Chapter 39 #2
Illayana took a drag of the cigarette, inhaling deeply before blowing it out.
Smoke billowed into the air, dancing upward into the pitch-black sky.
We stood on the street out front of the store, the cold wind of the night battering against my body, making me shiver and goose bumps pebble along my skin.
Two men stood beside a car parked across the road.
I recognized them instantly. They were the identical twins I’d seen with Lukyan after Tatiana’s mock fashion show.
I knew they were Illayana’s bodyguards. Another two men were patrolling a little further down the street, their eyes scanning their surroundings diligently, constantly on alert.
The queen of La Cosa Nostra traveled with an entourage. It had surprised me the first I’d seen it. Illayana was deadly. Quick, efficient, with absolutely no qualms about killing someone. She didn’t need anyone to protect her. In fact, people needed protecting from her.
“I’m not a big smoker, you know,” Illayana said, breaking the silence. “But every now and then, I get that craving for something to take the edge off.”
“Have you tried weed? That really does the trick.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. It’s not my thing. I greened out the very first time I tried it, and haven't been able to do it since.”
I nodded. Understandable. “How did you find me?” I asked, switching the topic.
Illayana blew out another cloud of smoke. “Wasn’t easy. You sure move around a lot. Almost gave up hope, actually, but my brother found the info for your new identity.”
Rodrick Peterson…That fucking jackass. He blabbed, and I was going to end his life because of it.
“We all put our best trackers on it. I just happened to find you first,” she finished.
“I’m surprised you care.”
“To be honest, I don’t. Not really.” Okay, then. “I’m here for one reason and one reason only. Lukyan.”
I stared out into the dark, unsure of what to say, so I said nothing.
“I know my brother well,” she continued. “Better than he probably thinks I do. He’s been different since you came into his life. Even more so after you kidnapped him.”
“Different how?”
“Just…different. He spends every waking moment searching for you. He cracks jokes, but his heart isn’t in it. His light is gone, and I have a feeling it’s here with you.”
I looked down at my feet. Her words made me feel a mixture of emotions. Happy. Sad.
Angry.
The anger wasn’t at him. Or her.
It was at myself.
I killed my brother.
I killed my brother for a man who left me.
The feelings taking root inside my heart overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t give a fuck about putting on a front anymore.
I broke down.
“I can’t handle it.” I sobbed, crumbling to the ground, covering my face with my hands. “I can’t handle it. I can’t handle it.”
Illayana crouched down with me immediately, voice layered with concern as she asked softly, “Can’t handle what?”
“What I did,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “I killed him.” Each word was laced with agony. “I killed my own brother. The only person who has ever loved and cared for me. I killed him, for a man who doesn’t give a shit about me—”
“That’s not true,” Illayana insisted. “Lukyan does care for you.”
I looked up, shaking my head. “No, he doesn’t.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t have left. I know what he did.
He played along with me. Played into my ‘delusions’ to earn my trust, and then just left the first chance he got.
He didn’t mean any of it. None of it. And I ended up killing the one person in the world who truly loved me for someone who only claimed to. ”
She exhaled a deep sigh. “Look, I say this in the nicest way possible, but that’s fucking stupid.”
I blinked and hiccuped. “What?”
“If you had seen my brother these last few months, you wouldn’t be thinking that.
Not at all. Those thoughts never would have even made it into your head.
Lukyan has not stopped looking for you. Not once.
He has everyone out there searching for you, and I mean everyone.
Even other crime syndicates. He’s exhausted every option available to him, calling in all the favors the Bratva is owed to try and find you.
He throws fits when he comes home without you, and I mean full-blown, tantrumy, throws-shit-around-and-knocks-things-to-the-floor kind of fits.
He’s not the same man he was before. He’s consumed by you, and I know he’ll never be happy until he has you back. ”
I breathed heavily, unable to comprehend what she was saying. “Why did he leave me then?”
“Come on. You’re smart enough to know why.
He wouldn’t have done it unless he had to.
By that point, shit with my grandfather was at boiling point.
He had a job to do. Lukyan had to leave.
He had to finish it for the sake of our family’s future.
Also, you can’t just kidnap someone and expect them to stay with you forever. ”
My brows snapped together in thought. “Why not? Didn’t your brother do that with his now wife?” I asked, arching a brow. During my time stalking Lukyan, I’d obtained a lot of information. Seen a lot of things—one of which was Aleksandr keeping Drea locked up in their house.
If it worked out for them, it could have worked out for us. That had been my thought process, and what had given me the idea to kidnap Lukyan in the first place.
“Okay, one, it’s creepy that you know that, and I’m not even going to ask how you know that—”
“I saw it while I was stalking Lukyan,” I said, like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Because it was.
“Right.” She clicked her fingers, forming them into the shape of a gun and pointing it at me.
“Creepy. And two, my brother did kidnap Drea at the start, yes, but he knew a relationship could never form unless he let her go, and she came back willingly. And she did. Lukyan would have come back to you too.”
“You don’t know that.”
“If how Lukyan has been acting the last few months is any indication, I think I do.” She took one last drag of the cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stamping it out with her heel.
“Like I said, I know my brother, and I know he will never give up until he finds you. Once he sets his mind to something, there’s no stopping him.
He’s like a dog with a bone. Lukyan has decided he wants you, and he won’t rest until he has you.
Remind you of anyone?” Her brow arched up high, a knowing smirk on her lips.
“Oh, you’ve got jokes,” I said humorlessly.
“Yeah, well, that one was too good to pass up.” She chuckled.
I grunted. It was pretty good.
Exhaling heavily, I leaned my back against the brick wall behind me and stared up at the night sky. Her words made me happy, of course, but I couldn’t drag myself out of the pit of despair that had me firmly lodged in its grasp.
It didn’t take away the pain I felt. The hole in my heart that Lev’s absence caused.
I wasn’t sure anything would.
A featherlight touch jolted me out of my stupor.
Illayana’s hand was on my shoulder, compassion drenched over every inch of her face.
“I know you’re hurting,” she said softly.
“I can’t imagine the agony you’re in. How hard it would have been to kill someone you love in order to save another.
It was an impossible decision, and I thank you dearly for the choice you made.
You saved my brother’s life, and for that, I’ll always be indebted to you. ”
Tears gathered in my eyes.
“I know you’re struggling. In your shoes, I would be the same. But you’re not alone. Lukyan wants to be there for you. Stop running from him, and let him help you.”
I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But… “I can’t get his face out of my head,” I said in a small voice. “That look of betrayal in his eyes…It haunts me.”
I cried. I cried harder than I ever had in my life, the tears never seeming to ease.
Illayana reached for me, almost as if she wanted to hug me, but then she stopped herself.
“I don’t know you. I don’t know the words to make you feel better.
But Lukyan does. You have no reason to believe a word I say, I know that.
All I can do is assure you that my brother never would have left you unless he had to.
Unless he didn’t have a choice. He would have gladly stayed with you forever if our family wasn’t at stake.
I am one hundred percent certain of that.
That choice you made…That hard, impossible, soul-crushing choice to save Lukyan wasn’t for nothing.
It was for love. A love you both feel. You don’t have to suffer like this.
Please. Let me take you to him. Let me help you. ”
I looked into her eyes—eyes that reminded me so much of Lukyan’s—and saw nothing but sincerity. Nothing but the desire to help. “I thought you didn’t care.”
She smiled and helped me to my feet. “You’ll come to see I’m full of shit sometimes.”