to the hotel room door.
“None of this is easy because obviously, I don’t want to leave you, either of you, but I have obligations. What’s stopping you from coming with us? If it’s Mia, she can come too, I’ll find her her own place and a university course and even a job if needed. So why, Milo?” Noel pleaded and I wished I could say I didn’t know where this was going, but I did. It was the same thing that had always been a sticking point between them.
Milo blew out a breath. “It took me six years to find my way out from under my father and make my own way. I don’t have the money to move across the world and I’m not going to be indebted to you Noel. I just can’t.”
“You wouldn’t be indebted to me. We’re a team, the three of us. The way I see it, my money is yours too.”
Milo rounded the back of the sofa, resting his open palms on the smooth surface. “I don’t want your money! Don’t you get it? I can’t put myself in the position of relying on someone financially again. I just can’t.”
“I’m not like him, Milo. It’s not the same thing,” Noel retorted.
I was so done with the whole discussion. Mad at Noel for not telling us this earlier, before we’d all fallen head over heels in love with each other, before my heart had become so ingrained with theirs. Though who was I kidding? I’d been in love with them both since our first kiss. And I was mad at Milo for being so stubborn about money, always about the fucking money!
“So, you’d throw this all away because you can’t take Noel’s money? Are we not worth more than that to you?” Hurt flashed across Milo’s features but I didn’t have it in me anymore to fix things. He was stubborn and Noel had to leave, and I was stuck in the middle. There was no way forward that didn’t end in heartache. “So what happens to us? Noel leaves, you stay. I don’t know what the fuck to do - go or stay. In both of these scenarios, we end. This,” I waved my hand around the room, “this all ends.”
Milo hung his head, his shoulders drooping. “I know.” God, the finality in those two words hurt.
My heart shattered, the jagged broken pieces of it shredding me up inside, puncturing all my vital organs and making me bleed. It was over. We, the three of us, were over.
“I can’t do this right now.” I pointed at Noel. “You didn’t trust us enough.” Then I pointed at Milo, “And you don’t believe in us enough to give this a chance. I thought we were forever, but I guess the jokes on me. Again .”
With those parting words, I stormed out of the room, out of the hotel, and onto the cold, dark New York streets. Having not had the forethought to bring a coat, I wrapped one arm around myself, while pulling out my phone and hitting call on August’s number.
“Hey Bran, what’s up?” He sounded far away as he spoke over people laughing and talking in the background. I burst into tears, sobbing into the phone about how things had all gone to shit. About how Noel was leaving and Milo had refused his offer to go with, and how I had no idea what to do next. Hot tears streaked down my face as cold rain pelted my skin. All the words tumbling from my mouth and the emotions twisting inside me clouded all other sounds to the point that I didn’t hear the car horn until it was too late.