31. The Best Defense is a Good Offense
31
Tessa
Ipace the length of my room in my pajamas, my fingers tangled together nervously. My beautiful red dress lies in a crumpled heap on the floor, way in the corner where I kicked it after ripping it off. My body vibrates with a strange mixture of anxiety, anger, fear, and self-loathing, and I don’t know how to turn it off.
I’m pissed at Grady for being an ass and goading Riggs into violence. I’m pissed at Riggs for refusing to talk to me, even though I know on some level he just needs some time to decompress.
But underneath all that anger, there’s a niggling of hurt. Riggs remained silent for the entire ride home from Branston. He didn’t touch me or even look at me once. And when I climbed from his truck, he didn’t stop me.
I silently curse myself for being so sensitive and needy. Riggs is a man who deals with things in his own way, and having me as his girlfriend isn’t going to instantly change the way he handles difficult situations. I need to give him the space he needs while making sure I’m there for him when he’s ready to talk.
Right?
I fall back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. Thoughts I’ve been trying to hold at bay come rushing to the surface, and I squeeze my eyes closed as they roll through my mind on repeat.
What if this is all my fault? If I wasn’t at the party with Riggs, Grady couldn’t use me to get under his skin. Riggs wouldn’t have punched him, and he wouldn’t be in trouble with his coach right now.
I blow out a breath and roll over onto my side. I know it’s not really my fault. If Grady wanted to get under Riggs’ skin so badly, he would’ve found another way. And only Riggs is responsible for his own actions. He lost his temper and reacted without thinking. That’s on him. Not me.
Grabbing my phone from my nightstand, I pull up my group chat with the girls. I need to talk to someone, and since Riggs has made himself unavailable…
Me: Hey, guys. So, some shit went down at the party. We had to leave early.
Roxy: What? What happened?
Me: Grady Hollis happened. He’s on the team, I guess, and he made some nasty comments about me, and Riggs lost his shit. He punched him in front of everyone, and now he’s in trouble with his coach.
Skye: Oh, shit. I wish I’d been there to see that!
Me: Riggs barely spoke to me on the way home, and when I got out of his truck without saying goodbye, he just let me leave.
Hadley: He probably just needs some time to cool down.
Me: I know that, but that doesn’t mean he should treat me so carelessly. Right?
Skye: Damn straight, it doesn’t. Want me to knock some sense into him for you?
Roxy: Calm down, slugger. I’m sure Tessa has it under control. Right, Tessa?
Roxy: I can make a fresh batch of dick cookies if you need to send a message.
Me: Thanks, but no. I don’t know what to think of all this. He just asked me to be his girlfriend. Shouldn’t he be able to talk to me, no matter how upset he is?
Hadley: I think that’s something that comes with time. He’s probably used to handling everything on his own. I’m sure he’ll talk it out with you tomorrow.
Me: What if he decides I’m not worth the trouble?
Skye: First of all, that’s ridiculous, so stop thinking it.
Roxy: Yeah, Tessa, stop. Riggs Malone knows what he has with you is special.
Hadley: Stop stressing. Everything will be better tomorrow.
Skye: Had is right. Just get some sleep and text him in the morning.
Roxy: Call me if you need me.
Me: Thanks. You guys are the best friends a girl could ask for.
Roxy: Love you, too!
Hadley: Love you guys!
Skye: Peace, bitches!
I toss my phone to the mattress beside me and burrow my head into the pillow. I try to put Riggs and this whole mess out of my mind, but it’s a lost cause. I can’t stop replaying the whole night over and over in my head.
And I can’t stop wondering what will happen next between Riggs and Grady. Because if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that Grady won’t stop trying to get under Riggs’ skin. The man is a fucking asshole, and he has it out for my boyfriend.
And I’m the perfect tool for Grady to use against him. He used me to hurt Riggs back in high school, and he used me again tonight. It’s not going to stop, no matter how many threats and warnings Coach Nesbit issues. And Grady has a talent for coming out of every situation squeaky clean while the other party gets raked over the coals.
I don’t know if I’d be able to forgive myself if Riggs were to get kicked off the team because of me. Of course, it wouldn’t matter, because it would be over between us, anyway. He’d be traded to another team and would have to move away, and I’ve got a life here. A home. A business.
Would I be willing to give all that up to follow Riggs? Would he even ask me to?
I have no fucking clue.
This thing between us is so new, it would be ridiculous to even consider such an upheaval, wouldn’t it?
Maybe I should just end it. If Riggs and I aren’t together, then Grady can’t use me as ammunition in his war against him. I could live without the constant fear of Riggs leaving for another team, whether it be now or sometime in the distant future.
And Riggs would be that much more secure in his position with the Bandits. He wouldn’t have to let his feelings for me guide his actions. His life––and mine––would be much simpler.
Easier.
The best defense is a good offense, right? If I take action now, end things before they get any messier, then we both win in the end. It’s the smart move. And it’s not like we’re in love, or anything. The mere concept is ridiculous at this point.
So, why do I feel like my heart is breaking?
I push the pain aside. I’m determined to go about this rationally, despite my mixed emotions. I need to do what’s right for me.
And ending things with Riggs now is the right thing to do.