33. The Ball’s in my Hands
33
Tessa
Istarted crying the second I closed the door behind Riggs, and the tears still haven’t stopped. Breaking things off was the single most difficult thing I’ve ever done, and when I saw the pain in his eyes as I spoke so callously of our relationship, I nearly called the whole break-up off.
I didn’t want to do it.
I was up all night long, thinking about my decision to break things off with Riggs before I got hurt. By the wee hours of the morning, I realized I was being a coward, and I’d never find happiness if I spent my life avoiding it on the off chance that I might get hurt.
I instantly felt lighter, knowing I’d try to work things out with Riggs, but as the minutes wore on, I realized it wasn’t going to be as easy as I’d hoped. We still had one major issue…
Grady Hollis.
His beef with Riggs is a powder keg just waiting to explode, and I’m the match.
This issue isn’t going to just go away. Grady showed his true colors last night, proving he hasn’t matured at all since high school. He still wants to bring Riggs down, and isn’t above using me to do it. I saw the smug look on his face when he left Riggs in Coach Nesbit’s office last night.
This quarrel between them isn’t over. Far from it.
So, after several more hours of restless tossing and turning, I made a decision. I’d end things with Riggs.
I knew it would hurt, and fuck, it did, but I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. Riggs worked his ass off to get where he is today. He left a winning team to join a brand-new franchise so he could be closer to home. He wants to help create something special here. He needs this.
And the Bandits need him, too. He’s the key to getting the organization off the ground, coming out of the gate with a winning season and possible playoff potential. If they’re forced to trade him because he’s causing trouble in the ranks, it’s a loss for everyone involved.
And I have no doubt Grady could and would make it look like Riggs is the problem. Just like he did last night.
So, I made myself a martyr. I put my feelings aside, gave Riggs a stone-faced stare, and called off our “fling.”
“Oh, God,” I mumble, fresh tears springing to my eyes as I remember his reaction to that word.
He looked like he’d been sucker punched. Like the wind had been knocked out of him just before the world crumbled beneath his feet. He covered his hurt quickly with anger, but it was too late. I’d already seen it, and it gutted me.
I already knew I was falling for him. That his humor, his kindness, and his affection were filling the holes in my life. Holes I didn’t even know existed until him.
But I never realized he felt the same for me. Sure, I knew he enjoyed my company. We had fun together, and the sex was amazing. Even when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I just assumed it only meant he wanted us to be exclusive. Not that he had real feelings for me.
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Riggs Malone?”
“I am. I’m not interested in seeing anyone else. I only want you.”
I shake my head at the memory. Want. He said want. Not need. Not love. Want.
I took his words at face value and agreed, even though my heart thumped in fear because being his girlfriend meant more to me than it did to him. But did it?
I can see now that I was wrong. In so many things.
I was wrong to assume Riggs doesn’t share my feelings.
I was wrong to try to handle this situation on my own, ending things before they got too complicated.
I was wrong in thinking my words and actions wouldn’t hurt him as much as they hurt me.
I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could travel back in time and tell myself not to get out of that truck last night. To be there when he finally calmed down enough to talk. To work through this ordeal together, and come up with a solution that works for us both.
But I’m not a time traveler, and I can’t change what’s already happened. All I can do is learn from my mistakes and try to fix them.
I roll off the bed where I’ve been wallowing and stumble into the bathroom. I flinch at my reflection, taking in my puffy, bloodshot eyes and sallow complexion. Turning away from the sight, I turn on the shower as hot as I can stand it and strip out of my sweaty, snot-stained pajamas.
Stepping under the spray, I scrub my body from top to bottom, wash my hair, and slather on some conditioner. I let the water beat on my shoulders for a few minutes, my mind whirling as I try to come up with a way to get myself out of the mess I’ve created.
By the time I’ve rinsed the conditioner out and wrapped a towel around my sopping hair, a hint of a plan has begun to form. Feeling the first spark of life since Riggs walked away from me this morning, I quickly dry off and rush into my bedroom.
Grabbing my phone from the nightstand, I pull up my group chat thread with the girls and shoot off a text. As I read the words, the corners of my mouth curve up.
Me: Can you guys come over tonight? I need your help with one last prank.
This is going to work. It has to. The ball’s in my hands, and I can’t fumble it again. Not this time.
My happiness depends upon it.
As I pull on some fresh clothes, my phone chimes several times. Picking it up, I grin as I read the texts coming in from my friends.
Hadley: I can be there at six.
Skye: I’ll be a little late. My scheduled bartender just let me know he won’t be able to be here until six-thirty.
Roxy: I can come now. Do we need margarita mix? Or are we shooting tequila straight?
Hadley: I’m not shooting tequila, but I’ll happily laugh at you when you fall on your ass.
Skye: I can bring whatever you guys want.
Roxy: Bring the good stuff, not that bottom shelf shit you usually feed us.
Skye: I always give you the good stuff, and you know it, bitch.
I laugh at that, and my thumbs fly over the screen as I tap out a message.
Me: No booze tonight. We need clear heads for this.
My smile falters as I tap out another text.
Me: I fucked things up with Riggs, and this prank needs to be perfect.
Hadley: Oh, no. What did you do?
Me: Exactly what you told me not to do. You guys can lecture me when you get here later, okay? Just come ready to plan my redemption.
Skye: I’ll be ready.
Hadley: Me, too.
Roxy: Don’t worry, Tess. We’ll help you fix it, just like we always do. *winky face emoji*
Me: Thanks, guys. You’re the best.
I tuck my phone into my back pocket and head back into the living room to clean up the mess I left in there. As I stuff the dirty tissues into the empty ice cream carton, the heavy weight I’ve been carrying all day dissipates.
With the help of my friends, I’m going to fix what I broke between Riggs and me.
And I’ll never willingly let him go again.