Chapter 30 #2
My voice feels small but carries with confidence across the room.
“When I woke up, and I was restrained, you thought I would try to get away… again.” I face Mikhail.
“I know this much is true because he told me bits of Anissa’s story.
That my father had given me to him in payment for a debt.
That I ran from him. Anissa did run from him. And so did I.”
I look at Rafail. As the veil of deceit falls the more we discuss what happened, the more vulnerable the two of us become.
“Forgive me, Polina,” Rafail says, his voice hoarse.
“Outside the safe house, I said I wouldn’t let you go without a fight.
” His gaze locks onto mine. “But I won’t hurt your family.
I can’t do that. This is me, fighting.” He stands, all corded muscle and alpha-male power, bridled but pulsing with life and promise.
He turns to Mikhail. “I love your sister. I love her with all of my heart. Though I lied to her and take responsibility for my part in this… when I called her my wife… I meant it. I treated her the way I’d treat my wife.
I took her into this family with the promise to love and protect her, and I promised I would do that to my dying day.
I won’t stop fighting for her.” He holds my gaze. “I love you, Polina.”
My heart beats so fast I feel nearly faint.
He loves me.
And somehow, I already knew it, but hearing him confirm what I already knew is the reassurance I needed. I wipe at my eyes again.
He loves me.
Mikhail stares at him, unblinking. Rafail continues. “I would give her anything she wanted. Even her freedom, if that’s what she asked for. And all I ask from you, Polina,” he says as he faces me again. “Is your forgiveness.”
Yana sniffs and wipes at her eyes. She won’t look at me. Zoya sits beside her, consoling her. My heart feels wrenched as I see the people I love most in the world distraught and bereft.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything right, but we have to wrestle through it. We can slay the dragons in our midst, but we still have to tend to the wounded… like me.
Mikhail clears his throat. “Thank you both for telling the truth. It took courage.” He sighs. “It seems we’ve all been deceived in one way or another, and it’s refreshing to see the truth come to light.”
I take another sip of tea to prevent myself from losing my shit.
Forgiveness.
Can I forgive him? How?
I may have thought it impossible one time, that I’d never be able to look at him without seeing lies. But now I realize love is so much more complicated and imperfect.
He loves me, there’s no question, but he… he loved me thinking I was someone else. He loved me, believing we were destined to be married. He loved me because he was loyal to his family and determined to make me pay.
“May I speak?” I don’t even know who I’m asking, but Rafail and Mikhail both nod.
I think, mulling over my words before I say them, deliberating over what needs to be said. My thoughts swirl like a tempest, and it’s hard to get them under control. I finally decide just to dive in and speak my heart.
“The time I’ve spent here has been challenging for me, and not because I wasn’t welcomed by the Kopolov family. I want to make that clear, that the code here is as similar to our family’s as could be.”
Mikhail nods. Everyone waits for me.
But I’m also aware of little Zoya and Yana, looking to me as the big sister they never had.
Of Rodion and Semyon, two men who’ve become like brothers to me in such a short time.
My mother, who thought she lost me and sacrificed so much—who begged for a daughter and has always treated me like a gift she’d been granted.
My brothers, who thought I was gone, who’ve scoured the city looking for me and were ready to do anything and everything to keep me safe.
But most of all… Rafail. The man I thought was my husband.
The man I’ve come to love.
I’m keenly aware of Rafail watching me, the heat of his gaze burning into me.
“What will happen, Rafail? Mikhail? If the two of our families did marry? Would it be wrong to assume it would be a mutually beneficial situation?”
Mikhail shakes his head. “Not at all.”
Rafail nods wordlessly in agreement. It’s then that I note tears shining in his eyes, something I never thought I’d see.
I look around the room, seeing so many of the people I love the most gathered in one space.
While some of my memories are still foggy, they are coming back rapidly now.
My brothers are married. I love their wives, all of them.
I have nieces and nephews and friends I’ve forgotten, but I know now who they are.
I look at these people. My innermost circle.
My brothers, who would do anything for me.
My mother, who hid the truth to protect me, and Rafail, who lied to me yet loved me through everything.
It’s a lot to digest. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that love is messy, complicated, and beautiful.
That it takes courage to love someone and courage still to let them love you back.
That love comes in unexpected ways and sometimes when you least expect it.
“I won’t lie to myself or you,” I say to Rafail. “Any of you. You hurt me. You took my freedom away. You lied to me and made me believe something that wasn’t true.” My voice cracks. “But I also know it to be true that you love me. And that I… I love you.”
Pain flickers in his eyes. He’s afraid of losing me; I know this.
Losing the people he loves is one of his greatest fears.
“Polina, I won’t make excuses for what I did.
But I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
” His gaze remains fixed on me. “Tell me what you want, no matter the cost… even if it’s your freedom.
” His voice breaks. “Even if it means never seeing you again.”
Mikhail watches us, his gaze harsh. “Asking her to forgive and forget, after everything she went through, is a big ask.” I look at my brothers, stern and angry, and I’m not the only one who’s noted the tension in the room. Semyon and Rodion stand at the ready, and Vadka is on standby.
“We’re not fighting here,” Zoya says in her quiet way. “If you guys have to fight it out, please go outside.”
I shake my head. “That won’t be necessary.” I pin both Mikhail and Rafail with my gaze. “Will it, boys?”
Rafail shakes his head. Mikhail reluctantly does the same.
Uniting my family and his would be the right thing to do.
Forgiveness would bring peace.
So would marriage.
I draw in a deep breath, steadying myself.
“I choose to forgive you, Rafail. It’s the right thing to do.
” I continue, my voice tremulous. “Because I know you. And I love you too,” I say softly.
“I’ve seen who you are beneath all those layers.
Below your armor.” I reach for my cup and take another sip of tea, silently praying for courage and clarity.
I’ve seen the man behind the mask. I know how vulnerable and afraid he is behind that veil of coldness.
“While I would never call you… soft,” I continue.
Rodion snorts but stops with a predictable scowl from Rafail.
“There are rare moments when I see you love, and you love deeply. Everything you’ve done was for good reason.
I’ve seen you willing to sacrifice, to change, and even here today, be meek enough to admit wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness.
And for that, and so much more, I love you. ”
I turn to Mikhail. “So I ask that you all give me the one thing I’ve never had and have begged from both you and Rafail.”
“Yes?” Rafail says hoarsely.
I blow out a breath. “A choice.”
A clock ticks on a distant wall. In the distance, a dog howls, and the wind beats at the windows as they wait for me.
“Of course,” Mikhail says. “It’s the least we can do after all you’ve been through.”
Rafail nods. “Agreed.”
“Good,” I say, my heart beating rapidly with nerves and excitement. I’m shaking. “I want to stay. I… I belong here now. But I want to live here knowing that my family is welcome and that I’m welcome at home.”
“After everything you’ve been through,” Mikhail says, his face hard. “You’re choosing him? Are you sure?” Though his voice is low and controlled, I can still see the storm brewing in his eyes.
“Yes, Mikhail,” I say, my voice firm. “Because I love him. And because it’s my choice.”
He gives one last lingering look to Rafail before he finally nods. “I saw the way you defended her when we were attacked. I watched how you protected her.” He nods. “It is your choice, but it’s my job to make sure you’re well cared for. And you believe he has the ability to do so?”
I nod, my throat tight.
He does.
“I want our families united. Together, we prove a more powerful entity that even Soloto and all his men couldn’t destroy. I know this is putting a target on our backs though. I know we’ll have to be ready for a fallout.”
Rafail nods. “Agreed.”
I smile at him. My heart feels lighter than it has since well before I came here.
I breathe out, the weight of my decision finally lifting from my chest. My family and Rafail’s watch me with a mixture of relief and cautious hope. Finally, the tension begins to dissipate into something… lighter.
New.
Zoya claps her hands, her eyes sparking with excitement. “Then it’s settled! We’ll have a wedding!” Her infectious joy spreads, and for the first time in what feels like a long time… I smile.
“Since we’re all in agreement, then,” I say, turning to my mother. “I believe it’s time to plan a wedding.”