16. A Hidden Agenda
16
Miles
Friends with benefits? What in the hell was I thinking?
Short answer? I wasn’t. At least, not with the head on my shoulders.
I left Roxy’s right after that conversation. Despite gaining her agreement to my half-baked, spur-of-the-moment suggestion, I want to give her time to really consider it. The last thing I want is for her to come to regret the decision and blame me for springing it on her out of the blue like that.
Plus, I need to do a little soul searching, myself. Sure, I made it sound like having a friends-with-benefits situation would be easy and uncomplicated, but the truth is, my feelings are complicated. Do I love having Roxy as a friend? Sure. Absolutely.
And the benefits? Fan-fucking-tastic.
But with every minute I spend with her, I find myself wanting more. More minutes. More hours. More days. Just…more.
And I’m not so sure friends-with-benefits is ever going to be enough for me, which leads me to a major moral dilemma. Will I––whether it be subconsciously or with full intentions––use this situation to subtly convince her we can be so much more?
Probably. I know I shouldn’t. She trusts me, and I’m usually an honest and straightforward guy. So the thought of manipulating her at all makes my stomach churn. I’m just going to have to button down my desire to be Roxy’s everything, and let nature take its course on this one. No head games. No subliminal messages.
I heave a sigh and get up off the couch where I’ve been stewing for the last half-hour. I need to get my head on straight. The big game is tomorrow. Branston has been slated to host the championship this year since the stadium started construction two years ago. We’re lucky to have home field advantage––most championship teams don’t get that––but that doesn’t mean it’s going to be an easy game. The Hammers are going to be tough to beat, and I can’t let thoughts of a certain gorgeous redhead mess with my headspace.
I head into the kitchen for a glass of water and catch sight of the cookies I made with Roxy sitting on the counter. My mouth curves up at the not-so-perfect nipples I drew on them with the piping bag. Turning away, I fill my glass at the faucet and chug it down. Turning back to the counter, I remove the cellophane wrapping and pick one up. Taking a big bite, I groan with pleasure.
It almost feels illegal, eating these delicious boobs. I’m supposed to be laying off the carbs, but what the hell? A few cookies aren’t going to make a difference. And after tomorrow, I don’t have to be so strict with my diet for a while.
I open a cabinet and pull out a small saucer, then stack four cookies on it before re-wrapping the big plate with the cellophane. Carrying the saucer with me, I head outside and cut across the yard to Tessa and Riggs’ place. Careful not to let the cookies slide off, I ring the doorbell and wait.
A few seconds later, the door swings open to reveal a bare-chested Riggs. He opens his mouth to greet me, but the sound dies in his throat as his eyes drop to see what I’m carrying.
“Thought you might prefer boobs to cocks.”
Riggs throws back his head and laughs. “Definitely. Come on in.”
I step inside and follow him to the kitchen. Setting the plate down, I look around. “Is Tessa home?”
“No. She had to run to the shop for a book delivery,” he says, picking up one of the cookies and taking a bite. “Fuck, these are good. How did you get Roxy to make them for you?”
“Actually, we made them together.”
He stops chewing and looks at me with wide eyes. “Together, you say?”
“Tessa hasn’t said anything?” I ask.
“No. She left this morning to go see the girls, and when she got back, I was at the facility working with Foster and Porter. And when I got home, I found a note saying she had to go to the shop to sign for the delivery.”
I slide onto one of the stools at the bar and grab a cookie, but I don’t take a bite. I just stare at it for a moment, letting memories of last night flood through my mind while I decide how to explain this to Riggs. He’s my best friend, and I know he’ll have some good advice for me. Lifting my gaze to meet his, I dive right into it.
“I went over last night and asked her to teach me to make the cookies. She agreed because, well, we’re friends. Needless to say, things took a turn, and we ended up on the couch. And in the shower. And in her bed. I stayed all night. We had a nice breakfast this morning, and everything was cool, but after I left, things started to feel weird, you know?”
“Wow. That’s a lot to unpack.” He stares at me for a moment, then shakes his head. “So, you’re no longer just friends?”
“That’s just it,” I say, huffing out a breath as I run my fingers through my hair. “I want to be more. Obviously. But Roxy is convinced last night was a blip not to be repeated. She’s still dead-set on keeping things uncomplicated. At least…she was.”
“What does that mean?” he asks, snagging another cookie and taking a bite.
“I went to see her after practice this morning. When she said last night changed nothing for her, and we should remain friends, I agreed. What else was I supposed to do? But then she hugged me, and well, I got a little frisky with her. It’s just my nature, and I want her so fucking badly. I couldn’t help it. So, I suggested we should try a friends-with-benefits situation.”
Riggs coughs, and crumbs spew from his lips across the counter, almost hitting my arms. I flinch back, scrunching my nose at him.
“I’m sorry. You what?” he asks after he finishes swallowing and takes a drink from his water bottle.
“I know, okay? It was stupid. I don’t want a casual situation like that, but I panicked and blurted it out. And Riggs…she agreed.”
His head jerks back, his eyes widening. “She did?”
“She wants me, man. She knows what we have together is special. Our sexual chemistry is off-the-charts amazing, plus we really like each other. The only thing holding us back is her fear of things ending badly and how it will affect everyone around us. You. Tessa. The rest of the group. It’s a valid concern, sure, but to me, what we have is worth the risk.”
“But it’s not worth it to her,” he muses, his eyes glazing as he mulls that over.
“That’s the crux,” I say after a few beats. “I think it is worth it to her, which is why she jumped on my friends-with-benefits suggestion so quickly. I think she’s still resistant because she’s afraid of the guilt she’d feel if her dire predictions were to come true somewhere down the line, not because of the complications our supposed contentious breakup might cause.”
“So, you offered her a simple out. Something casual that gets you both what you want––for the most part––but eases any anxiety she might have. What’s the problem?”
“The problem is,” I say, reaching up to rub the back of my neck, “I want more. I want every bit of her, not just her body. And I’m afraid I’m being an asshole, offering her this easy solution when I may or may not have a hidden agenda.”
“Like showing Roxy who you really are, and proving what you have is worth the risk? I don’t think you need to feel guilty about that, Miles.”
“But she thinks––”
“She thinks she gets to have her cake and eat it, too,” he cuts in. “You’re giving her everything she wants, while putting your real desire on the back burner. You can be her friend while showing her how amazing you are together. You’re overthinking it. Give her a little credit. She’s a strong-willed person who’s not easily manipulated. She’ll figure out what she wants, regardless of your agenda.”
“You think?”
“I know,” he says with a nod. “Roxy knows what she wants. You just have to give her some time to realize it’s okay to take it.”