Chapter 30
LEO
“Well, aren’t you the lucky one?”
Puzzled, I glanced over at Dr. Mendez as we made our way down the hospital steps together.
The cool evening air hit my face the second the automatic doors slid shut behind us, but it did little to cut through the exhaustion weighing heavily on my body.
It had been one of those shifts where everything that could go wrong somehow had.
Trauma cases stacked on top of emergency consults, equipment malfunctioning at the worst possible moments, families screaming, and nurses stretched too thin.
The kind of night that left my nerves buzzing long after the adrenaline wore off.
Now that the rush was finally fading, all I felt was tired.
My shoulders ached beneath my coat as I rolled my neck slowly, trying to work out some of the stiffness lodged there. The only thing keeping me upright was the thought of going home and collapsing face-first into bed for the next three days.
Though, technically, I’d promised Sergei I would spend part of the weekend helping him shop for furniture.
The thought brought an annoying warmth to my chest despite my exhaustion.
My body pretty much reacted that way to him or thoughts of him all the time now.
Too damn often for me to pretend anymore that I didn’t have feelings for Sergei.
After I’d stayed despite him killing that man in front of me, I couldn’t lie to myself—couldn’t swallow the untruth anymore that it was because of how good the sex was between us.
What I experienced when I was physically around Sergei, and the way he dominated my thoughts in his absence, went much deeper than the way he felt when we were locked in each other’s arms.
The sad truth was that Sergei had become impossible to ignore because he made himself present in every corner of my life.
He never allowed me the distance needed to forget him, always appearing with that relentless attentiveness that slipped past my defenses no matter how hard I tried to keep them up.
He noticed things about me even I didn’t.
Whether I’d eaten. When I was exhausted.
When my shoulder was bothering me after a long shift.
Needs so small and specific that I’d gone most of my life unaware of how much they mattered.
And the worst part was realizing how much I liked it. How much I’d apparently been starving for that kind of attention from someone.
Even Brad, for the decade of love between us, had never looked at me the way Sergei did, as if my comfort and happiness were worth studying, protecting, and prioritizing.
Sergei cared in this intense, all-consuming way that should have annoyed me.
Instead, it made me grow softer and softer around him every time.
“How exactly am I lucky?” I asked, aware that I’d gotten distracted by my thoughts, and Dr. Mendez was waiting for some kind of answer. “I just survived a shift from hell where every possible thing that could go wrong somehow did.”
Dr. Mendez laughed softly beside me, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Fair point. But I meant personally.”
I frowned at him.
“You’re lucky enough to find another man so dedicated to you this soon after losing your husband.”
My entire body stiffened, and my steps faltered. I righted myself and kept walking, hoping he hadn’t witnessed my moment of blunder.
“What?”
He slowed slightly for me to catch up. “I’m just saying most people spend years alone after losing someone they spent such a long time being married to.
You and your husband were always the beaux of the ball whenever we had hospital gatherings.
And here you are already in a committed relationship in such a short time, while the rest of us should be so lucky as to experience that even once. ”
A denial sprang to my lips as I fought the panic crawling up my spine. Where was all this talk coming from?
Dr. Mendez nodded toward the parking lot, and my gaze followed automatically.
It took me a second to pick Sergei out among the rows of vehicles.
He was leaning against his SUV with his hands buried deep inside the pockets of his dark coat, his attention fixed in our direction like he’d been waiting there for a while.
My heart stumbled hard inside my chest, and I instinctively reached for my phone, checking the screen to see if I’d somehow missed a message from him. Nope. Nothing. No text. No missed call. Which meant he’d just shown up without warning. Again.
Warmth spread through my chest. Over a month ago, I would have been pissed off to see him, but here I was, my lips fighting to remain stoic instead of smiling at him.
God, I was getting too used to this, and that wasn’t a good thing.
Not when my coworkers were commenting on the status of our relationship.
“You have got to give me lessons someday,” Dr. Mendez said with an amused laugh. “I’ve been single for five years. You’re barely back on the market, and you have another gorgeous guy devoted to you. What is your secret?”
Gorgeous guy.
The words hit me with an embarrassing amount of irritation.
I knew Sergei was attractive in a rugged sort of way.
Anyone with functioning eyes could see that.
The man looked unfair in the way he carried himself alone, broad shoulders fitting well under formal or casual attire, and that permanently intense expression that somehow only made people stare harder.
But hearing someone else say it out loud made my stomach twist in jealousy.
Especially when Dr. Mendez kept looking at him like he was a favorite snack.
“He’s not…devoted to me,” I said, though the defense sounded weak even to my own ears. Because he was. Every day, he proved it with the way he took care of me, while I used that devotion for my nefarious means.
Sergei’s gaze found mine from across the parking lot, and the faintest shift touched his expression. Not quite a smile. Just enough softness around his eyes to make my chest tighten.
“Oh, no,” Dr. Mendez said, grinning wider. “That man is absolutely gone for you. And he’s younger too. Lucky you.”
Heat crept up the back of my neck, which only made his grin worse. Our age difference wasn’t so great. We were only ten years apart. It wasn’t as if he were in his twenties.
Across the parking lot, Sergei pushed off the SUV and started walking toward us, his gait long, measured, and unhurried. He looked like a handsome Bond villain.
He’s worse.
I still didn’t know whether Mendez was right, and I was lucky to have Sergei in my life. Every night we fell asleep together, I kept expecting him to bring up the stolen SD card, which seemed to be futile anyway since I was having a devil of a time cracking the encryption.
“There’s no shame in it,” Dr. Mendez said, making a turn to the right.
“Ignore the talk in the doctor’s lounge about you falling in love so quickly again.
Life’s too short not to take chances. So what if they speculate you’ve been with this other man before your husband passed away?
Anyone who’s worked with you knows you’re a man of integrity and wouldn’t have done that.
Have a good day, Dr. Cavanagh. Hope to see you back Tuesday with a smile on your face. ”
I was too stunned to respond or to ask him what exactly they were saying about Sergei and me in the lounge.
While I hadn’t discussed my relationship with Sergei with anyone, he came around often enough that the staff would have noticed.
I’d sensed the conversations turning into a lull abruptly when I walked into a room, but I always assumed it was because they were being sensitive to my grief.
Grief? What grief?
When was the last time I’d thought or cried about Brad? I’d promised to visit him more often, but I was so preoccupied with Sergei and all the sex we were having, I hadn’t found the time.
Despicable.
I inhaled deeply and marched toward Sergei, fully intending to reprimand him for showing up unannounced and causing trouble for me at the hospital.
But then he smiled. It wasn’t a big smile, barely even there really, just the slightest lift at the corner of his mouth.
On anyone else, I might not have noticed it at all.
But Sergei rarely smiled, and when he did, it felt like witnessing something meant just for me.
The warmth in his eyes hit harder than the smile itself.
It softened the sharpness of his face, revealing his quieter nature underneath, and making it painfully obvious that the tiny curve of his lips was only a fraction of what he was truly feeling.
And just like that, the irritation I’d been holding on to disappeared before I could even open my mouth.
How could I remain mad at him?
“Sergei, what are you doing here?” I asked, sounding breathless.
“Thought you’d be tired, so I’ve come to bring you home.”
He lowered his head and leaned in. I hesitated long enough for his brows to draw together, but when he started to pull back, I cupped the right side of his face and touched my lips to his in a quick kiss. “Take me home then.”
“You’ve got it.”
He took my hand, walked me to his SUV, then opened the door for me to get in. Dr. Mendez drove by us and honked his horn. I groaned, wishing I could disappear.
“What’s that about?” Sergei asked, starting the engine and following the direction of Mendez’s car.
“Apparently, the hospital staff’s been gossiping about how quickly I’ve landed in bed with another man after…”
“And that’s a problem?”
“I’m a private man. I don’t like this sort of gossip at the workplace. It’s unprofessional.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
I snorted. “No, thanks. Your method of fixing things with fists and weapons is a bit on the side of the extreme.”
He flashed me a grin, settled his attention on the road, and made a left turn, merging into the morning traffic. “At least it’s effective. But why does it bother you so much?”
“You won’t get it.”
“Try me.”
“In everyone’s eyes, I’m a bad person for moving on so quickly.” I folded my hands into fists on my lap. “They’re already speculating that I was with you while Brad was still alive.”
“But we know that’s not true.”
I grunted and lowered my chin to my chest, closing my eyes. Sergei didn’t understand, of course. He wasn’t the one who was turning a ten-year commitment into something fickle.
“Hey.” I felt his hand on my knee. “Leo, what do you think?”
I cracked my eyes open and turned my head. “About what?”
“Do you think you’re a bad person to be with me so soon?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
“Does this feel wrong?” He squeezed my knee. “You and me?”
I swallowed. “No, it doesn’t. But the fact that it doesn’t just makes me feel worse about the whole situation.”
“You’re probably going to hate me for a while for saying this.
” Sergei removed his hand from my knee. “But Brad’s gone.
You know how I feel about him, so I won’t pretend otherwise.
I think you were way too good for him. Fuck, I think you’re way too good for me.
But the fact is, you’re alive, and no one should expect you to be lonely and miserable for the rest of your life. ”
We drove in silence for a few miles while I was stuck replaying the conversation with Mendez in my mind and all the times I’d noticed staff going quiet around me.
Were they all discussing me? I wanted to be upset, but it was natural for them to question my past with Sergei, considering Brad wasn’t gone for two months solid yet, and I was already so deeply involved with another man.
Life’s too short not to take chances again.
Was that what I was doing here? Taking a shot at Sergei being the one, even while plotting against his boss? If he cared about me, he would forgive me for bringing Maxim down, wouldn’t he?
“What are you thinking about now?” he asked.
Don’t bring it up again.
“If you’re in love with someone and they die, do you think there’s an appropriate time to get over them?”
“That’s a loaded question.”
“How so?”
“If you truly love someone, how do you ever get over such a loss?” he said matter-of-factly. “You and me, for example. It’d fucking kill me to lose you. I don’t think I’d ever get over it. Fuck, I might be tempted to join you rather than feel that kind of pain for a lifetime.”
I inhaled sharply and sat up straight. “Sergei, don’t say that!”
“Why not?”
“It’s wrong.”
“Wrong to not want to live without the person who made life worth living?” He intertwined our fingers and held on tight when I tried to pull away.
“I don’t know how you love, Leo, but I didn’t spend thirty-five years not knowing what love is to treat it casually.
When I chose to give you my heart, I chose to give you all of me. ”
I finally untangled our fingers and angled my face toward the window so he didn’t sense how upset his words made me. If I agreed with what he said, then it’d mean that I didn’t love Brad…but I did. I loved him. Didn’t I?
Yes, that’s why you always find him lacking when compared to the way Sergei treats you.
Horrified at the betrayal of my thoughts, I blinked the tears prickling at my eyes rapidly away.
“No, you’re being extreme,” I said softly. “What you’re describing is not love. It’s an obsession.”
“I don’t see the difference. The way I feel about you is what makes me obsess about you.”
“Don’t you see, Sergei? If you truly believe what you say, are you telling me you want me to mourn Brad forever or be with you? Because you’re being confusing.”
“Not at all,” he said with a quiet confidence in his voice that I envied. He sounded so sure about the nonsense spewing from his lips that even I wanted to believe it. “I don’t give a fuck what your relationship was with him. But I am willing to wait.”
“For what?”
“For you to love me enough that if I passed away, there wouldn’t be another man in this world left to satisfy you. Because I know for sure, Leo, there won’t be anyone else after you.”