34. Chapter 33
Chapter 33
Milo
“ Y ou’re not needed here.” Noel’s words stung and as I sat on the cold metal bench in a deserted area outside the hospital, I leaned my head back and stared at the dark night sky. The rain from earlier had slowed but drops still fell, falling into my eyes, settling in my hair and soaking into my clothing. My body trembled against the bench, a mixture of cold and heartache seeping into my bones. He was right, Branson didn’t need me, Noel would take care of him and in time, they would forget I was ever a part of the equation.
“I love you, you're the other part of this three part equation. Ours, always.” Branson’s words came back to me and a feeling of wrongness settled in my gut, like a festering that I couldn’t shake.
A few hours ago, I had been so happy, waiting on Noel to return with cheesecake and joking around with Branson. How could it have all gone to shit so quickly and without warning? Noel wasn’t wrong for wanting to move back to the UK; if it had been me, and I’d had the opportunity to spend more time with my mom before she passed, I would have taken every chance to do so. But no matter how many times I played the scenario over in my mind, the result was always the same - me relying on him, giving him the power to control me. Shaking my head caused strands of damp, dark hair to fall into my face and I brushed them away with the back of my hand.
My ass stung as the cold metal seeped through my jeans, biting into me and my teeth were starting to chatter but I was glued to the spot. Motionless. Getting up and moving seemed like a chore and with no idea where to go or what to do next, I remained stagnant even as my body shook more violently from the cold.
I thought about my latest bank statement - a pitiful amount, hardly enough for a plane ticket yet alone for a move to another country. Over and over, I played the options in my mind. Stay here and move on. Beg Branson to stay with me. Save up some money and join them later. Stop being a proud, stubborn asshole and accept Noel’s offer - the next chapter of our life, he’d called it. That final option sounded so much like something Mia would say. I reached into my pocket, my hand fumbling with the phone as I pulled up her number and hit call.
She answered after three rings, “Hey, big brother.” The sound of her sweet, warm voice broke the last bit of tether holding me together and I sobbed down the line until each word I tried to say was punctuated by a hiccup. My stomach was queasy and it hurt to breathe. An all too familiar sensation of panic rose from the base of my spine, until I was dizzy and had to press a hand against the bench to feel the solidness beneath me. “What’s wrong?” When her question was answered with more sobs, she tried again. “Take a breath, Milo, and tell me where you are.”
“I ca…over… the hospital, it’s all…,” Words failed to form and stay together and what I could muster, I couldn’t push past my heaving breaths. Eventually, Mia insisted I ping her my location, saying she would be with me as soon as possible. I stayed on the cold bench, water dripping down my face and my clothing soaked right through until time was a foreign concept. When my phone rang ten minutes or two hours later - I wasn’t sure - I answered, my movements sluggish as my hands fumbled with the device.
“I’m here, where are you?” Mia’s voice was terse, laced with concern. Mustering all the strength I could, I pulled myself up and stumbled around to the front of the hospital, where I found Mia frantically pacing the pavement next to a black Tesla.
“Shit Milo! You’re drenched. Why the fuck are you sitting in the rain? Here.” She wrapped her coat around me but given our size difference, it barely covered my shoulders. “Let’s go inside.”
“No, please. Not inside.” My watery eyes met Mia’s and she pursed her lips, then gestured to the car she had climbed out of.
“Okay, get in.” Following Mia into the back of the car, I vaguely recognised the man in the front but couldn’t place him even when he turned towards me and smiled. Mia started to instruct the man to take us to the hotel, but I stopped her, asking instead to go to our apartment. She didn’t argue but I could see the question in her eyes.
Once back at the apartment Branson and I had once shared, Mia fussed over me like a mother hen. She ordered me into a hot shower and then bundled me up in a pile of blankets that smelled so much like Branson. I buried my face in them, finding comfort in his familiar scent. Mia had yet to ask me any questions, her sole purpose making sure I was okay.
The apartment was cold - no one had lived in it in months - and a layer of dust had settled on most of the surfaces. “This place is gross,” Mia scrunched up her nose as she filled the space next to me on our old sofa, then leaned over and swiped her finger through the dust on the coffee table. “You should really stop renting this place… seems pointless holding on to it.”
Looking around the apartment, I recalled the first time I had been in here and how much I loved it - how it had offered me something I had been searching for. It had been a refuge, a place of solace, where I had first gotten to know Branson and found the answer to six years of hard work. But now? It was nothing more than a dust-filled, empty reminder of everything I’d lost.
“You’re right,” I coughed, and Mia handed me a glass of water. “I’ll hand in my notice and look for something else.” Somewhere without the memories.
“It’s about time. Maybe that house Noel was on about? The three of you cannot live in a hotel forever. I mean, I guess you could,” she pursed her lips again and turned her eyes to the ceiling. “The hotel does have an onsite cook, and housekeeping, so maybe - “
“We broke up,” I interrupted, and Mia’s brown eyes - the same shade as mine - snapped to me. Her mouth fell open and in any other situation, I’d have found the fish-like gape comical.
“What. The. Actual. Fuck? Why? You three were like…. perfect.”
Mia sat silently, fiddling with her thumbnail as I told her everything. From Noel’s dad’s illness to him moving and wanting us to go with him to Branson’s accident, repeating what the doctor had said about him being in a stable condition. Her eyes remained wide as she listened, not moving an inch until I fell silent, finally reaching the end of my recount of the evening.
She shifted in her seat, pulling her legs up until she was cross-legged on the sofa, Branson’s favourite yellow throw cushion resting on her lap. “Wait, so Noel told you his dad is dying and you broke up with him? God, Milo, where is your heart?” I straightened my back, squashing myself into the arm of the couch, and widened the gap between us.
“Did you miss the part where he was trying to move us to the other side of the fucking world ?” I itched at the back of my neck then ran my hands through my hair, tugging on the damp ends. “He was being all rich-Noel again, offering to pay for everything, including taking you with us!”
She had to understand my point of view, surely?
“He isn’t trying to move you to the other side of the world, he’s trying to keep you all together because he loves you. And thanks for turning him down on my behalf. Fuck you very much but I would have loved that.” Her sarcasm hit with the velocity of a boulder being launched off a cliff.
“You’d have moved to England and let him pay for it all? Be indebted to him? Cause that’s what would happen - not like we could pay for it - and I’m sorry but I can’t…won’t do that. I will never put myself in a position like that again.”
Mia rolled her eyes at me before aiming an exasperated scowl my way. “I love you, so understand that when I say this, it is with all the love in the world. But you, dear brother, are a fucking idiot. Since day one, you’ve had this idea that because Noel has money, he is going to use it to control you. Newsflash, he hasn’t, not even once, because he’s not that type of person. And secondly, our father never controlled you with money. He controlled you with fear and shame. All this time you’ve perceived wealth to be some devil lurking around but it’s not. Sure, dad withheld it from us when he didn’t get his way but that was never the problem. He’d have been an awful human even without it. It was a weapon, but it wasn’t his greatest one or even the one he used the most. Don’t you see that?”
I thought about all those years I’d lived in that miserable mansion. All the times he’d hit me, locked me in my room, the way he’d erased my mother from my life and all the hurtful vitriol he’d spat my way. All the worst things he had done to me had nothing to do with his wealth and everything to do with the rotten parts inside him. Then I thought about Noel. My beautiful, protective Noel, who praised and listened to me and never let me feel like I was anything short of amazing. Who was willing to risk being sued, for me. He never pushed me, supported my career and never even suggested we give up this place. Every decision we’d made had always been discussed together - none of us taking charge or acting like what we had to say was more important. Even on our trip to London, he never argued when Branson or I offered to pay for something.
And, oh God, Mia was right.
Hanging my head in my hands, my shoulders drooped and I whispered the honest truth. “I was wrong, and I fucked up so badly.” The entire night could have been avoided if I’d put my ridiculous misconceptions aside. I’d acted without thinking, not even allowing us a chance to have a proper civil discussion about everything. Branson was mad at Noel for not telling us sooner, but we could have worked through that - understanding that he was afraid. It was me, me, who impulsively said no and then, like a child stuck, my fingers in my ears and refused to hear anything more. “What if it’s too late to make it right? Branson got hit by a fucking car because of how I acted!”
Mia’s warmth embraced me, the sweet smell of her strawberry shampoo tickling at my nose as she rested her arms on my shoulders.
“It’s not too late. A love like the one you three share is too strong to end over a silly argument. You made a mistake, Milo. Everyone does but now you fight for them because they are worth fighting for.”
Me: Any update on Branson? Are you still at the hospital? I’m coming back now.
Noel: He will be out of surgery soon. I’m trying to get August to get me permission to see him. Fucking next of kin bullshit.
Looking at my watch, I estimated it to have been around three hours since the accident. August would still be on his way, which meant Noel was sitting alone in the hospital and by the bluntness to his messages, it was clear he wasn’t handling it well. He always wanted to be the caretaker and the fact that August had a say over Branson’s wellbeing was probably bothering him. “Mia,” I started, lifting my exhausted body from the sofa, “I’m going back to the hospital. I need to talk to Noel, get this all sorted before Branson wakes up.”
Mia strolled back into the lounge, having taken a call in my room moments earlier. “I figured as much. Theo is on the way and will drop you there.”
With a raised eyebrow, I asked, “Who exactly is Theo?” The name and the face were familiar but still, I could not place them.
“He works for dad,” she shrugged, then pulled on her coat, reaching for an old one I had hanging near the door and throwing it to me.
“And he just happened to be with you when I called because….?” I let the question hang in the air.
Mia smirked and the cheeky glint in her eye reminded me of Branson. It was no wonder the two of them got on so well, what with the trouble they liked to cause. “Because when dad is away, Theo and I have a little um… Noel would call it a tete-a-tete. ”
I didn’t want the mental image of my sister and this Theo guy together but the thought of what she was doing behind my father’s back as a big fuck you to him did make me smile. “Is it serious?”
“ Pftt, not a chance. He’s not my type but he’s good with his tongue, if you know what I mean.”
She laughed and I visibly cringed, just as her phone pinged, announcing Theo’s arrival. “Let’s get you back to your men.”
I arrived back at the hospital to find August had in fact passed on our details to whoever was in charge, allowing me to be shown through to Branson’s room, where he was due to be moved once they were happy to transfer him from the recovery ward. The nurse in charge told me that the surgery - a splenorrhaphy - had lasted little over an hour and had been successful in repairing the damage to his spleen. She then showed me into a small, clinically white room with tiled ceilings and grey linoleum lining the floors.
The pungent scent of disinfectant and some weak air freshener greeted me as I stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Noel stood with his back to the door and his forehead pressed to the glass of the room's one and only window. His hair was dishevelled, the shirt he had on untucked and rumpled and his broad, strong back was slumped as though shielding the rest of him from an oncoming attack. His usual air of confidence was nowhere to be seen, and in this moment he seemed smaller but no less beautiful.
Clearing my throat so as not to startle him, I took a step forward just as he turned. His eyes were dull, and his lips sat in a tight line. He didn’t smile, nor did he make any move towards me. Tension hung thickly in the air like an oncoming storm, an electric buzz that tickled my skin.
“Hi.” My voice was soft and gentle, as though speaking to a spooked dog. “When are they bringing him through?” All of this - his father’s illness, the breakup, the accident, the losing control of the situation - had very visibly taken a toll on Noel. Gone were the jokes and the smiles, and the light that exuded from him, replaced by exhaustion and unhappiness.
“I have no idea. Getting information out of anyone here is like trying to get water from a fucking stone. They keep avoiding my questions or appeasing me with half answers.”
“They’re just doing their jobs, Noel. I’m sure he’s in good hands, and we will hear more when they have more to tell us.” I took one tiny step forward, my hand reaching towards him. “Let’s take a seat and wait together.”
“No! Don’t do that. You don’t get to come in here and tell me what to do. I want answers and I’m sick of waiting!” Noel shouted.
I took another step forward.
“He’s my boyfriend too, despite everything that went down earlier. We’re lucky they even allowed us in here in the first place. You taking your frustrations out on the nurses or doctors is going to rescind that kindness. You’re upset and you’re afraid and you’re lashing out at me. I deserve that but -”
“Of course I’m upset. My entire fucking world crashed at my feet and I couldn’t stop it.” He threw his hands in the air, then moved to press his back to the wall. I took a step closer, the gap between us closing further.
“The doctor said he’ll be okay. He just needs time to recover.”
“I’m not just talking about Branson. Why can’t you see that?” His voice raised, booming through the empty room just as he looked up and over my shoulder.
“The two of you, get out.” I turned towards the voice and came face to face with August. His dark hair was ruffled, the hoodie he was wearing had the sleeves bunched up, revealing his toned forearms and he looked sad, with red rims lining his brown eyes.
Noel moved so he was standing next to me, his back straight as he addressed the man in front of us. “I’m not going anywhere, not until I’ve seen Branson.”
“I don’t give a fuck what you want, Noel. When I gave permission for the two of you to wait here for him, I naively thought that you’d sorted out whatever shit you had going on. But clearly, if what I walked into is any indication, I’m going to guess you haven’t.”
Noel went to respond but August stepped forward until they were almost chest to chest. Noel may have had some height on the smaller guy but August was all fire and authority. “They’re bringing him back in the next ten minutes. Get out, take Milo with you and fix this. I do not care what it takes but do not come back in here until you have. You love each other, that is very clear, so before he wakes up and finds everything he’s dreamed of destroyed, get your act together, talk and make it right.”
August moved away from Noel and stood to the right of the door, his foot tapping on the linoleum as he eyed us.
Resting a hand on Noel’s arm, I guided him wordlessly out of the room and down a narrow, empty corridor. A nurse in blue scrubs rushed past us, his shoes squeaking on the floor as he went, the sound fading the further away he got. No one else was around and I angled my body so my back was to the wall, my front facing Noel. I was ready to admit I was wrong, to tell him I was never going to give either of them up no matter where in the world life took us. I’d barely got the thought together when he pulled me into his arms and buried his face in the crook of my neck. His heart beat rhythmically against mine and we stayed like that for a moment, holding each other, accepting that it was what we both really needed. There was so much power in a hug.
When Noel spoke, his voice was thick, tight with emotion. “You and Branson are my whole universe, my everything. I don’t want to be without either of you.” Wetness seeped into the fabric of my top as each word burrowed its way into my heart.
“I'd give it all up for you,” Noel whispered. “Every last pound, every last dollar. I don't need it but I do need you. Both of you.” He pulled back to look at me and I cupped his face with my hands, watching as a lone tear tracked down his cheek. “I know we can make this work. I’ll go to London alone and when I can, I’ll come back to the two of you. I don’t know how long that will be but I will. I will always come back for you and then, I’ll give it all away, my money, my job, whatever you need me to do to make you comfortable enough to love me completely, without anything in the way.” His words were impassioned and pleading and it both hurt and warmed me that he would give up everything to be with us.
But he didn’t have to, and I would never let him. Noel Bennett, the hotel mogul, the man who liked to spend money on ridiculous gifts and fancy holidays, the man who wanted to buy his boyfriend an entire farmers’ market just to make him smile, my Mr Moneybags, was the man I loved and I loved every part of him.
I shook my head, “No, you don’t have to do that.”
“But, wha-” Noel started and I pressed my lips to his, stealing his words.
“I’ll go with you. Wherever this life takes us, I’m all in. I had it all wrong, Noel. It was never about you controlling me or me being indebted to you, it was just me not understanding that sometimes, when you’re in love, the other person takes care of you because they want to, not because it gives them power over you. It’s okay to rely on people, especially the people who love you most.”
“That’s what you thought? That me supporting you financially was a way for me to control your life?”
I nodded, ashamed at how poor my judgement had been. Bracing myself for his anger or his hurt, I breathed a sigh of relief when he kissed me gently and ran a hand through my hair until it rested firmly on the back of my neck. He pulled me closer and my body soaked in his comforting scent. “I would never do that. You’re not mine to control, you’re mine to love and protect.” He kissed me again, then moved his lips to my cheek. “Mine to worship.” He kissed my neck and my skin broke out in a thousand tiny goosebumps. “Mine to praise.” Noel peppered my neck with more tender kisses before finally returning to look at me.
“We both said things we didn’t mean. I should never have pushed you away, told you you weren’t needed. You are always needed. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you, love.”
“That’s okay, I know what it’s like to act out of fear and not think before speaking. Can we go get our boyfriend now?” I asked and for the first time in hours, felt the corners of my lips rise. Noel mirrored me as he took my hand and led us back to Branson’s room.